


After We Fall

by SneetchesToo



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Kid!Fic, Romance, Season 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2019-08-29 07:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 132,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16740073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneetchesToo/pseuds/SneetchesToo
Summary: “Second chances are not given to make things right. But are given to prove that we could be better, even after we fall.”Leanne and Eli were doing just fine on their own. That was until Ethan Willis came into their lives. Now they’re doing a little bit better than just fine.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *This is incredibly season 2 AU but I’ve had this idea plaguing my mind for months now and I had to make something of it. I obviously took some creative liberties here so please be gentle.  
> **Ethan/Leanne friendship; eventual Ethan/Leanne romance.

Ethan had thought his first 24 hours at Angels had gone well, all things considered that is.

He most certainly hadn’t planned on jumping on that chopper without so much as a step through the front door. And he most certainly hadn’t planned on watching one of Angels senior doctors fall out of said chopper a few hours later.

But the wind had been their enemy that morning and he had been powerless to stop Mike’s body from falling back to the beach when the chopper was hit by a gust.

So instead, he had jumped from the bird and straight into the Pacific Ocean and the rest had been history.

He had done everything he could to stabilize Mike and when he had gotten him back to the hospital he had been rather thrown off by the not so nice greeting he had received from the other doctors.

But he understood what it was like to worry about one of your own. So he hadn’t taken anything to heart.

He had, however, taken it to heart when Dr. Rorish had tried to steal his patient from him.

But then she had been offering him a look that had sent his heart into this slightly unusual panic and he had been helpless to argue with her.

Her smile had done things to him, that was for sure, and he wanted nothing more than to get to know the woman more.

She, however, didn’t seem the least bit interested in his antics, and while it normally wouldn’t have bothered him, today, it did.

He was intrigued by her. Drawn in by her. Like a moth to a flame.

And while he may have only known her less than 24 hours, he was already finding himself falling. And fast.

And he silently hated himself for it.

“Woah cool bike mister!” Ethan was broken from his thoughts by the sound of a small child’s voice echoing through the otherwise quiet parking lot.

He had finally dragged himself from the confines of the hospital and he was hellbent and determined to make it home before the start of the Dodgers game.

There was a six pack of beer and some leftover pizza calling his name.

And dammit if he didn’t need both after the way his day had gone.

“Thanks kid.” He turned his attention toward the boy, his eyes softening when brown eyes locked with his from across the parking lot.

There was something about him that was drawing him in and his curiosity was suddenly peaked.

“You’re welcome!” The little voice shouted back, his hand waving at him as he continued to eye his bike.

Ethan certainly didn’t think there was anything super interesting about his motorcycle, other than the fact that it was incredibly dirty, but for some reason this kid seemed to be so incredibly intrigued by it.

He would be lying if he didn’t think it was kind of adorable.

“How old are you kid?” He waved the boy over toward him, wondering if he would dare to come closer to a stranger.

He didn’t know where this kid had come from or where he even belonged, or who he even belonged too.

“Almost six.” But he came closer without hesitation, stopping next to the bike as he clutched his backpack strap to his shoulder with both hands.

“Almost six? Are you supposed to be out here all alone?” He was guessing the answer was probably ‘no’, but the boy didn’t seem phased by the traffic outside the hospital. In fact, he looked like he belonged there.

“I’m waiting for my mom.” His voice was soft as he reached out with one hand, his eyes silently asking for permission to touch the bike. 

Ethan simply nodded his head and watched as the boy’s eyes widened slightly before running his fingers gently over the body of the black Indian.

“Your mom? Is she a patient here?” He couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow when the boy turned his attention toward him and away from the bike.

“No. She works here.” He was very matter-of-fact in his response and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

He seemed to answer the question like it was a normal part of his routine.

He wondered which doctor or nurse was his mother.

He wondered if his father worked here too.

He had already learned that there were several sets of married, and unmarried, couples amongst the ranks of the hospital.

“Oh cool.” He wanted to ask who he belonged too but he refrained, figuring he would find out eventually. “What’s your name?”

“Eli.” The kid offered him a smile and his eyes were soft when they connected with his.

There was also something eerily familiar about those eyes. Something that he recognized. And it was killing him trying to peg where he had seen them before.

“Well hi there Eli, I’m Ethan.” He extended his hand toward the boy and offered him a smile in return.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Eli shook his hand gently, his eyes returning to the bike in front of them.

“Nice to meet you too.” He dropped the boy’s hand as he knelt down next to him, his eyes giving him a soft once over as he watched him run his fingers along the handlebar. “You like motorcycles?”

“Yeah. My dad, he used to collect them.” His voice was quiet, a far off look in his eyes as he shifted his attention toward him.

“Not anymore?” He wondered if his dad had left, or worse.

“He’s dead.” He whispered.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” He didn’t know that exact feeling, his father having been very much alive the last time he had seen him.

But he had been a kid nonetheless, not much younger than Eli was, and he knew how hard it could be sometimes.

Growing up without a father was never any fun. No matter the circumstances.

“It’s okay. It happened when I was still a baby.” He shrugged his shoulders as if it was the most normal thing in the world to him. He wondered if he got asked that question a lot. “I don’t remember anything about him. But I do still have some of his motorcycle stuff in my room.”

“Well that’s cool.” He watched as the smile returned to the boy’s face then. “You ever ridden on one?”

“Are you kidding me?” He guessed that his mother wasn’t nearly as open to the whole concept as his father probably would have been. “My mom would lose her marbles if I even thought about it.”

“I can totally understand. They’re not exactly the safest things for kids.” He remembered his mother making a comment to the such when he and Robbie had gone out and bought matching bikes.

She had warned them that they’d never be able to have kids with those things. Especially not if that was their only mode of transportation.

They had both laughed and laughed.

They were never going to have kids. Of that, they were both certain.

“I still like to look at them though.” His eyes softened as he stepped around the bike, taking in it’s every detail. “It’s an Indian right?”

“Nice eye.” He was impressed. There were grown men, and women, who couldn’t even tell what brand of bike it was.

“My dad had one. My mom sold it last year though.” He sounded slightly disappointed and it caused Ethan’s heart to flutter. “It wasn’t in very good shape.”

“That happens sometimes.” He wondered if Eli’s mother had gotten rid of the bike for other reasons, not just because it wasn’t being maintained well.

He remembered his mother ever so slowly getting rid of his dad’s belongings after he left them.

He doubted if she still had anything that had once belonged to him.

He got ready to speak again when he heard the door behind them open and he turned slowly on his heels to see who had joined them in the parking lot.

He figured it was probably going to be Eli’s mom, judging by the sound of heels on the pavement.

He expected to turn around and see one of the doctor’s from upstairs appear behind them. Or maybe one of the receptionists from a wing he hadn’t made his way to yet.

But the woman who appeared on the other side of the lot was neither of those two things.

And then it hit him.

The eyes, the smile, the soft brown curls.

There was no doubt in his mind now who the little boy belonged too.

“Elias James!” Leanne Rorish’s voice was booming as she hollered her son’s name across the small space. “Get over here! You know you shouldn’t be talking to strangers.”

Eli’s head had snapped up at her words and he scampered across the parking lot without a care in the world, stopping in front of her with a big smile on his face.

“He’s not a stranger mom, his name’s Ethan.” He sounded like it was the most normal thing in the world to say to the woman.

Like he hadn’t just been busted breaking the rules.

“No.” Was all she said in return, her dark eyes shifting from the boys face to his.

He felt like she would surely be setting him on fire if she had the ability to do so.

“Yes. That’s his name.” Eli turned toward him and offered him a soft smile. “You can ask him if you want.”

He returned the smile as he stood and he started to make his way toward them when Leanne held out a hand.

He stopped mid-step and let his shoulders sink downward.

She was having no part of this new found “friendship”.

“I don’t want you talking to him sweetheart.” She knelt down in front of the boy, her eyes softening as she reached forward to cup his cheek.

Ethan couldn’t help the shiver that ran through his body at the carefulness of the woman in front of him.

If he hadn’t already started falling for her he was definitely going to do so now.

“Why not? He’s nice.” Eli turned his attention back toward his mother as he spoke and his voice was soft as he defended him to the best of his ability. “He’s not creepy or anything.”

“Because honey,” He was curious to see what kind of excuse Leanne would come up with. She had only known him less than a day. How could she know if he was a good fit for her son, “he’s… he’s not a very careful person.”

“I heard that.” He couldn’t help the words from leaving his lips.

He really hoped that what had happened to Mike earlier wasn’t going to result in him always being hated by everyone here.

It had been an accident. And he had done everything in his power to step in and help.

“Goodnight Dr. Willis!” She shouted back at him, her dark eyes meeting his once again.

“Wait, he’s a doctor too!” The excitement in Eli’s voice caused him to chuckle and he just shook his head when Leanne rolled her eyes. “No way!”

“Come on Eli, we have to go.” She stood then, reaching down to take Eli’s hand as she started to walk in the opposite direction of Ethan and his bike.

“But…” Eli was trying his best to protest and Ethan felt for him, and his mother.

Little boys as determined as him were hard to please sometimes.

“Say goodbye Eli.” She said softly, stopping in her tracks so that Eli could turn his attention back toward him.

“Bye Ethan!” He waved softly with the hand that wasn’t holding his mother’s and he offered him a giant smile as he spoke.

“Bye buddy!” He returned the smile, and the wave, and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly when Eli turned his attention back toward the woman beside him, his mouth going a million miles a minute as he started racking her brain about Ethan.

He wondered if Leanne would actually tell the little boy anything about him. Not that she knew much.

He just hoped that she didn’t tell him that he was a bad guy, or paint him out to be the enemy, because he surely didn’t want that.

He may have just met them both, but felt an attachment toward them that he couldn’t break.

And he didn’t think he would ever want too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Thanks to everyone that read and reviewed the first chapter. I hope you guys are ready for the adorableness that is Eli Rorish!

Leanne had been reluctant to get up and go to work today. Especially when she had realized that Eli had climbed into bed with her at some point during the night.

He wasn’t prone to doing so, but every now and then she would find him snuggled against her when she awoke in the morning. And it made getting up that much more difficult.

She had pulled herself from the bed with a huff and showered quickly, getting dressed in the dim light of the bedroom, not wanting to wake the sleeping boy by turning the lights on.

But then she had had to disturb him when his alarm went off, and he had groggily trekked down the hall toward his room and gotten ready for the day.

She was thankful for his independence sometimes, at others, she just wanted him to slow down and stop being so grown.

After they had both had a bowl of cereal she had watched him retreat into the den and turn on his morning TV show without so much as a word to her.

She knew that he was a quiet child, and that he could even be closed off around her, but it sometimes hurt that he wasn’t as bubbly as some other kids that she knew.

The babysitter had arrived just on time and she had dropped a kiss to her son’s head before heading toward her car.

The drive to work nearly drove her crazy in itself. 

She would have much rather have enjoyed the day with Eli, even if all they did was stay in bed and watch cartoons.

“You didn’t tell me you had a son.” She hadn’t even set her things down in her office when she heard the soft voice from the doorway.

She let out a sigh. This Colonel Willis hadn’t even been here 48 hours and he was already driving her crazy.

Eli had asked question after question about him last night and she had been helpless to answer him.

She knew absolutely nothing about the man, and she was honestly perfectly okay with that.

Her son however, was already smitten, and she didn’t know how she should feel about that.

“I’ve known you less than forty-eight hours.” She dropped her purse into the chair behind her desk and turned her attention toward the man behind her. “What on Earth would have possessed me to tell you about him?”

“Just thought it was an important piece of information.” He shrugged his shoulders as he offered her a soft glance, his hand extending outward, a cup of coffee in it that she guessed must have been for her.

She stepped toward him then, taking the cup as she offered him a curious glance.

“Important for who?” She knew that she shouldn’t be a bitch to him. He was the new guy after all. But there was something about him that was already making her pulse race and her heart flutter in her chest. And she didn’t like it, not one bit. “We’re not friends Dr. Willis, I don’t need to tell you any details of my personal life. Do you understand?”

The man in front of her didn’t seem phased by her words and he simply raised an eyebrow as he took a sip from his own cup.

She didn’t know why she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. But she’d be damned if he thought he was getting anywhere with her.

They were colleagues. They hadn’t even known each two days yet.

“He’s a cute kid.” His comment made her smile though.

“Thank you.” She replied softly. “And now this discussion is over.”

She moved to walk past him and into the hallway, hoping that he would take the hint and walk away, but he didn’t.

Instead, he followed her, a soft smile on his face as he fell into step next to her.

“He’s pretty smart too. Knew my bike was an Indian just by looking at it.” She wondered just how much of a conversation he and Eli had had, especially considering the boy wasn’t one for small talk.

If she was being honest, she was slightly hurt that it seemed that he had gotten more out of her son than she had in a while.

“He knows a thing or two.” She was incredibly proud of how smart he was actually. And the fact that he was testing beyond his age in both math and reading made her one proud mama.

But he also had a knack for knowing the most random of things, and motorcycles were certainly up there in his list of things he liked.

“He told me his dad used to have one.” Ethan’s comment made her stop in her tracks and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

Eli never talked about his father. Ever.

And while he had very limited knowledge about the man, he was aware of the fact that he was dead. But that was it.

He didn’t know details of the accident.

He didn’t know anything about their life before it.

“He did.” She whispered.

“He also told me his dad died when he was little.” She hated that this man that she knew absolutely nothing about now knew more about her than most people at Angels.

This wasn’t looking good for either one of them.

“Before he was born.” She felt her hands starting to shake at the memory of the tragedy that had taken her husband and daughter from her.

She had barely been alive herself, and when they had told her when she woke up that they had safely delivered her baby boy she hadn’t been able to contain herself.

She still remembered how emotional she had been when Jesse had placed him in her arms for the first time.

How she felt like her whole world had stopped at how tiny he was. His little body barely measuring in at four pounds.

He had been her miracle baby. 

Hell, he still was as far as she was concerned.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The Colonel’s voice was soft as he gave her a sympathetic look.

She didn’t need his sympathy though, and she didn’t want it.

Right now she wanted him to leave her the hell alone.

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago.” She shrugged her shoulders with her words and started walking again.

Jesse had been trying to work with her on talking about what had happened on that rainy autumn night six years ago. But she still wasn’t in a place to acknowledge it.

She doubted that she ever would be.

“Six years isn’t really that long ago.” Ethan hadn’t left her alone like she had hoped and she let out a huff when she noticed that he was still beside her.

“Long enough.” She breathed out. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do. And so do you.”

And with that she picked up her pace and left him standing all alone in the hallway, a pensive look on his face as he watched her retreat down the hall.

She knew that he was just trying to be nice.

She knew that he was just trying to make friends.

But she also knew that he wouldn’t be around long enough for that to happen.

These DOD guys never lasted. Not a single one of them.

And she doubted that Ethan would be any different.

—

She had gotten home that night only to find that Eli had already gone to bed.

The babysitter didn’t seem phased by it though and simply told her that he said he had a headache and that he wanted to sleep.

When Leanne checked on him an hour later he was still out like a light, his stuffed dinosaur tucked under his arm as he snuggled further under the covers.

She had pressed a kiss to his forehead and bid him goodnight before turning in herself.

Her mind still plagued by her conversation with Ethan from earlier in the day.

Her heart still racing at the simple presence of the man by her side multiple times throughout the day.

She hated that he was having this kind of effect on her.

Absolutely hated it.

—

When she awoke the next morning Eli was already up, his dinosaur nestled next to him in the big easy chair in the den as he flipped through his favorite motorcycle book for what was probably the hundredth time.

He had offered her a smile before returning to his reading and when she had mentioned pancakes he had simply nodded his head softly.

She really, really wished that she could find a way to get through to him.

She hated feeling like she didn’t even know her own son.

They had eaten in silence before she had left him in the care of the babysitter and he had barely batted an eyelash at her as she left.

She waited until she had gotten to the car to the let the tears start falling down her cheeks.

She hated being like this.

She knew that he was just a kid.

But sometimes she worried that she was missing something and it was slowly tearing her apart.

—

Things had been crazy at Angels that morning and when the babysitter had dropped Eli off at 4:45pm like planned she had let out a huff.

She had forgotten that she was supposed to leave early today so that the girl could get to her class on time.

She had been thankful that no one had been around to see her frustration though, and she had thanked the young girl before escorting Eli into her office and shutting the door.

“Is Ethan working today?” The boy had barely settled himself onto the couch before the words left his mouth and she did a double take.

Now that he mentioned it, she hadn’t seen the Colonel at all since she had arrived that morning.

Not that that meant anything, she was certain that he was probably off raising hell somewhere else in the building.

“I don’t know sweetheart.” She dropped down onto the table in front of him and offered him a soft look.

“Can I see him if he is?” The excitement behind her son’s eyes made her heart hurt.

He never seemed that excited to see her.

“Eli…” She wasn’t jealous, per say, but it was hard to know that he was so interested in a man that he had barely just met.

“What? I just want to ask him about his bike.” He pulled his motorcycle book from his backpack then and flipped through it until he found what he was looking for. He turned it toward her with a giant smile on his face. “I found a picture in one of dad’s old books and I wanna know if it’s the same kind that he has.”

“Eli, Dr. Willis isn’t here to be your friend.” She hated to be the bearer of bad news because her son had never seemed so excited about something.

She wanted him to have friends.

She just wasn’t sure that the middle aged Colonel was the right choice.

“He didn’t seem to mind talking to me the other night.” She could hear the disappointment in his voice and it broke her heart.

She could tell that he was hoping for a different outcome than she was.

“He was being polite honey, that’s what he does.” For all his faults, she wouldn’t deny that he had some charm. 

“Well, if he’s polite, than why can’t he by my friend?” Eli closed the book a little rougher than she expected and when she looked up to meet his eyes he had stuck out his bottom lip just enough.

He was quite adorable when he pouted, she would give him that.

“Because he’s a busy man.” She was most certain that Ethan had better things to do than to hang-out with her almost six year old son. “And he won’t be here for long so I don’t think he’s looking to get attached to anyone.”

“Where’s he going?” The look of sadness in his eyes made her insides twists.

“Probably back to where ever he came from.” She had no idea where that was to be honest. Afghanistan would have been her first guess.

“And where is that?” Eli’s interest was peaked though and his eyes were sparkling at the thought of learning about some place far away.

She had always wanted to travel with him. To take him to places they had never been.

But she never seemed to have the time.

And it killed her.

“I don’t know Eli.” She reached out and patted his cheek as she spoke, her pager going off just as she got ready to reassure him that it didn’t matter. “Look, I have to get back to work. Just, stay here until I’m done okay? Two hours tops and then we can go home.”

“Fine.” He huffed out, his shoulders slumping as he settled back against the couch cushions.

She offered him a soft smile before taking off toward the office door, letting it shut gently behind her.

She wished she hadn’t had to leave him alone in her office like that. She wished she could have just taken him home right then and there.

But unfortunately work was calling her name and she had to answer.

No matter how badly she didn’t want too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yay, an update! I hope you guys enjoy overprotective Ethan ;)

Ethan had had enough of this shift and he wanted nothing more than to go home and drown his sorrows in a bottle of beer. Or two. Maybe three, depending on how poorly the Dodgers game was going at the time.

But he had one last stop to make before he headed out.

And he was dreading it.

Ever since his talk with Leanne yesterday he had wanted to clear the air. To make things a little better. 

Especially given how distraught she had seemed when talking about her late husband.

He didn’t know anything about the man, and he didn’t know anything about how he had died, but his curiosity was peaked.

More than anything though, he wanted her to know that he was there for her if she needed him. Or if Eli needed him. He wasn’t about to leave them stranded, even though he could tell that was exactly what she was expecting.

He noticed her office door was shut when he stopped in front of it so he knocked softly, waiting for an answer with his hands cupped in front of him.

But there wasn’t one. So he knocked again.

Again, no answer, so he tried the knob, pushing the door open softly as his eyes scanned the room for the brunette woman.

But instead, he saw a miniature version of her staring back at him, and he let out a soft sigh at the sight of the little boy he had only just met.

“Ethan!” Eli’s excited scream sent his mind for a whirl.

The kid was awfully excited to see him, especially considering they barely knew each other.

“Hey there.” He replied softly, watching as the boy climbed off the couch and ran toward him. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for my mom to get off.” His brown eyes stared up at him softly and he couldn’t help himself from kneeling down in front of him, his hand reaching out to ruffle his loose curls.

“When’s that supposed to happen?” He hadn’t seen the woman all day. In fact, he hadn’t seen her since she had walked away from him yesterday morning.

“She said she would be done by 5:30.” The boy turned toward the large clock on the wall and he could see the sadness in his eyes.

He wondered how often it was that Leanne got caught up in work and the boy had to sit around and wait for her to get off.

His own mother had had the same problem when they were kids.

Except she had worked more than one job to make ends meet.

And they never waited in an office for her, rather, it was always at home.

“That was almost three hours ago.” He watched as Eli turned his attention back toward him, his little shoulders shrugging as he blinked his eyes.

“Yeah. She gets busy sometimes.” His voice sounded so sad and it broke Ethan’s heart.

He just wanted to wrap him up in his arms and hold him tight.

“Let me see if I can find her for you. Hang tight.” He squeezed his shoulders gently then before pushing himself into a standing position and heading out the door.

He didn’t have to search long though before finding Leanne tending to an obviously unconscious patient.

She looked just as tired as her son and he felt something deep down inside of him ache for them both.

He didn’t know why he felt the need to protect them. But that was all he wanted to do right now.

“You know there’s a very sleepy looking kid in your office right?” He kept his voice soft as not to gather any unwanted attention by the residents or nurses near by.

Her head snapped up at his words and she met his gaze with angry eyes.

“I know. His baby sitter had class.” She snapped at him. “I keep trying to get away but every time I get close something comes up.”

“Did he at least eat dinner?” He hoped that the babysitter had fed him before dropping him off. Or that Leanne had stepped away long enough to get him a bite to eat. But something told him that that might not have happened.

“Why are you questioning my parenting?” He hadn’t meant to question her like that. It wasn’t meant as a stab.

He was simply worried about Eli. 

He figured someone should be, especially given the late hour.

“I’m not questioning your parenting Leanne. I’m just curious.” He shrugged his shoulders at her as he offered her a soft smile. “Figured the least I could do was take him to get a burger before I head home for the night.”

“You are not taking my son to get a burger.” The hostility in her words sent a chill down his spine.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve her anger but he wished he could take it back.

He got ready to speak up when Jesse appeared by Leanne’s side, his hand going out to rest on her arm as he eyed her softly.

“Everything okay over here?” His question was soft as he shifted his gaze from the woman beside him to the man across from him.

Ethan simply let out a sigh, his head falling forward as he spoke.

“Everything’s fine.” He whispered. “Just came to check and see if Eli had dinner.”

Leanne shot him a deathly look, her face turning red with anger as she glared between the two of them.

“Well Leanne, did he?” Jesse eyed her softly, his body language never faltering despite the evil look in her eyes.

“Yes!” She practically shouted. “Jesus Jesse you know me well enough to know that I know how to take care of my own kid.”

“Never said you didn’t.” Once again, the head nurse didn’t even flinch.

He, on the other hand, did.

“And for the record neither did I.” He felt the need to point out that he never questioned that she knew what she was doing. At least not out loud.

“Where is Eli anyway?” Jesse shifted his gaze from Leanne’s face to Ethan’s, and Ethan just shook his head.

He bet that that this would start a fight and he didn’t want to be a part of it.

Leanne hated him enough as it was.

For what reason he really didn’t understand.

“In my office.” She whispered.

He could tell that the fight was leaving her body and he hoped that she wouldn’t take it out on him. Or worse, on Eli.

“It’s past his bed time.” Jesse’s statement was soft and simple, yet it sent chills down his spine.

He knew that Leanne and Jesse were close, but judging by the man’s knowledge of the boy’s sleep schedule, they were closer than he had originally suspected.

“I’m doing the best I can.” She sounded defeated in a way that he was entirely to used to and it broke his heart.

Judging by the look that Jesse shot him, he totally understood where she was coming from.

“I was just trying to help.” He whispered.

Leanne shot him another look and he let out a sigh, throwing his hands up in the air as he walked away from the pair.

If she didn’t want him to worry than he wouldn’t.

“Give the man some credit Leanne, I think he’s just worried.” He heard Jesse say softly.

“Well Eli isn’t his to worry about.” Leanne snapped back. “And neither am I.”

And then they were both out of ear shot and their voices faded as he rounded the corner toward the locker room.

He wanted nothing more than to go back to Leanne’s office and sit with Eli until she got done, but he didn’t want to start any more drama than he already had.

So instead he had snuck toward the small room, his eyes finding the small boy curled up on his side on the couch, his eyes closed tightly despite the bright light filtering in from the hallway.

He felt his heart clench in his chest as he reached out and gently shut the office door, hoping to provide some peace for the child.

And then he was heading toward the parking lot, his heart heavy and his head pounding.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *This is a short but sweet one. Hope you enjoy!

Leanne had had about enough of Colonel Ethan Willis and his antics.

He was the new guy, first of all.

So she wasn’t entirely sure who he thought he was.

But he wasn’t going to last long around Angels with an attitude like his.

First he had been hard on Charlotte after she had messed up with the teenage boy’s leg. 

Then he had almost seemed as if he was going to challenge her after she confronted him about it.

But that wasn’t all.

He had asked her about Eli again yesterday. Several times. And she had done her best to blow him off.

But he just kept coming back for more.

He said that he was just curious. That the boy had intrigued him with his knowledge of motorcycles. That he reminded him of a younger version of himself.

She had simply rolled her eyes at that comment and walked away.

He was an asshole. A complete and utter asshole.

And she had had enough.

But then he was stepping in to help her and was offering a ‘second set of eyes’ and having her back in Center Stage and she was confused.

Sure he seemed nice enough.

But she was starting to wonder if he was too good to be true.

Both as a doctor. And as a man.

“Hey.” The sound of the Colonel’s familiar voice broke through the silence of her office and she lifted her head, offering him what she hoped was a smile.

After their discussion about Charlotte from the night before she had been avoiding him.

She could feel herself being drawn in to him.

She could feel herself becoming attracted.

And she wanted out.

And fast.

“Can I help you Colonel Willis?” She knew that he hated to be called that so she figured she would just burn him while she could.

“What did I say?” He leaned against the door frame and raised an eyebrow at her. “Drop the Colonel? I’m not some old guy in a wheelchair.”

She rolled her eyes at his statement.

He was quite the cocky asshole sometimes.

“Fine, Dr. Willis, what can I do for you?” She knew she sounded pissy, but it was late, and right now she just wanted to get the hell out of dodge and get home to her son.

“I just wanted to apologize for the other night.” He offered her a soft smile as he crossed the threshold into her office. “I wasn’t trying to question your parenting or step on any toes. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

“It’s fine.” She really just wished that he would leave all this well enough alone.

She didn’t need his sympathy or his input, and she sure as hell didn’t want it.

“Look, I know it’s none of my business,” He stopped in front of her desk and cocked his head to the side a bit, his eyes twinkling in the soft light of her office, “what happens with you and Eli…”

“You’re right, it’s none of your business.” And it wasn’t.

They weren’t his to worry over. 

Whether that’s what he wanted or not.

“I just… look I was raised by a single mother okay, I get it.” His voice was soft and his eyes lightened even more at the mention of his mother. She didn’t need personal details about his life. She didn’t care where he came from or who he was. And yet, here he was, laying it all out on the line for her. “It was just my mom and my brother and sister and me for as long as I can remember. And I know she struggled, whether she wanted to admit it or not. I just want you to know that you don’t have to struggle okay?”

“We’re not friends Dr. Willis.” She felt herself falling the longer she looked into his blue-gray eyes so she snapped her attention away from him, dropping her eyes down to the paper in front of her. “Why in the world are you sharing any of this with me?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m hoping that maybe we can be friends.” She didn’t need any more friends. She had Jesse and Rollie and she was doing just fine. “I’d like to get to know you, and Eli, if you’d let me.”

“We’re fine on our own Ethan.” She huffed out.

He let out a sigh as he hung his head for a brief second.

But then he snapped it back up and locked his eyes with hers once more.

She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

Those damn eyes were going to be the death of her.

And she hated it.

“Okay. Well, if you change your mind.” He shrugged his shoulders with his comment, his smile returning slightly as he spoke. “You know where to find me.”

“Thank you, but again, we’re fine.” In reality, they weren’t fine.

She was struggling to connect with her son, to get through to him.

She was struggling to connect with herself if she was being honest.

They had just kind of glided through life the past six years. Not much drama, no issues, no nothing.

But now that Eli was in school and was being exposed to the world around him, he was changing.

Leanne had thought it would be good for him.

Instead, he seemed more lost than he was before.

“I just…” He shook his head, sending his normally perfect hair astray atop his head and she couldn’t help but swallow. He was extremely good looking and she couldn’t deny that. No matter how much she wanted too. “I know what it’s like okay.”

“I highly doubt that.” She whispered.

He wasn’t the one who had lost his spouse and older child in a car accident.

He wasn’t the one who spent almost six months in the hospital recovering. His child wasn’t the one who spent just as much time in the NICU, barely holding on.

He wasn’t currently raising a detached son all on his own.

No, in fact, he wasn’t even close to either of those.

So she doubted that he had any idea what it was really like.

“Well… I’m here.” He shrugged once more, his hands going to his scrub pockets as he stood there and stared at her. “For both of you.”

She shook her head and got ready to speak when his pager went off, and then so did hers.

She was honestly praying that she would have gotten out of there before that happened.

“I got it.” He said softly, his eyes locking with hers as he nodded his head. “You head home. I’m sure if you leave now you can sneak in a story before Eli heads to bed.”

And then he was turning on his heel and heading for her office door.

She watched as he retreated, his shoulders slumped and his pace slow.

She wondered why he felt the need to be so attached to them.

They had barely spoken in the two months he had been here. They knew nothing about each other.

And yet, he seemed drawn to her, and Eli.

She didn’t understand it, and to be honest, she didn’t know if she liked it.


	5. Chapter 5

Ethan was exhausted. Downright exhausted.

And after the night he had had, he shouldn’t still be standing.

And yet, here he was.

Thirty-six hours into what was supposed to be a fourteen hour shift.

And all he wanted to do was to go home, have a beer, or five, and pass out.

He had contemplated what he would have for breakfast when he thought he would get to leave earlier.

But then breakfast had turned into lunch. And now it was starting to turn into dinner.

He was fairly certain that that one taco he had managed to squeeze in before Anita’s body had been dumped on them was going to start losing it’s momentum here soon.

“Got a second Dr. Willis?” His eyes snapped up when he heard Charlotte’s voice from across the waiting room and he shrugged his shoulders before dropping the chart in his hand’s onto the nurse’s station.

“What’s up Dr. Peele?” He really hoped that she wasn’t giving him another patient.

This whole being on prohibition thing may have been working for Campbell, but he was getting tired of having to babysit the girl.

“I got a patient for you.” He let out a sigh as he made his way toward her, his hands reaching out for the chart. “Five year old kid. Fell at school and broke his arm. I know he just needs a cast but I can’t even order him a x-ray.”

He could hear the frustration in her voice and he totally understood.

It was kind of silly that she couldn’t even treat a broken arm.

“I got it.” He watched as she offered him a smile before heading off in the direction of the waiting room.

Letting out a soft huff, he flipped the chart open and let his eyes scan the page, stopping in his tracks when he saw the name in front of him.

Eli Rorish.

He let out a sigh. Leanne wasn’t going to like this.

He turned toward the nurse’s station, his eyes locking with Eloise’s as he held up the file.

“Have you seen Dr. Rorish?” He knew that she should be the one to handle this.

That if she got wind that he was handling Eli’s injury she would probably lose her mind.

“She’s in a meeting.” Eloise didn’t skip a beat and he huffed once more.

He had no choice now. Eli needed to be seen and Leanne was just going to have to live with it.

—

He had stalled for a few minutes before heading toward the curtain that Risa pointed him toward. And when he pulled the object back he saw what had to be the most pitiful looking sight he had ever seen.

Eli was laid back on the bed. His brown hair a mess against his forehead. His cheeks stained red with tears.

He was cradling his left arm to his chest and his eyes were closed. But Ethan could tell by his tense body language that he wasn’t sleeping.

He turned toward the young woman standing next to the bed and extended his hand.

“I’m Dr. Willis.” He said softly.

He watched as Eli’s eyes shot open and a giant smile came over his face.

“Ethan!” He certainly seemed to cheer up at the sight.

“Hey there buddy.” He shook the woman’s hand without even getting her name, but he honestly didn’t care who she was. He figured she was the babysitter that Leanne had mentioned once or twice. “What happened here?”

“I fell at school today.” Eli’s voice was soft as he sat up on the bed and offered Ethan a sad look.

“The nurse said she called his mom, but there was no answer.” The woman piped in and Ethan gave her a once over. He was honestly surprised that she spoke. “They gave him ice and wrapped it up. But he’s been complaining of the pain getting worse and he wouldn’t let me touch it. I figured it was better to be safe and bring him here in case something was broken.”

“Smart girl.” He nodded his head in her direction before turning his full attention to the boy in front of him. “Mind if I take a look?”

“No. Just be gentle.” He could tell that Eli was scared and he hated it.

“I will.” He took his arm gently in his hands and gave it a quick exam before setting it down gently in the boy’s lap. “Well pal, it is definitely broken. I’m gonna send you up for an x-ray just to be safe, but you’re gonna need a cast.”

“Mom’s gonna be so mad.” He whispered.

“She’s not gonna be mad Eli.” The babysitter reached forward and brushed his hair aside, offering him a soft smile. “She’ll be thankful that you’re okay.”

“You made the right call bringing him here.” He offered them both a soft smile before opening up the chart in his hands and jotting down some notes. “I’ll get a nurse to take you guys upstairs and I’ll meet you back down here in thirty minutes to get that cast on.”

Eli simply nodded his head before laying back against the pillow once more.

“You let them know if you need me okay pal?” He couldn’t help himself from reaching out and cupping his cheek gently against his palm.

“Okay.” Eli’s voice made his heart hurt.

He remembered being that young and getting hurt at school one time.

He remembered sitting in the waiting room of the hospital with his gym teacher for almost four hours before his mother was able to get away from work.

It had probably been one of the scariest things he had ever gone through.

He could only imagine what Eli was feeling right now.

“I’ll be back in a bit.” He ruffled his hair a little, earning himself a small smile, before he turned and made his way out the curtain.

He had wanted to stay and take the kid upstairs himself.

He had wanted to pull him into his arms and comfort him as much as possible.

But he knew that he needed to do his job the right way, whether it was Leanne’s kid or not.

Or rather. Because it was Leanne’s kid.

And not his.

—

After leaving Eli he had gone out in search of Leanne once more.

But Eloise said that she was still in her meeting.

And he had other patients to tend to too. So he had simply shot her a text once he had looked over Eli’s x-ray and come to the conclusion that it was indeed broken. 

Clean through. In two places.

No wonder the kid was miserable.

Eli had been excited to see him once more and he had helped him get his brand new neon green cast on his arm.

He had then given him some Motrin and promised him that he would call to check on him that night.  
And then the babysitter was carrying him back out the hospital doors and toward the parking lot, his eyes heavy as he waved ‘goodbye’ with a sleepy smile.

He was fairly certain that he was asleep before they even made it to the car.

—

After Eli had left he had returned to his rounds, checking in on his patients from the night before.

He had still been struggling with what had happened with Janie earlier. His mind still reeling at the possibilities of what it could mean.

He partially wondered if he was losing his damn mind.

Or if the lack of sleep and overdosing of caffeine was finally taking it’s toll on him.

But then Dr. Nolan had found him in the lobby and reassured him that these things happened.

And while it didn’t necessarily make him feel any better, he was thankful to know that he wasn’t alone in what he had witnessed earlier that day.

After their chat he had retreated to the locker room, his body, and mind, finally deciding that it was time to call it quits.

“I heard you treated Eli earlier.” Leanne’s soft voice broke through the silence of the small room just as he had pulled his t-shirt over his head, his scrub top falling to the floor as he turned toward her.

“Yeah. Broken arm. Clean as could be.” He figured she probably already knew that, but he was honestly so tired that he didn’t know how or what to say to her at this point. “I put the cast on myself. He’ll be fine in a few weeks.”

“Thank you.” She whispered.

“You’re welcome.” He whispered back.

He didn’t know why this situation was making him feel so uncomfortable.

Maybe it was the small space.

Maybe it was the fact that she had probably just seen him shirtless.

Maybe it was the fact that she had traded in her own scrubs for jeans and a flannel shirt.

Her casual outfit and loose curls doing him in.

“He’s a brave kid.” And he meant it. Eli hadn’t cried one bit, at least not while he was taking care of him, and that was pretty impressive given the fact that he knew he was in pain. “Barely flinched and never shed a tear. You should be proud.”

“He likes to try and be tough.” She said softly.

He wondered how tough they both were.

He figured probably not as tough as they both put on though.

“He seems pretty tough to me.” And he meant it. “I’ve had a break like that before, hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.”

“I’m sure he’ll milk it for all it’s worth once I get home.” She had a small smile on her face and he chuckled. 

He bet Eli was quite the schemer when he wanted to be.

His mother was a pretty good one as it was.

“As he should.” He nodded in her direction as he grabbed his leather jacket, sliding his arms into the sleeves as he watched her.

She was shifting from foot to foot and he could see her hands twisting together in front of her.

She was nervous about something but he didn’t know what.

“I’m sorry for the way things started off between us Ethan.” Her words surprised him. He never in a million years expected an apology from her. “I know that you never meant any ill will toward me, or Eli.”

“It’s okay. I get it. Trust me.” And he did get it.

He understood her wariness toward strangers, especially when it came to her son.

He understood her not wanting to let someone in.

He totally understood it.

He just wished that it was different.

“You said your mom raised you alone?” Her question was quiet and her eyes were soft and he felt himself falling even more.

The fact that she remembered that tidbit made his heart swell.

“Until I was in high school.” He closed his locker behind him and grabbed his helmet, motioning for her to walk with him. He was shocked when she complied, stepping through the open door as he held it open for her. “She remarried when I was a senior and my brother was a freshman.”

“Well she did a pretty good job.” Another shocking confession. “She should be proud.”

“She is.” At least he hoped his mom was proud.

He smiled softly when Leanne fell into step next to him, their legs carrying them both in the direction of the parking lot.

“She’s still alive?” She paused as he opened the door to the lot for her, offering her a smile as she stepped through.

“Lives in Oregon with my step-dad.” He followed behind her, stopping when they got to his bike. “They own a farm, got a bunch of horses and some goats.”

“Sounds nice.” Her voice sounded tired and he remembered that she said that she had been here almost as long as he had, if not longer.

He wondered how much sleep she was running on.

Probably less than him judging by the look in her eyes.

“Yeah.” He offered her a soft smile as he climbed onto the bike, swinging his backpack over both shoulders.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” She almost sounded hopeful and it made him weak in the knees.

“I’ll be here.” He gave her a big smile then, his heart fluttering in his chest when she returned it.

He was falling, so very fast, and he couldn’t help himself.

“Goodnight.” She whispered.

“Night.” He whispered back.

And then she was gone, her legs carrying her toward her car without so much as another word.

He wanted to follow her.

He wanted to ask her if she wanted to have dinner. If she wanted to maybe grab some take-out and head back to her place. If she would mind if he spent some time with Eli, if maybe they could watch a movie together.

But he knew better.

Because he knew that no matter how hard and fast he was falling for her, that she wasn’t falling for him in nearly the same way.

And it killed him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I’ve meant to be doing this for the other chapters in order to help with the timeline, but I’ve forgotten every time.  
> ** **tags for “Angels and Demons”**

Ethan had never been a fan of Halloween. At least not in his adult years.

It’s not that he didn’t like it per say, he just didn’t care so much for the gore and the horror.

He saw enough of that on a day to day basis while in the Army. And then just as much so once he had started working in hospitals more regularly.

He could go without the ‘thrill’ of blood and guts.

He got enough of that as it was.

And after having spent the night trapped at the theater with Amanda and Ian, he was definitely over Halloween for good.

He had been thankful when he was able to save them both. And after having gotten them settled at Angels he had made his way downstairs, Heather at his side, only to find out that everyone at the hospital was having a worse night than he was.

Jesse had informed them quietly of Charlotte’s death. Of how the girl had been shot trying to protect a young patient. Of how she had died in Center Stage with her friends by her side.

Ethan’s heart had broken in two when Jesse told him how Leanne had been so upset about it. About how she had cried as she called the girl’s time of death.

But then he had told him that Eli had been there for the whole thing. That he had witnessed the shooting and that he had hid under a chair while a drug-raged gunman shot up their waiting room.

He felt like he was going to throw-up at the nurse’s words.

He knew that something like that could traumatize a kid. That it could surely break his already fragile soul.

He had driven home with tears in his eyes, contemplating over and over again if he wanted to stop at Leanne’s before going to his place.

But then he realized that it was almost midnight and that they were both surely already in bed and he had refrained.

Instead, he had taken a quick shower and thrown on his pajamas before grabbing his phone and dialing Leanne’s number without a second thought.

“Ethan?” She sounded groggy and he could hear the sadness in her voice as well.

It nearly broke him in two hearing her so down and out.

“Hey.” He said softly, falling back against the pile of pillows on his bed. “Sorry to call so late.”

“It’s okay. Is everything alright?” She sounded downright exhausted and he hoped that he hadn’t woken her.

He would never forgive himself if he had.

“I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay.” He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. He wanted to be with them more than anything right now but he knew that it wasn’t his pace. “I heard what happened to Charlotte. Jesse said that Eli was there, that he saw what happened. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. That you were both okay.”

“We’re okay. I promise.” He could tell that she wasn’t telling him the entire truth and he started to panic.

“No injuries?” He knew he had no right to worry, but dammit, he couldn’t help himself.

“No injuries.” She whispered softly, and he let out a sigh.

Thank God for that.

“Did he get to go trick-or-treating?” Leanne had told him yesterday how incredibly excited Eli had been to get to go trick-or-treating that year. 

Apparently he had been sick last year and had missed all the excitement.

He was even more thrilled knowing that his mom was taking him this year.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it according to her.

“No.” He could hear the regret in her voice. “But after tonight, I don’t know how much fun he would have had.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He wished the kid hadn’t had to miss out on the fun.

As much as he may have disliked the holiday himself, he would have loved to have taken the boy out and watched him get his candy.

“Mommy…?” He heard Eli’s voice in the background and he felt a smile come across his face.

He had barely gotten to know the kid and he was already smitten.

“Hey sweetie.” Leanne’s voice was so soft and it made his insides flutter. He only ever heard her talk like that when it was with Eli. And boy did it do things to him. “What are you doing up?”

“I can’t sleep.” He heard the boy moving around on the other end of the phone and he could only imagine that he was probably crawling into bed with his mother. “Who are you talking to?”

“Ethan.” He was so glad that she had finally started calling him by his name and not his title. “Wanna say ‘hi’?”

“Hi Ethan.” Eli’s voice was sleepy and he could only imagine that the kid had to have been beyond tired.

“Hey pal.” He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, his body relaxing at the sound of the boy’s voice. It was good to hear that he was doing somewhat okay. “How you feeling?”

“Sleepy.” He let out a soft chuckle at his response.

“Yeah. I heard you had a crazy night.” He didn’t know if the boy would say anything to him about it or not, but it was certainly worth a shot.

He knew that he was pretty quiet, pretty reserved and distant at times. 

He doubted he would be any different with him.

“Yeah.” Eli said softly. He heard him let out a yawn and he felt his heart melt.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to go trick-or-treating.” He wished he could make it up to the kid. That there was something he could do to make it better.

He made a silent promise to himself that he would think of something.

Even if he had to go buy him a bunch of candy himself.

“It’s okay.” He knew that it wasn’t exactly okay, but he also knew that Eli was trying to be brave.

That’s just who Eli was.

Just like his mother.

“What was your costume?” He didn’t remember Leanne mentioning to him what the boy was going to dress up as, but he bet he looked adorable nonetheless.

“I was Hawkeye, from the Avengers.” He could picture it now, it was the perfect costume for the kid.

“Aw man, he’s my favorite.” He wasn’t a big comic book fan, but he wasn’t lying when he said that Hawkeye was his favorite.

Robbie’s had always been Thor.

He was pretty certain they had dressed up as them for Halloween one year. Back before the Avengers were even really a thing.

“Mine too.” Eli whispered.

“Well hopefully you can show me your costume sometime, huh?” He would have loved to have seen him all dressed up. He bet he was the cutest Hawkeye out there.

“Yeah.” He could hear him practically falling asleep on the other end and he let out a soft sigh.

“Why don’t you try and sleep okay? We can talk later.” He wanted the boy to rest, just like his mother should be doing as well, and he hoped that if he promised a conversation at a later point in time that he would turn in for the night.

“Okay.” He let out another yawn and Ethan could just picture him snuggling into Leanne, his eyes closing as he started to doze off. He felt his heart seize in his chest at the image. He wished he could be there with them both right now. “Goodnight Ethan.”

“Goodnight Eli.” He whispered.

“I’m gonna go and see if I can get him to sleep.” Leanne’s voice came over the line quickly and her voice was quiet and full of sleep. 

“Okay. Call me if you need anything.” He meant it too. Anything at all that they needed and he would be there for them. No questions asked.

“I will.” She said softly.

“Nighty night.” He whispered his phrase to her as a small smile came over his face.

He bet she was rolling her eyes at him.

She always did when he said that.

“Nighty night.” She whispered back. And then the line was dead and he was listening to nothing but silence.

He tossed the phone onto the bed next to him and he let out a sigh.

He missed them so much it hurt.

And they weren’t even his to miss.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ***Tag for “Hero Complex”**  
>  *I probably won’t update again until next weekend because of the holidays, so here’s a quick update to tide you guys over until then! Happy Holidays everyone!

Leanne was exhausted, as exhausted as could be, and she just wanted to go home and curl up with Eli and sleep the weekend away.

But then Campbell had come at her in the hallway, carrying on about how this Colonel Willis was bad news and how they had to get rid of him and a bunch of other nonsense that she didn’t quite understand.

She had nodded her head as he spoke, but his words weren’t really sinking in.

Not when she knew that he was overreacting and that Ethan wasn’t really as bad as they had all originally thought he would be.

Especially her.

In fact, she had grown quite fond of the man over the past five months.

And she would be lying if she said otherwise.

Campbell had blown past her in a huff and headed back toward Center Stage and she had just let out a breath of relief when she realized he was gone.

He could be a decent man when he wanted too.

But he could also be the vain of her existence when he tried.

Sighing to herself she started to head toward her office when she remembered the conversation that she had had with Ethan earlier that day.

She had asked if she could help and he said that he didn’t think so, not with this one, and it had startled her a little.

They had started to rely on each other for support when it came to issues at work.

She wondered why he wasn’t willing to open up to her about this one.

So she did an about face and went in search of the man in question.

—

She had almost given up on finding him when Jesse had gestured toward the stairwell to the roof and that’s when she remembered his fondness for the location.

She had said a silent ‘thank you’ to the head nurse before heading up, her hands shaking slightly as she contemplated what exactly she would say to him.

Sure they had established that they were friends at this point.

And she respected him, liked him even, but she didn’t know if they had reached a point where her seeking him out like this was okay.

She figured he wouldn’t hesitate to let her know if it wasn’t though.

Pushing the door to the roof open she let out a breath when she noticed him leaning against the edge on the far wall.

She quietly made her way toward him, stopping to lean against the low wall beside him, a small smile on her face.

“Took you long enough to find me.” He whispered.

He looked exhausted, almost as exhausted as her, and she could tell that he had been crying at some point.

It made her heart hurt to see the normally strong man in such a vulnerable situation.

“I was dealing with Campbell.” She said softly, her eyes scanning over his face as he let out a sigh. “He’s in quite a mood tonight.”

Not that Campbell wasn’t always in a mood.

But tonight, it was different.

It was focused and it was controlled and it was aimed at one person and one person only.

Ethan.

“Yeah, that’s probably my fault.” His voice was soft and she could tell that he was struggling to put words together.

“He told me about what happened with Whitney.” She hadn’t been paying full attention to what the ER director was saying, but she had gotten the gist of it. “He’s rather upset.”

“I already apologized to him.” Ethan let out a sigh as he let his head drop downward, his arms falling to the edge of the wall as he leaned forward.

“What happened?” She didn’t know if he would tell her the truth. 

She didn’t know if she wanted to know the truth.

Not with the way Campbell had talked about it.

“She wanted to die, Campbell didn’t want to let her.” She could sense that there was more to the issue than that.

“But you did?” She felt like she may have been poking a sleeping bear and she hoped that she wouldn’t wind up regretting it.

“Did I want her to die? No.” He turned his attention toward her for the first time since she’d come up and she saw a sadness in his eyes that did her in. “Did I think that she had every right to make that call and not Campbell? Yes.”

“Why’s that?” She wanted to reach out and touch him.

She wanted to pull him into her arms and hold him close.

She wanted to take away whatever pain was plaguing him.

But this wasn’t the place or the time, and he wasn’t hers to save.

“Look, my sister got sick when we were kids.” She had heard him mention his sister once or twice, but not nearly as much as he mentioned his brother. She had been wondering what mystery there was to her. “She died when she was 16, but frankly, that was entirely too long of a life for her.”

“Cancer?” She felt horrible at the thought.

Sure she had lost a child, and a husband, but to lose a sibling.

That was a loss like no other.

“Brain tumor. They removed it twice.” She let out a breath that she didn’t know she had been holding. “She wanted to give up, but back then there wasn’t a way out like there is now. If my sister had had the option, she would have ended things and she would have done so before she was so miserable that she couldn’t even speak.”

“How long was she sick for?” She didn’t know if she wanted to know the answer to that question.

“10 years.” He whispered.

She could see the tears forming in his eyes once more as he turned away from her.

“I’m sorry Ethan.” She reached out and laid a hand on his arm.

She couldn’t resist offering him some sort of support. She just had to.

“I just, I understood Whitney’s plight. If Grace had been allowed to make those choices, if she had been in control of her body, she would have let go and things would have been easier.” She couldn’t imagine how hard that must have been. To watch his sister suffer and not be able to do anything for her. “Not just for her, but for all of us as well.”

“How old were you when she died?” She wondered if Grace had been older or younger. If Ethan had lost a friend as well as sibling.

“16.” He choked out.

His hands were shaking as he wiped them across his face quickly.

She figured he probably wasn’t one to cry in front of others.

She guessed that maybe she was privileged to have been allowed to see him like this.

“You were twins?” Her heart broke even more in her chest.

“Yeah.” That kind of connection, it was intense. 

She couldn’t even imagine what that had to feel like.

“I’m… I’m sorry doesn’t seem like enough.” And it didn’t, but she didn’t know what else to say.

“It’s okay. It is what it is.” He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke, his body straightening back up as he let out a sigh. “I just wish more people realized that the person who’s suffering should be the one allowed to make the choices about what happens to them. Grace, she was always wiser and more mature than her age. She knew at 12 that there was no beating what she had. She knew that she wasn’t going to live to see 18. She should have been allowed to end it before things got so bad.”

“I agree.” She couldn’t help but agree with him. She had seen so many patients fight when there was no fight left and she understood completely the desire to end things on one’s own terms. Especially if there was no way out.

“I know Campbell’s mad, because he thinks that everyone should keep fighting.” She figured Campbell was just pissed because he was an asshole and he wasn’t the one in charge of something for once. “But sometimes, there is no winning a fight. Some fights you just have to lose.”

“He’s a complicated man.” That was an understatement if there ever was one but she didn’t know what else to say.

“He’s an arrogant asshole is what he is.” Ethan huffed out, his eyes closing briefly as he gathered himself back together.

“That too.” She couldn’t help but smile slightly. She couldn’t agree with the man more.

“I take a lot of pleasure in pissing him off.” He whispered.

“So I’ve noticed.” She was silently thankful for that too. And she knew she wasn’t the only one.

Campbell was a hard-ass, and his attitude wasn’t suited for emergency medicine. She took pride in being able to put him in his place and she knew that Ethan did too.

“I’m gonna get going.” He said after a minute of silence. “It’s late.”

“Yeah. I should head out too.” She didn’t really want to go now.

Sure she wanted to get home to Eli.

But she also wanted to stand on the roof with Ethan, even if they didn’t speak.

At this point, she found herself just wanting to be near him.

“How’s Eli?” His question startled her from her thoughts.

His concern for her son still confused her.

But she was starting to realize that he was a much softer man than he let on.

“He’s good. He should be in bed by now, I hope.” She hoped that he hadn’t given the sitter a hard time about going to bed, again.

He had reached that age where bedtime was a daily struggle and she hated it.

Especially when she wasn’t able to be there to try and help.

“Tell him I said hello.” She knew that Ethan cared about the boy, for what reason she wasn’t sure, but she appreciated that he seemed to want a connection with him.

Five months ago the idea had terrified her.

Hell, three weeks ago the idea had terrified her.

But she had gotten to know Ethan quite well and she was no longer as fearful of his presence in their lives as she had been.

“I will.” She whispered.

“Nighty night Leanne.” He pushed himself up and off the wall, heading toward the door to the stairwell.

She couldn’t help but smile at his words.

She had grown quite fond of his obnoxious version of ‘goodnight’.

“Nighty night Dr. Willis.” She called back.

She watched as a smile came across his face before he turned around fully and made his way through the door.

She let out a sigh as she watched him retreat into the small space.

She was falling, fast, and she didn’t know whether or not she wanted to make it stop.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Tag for “What Lies Beneath”**

Leanne was having a bad day.

No, scratch that, she was having a horrible day.

First, Ethan had gone and made the decision to get himself held hostage on a Russian submarine.

Then, she had an ER full of inmates who caused complete and utter chaos.

She had panicked when they had lost Jackie and she had struggled to keep it together when Heather had said her time of death.

But then she had walked into her office a few hours later, completely prepared to pack her belongings and leave for the day, only to have Damien press a blade against her neck.

She had done her best to stay logical and in control.

She had done her best not to panic about what would happen to her son if that psychopath had killed her right there.

She had done her best not to wish that Ethan was there to save her.

But she had somehow managed to do all three.

And after they had gotten him stabilized and she and Heather had had it out, she had wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of dodge and run home to her son.

She had been half way to her car when the helicopter carrying Ethan and Campbell had landed on the roof and she had shot Ethan a text, asking him to meet her downstairs immediately.

She had to see that he was okay with her own eyes.

She had to know that he was fine and that he hadn’t been hurt.

He had appeared at her side fifteen minutes later, his eyes heavy and full of rage.

She guessed that he probably had just as bad of a day as her.

“I got your text.” His voice didn’t match his eyes though, and she knew that he was being gentle because it was her. “Is everything okay?”

“I just…” She let out a sigh. She was still panicked from that morning and she couldn’t quite seem to string words together.

“You’re hurt.” He whispered.

His hands were on her skin before she knew what was happening and she took a deep breath at the contact.

It was the first time he had touched her like that. 

In a way that was almost intimate.

And it both scared and excited her.

“It’s just a scratch.” She whispered back.

She closed her eyes as he ran his thumb along the bandage, his fingers curling gently around her neck as he tilted her head back a little.

“You got stitches.” He said simply. “Doesn’t look like just a scratch.”

“I’m okay.” And she was okay, physically anyway, maybe not in the other ways that probably mattered to him just as much.

“You should be at home.” His hand was still on her neck as he spoke and she let out a sigh.

He really shouldn’t be touching her like that.

“I was headed there when I saw the chopper land.” His fingers had tangled themselves in the hair at the base of her neck and she was losing it. She really wanted him to stop touching her. “I wanted to make sure you were okay first.”

“Me? I’m fine.” He let his thumb brush over the injured spot once more before pulling his hand back, stuffing it in his pocket as he spoke. “No worries here.”

“I heard things got dicey.” She whispered.

“They did, but we made it out okay.” His eyes betrayed his words once again.

She knew something had gone down that he didn’t want to discuss.

And she certainly wasn’t going to push him.

“Okay.” She said softly. Her phone buzzed her in her hand and that’s when she realized that she should have been home ten minutes ago. “I’ve got to go.”

“Okay.” He looked disappointed but she knew he wouldn’t say anything. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She simply nodded her head as she stepped back from him, her body instantly feeling strange without him so close by.

She really needed to stop doing this.

She really needed to stop getting attached.

“Bye Ethan.” She called as he started to retreat.

He didn’t say anything back, instead he just waved his hand in her direction and headed toward his bike.

She hoped that he wasn’t mad at her. That she hadn’t done something wrong.

He was normally much friendlier when it came to her.

Letting out a sigh she headed to her car, her eyes lingering on his bike as she watched him pull out of the lot and head away from the hospital.

—

Eli was waiting for her when she got home and she couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle when he came bouncing down the sidewalk toward her.

He had been a much happier boy the past few weeks and she had a feeling it had to do with his slightly regular conversations with Ethan.

While they hadn’t seen each other since Ethan had put the cast on his arm six weeks ago, they did talk on the phone a few times a week.

She had been hesitant at first, but she figured there was no harm in letting him have a friend.

“I saw Ethan on the news today mommy!” She stopped in her tracks at the boys words.

She wondered what exactly the kid had seen and why he seemed so excited about it.

“You did? How?” She was praying that it was innocent.

Maybe a side shot of Ethan and Campbell leaving the submarine earlier.

Maybe a picture of him with some mention about him being a hero.

“He was on a submarine. He saved someone’s life.” She let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

“That’s what he does baby.” She said softly.

She kneeled down in front of the boy as his eyes lit up.

“He was wearing a military uniform. Is he a soldier?” She didn’t know why that idea seemed to intrigue Eli so much.

He had seen soldiers before. Plenty of times.

This was Los Angeles after all.

“He’s in the Army, yes.” She watched as a smile broke out across his face.

“That’s so cool.” She nodded her head softly.

She wasn’t sure how ‘cool’ it was to be a soldier in today’s world.

She figured that that had nothing to do with why Ethan had joined the military.

“I’m sure that’s exactly why he joined honey.” But she was willing to humor the boy.

“Mommy?” Eli’s voice was soft as he reached up and cupped her cheeks in his hands.

She would never get over how incredibly gentle he was.

“Yes Eli?” She offered him a soft smile, hoping that whatever his question was wouldn’t throw her for too much of a loop.

“Could Ethan come over for dinner sometime?” It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but it certainly knocked her off balance a little.

“Why would you want him to come over for dinner?” She didn’t understand her son’s obsession with the man.

Except, maybe she did.

“Because he’s my friend.” She knew that Eli didn’t have many of those, so she felt her heart swell at the mention of the Colonel being just that.

“I’ll ask him Eli, but I make no promises.” Eli simply nodded his head at her words but his smile never faded. “He’s a busy man.”

“Okay mommy.” And then he was pulling away from her and bouncing back toward the house.

She let out a sigh as she replayed his question over and over again in her head.

She didn’t know how she was going to manage to ask Ethan to have dinner with them.

She could barely stand to be in the same space with him lately without wanting to devour the man.

—

The next morning she ran into Ethan as she was walking in from the parking area and she figured that that was as good of a time as any to bring up Eli’s proposal.

“Eli is very insistent that you come over for dinner sometime.” She said softly.

She watched as he slowed his pace, allowing her to catch up to him, and she took note of the smile on his face.

She guessed that he was maybe in a better mood than he had been in yesterday when they had said their goodbyes.

“Is he now?” His question was soft as he shifted his eyes in her direction.

“I told him that you were busy, but he’s insisting.” Eli had continued to insist all night in fact. And all morning.

They had almost been late for school because he was so persistent that she call Ethan immediately and ask him.

“I would love to have dinner with you guys.” He sounded so incredibly sincere and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. “But you don’t have to cook if you don’t want. We can go out, or I can cook. I don’t mind.”

“You cook?” She was shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth.

He certainly didn’t strike her as the type.

She figured he probably lived off of take-out and frozen pizza.

“That I do.” He winked at her as he spoke and she felt a chill run through her body.

He was going to be the death of her.

Of that she was certain.

“Is your house even safe for a child?” She had never been to his place, not once. In fact, she didn’t even know if he lived in a house or an apartment.

“Well I mean I wouldn’t leave him to his own devices there, but yeah, it’s safe for dinner.” He chuckled as he spoke and she couldn’t help the smile that came across her face.

“You don’t have too Ethan, I just promised him that I would at least ask.” She didn’t want him to feel obligated to do anything.

She knew that he liked Eli and she knew that he didn’t mind spending time with him, but she didn’t want him to feel like he had to.

“How about this? How about we go out instead?” He stopped in his tracks as he turned toward her. “That way, if it gets too awkward, we’re not trapped together all night. Deal?”

“Deal.” She couldn’t believe that she had just agreed to that.

“Friday night?” That was only two days away.

That was so soon.

Too soon if you asked her.

And yet, not soon enough.

“Is 6:00pm too early?” She knew that he was a busy man and she didn’t want to take up his Friday night.

Especially not if he had a date or some other big plans to attend to.

“6:00pm is perfect.” He beamed back at her as he agreed to her terms and she couldn’t help but return his smile.

She had suddenly never been so excited for a Friday night in her entire life.


	9. Chapter 9

Ethan would have been lying if he said he wasn’t excited when Leanne had told him that Eli wanted to have dinner with him.

He wanted nothing more than to spend time with the young boy.

And, if he was being honest, with his mother as well.

He had really started to enjoy getting to know Leanne. And the more time he spent with her, the more he started to fall for her.

He knew that he shouldn’t be. Falling, that was. 

He knew that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. That her heart was still healing from everything that had happened to her six years ago.

And he got it. He really did. Losing half of your family like that wasn’t easy.

And he would never push her into something that she wasn’t ready for.

But dammit if he didn’t really, really want to try.

He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to make her feel all the love she deserved.

And he wanted to provide Eli with the life that he deserved as well.

He may have barely known the boy, but the past few weeks of talking to him had drawn him in even more.

He just wanted to be a part of their lives.

Any way that he could.

“Ethan!” He heard Eli’s voice before he saw him and he couldn’t help the giant smile that broke out across his face when the little boy jumped up from his seat and waved at him excitedly. “Mommy look, Ethan’s here!”

“I see that.” Leanne let out a soft chuckle and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.

She was so perfect in every way and it was killing him.

“Hey pal.” He stopped next to the table and knelt down in front of the young boy, his hand going out to ruffle his hair. He had noticed that his curls had started to grow out some and he was surprised how much it made him look like his mother. No wonder he was so incredibly drawn to him. “Sorry I’m a little late, it was crazy trying to get out of there tonight.”

“That’s okay.” Eli offered him a smile before climbing back into his chair.

“Busy?” Leanne’s voice was soft as she offered him a knowing look.

She had to know that Angels was a complete shit show on a Friday night.

Surely she understood without him having to flat out tell her.

“It was a madhouse.” He let out a soft sigh, his hands going to his pockets. 

There was an empty seat next to her and an empty seat next to Eli and he wasn’t sure which one he was supposed to take.

It would surely be awkward if he sat next to her, right?

But then again, wouldn’t it be just as awkward if he was sitting across from her and she caught him staring at her.

Which he was inevitably going to do.

“I hope we’re not keeping you.” His eyes snapped to her face as he shook his head back and forth.

“No! Nonsense.” In all honesty, he was thankful to be free of the confines of that place for a little while. It was nice to get some fresh air. It was even nicer to see his two favorite people. “I gotta eat right?”

“Sit next to me Ethan!” Eli patted the chair next to him excitedly and Ethan figured that that answered his question. “Sit next to me!”

“Eli, calm down.” Leanne shot the boy a knowing look and he instantly plopped back down on his bottom, the excited look fading from his face some.

“It’s okay. It’s nice to be wanted.” He offered Eli a smile before moving to sit down next to the boy. “I don’t mind.”

Eli smiled up at him brightly as he winked at Leanne.

She rolled her eyes, but he didn’t miss the smile that came over her face as she dropped her head downward.

She was starting to fall for him too. He could tell.

“What are you gonna eat Ethan?” Eli’s question broke him from his thoughts and he chuckled at the boy’s excitement.

“I’m not sure.” He turned toward him and patted the children’s menu in front of the boy. “What about you?”

“Macaroni and Cheese!” Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle at the boy’s enthusiasm over something so simple.

“That’s his go to meal.” Leanne whispered from across the table.

He lifted his head slightly and caught her eyes.

There was a softness to them that he only saw when she talked about Eli and it made him smile.

“Macaroni and Cheese is always a good choice.” He nudged Eli’s shoulder gently and the boy dissolved into a fit of giggles.

He couldn’t help but laugh along with him, especially when he noticed how it seemed to make Leanne’s eyes light up a little bit more.

—

They had enjoyed their meal together and he had spent the majority of the time talking to Eli about various things.

He had shared with him all about his class’ new pet hamster. And he had asked him repeatedly to come visit him at school one day.

Leanne had let out a sigh at the boy’s words, but Ethan had assured him that once he had his schedule for the next few weeks he would work out a time to come join him for lunch.

The look of happiness on his face had made Ethan’s heart flutter.

They had just gotten ready to order dessert when Ethan’s pager went off and he let out a huff as he pulled it from his waistband and read the message on the screen.

He was needed in Center Stage.

And he was needed there now.

“Do you have to go back to work now Ethan?” Eli’s question about broke his heart in two and he hated himself so much in that moment for ruining the kid’s night.

“Yeah. Sadly I do buddy.” He turned toward him fully and offered him a soft smile. But Eli didn’t return it. Instead, he hung his head, his eyes filling with tears. And that had been enough to do Ethan in.

Leanne got ready to speak but Ethan offered her a soft glance and a silent plea that she let him handle this.

She nodded her head at his look and he turned his attention back toward the pouting child beside him.

“I tell you what kid,” He reached out and turned Eli toward him, his eyes locking with the boy’s as he spoke, “we’ll go get ice-cream together sometime soon okay?”

Eli simply nodded his head before letting it drop back down, breaking his gaze.

Ethan let out a sigh before scooping the boy into his lap.

“Hey.” He reached out and lifted the boy’s chin up, his thumb brushing away the tears on his little cheek. “How about tomorrow? If your mom doesn’t mind?”

“Mommy?” Eli turned toward the woman in question with big, curious eyes, and Ethan watched as she nodded her head softly.

“That’s fine sweetie.” She said softly, a small smile coming across her face.

He was honestly shocked that she said ‘yes’ to his invitation.

He expected her to continue to pull away from him.

“Alright Eli?” The boy turned his attention back toward him and sniffled before nodding his head softly. “Tomorrow night okay?”

“Okay.” He whispered.

“I gotta go.” He pulled him into a tight hug before pulling back and ruffling his hair. “I’ll see you soon.”

Eli nodded his head once more before climbing back into his chair, his eyes still sad and his head still down.

“Bye Ethan.” He waved softly from his spot and Ethan couldn’t help but smile sadly back at him.

He hated that he was breaking the little guy’s heart.

He really didn’t think it would be like this.

“Bye buddy.” He offered him a quick wave before he headed toward the register to pay for their meal.

He noticed Leanne shoot him a look but he just offered her a soft smile before waving at her as well.

And then he was heading through the doors with a heavy heart.

He may have loved his job. But sometimes, he really wished it wasn’t so demanding.


	10. Chapter 10

Leanne had struggled with watching Eli get so upset over Ethan’s departure at dinner the other night.

And then he had spent the entire evening in a foul mood. One that she hadn’t been able to break him of, no matter how hard she tried.

She had tucked him into bed after he blatantly refused a story, or snuggles, and she had crawled into her own bed a few minutes later with tears in her eyes.

She felt like she was losing him, even though he was right there.

She had been almost asleep when her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she had groaned when Ethan’s name flashed across the screen.

_I’m sorry for running out on you guys like that. Campbell was having a conniption._ She rolled her eyes at his words.

He was always one to blame Campbell, even when he was probably the least likely culprit.

_It’s fine._ In reality, it wasn’t fine.

Her son was heartbroken and now so was she.

_Eli was real upset. I didn’t mean for that to happen._ She felt tears prick at her eyes at his sincerity.

She knew that he hadn’t meant any wrong by leaving them like that.

She knew that he probably would have stayed with them all night if he could.

_He’s tough. He’ll be okay._ She didn’t believe her words for one second.

She didn’t know what it was that Ethan had done to win over her son, but it was slowly starting to have a negative impact.

Especially when she wasn’t quite ready to give in.

_Still. I’m sorry._ She rolled her eyes.

_Okay._ She really just wanted to go to bed and forget the evening had ever happened.

_We’ll go get ice-cream tomorrow. I promise._ She closed her eyes as the tears started to fall down her cheeks.

This man’s devotion to her son was too much.

_You don’t have too. I know you’re busy._ In reality, she knew nothing about his daily routines or schedules.

But she was sure that he didn’t want to waste his Saturday with them.

_Nonsense. I’m meeting my step-brother in the morning and then I’m free. Tell Eli we can do whatever he wants. I’m all his if he wants me._ She felt the wind leave her lungs at his statement.

Eli would most certainly be over the moon if she told him that Ethan was basically all his for the entire day.

She couldn’t remember a time when her son had been that excited to spend an entire day with her.

_We have things to do Ethan._ That was a bold face lie. Other than going to the grocery store and getting Eli a new pair of shoes for school, they had no plans whatsoever.

But what Ethan didn’t know, wouldn’t hurt him.

_Then just text me when you guys are done. I’ll be free around noon. We could go to the park. Or go see a movie. Whatever little man wants._ She shook her head as the tears fell faster.

She needed to put an end to this.

She needed to cut him off before he hurt her son, or her.

She’d never forgive him if he did so.

_Look, I get it. You’re scared of where this might go. But right now, being friends is enough. I care about you. And Eli. I just want to give this a shot. It doesn’t have to mean anything or turn into anything. But I get the feeling that you both could use a real good friend right about now._ She let out a sob as she chucked the phone across the bed.

It bounced to the floor as she curled herself into a ball, tears falling down her cheeks as she tried to calm herself down.

She hated how right he was.

She hated that he knew her so well after such a short period of time.

But mostly, she hated how badly she wanted to give this thing a try.

—

When Leanne woke up the following morning she was surprised to see that Eli had climbed into bed with her at some point.

He had tucked himself against her side and was breathing softly, his little arms wrapped tightly around hers.

She had let out a soft sigh before wrapping her arms around him and snuggling him against her side.

She would never get tired of having him in her arms.

Her phone buzzing from it’s spot beside the bed broke her from her thoughts and she pushed herself up just enough to grab the object off the floor.

Ethan’s name stared back at her, along with the time, 10:45am.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had ever stayed in bed that late.

And especially not with Eli snuggled against her.

Dropping back against the pillows, she pulled the young boy close once more as she unlocked her phone and opened the text she had just received.

_I should be done around 12:30. Wanna meet at the park?_ This man was ruthless if he was anything.

_We’re still in bed._ She didn’t know why she told him that.

He didn’t need to know that they were taking lazy to a whole new level.

_Good. Stay resting. You deserve it._ She rolled her eyes at his comment.

He had no idea what she deserved.

_Want me to take E for a bit? So you can have some alone time?_ She let her eyes wander down toward the sleeping boy at her side.

As much as she wanted to spend all day with him, she knew that he would greatly appreciate getting to spend time with Ethan.

It might even make his entire day.

_If you want. I know he’d love to spend some time with you._ She couldn’t believe she was agreeing to this.

The old Leanne never would have let Ethan take her child for any amount of time. And certainly not without her being there with him.

But she had grown to trust the man over the past few months.

And it was obvious that her son had too.

_I’ll swing by and get him around 1? We’ll go to the park and get some ice-cream. I can have him home by dinner._ She felt herself smiling at his words.

She could tell that he was excited about the prospect of spending the afternoon with the boy.

She knew Eli would be just as excited, if not more.

_Sounds good. I’ll have him fed and dressed. He’ll be over the moon to see you._ She felt her heart flutter in her chest at the thought of Ethan being at her house.

He had never been there before.

She didn’t know why she all of a sudden wanted him to just make himself at home there.

_I’ll see you guys soon :)_ She felt Eli start to stir next to her and she couldn’t wait to tell him the good news.

—

Ethan had arrived promptly at 1:00pm and Eli had been waiting not so patiently on the front steps for him, a giant smile on his face the entire time.

She had pressed a kiss to the boy’s head before letting him bounce off toward Ethan’s car.

She had been shocked when he had pulled the Jeep into the drive.

She was fairly certain that he had only owned that wretched motorcycle and she was curious to see how he was planning to transport the tot on that.

He had also surprisingly had a booster seat in the back, just the right size for Eli, and she had raised an eyebrow at him as he buckled the overly excited boy in.

He had mentioned something about nieces and nephews before shutting the door behind him.

Eli had offered her a wave through the open window and she couldn’t help but smile as she waved back.

She couldn’t remember the last time the boy had been so excited about anything.

“I’ll have him home around 4:30pm.” Ethan’s voice was soft as he moved to open the driver’s side door, climbing into the front seat as he offered her a smile.

“Take your time.” She really didn’t mind if they stayed out a little later than that. She just wanted the boy to have a little fun for once.

Something he didn’t seem to do when he was with her.

“We’ll see you in a bit.” And then he was starting the Jeep back up and putting it in reverse as he buckled his seat belt.

Eli waved one last time, a giant smile on his face as he had called ‘goodbye’ to her as they backed out of the drive.

And then she was alone, standing on her side walk with a solemn look on her face.

Part of her had wanted to go with them.

To spend the afternoon playing at the park with them.

But she knew that they needed some time together, just the two of them. That that was what they both wanted. So she had refrained.

Instead, she had wandered inside and went about her household chores. 

Her mind on the two boys in her life the entire time she worked.

—

Ethan had returned Eli to her just after 4:30pm and the boy hadn’t stopped talking about their adventure at the park the entire evening.

He had told her all about how Ethan had taught him how to do the monkey bars all on his own. And how he had showed him how to skip rocks on the pond.

She had smiled as she listened to him tell her about how they both enjoyed the same flavor of ice-cream, Rocky Road, and how Ethan had even let him get sprinkles on top.

And then he told Leanne that he was glad that he got to spend time with Ethan, because Ethan was his only friend, and she felt her heart break in her chest.

Her son was just shy of six years old.

The middle aged Army Colonel shouldn’t be his only friend.

And yet, she got the feeling, that Eli was telling her the truth when he said that.

And it absolutely destroyed her.

—

She had given the boy a bath that night and tucked him into bed with a kiss after reading him his story.

He had asked softly when he would get to see Ethan again and she had let out a sigh as she told him she didn’t know.

He had pouted for a second before curling himself around his dinosaur and closing his eyes.

He was asleep before Leanne had made it out of the room.

She had been on her way downstairs to finish up a load of laundry when her phone dinged from it’s place in the bedroom.

Sighing to herself she grabbed the object off of her nightstand, Ethan’s name staring back at her once again.

_Thanks for letting me take E today. I had a great time._ She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She might have wanted to hate this man, but if he continued to love her son as much as he currently did, she was going to be a goner.

_It’s no problem. He had a blast._ And she knew the boy had cherished every second that he got to spend with Ethan.

It both made her happy, and sad. And if she was being honest, a little jealous as well.

_Next time you should come with us._ She rolled her eyes at his words.

She would do such thing.

_I’ll pass._ She didn’t know why she said that.

She would give anything to spend the afternoon with them.

She just didn’t want to admit it to herself.

_All in good time I suppose…_ She couldn’t help herself from taking a deep breath.

_Goodnight Ethan._ She hoped he would take a hint and get lost.

_Goodnight Lea._ She felt tears come to her eyes at the use of her nickname.

No one had called her that since John had died. No one at all.

And while part of her wanted to hate him for it, the other part of her felt her heart swell.

—

The rest of the weekend had been spent trying to convince Eli that he couldn’t very well just show up at Ethan’s house and invite himself in. Despite how badly he really, really wanted too.

He had been relatively quiet the rest of the day, and he had gone to bed without so much as a story or a kiss goodnight.

It had broken her heart watching him climb in bed all by himself, his hand pushing at hers when she tried to tuck him in.

He was entirely too young to be so grown.

And it killed her.

When she awoke Monday morning he was already downstairs and dressed for school, his dinosaur tucked under his arm as he sat in the big easy chair and flipped through a book.

He had eaten his bowl of cereal in silence and when she had dropped him off at school a little while later he had barely batted an eye at her departure.

She was glad that he had Ethan as a friend, but it was really starting to hurt their relationship, and it was breaking her heart.

When she had gotten to work a little while later she had brushed past the man in question and locked herself in her office while she tried to finish up her reports.

And when she had been called to Center Stage around lunch time she had ignored everything the Colonel said to her.

He had been bothered by her silence, she could tell, but she didn’t care.

Instead, she had stalked away from him after they had stabilized their patients and she had retreated to the break room for a cup of coffee.

Jesse hadn’t wasted anytime at all in seeking her out, and when he appeared at her side as she poured her cup she let out a sigh.

“What do you want Jesse?” The man was her best-friend, but right now, she wasn’t in the mood for his shit.

“What’s gotten into you lately daddy?” His question was soft and she turned to face him with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing Jesse.” She huffed. “Just stressed.”

“Stressed? With what?” She rolled her eyes at his questions.

Where should she begin?

“Oh I don’t know Jesse.” She shrugged her shoulders as she set an angry look on her face. She couldn’t believe he was asking her such a silly question. Surely he already knew the answer. “Work? Being a single parent? Life in general?”

“So why are you taking it out on the poor Colonel?” She felt her mouth fall open at his words.

Poor Colonel? The man wasn’t poor. And he sure as hell deserved her animosity.

“On who?” She figured she could play stupid too.

“On Ethan? Dr. Willis.” She knew exactly who Jesse was talking about, but that didn’t stop her from playing dumb. “Why are you taking it out on him? Did he do something?”

“No.” She took a sip from her cup before tossing it into the trash can beside her.

The stuff tasted like mud. She needed coffee, real coffee, and she needed it now.

“That’s not very convincing.” Jesse raised an eyebrow at her as she let out a sigh.

“It’s, complicated.” That was an understatement if there ever was one.

“Complicated? Are you two dating or something?” Part of her wished that she could answer that question with a ‘yes’. 

“No!” But she was also extremely glad that she couldn’t. “No, Jesse, we are most certainly not dating.”

“He seems to like you.” She didn’t understand why. She was nothing special. Surely he had women lining up to be with him.

“No he doesn’t.” She figured it was better to just act like she had no clue what the Colonel was up too.

“He seems pretty interested in you. And Eli.” She knew that he was interested in her son. That much was obvious.

“And that’s the problem.” She let out a sigh as she leaned back against the counter and closed her eyes.

“What? That he’s interested in you?” That was just the start. “Or that he’s interested in Eli?”

“Eli’s getting, attached.” She hated that he seemed to be invested in the man.

She was thankful that he was having a good influence on her son.

But she was afraid the boy was going to get hurt.

And she couldn’t bare to watch him suffer anymore.

“Attached? I thought you said you weren’t dating?” She let out a groan at Jesse’s words. She didn’t understand why he was so obsessed with their potential relationship.

“We aren’t. But Eli, he likes Ethan.” Liking Ethan wasn’t even the right way to describe it. Eli was smitten with him. He was obsessed. He wanted to know everything there was to know about the man. He wanted to be with him constantly. And it broke her that she couldn’t, and wouldn’t, allow him to indulge in that desire. “He wants to be his friend. And now he’s getting hooked.”

“And you’re afraid Ethan’s going to leave and Eli’s going to be heartbroken?” She hated how well Jesse knew her. But she guessed that was what happened when you had been friends for almost two decades.

“I’m afraid that Eli doesn’t understand. He’s only five Jesse, he doesn’t get it.” And he didn’t. He didn’t understand that Ethan was temporary. That there was nothing keeping him from just up and leaving them behind. “Ethan, he doesn’t have roots. He has nothing tying him to this place and he wants out. We all know that. So what’s to stop him from forming a bond with my son and then disappearing into the night?”

“I don’t think he would do that.” Jesse barely knew the man, why was he sitting here defending him so strongly? “He doesn’t seem like the type.”

“We know nothing about him Jesse.” And they didn’t. She knew very little about him or his life or his intentions.

Not that she really cared to get to know him better.

“Not for a lack of trying on his part Leanne.” Jesse gave her a look, that look, the look that said he was on to her and that she was in trouble. “I’ve seen him try to talk to you. He’s been trying to open up to you since his first day here. He clearly sees something in you. Why are you pushing that away?”

“Because he’s…” She didn’t have an honest answer.

She didn’t know why she was so hellbent on shoving him away.

“Him?” Jesse seemed to understand though.

“Because he’s, him. And I’m, me.” She didn’t know if that made any sense to the man. Hell, it didn’t make any sense to her. “And we, people like us, we don’t work.”

“You won’t know until you try.” He was starting to sound like Ethan and she hated it.

“I don’t want to try Jesse.” She whispered.

“Liar.” He knew her entirely too well.

“Jesse…” She ran a hand through her hair as she eyed him softly.

She didn’t want him to be right about this one.

She just wanted to forget Ethan ever existed sometimes.

“Look Leanne. I love you. And I love Eli. And I would do anything for the both of you. And I loved John and I loved Caitlin, but they’re gone. And you need to move on with your life.” Jesse had been there for everything. For all the good and all the bad and she was thankful for him in more ways than he probably understood. “When was the last time you went on a date?”

“I don’t know.” She didn’t think she had been on one since John had died had she?

“Exactly my point. You need to put yourself out there.” She didn’t need to do anything but take care of her son. “You deserve it. And so does Eli.”

“I can’t afford to get hurt Jesse.” She didn’t think that Ethan was the type to hurt her, but again, she knew nothing about him. “And I won’t have someone hurting my son.”

“So it appears that dating Ethan would make perfect sense then.” She rolled her eyes once more as she pushed herself up and away from the counter.

She started toward the door as she eyed Jesse curiously.

“How in the hell did you come to that conclusion?” He wasn’t going to let up on this, she could tell.

“He obviously cares about you. And Eli.” She was so tired of sighing, and yet, she let out another one as she pushed the door open, Jesse following right behind her quietly. “I highly doubt that he’s looking to hurt either one of you.”

“I can’t Jesse.” She stopped just outside the break room door, her eyes searching the hallway to make sure the man in question was nowhere in sight.

“Why not?” Jesse had a good point. 

She didn’t know why she couldn’t give Ethan a chance. She just knew that she couldn’t risk it. 

She couldn’t risk having her heart broken. Or her son’s.

“Because.” She felt her eyes starting to water at the thought.

She just wanted to be happy.

“Because why?” Jesse reached out and took her hands in his, offering her a soft look as he waited patiently for an answer.

“I just… can’t.” She swallowed as she turned her head toward the man. “And I won’t.”

Jesse got ready to speak up when her pager went off and she pulled from his grasp quickly.

“I’ve got to go Jesse.” And then she was heading toward Center Stage, her eyes burning with tears and her heart aching in her chest.

She knew she wasn’t being fair to herself. But what killed her more than anything, was that she wasn’t being fair to Eli either.

And letting him down was the one thing she swore she would never do.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been two weeks since Eli had spent the afternoon with Ethan and all he wanted to do now was be with the man 24/7. 

It was starting to drive Leanne insane. 

Partly because she was doing her best to act like the man didn’t exist.

But also because she knew that she couldn’t give her son what he wanted.

And it was starting to break both of their hearts.

Especially when she realized that he had a birthday coming up, and she was fairly certain that there was only one thing he was going to ask for.

“What do you wanna do for your birthday Eli?” She figured it was worth a shot to ask him.

She knew that he would probably turn down a party. Just like he had last year.

He had told her it was because he wasn’t in a party mood.

But then he had later revealed to her that it was because he didn’t think any of his friends would come.

Instead they had gone to dinner and a movie with Jesse before enjoying ice-cream on the beach.

Eli had seemed perfectly okay with that and so she had run with it.

But she was hoping that this year was different.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders without so much as a glance in her direction.

He had been focused on his drawing of a bunch of dinosaurs for almost an hour now and she had barely seen him flinch as she moved around the downstairs.

“Do you want to have a party?” She really hoped he said ‘yes’.

She had always loved throwing Caitlin birthday parties.

And even though the little girl had only been seven when she had passed, Leanne had gone all out on her birthday’s, starting with her first and ending with the last.

“I don’t care.” She knew that Eli didn’t mean anything rude by it, but she was trying to teach him not to use that phrase when asked a question.

“Elias…” He snapped his eyes up toward her and he let out a soft sigh.

“Sorry mama.” He set his crayon down before pushing himself up off the floor of the den and heading into the kitchen.

He climbed up into her lap without so much as a word and she was shocked when he wrapped his arms around her neck and snuggled against her chest.

This was a welcome change from the distant boy he had been the past few weeks.

“It’s okay baby.” She dropped a kiss to his head as she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

She was still having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he was going to be six years old in less than a month.

It seemed like just yesterday that Jesse was placing his tiny little body in her arms while she was laid up in the hospital.

“Can Ethan come?” He whispered his question as he closed his eyes and she felt her heart ache in her chest.

“Come to what baby?” She wondered if Ethan would be able to convince him to have a party.

“To my party.” He said softly. He lifted his head up and offered her a soft smile. “If I have a party, can I invite Ethan?”

She couldn’t help but smile back at him.

As much as she wanted to hate the relationship that was brewing between the two she couldn’t help but be drawn in by the giant smile on the boy’s face.

“Of course you can invite Ethan.” She couldn’t deny him that one request.

“Can I have a dinosaur cake?” His eyes twinkled in the soft light of the kitchen and she felt her heart flutter in her chest.

“Absolutely.” She’d let him have dinosaur everything if that was what he wanted.

“I’ll have a party then.” He said softly. “As long as there’s dinosaurs.”

“Sounds like a deal to me.” She pressed another kiss to his forehead as he snuggled closer and she couldn’t help but hug him tighter.

He may be distant sometimes, and he may be growing up way too fast, but he would always be her baby boy.

Of that much she was certain.

—

Eli had spent the rest of the weekend talking about his party and planning it all out for her.

She had felt like she had barely done any work, the boy’s wild imagination taking over and telling her exactly what he wanted and how.

They had picked out invitations and decorations at the party store on Sunday and she had found a dinosaur cake design online that seemed simple enough for her to follow.

He had then helped her make his invitations that night after dinner and he had been over the moon about handing them out at school the following day.

She just hoped that he wouldn’t be disappointed and that at least some of his classmates would come and celebrate with them.

After she had dropped him off at school that Monday morning she had headed to work with a heavy heart.

She was nervous to talk to Ethan about the party.

She had been pushing him away the past few weeks and she was scared that he would take his anger toward her out on Eli.

But, unfortunately, Ethan was nowhere to be found when she arrived at Angels that morning. So instead she had dropped his invitation through the small opening in his locker and she had gone about her business.

—

It was a quarter to five that night when she heard the soft knock on her office door and she feared who it could possibly be.

She was supposed to be leaving in fifteen minutes to pick up Eli from the sitter and she really didn’t want to get stuck here any longer than necessary.

“Come in.” She called softly, her eyes shifting up from the file in front of her as the door opened slowly.

“Just me.” She couldn’t help the small smile that formed on her face when Ethan appeared in the doorway.

“Hi.” She set her pen down as she leaned back in her chair.

She would never admit it out loud, but she had missed him terribly these past few weeks.

Why she thought it was necessary to push him away she didn’t quite understand.

“What’s this?” He held up the envelop that she had dropped into his locker earlier and he locked eyes with her as he spoke.

“Did you open it?” She pushed herself up and out of her chair, moving around to stand in front of her desk as he shifted from foot to foot.

He was nervous about something and she didn’t understand why.

“Yes.” She could barely hear his reply and she stopped in her tracks just in front of him.

“Than you know what it is.” She didn’t know if he was playing stupid, or if he was genuinely confused about the invite.

“I thought I was getting too close.” He whispered.

“You are.” And he was, but her son didn’t seem to think that his presence was overbearing, so she was trying not to let it turn into a big deal.

“So then why are you inviting me to his birthday party?” His question was valid and it broke her heart to know that.

“Because he wants you to come.” Eli wanted nothing more than to share his special day with Ethan and he had spent the entire time they were picking out decorations asking if she thought that Ethan would like this and that.

“But you don’t want me to come?” She could see the hurt in his eyes and it made her heart feel funny.

“I don’t care what you do Ethan.” That was a total lie. She wanted him there more than anything. Both for her son’s sake, and for hers. “Come, don’t come, it means nothing to me.”

“But he wants me there?” He looked hurt by her reply and she let out a sigh at the flash of pain in his eyes.

“You were the first name on his guest list.” And that part was true. She was certain that if Ethan hadn’t been brought up that Eli probably wouldn’t have agreed to the party at all.

“Look Leanne, I don’t know why he’s so enamored with me okay? I certainly didn’t ask him to be.” She knew that. She knew that Ethan hadn’t done this intentionally. She knew that he was just as innocent in this as her son was. The bond that they had formed was special, regardless of whether or not it was planned. “But if he wants to be my friend, I’m okay with that. You’re the one with the issue here.”

“There’s no issue here.” She whispered. “Are you coming to the party or not?”

“Of course I’m coming.” He didn’t skip a beat with his reply.

“Thank you.” She didn’t know why she was thanking him.

Maybe because she knew that if she had to tell Eli that he wasn’t coming he would be heartbroken.

“What can I get him?” He asked quietly. “Does he need or want anything in particular?”

“You don’t have to get him a thing Ethan.” And she meant it. She knew that Eli didn’t expect a lot. Mainly because she had never been able to give him much in the way of gifts. “He’ll be over the moon just knowing that you’re there.”

“Well I’ve gotta get him something.” He smiled softly as he relaxed his shoulders a little, his hand moving to deposit the small envelop into the back pocket of his jeans.

She hadn’t noticed that he had changed into regular clothes until that very moment and she let her eyes wander over his body.

She would never deny that he was an attractive man. Never in a million years.

“Leanne…” She must have gotten lost in her own thoughts about the man and his well dressed body because his voice made her jump. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She felt herself blushing and she shook her head when he offered her a knowing smirk. He had caught her giving him a once over and she was beyond embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He whispered.

“He’ll be happy with whatever Ethan.” She said softly. 

She wanted to disappear in that given moment.

Mainly because she was now painfully aware of how attracted to him she was physically. But also because she caught him giving her a once over as well.

“I’ll think of something.” He offered her a wink as he shifted on his feet again. “I’m gonna get going.”

She simply nodded her head at his words as she swallowed.

The tension in the room had just thickened ten fold and there was a tiny part of her body that was aching to take the few steps forward to close the distance between them.

“Goodnight Leanne.” He whispered.

And then he was gone before she could even process what had just happened.

She felt her heart start to race in her chest as her mind went to a place that it shouldn’t be.

Especially not when it involved him.

Never when it involved him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Tag to "Sleight of Hand"

Ethan couldn’t believe how his day had gone.

In fact, he couldn’t believe how his entire week had gone.

It had been one crisis after another and he was so tired and overwhelmed and all he wanted to do was sleep for the next three days.

But then he had spotted Leanne making her way toward her car that evening and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from going after her.

He had a bone to pick with her. And he’d be damned if she was going to walk away from him.

“Leanne!” He watched as she slowed her pace, her arms falling to her sides as she stopped just inside the parking garage. “Wait up.”

He watched as she let out a sigh as she turned to face him.

“What do you want Ethan?” He could tell she was just as exhausted as him and he was sure that she just wanted to get him to Eli and call it a day.

“What you did earlier,” He stopped beside her as he eyed her angrily, “it was stupid.”

He was furious with her for stepping in earlier when he was operating on Fiona’s leg.

It was a dangerous situation, one she shouldn’t be putting herself into, and he would never forgive her for putting herself in danger like that.

“Like removing a tiny grenade from that woman’s leg wasn’t?” She was mad too and he didn’t understand why.

He was just doing his job.

She, on the other hand, was being reckless.

“I had a job to do.” He let out a huff when she rolled her eyes at him.

“So did I.” He wanted to yell ‘bullshit’ at her. He wanted to tell her that she was insane.

“No. No you didn’t.” She was pissing him off with this whole thing. He couldn’t handle it. “I had it under control.”

“Bullshit.” She was getting feisty and he both found it annoying and attractive.

“Leanne…” He dragged her name out as he reached for her.

He didn’t know why he all of a sudden wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her.

“Don’t ‘Leanne’ me. You’re not my boyfriend, or my husband. You’re not even my friend!” He felt his heart breaking in his chest. He thought they had at least overcome that obstacle. “You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do.”

“You have a son to worry about! You can’t be making stupid mistakes like that!” He hated that she was so willing to risk her life like that. He couldn’t bare it if something had happened to her. But even worse, he didn’t even want to think about what that would do to Eli. “What if something had happened? What if that bomb had gone off? What would happen to Eli then?”

He watched as tears filled her eyes and he instantly felt horrible.

He couldn’t believe he had spoken to her like that.

She may have made a stupid decision, but she didn’t deserve to have him treating her like a monster.

“Look, I don’t care what you do.” And yet, he didn’t really care at this point. He was so mad at her that he couldn’t stand it. So he laid into her even more. “It’s your life, fuck it up however you want. I just don’t wanna see Eli get hurt.”

He watched as her bottom lip quivered and he wanted to slap himself.

Instead, he watched in slow motion as she reached out and took care of that for him.

Her hand made contact with his cheek just as she screamed at him about how he was an asshole.

And then she was turning on her heel as fast as humanly possible.

He watched with tear filled eyes as she disappeared down the row of cars, his hands shaking as he tried to compose himself.

He deserved that. More than deserved it actually. And he knew it was coming.

And yet, it hurt. A lot.

—

He had retreated back to his place after regaining his composure and he had spent the better part of an hour trying to get himself together.

But he had failed, over and over again.

So instead he had downed a beer, taken an excessively hot shower, and crawled into bed with a huff.

He felt like he had just lost his best-friend.

And Leanne didn’t even see him as anything close.

He felt his heart start to race in his chest and he let out a huff as he reached for his phone.

 _I’m sorry for earlier Lea. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just worried about you, and Eli._ He hit send before letting his head fall back against the pillows.

He waited with bated breath for a reply.

When his phone dinged a few minutes later he let out a sigh when he saw Leanne’s name on the screen.

 _Don’t be. We’re not yours to worry about._ He hated it when she said that.

He couldn’t help but worry about them.

They needed someone to look out for them.

He was perfectly fine with it being him.

 _I can’t help it. Please Lea, just let me in. Stop pushing me away._ He knew it wasn’t very manly to beg, but at this point, he didn’t care.

 _Leave it be Ethan. I’m done._ He didn’t know what she was done with. 

With him? With this friendship? 

He felt his heart breaking in his chest.

He didn’t want to lose her.

Especially when he had never really even had her.

 _Leanne please…_ He hated this.

Absolutely fucking hated this.

 _Goodnight Dr. Willis._ So she was back to referring to him by his title instead of his name.

He couldn’t handle this.

She was being stupid and immature and he didn’t give a damn if she knew it.

 _You’re being stupid Leanne. Stupid and immature and I don’t care if you know it. I’m just trying to help. I just wanna be a part of your lives. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away? You and Eli, you need someone. You deserve someone. I want to be that someone. I don’t get why you’re so opposed to it._ He felt tears start to fill his eyes and he let out a shuttering breath as he tried to maintain his composure.

He was a 48 year old man, he shouldn’t be fucking crying over a damn woman.

A woman who wasn’t even his to cry over.

He waited a good twenty minutes for a reply, but nothing ever came.

He tossed his phone onto the nightstand when he realized that she wasn’t going to answer him back and he rolled over and closed his eyes without a second thought.

He was asleep within minutes, his mind never registering the sound of his phone ringing from it’s place beside him. Leanne’s name flashing across the screen as he drifted off to sleep.

—

When he awoke the next morning he had promptly ignored the notification for her missed calls and instead dragged himself to the shower with a huff.

He didn’t need her pity. Not after everything. Not after how she had treated him.

After showering he had dressed in silence and despite the fact that he had the entire weekend off, he had headed downstairs to grab some coffee and then headed into Angels anyway.

He figured he could at least work away his sorrows if nothing else.

He was shocked when he saw Leanne appear next to Jesse at the nurse’s station around noon that very same day and he let out a sigh when he noticed her following him to the locker room a little while later.

He really didn’t want to talk to her right now.

Not after everything that had happened.

“I tried to call you last night.” She whispered.

He stopped in front of his locker and let his head hang forward, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath.

“Eli wanted to talk to you.” He could hear the hurt in her voice and he instantly felt bad.

He never wanted their shitty relationship, or lack thereof, to effect when he had with Eli.

“I fell asleep.” He opened his locker softly, his hand shaking as he tried to calm himself down.

“Oh.” He heard her shift from foot to foot behind him and he let out a sigh. “Okay.”

They stood in silence for a few minutes as he pulled his belongings from his locker.

He was going to ask her to leave so that he could change his shirt, but he really didn’t give a damn at this point, so instead he pulled his scrub top over his head with one quick motion.

He heard her let out a sigh and he wondered if that was out of pleasure or frustration.

“Like what you see?” He knew that teasing her was a good way to get through to her.

She may have acted like she hated it, but in reality, it made her smile.

Whether she wanted to admit it or not.

“Maybe.” She whispered.

He turned toward her and offered her a wink, his hands stilling as he stopped himself from pulling his t-shirt over his head.

“You can be honest with me you know.” He raised an eyebrow at her and he noticed the blush creep up her cheeks as she twisted her hands together in front of her.

“Shut up Ethan.” He was glad that she was back to calling him by his first name.

It may have only been twenty four hours, but he had missed the sound of his name on her lips.

“I thought you were off today.” He didn’t know why he changed the subject, but he saw her relax a little and he was glad that he did.

“Eli had a play date so I figured I would try and get some paperwork done.” Her voice was soft and he smiled at the light in her eyes at the mention of the boy.

“A play date huh?” He was glad to hear that the boy was getting out some. “He made a friend?”

It had pained him greatly when the boy had told him that he didn’t have any friends at school. That he was his only friend. It had been hard for him to digest, knowing that the kid definitely deserved better.

“I signed him up for swim lessons.” She smiled at him and he felt his heart start to race in his chest. “He made a friend there, Zachary. This is their second time hanging out. They seem to be two peas in a pod.”

That smile did things to him.

Unhealthy, ungodly things to him.

And it certainly didn’t help matters that he was still standing there bare chested.

He let out a cough as he quickly pulled his shirt over his head, his eyes never breaking from hers.

“That’s good.” He hoped that this Zachary kid could bring out some of Eli’s personality.

She didn’t reply, instead she simply nodded her head, her smile never leaving her face.

He pulled his leather jacket on as he kept his eyes trained on hers.

He could tell that she wanted to speak, that she had something she wanted to say.

But he could also tell that she was holding back from him.

He hated that she did this. That she couldn’t just open up to him. He knew she wanted too. He could tell.

“How much longer is he with this new friend of his?” He didn’t know why he was all of a sudden very interested in the details of Eli’s play date, but he was.

“I have to pick him up around 7:00pm.” She eyed him suspiciously and he couldn’t help but offer her a smile. “Why?”

“Wanna grab some dinner?” He didn’t know what had possessed him to ask that question. 

He knew she would say ‘no’.

He knew that she would likely see this as him asking her out on a date.

But that’s not what this was. Not at all.

“Like a date?” He could see the fear and hesitation in her eyes and it broke his heart.

“No.” He let his smile soften a bit as he closed his locker behind him. “Just two friends, having dinner.”

“Promise?” He could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

He wished that she was more accepting of the idea of a date with him.

He wondered if they would ever get to that point.

“I promise Lea.” He reached forward and squeezed her hands with his. “Just dinner.”

She nodded her head then, her eyes shinning as she stared back at him with a gentle smile on her face.

He let out a soft laugh as he moved to wrap an arm around her shoulders, escorting her out of the locker room and toward the parking garage.

He couldn’t believe that she had said ‘yes’.

He couldn’t believe that he was finally going to get some alone time with her.

He knew right then and there that he would do whatever it took to earn himself a lot more of that.


	13. Chapter 13

Leanne had been shocked at herself for accepting Ethan’s invitation to dinner the other night.

But she had figured that the least she could do was indulge him in one good meal.

Turns out, he was the perfect dinner companion though, and she had found herself struggling with saying ‘goodbye’ to him when it came time to leave.

He had walked her to her car after they had shared a slice of chocolate cake.

And before she knew it he was pressing a kiss to her cheek and thanking her for giving him the time of day.

She had simply smiled back at him before climbing into her car and driving away without a word.

She hoped that he understood that she hadn’t replied out of shock, good shock, and not out of anything else.

—

The next few days had gone well and they had managed to keep from fighting the entire week.

He had even convinced her to let him take her and Eli to dinner on Friday for the boy’s birthday. 

But then his CO had shown up Wednesday night and all hell had broken lose.

She still remembered the feeling of her heart breaking in her chest when he had told her that he could be getting shipped back overseas any day now if that’s what he wanted.

She prayed that he didn’t want that.

She prayed that he wanted to stay here in LA with her and Eli.

She didn’t want him to go.

And she knew it would break her son’s heart if he left.

She could see the fear in his eyes when he told her the news though.

And she knew that he was conflicted about what was going to happen over the course of the next week.

She had walked away from him in the break room without another word and had locked herself in her office to have a good cry.

This is exactly what she was afraid of.

This is exactly why she didn’t want to get attached to him.

Why she didn’t want Eli to get attached.

She knew he would leave them eventually.

And her heart was breaking in her chest knowing that it would happen so soon.

—

She had stayed put and cried for a good twenty minutes before she finally managed to regain her composure and she had been just about ready to leave her office and return to the floor when she heard her phone ding from it’s place on her desk.

She grabbed at it quickly when she saw Ethan’s name on the screen.

_Where are you?_ Was all it said and she let out a breath.

She was fearful that he had talked to his CO.

That he had gotten confirmation that he would be leaving soon.

She didn’t know if she was ready for that.

_My office._ She hit send as she ran a hand through her hair.

She was sure that she probably looked like a mess.

But if she was being honest, she didn’t really care right now.

She got ready to text him again when there was a gentle knock on the door.

She heard the person on the other side try the knob, but it didn’t budge.

“Lea…” Ethan’s voice was quiet but she knew it was him nonetheless. “It’s just me.”

“Coming.” She pushed herself up from her chair and moved to unlock the door, opening it slowly as she stepped back from the threshold, allowing him enough room to enter.

“You okay?” He let his eyes scan over her body slowly, stopping when they got to her face.

She noticed his eyes soften when he caught sight of the tears in her eyes.

She felt a shiver take over her when he reached forward for her.

“Oh Lea.” He didn’t waste any time in pulling her into his arms.

He wrapped her up tight and she couldn’t help but hug him back.

She had never been in his arms before. Not once. But it was certainly the most perfect feeling she had ever experienced.

“It’s okay.” He whispered against her hair. She shook her head back and forth at his words. It wasn’t okay. It was never going to be okay. Not if he left them. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She felt her heart stop in her chest at his soft words.

“You’re not?” She pulled back, eyeing him through her tears as she tried to compose herself.

She couldn’t believe she had allowed herself to break down like this.

Especially in front of him.

“I don’t wanna leave Leanne.” He reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her hair. “You and Eli… I’m not going anywhere okay?”

She couldn’t find the words so she simply nodded her head before stepping back into his arms.

Everything had gone to shit these past few days.

Malaya was gone. Jesse and Rollie were gone.

Her whole world felt like it was falling apart around her.

She couldn’t imagine what would have happened if Ethan had left her too.

“You’re stuck with me.” He pressed a kiss against her hair and she felt her heart start to race in her chest. “Whether you like it or not.”

She chuckled softly as she hugged him tighter.

“We’re still on for dinner tomorrow night?” She sure hoped so.

She had decided to surprise Eli with it, so even though he wouldn’t know any differently, she knew that he would absolutely lose it when he saw Ethan on his actual birthday.

“Damn straight.” His voice was soft and when she pulled back she could see the gentleness in his eyes.

And if she wasn’t mistaken, there was something almost like love there.

“I didn’t tell E.” She whispered. “I want it to be a surprise.”

“Good.” He squeezed her arms gently in his hands as he offered her a smile. “I’ll pick you guys up around five.”

“We’ll be ready.” She felt herself shiver once more from the look in his eyes.

He was doing things to her that she shouldn’t be letting him do.

“I’ve gotta go.” He leaned forward then, his lips pressing against her forehead softly. “Get some rest tonight.”

He let the kiss linger for a second before pulling back and offering her a soft smile.

“Goodnight Ethan.” She whispered, her eyes closing as he made his way toward the door.

“Goodnight Lea.” And then he was gone, his long legs carrying him back out the open door and down the hallway.

She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She couldn’t believe he had been so affectionate with her.

That he had been so loving and gentle.

She didn’t understand what she had done to deserve this man.

But she was slowly starting to realize just how lucky she was to have him.


	14. Chapter 14

Ethan had been unable to keep his promise about taking her and Eli to dinner on Friday night and while part of her was angry with him she knew that he had a lot going on.

She knew that it had broken his heart when he had texted her and told her they would have to reschedule.

But she had reassured him that it was okay and that they would just do something with the boy another night.

She had been incredibly thankful in that moment that she hadn’t told Eli about their plans.

She knew it would absolutely break his heart.

So instead they had gone out to dinner just the two of them and then she had taken him to the beach for ice cream just like she had done the past two years.

And that night after she had tucked him into bed with about a dozen kisses on each cheek she had retreated to her room and shut her door quietly before falling into bed with tears in her eyes.

It was supposed to be a day worth celebrating, but in the end, it always turned into a night of her grieving alone.

She had tried her best not to let the events of six years ago plague her mind. Especially not on her baby boy’s special day.

But after he was asleep and she was left alone with her thoughts it always happened.

And she always fell apart.

She had just finished burying herself under the covers, her head nestled on her pillow as she continued to cry, when her phone went off.

She gently removed it from it’s spot on the nightstand and she swallowed when Ethan’s name flashed across the screen in front of her.

_I’m so sorry about dinner Lea. I really, really am._ She could tell that he was super regretful about having to cancel.

_It’s okay Ethan. I know things have been crazy for you lately._ She also knew that he was struggling with something he didn’t want to talk about.

And although she knew it wasn’t her place to be asking questions, she wanted him to be okay and she wanted to help if she could.

_I wanted to be there for him. We haven’t gotten to hang out lately._ She knew that her son’s connection with the man was important to the little boy, but she had never stopped to think about how important it was to the man too.

_It’s okay Ethan. You’ll see him tomorrow. He’s so excited to see you. I think you’re going to be the hit of the party._ Eli had double and triple checked with her that Ethan was still coming to the party.

And he had made an effort to make sure that his room was spotless so that he could show off all of his toys to the man.

_I know, I just…_ She let out a sigh at his words. She knew how it felt to be so unsure.

_It’s okay, I promise._ She hoped that he understood that she wasn’t mad at him. Not in the least bit.

_How are you holding up? I know today has to be tough on you._ She swallowed as she read over his words multiple times.

He was the only person, other than Jesse and Rollie, who bothered to ask how she was feeling about the given day.

_I’m trying to be strong._ She was failing though. Miserably.

_Want some company?_ Boy did she ever.

_I don’t know if that’s a good idea._ But she also knew that if she let him in now that that would probably be the end of it.

_It doesn’t have to mean anything Lea._ She wondered what he meant by that.

Was he talking about having sex?

Or simply coming over to comfort her?

Or was he talking about something completely different?

Because as far as she was concerned, no matter what he meant by those words, she knew that it would surely mean something to her.

She bet it would mean something to him too.

_I’m okay Ethan. I just wanna sleep._ She wanted to sleep next to him if she was being completely honest.

But she didn’t want to say that to him. She didn’t know if it would end well for her.

_Text me if you change your mind._ She could almost feel the tension in his words.

She had struck a nerve by turning him down and she could tell that he was frustrated.

_I’ll see you in the morning?_ She prayed that he wouldn’t let whatever this awkwardness was influence his decision to come to Eli’s party tomorrow.

She didn’t know if she could handle that kind of heart break.

_I’ll be there._ She smiled at his response.

She got ready to text him back when she heard Eli’s soft voice calling for her from down the hall.

Ethan would just have to wait until tomorrow.

—

Except tomorrow morning came and went with no sign of Ethan.

He had agreed to come over early and help set-up.

He was going to bring them donuts and help Eli decorate.

He was supposed to be there for the whole day.

And yet, noon had rolled around and there was still no sign of him.

She had tried texting him and calling him multiple times, but there was no answer.

And when she had called the hospital looking for him he was nowhere to be found.

Part of her feared the worst. But part of her was furious at him for doing this to her son.

“Where is he mommy?” Eli’s sad voice broke through her thoughts and she stopped next to the young boy as he stood at the front door.

“Where’s who buddy?” She figured she already knew the answer to that question, but she wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

“Ethan.” He looked up at her with tear filled eyes and she felt herself start to fall apart. She couldn’t believe her son was so upset over something so simple. “You gave him the invitation right?”

“Yes buddy. I gave him the invitation.” But she guessed by the look on his face that this was nothing but simple in his eyes.

“Than where is he?” He sounded like he was going to break down in tears right then and there and it killed her.

“I don’t know sweetie.” She cupped his cheek softly as she knelt down in front of him. “He might have gotten busy with work.”

She didn’t even think he was supposed to be at work, but she couldn’t think of any other reason why the man would ditch them like this.

Eli simply nodded his head, his bottom lip poking out slightly as he wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

She got ready to respond when she noticed Jesse coming up the front steps, a soft smile on his face as he made his way toward the door.

He stopped in front of them and pulled Eli in for a big hug before wishing him a happy birthday. And then he was sending him on his way with an arm full of presents.

“Ethan wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry that he’s not here.” The man’s voice was soft as he eyed her from his spot in front of the door.

“So he’s not coming?” She felt like she couldn’t breath.

She couldn’t believe he would do this to them.

To Eli, of all people.

She thought he cared about the boy.

She guessed that she was wrong.

“He’s doing his best.” She could tell that Jesse was telling her the truth though and she knew that she was being dramatic. “His CO overdosed and he’s trying to deal with a bunch of red tape.”

She let out a sigh as she let what Jesse had just said process.

He was trying so hard to get out from under their shit lately.

“Eli’s been looking for him all day.” In truth, so had she.

“I know. He feels horrible Leanne, trust me.” It broke her heart hearing those words. Maybe he cared about them more than she thought. “You should have seen how hurt he was. I’m sure he’ll be here if he can.”

“Okay. Thanks Jesse.” She didn’t know what to say.

She wanted Ethan there more than anything and she knew that Eli did too.

It was killing her that she was going to have to tell the boy that his favorite person wasn’t going to make it to his party as planned.

—

Eli’s party had gone off without a hitch except for one little tiny detail that the boy had done his best to ignore, but had failed at.

There was no Ethan.

And she had watched as Eli continued to search for him throughout the afternoon and even into the early evening.

She had felt her heart break in her chest when she had had to tell Eli that it was time for bed and there had still been no sign of the Colonel.

She knew it was killing the boy that his favorite person hadn’t made it to his party.

And she had watched with sad eyes as he had headed upstairs to brush his teeth with tears in his eyes and his dinosaur tucked under his arm.

She had wanted to comfort him. To pull him into her arms and tell him that it was okay. But she knew that he would shy away from her, that he would just shut down and push her away. So she had refrained, allowing him to handle things on his own instead.

She had just finished cleaning up the last of the dishes when she heard the doorbell ring and she did a double take, her eyes settling on the clock on the oven.

8:29pm stared back at her and she let out a sigh.

She had absolutely no idea who in the world would be at her door at this time of night. But she hoped that whoever it was made their visit quick.

She made her way toward the front door and pulled it open slowly.

She felt her heart stop in her chest at the sight on the other side.

“Hey.” Ethan’s voice was soft and she could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

She could tell that he was tired. That something was bothering him. That something was off.

She just wanted to pull him into her arms and kiss away his worries.

“Hey.” She whispered back.

She pulled the door the rest of the way open and stepped aside, allowing him to cross over the threshold.

He stopped beside her as she closed the door behind him and she gave him a good once over as she moved to stand in front of him.

He was dressed in his Army issued camouflage pants and his standard tan t-shirt and he looked both devilishly handsome and overwhelmingly fed up.

“What are you doing here?” She asked softly.

She knew there was some venom in her words and she hoped that he didn’t take it too personally.

She had a right to be slightly irritated with him.

“I wanted to drop this off.” He lifted his arm up to reveal an Avengers themed gift bag. “Is he still awake?”

“He’s brushing his teeth.” She whispered.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it Lea. Things, they got crazy earlier.” She could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. She could tell that he felt bad about missing the party. She felt her heart ache for him. “I’ve been dealing with lawyers all day. JAG officers, it’s been a mess. I really, really wanted to be here.”

“It’s not me you have to plead too Ethan.” But it wasn’t her that he had to beg for forgiveness from.

She understood why he hadn’t been there. She got it. The Army had to come first. She was aware of that. No matter how much it sucked.

But Eli, he was only six. And in his eyes, his best-friend had just missed the most important day of the year and he had no explanation why.

“Can I stay for a bit?” His eyes were pleading with her in a way she’d never seen. He was broken and it showed. “I want to at least give him this, tell him how sorry I am.”

“Yeah. He still has a few minutes before bed.” In reality, she didn’t care if the boy stayed up past his bedtime in order to see Ethan. She knew that it would make his day to be able to spend time with the man. “If he wants to see you, that’s fine.”

He simply nodded his head before letting his eyes wander through the small living room.

There were still decorations up and she knew it had to be killing him to see them.

“I’ll go get him.” She said quietly.

He nodded his head once more and she gave him a small smile before heading up the stairs.

She found Eli sitting on his bed, his dinosaur in his lap and a sad look on his face.

She felt her heart break in her chest.

She knew exactly what he was thinking.

She knew he was still waiting for Ethan to show up.

“Hey sweetie.” She stopped in the doorway of his room and offered him a soft smile. “There’s someone downstairs who wants to see you.”

His head snapped up and his eyes got wide as he clutched his dinosaur closer to his chest.

“Is it Ethan?” She could see the hope in his eyes and she felt her heart flutter.

He was so forgiving and it made her eyes water.

“Yes baby.” He smiled up at her then before hopping up out of the bed and placing the stuffed animal next to his pillow.

He moved toward her and took her hand, waiting for her to make the first move back toward the stairs.

She guessed that he was probably uncertain about seeing the man after he had bailed on him so many times.

She completely understood his weariness.

They made their way downstairs, Eli’s hand clutched tightly in hers, and when they stopped at the bottom of the staircase the boy gave Ethan a quick once over.

“Hey buddy.” Ethan’s voice was scratchy and that’s when Leanne noticed that he had been crying.

“Hi.” Eli stayed close to her side though, something she certainly didn’t expect, and she watched as Ethan knelt down in front of them.

“I’m so so sorry that I missed your party earlier.” Ethan reached out for him then and she was shocked when Eli took a few gentle steps toward him. He stopped right in front of him and rubbed at his little eyes. “I really wanted to be here.”

“It’s okay.” He whispered.

“No Eli, no it’s not.” Ethan pulled the boy toward him a little, his hands resting on his arms as he spoke softly. “I told you I would be here and then I wasn’t. That isn’t okay and I’m sorry.”

“Is everything okay at work?” She hated that her son was so understanding sometimes.

She guessed that she only had herself to blame for that one though.

“Yeah. Everything’s okay now.” His voice was soft as he offered the boy a smile.

“Okay.” Eli hung his head a little and she watched as a glimpse of regret flashed across Ethan’s face.

“I brought you something.” Ethan reached behind him and grabbed the bag from earlier, holding it out in front of him as he offered Eli a soft smile.

“Thank you.” Eli took the bag slowly, his eyes scanning over it as he set it down in front of him.

“You can open it if you want.” She could see the look of apprehension on Ethan’s face and she wondered if he was struggling with his gift for the boy or with his feelings toward missing his special day.

Part of her guessed both.

She watched as Eli lifted his head and sought out her eyes, silently asking for permission to open the present in front of him.

She nodded her head softly, watching as a small smile came over his face as he turned his attention back toward Ethan.

He gently pulled the tissue paper out and placed it on the floor beside him. He eyed Ethan softly before continuing and she watched as a giant smile broke out on the boy’s face as he pulled the contents out of the bag.

There was a big book on dinosaurs, one she was 100% certain he didn’t have, a motorcycle lego set, and a t-shirt with a picture of an Indian on it.

She was shocked at how well Ethan seemed to know the boy. But then again, she wasn’t. 

“You like it?” Ethan’s question was soft and she took note of the weariness in his eyes.

He was afraid of the boy’s disapproval and it was killing him. She could tell that he wasn’t sure what to do.

“I love it!” Eli set the objects back in the bag quickly before throwing his arms around Ethan’s neck, hugging him tightly. “Thanks so much Ethan!”

“You’re welcome pal.” Ethan wrapped the boy in a giant hug, his lips pressing a gentle kiss against his curls.

“Can we work on the Lego’s together?” Eli asked as he pulled away.

Leanne couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

She should’ve known.

“If it’s okay with your mom.” Ethan’s eyes connected with hers and she could see the desire in them.

He wanted to do this with the boy. He needed to. And she was powerless to stop him.

“Mom? Can we?” Eli’s question broke through the silence before she could say anything and she noticed the same look of need and want in his eyes. “Please?”

“That would be fine honey. But not tonight.” She hoped that wouldn’t cause an issue. She hoped that he understood where she was coming from. It was getting late and he needed to get some sleep. “You still need to get to bed on time.”

“Tomorrow?” Eli’s eyes were so soft and she couldn’t help but fall in love with the look of pure happiness on his face.

“Whenever Ethan’s free honey.” She hoped that Ethan would be able to spend time with him soon.

She knew that this visit wouldn’t be enough to satisfy the boy.

“Can we work on it tomorrow?” Eli turned toward Ethan once more and Leanne couldn’t help but chuckle when he gripped the older man’s cheeks gently between his palms. “Please?”

“Of course we can.” He said softly, offering the boy a smile.  
Eli threw his arms around Ethan’s neck once more and Leanne felt her heart swell at the image in front of her.

She was slowly becoming more and more open to the idea of this man being a part of their lives.

Especially when she saw how happy it made her son.

“How about this? I’ll swing by early and we can all go out for breakfast together?” Ethan’s eyes shifted toward hers and she couldn’t help but smile down at him. “Then we’ll work on that bike. That sound okay?”

“Mom?” Eli turned his attention toward her, his eyes bright and his smile wide. “Can we?”

“That sounds fine.” She nodded her head softly as she offered the boy a smile.

There was no way she was going to say ‘no’ to that face. Not after everything the boy had been through.

And not after everything Ethan had been through too.

“Yay!” Eli squeezed his arms around Ethan’s neck once more and she felt tears spring to her eyes.

She couldn’t cry over this. Not now. Not with Ethan right there in front of her.

“But for now,” Ethan pulled back from the boy and ran a hand over his curls, ruffling them slightly, “I hear you need to get some sleep.”

“Yeah.” The boy nodded his head softly, his head turning toward her once more. “Can I at least take my book to bed with me?”

“I suppose that would be fine.” She knew that he would probably stay up all night looking at that dinosaur book, but she didn’t care. “What do you say to Ethan?”

“Thank you.” He hugged him once more, burying his face against Ethan’s neck as the man stood, lifting him into his arms in one quick motion. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome buddy.” Ethan pressed another kiss to his head and Leanne’s heart stopped in her chest. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you.” Eli whispered against his shoulder before wiggling himself down to the ground. “Goodnight Ethan.”

She couldn’t help but smile as the boy waved at him as he headed up the stairs, his dinosaur book tucked under his arm, a sleepy smile on his face.

“Goodnight Eli.” Ethan waved back, his eyes soft as he watched the boy make his way up to his room.

They stood in silence until they heard his bedroom door shut and then she turned her attention back toward the man at the front door.

“Is everything really okay Ethan?” She got the feeling that something was bothering him and it was making her heart hurt.

“Yeah.” He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants and closed his eyes briefly. “I’m really sorry for missing today.”

She watched as he reopened his eyes and let them scan around the small room.

She could see the regret there, the way he blinked multiple times in an attempt to keep himself from losing it.

“It’s okay.” She reached out and squeezed his arm gently. 

She hoped that he understood that she knew that he hadn’t done any of this on purpose.

“No it’s not.” He whispered. His eyes darkened as he locked them with hers. “I let him down. I let you both down. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I know.” She reached her hand upward this time, cupping his cheek gently against her palm as she took a step forward. “It’s okay.”

He nodded his head softly instead of speaking and he turned his attention away from her as he swallowed.

She let her hand fall from his cheek, running it down his chest with a soft sigh. She stopped her motions when she heard him let out what almost sounded like a whimper.

She didn’t realize that she had such an effect on him.

It was both endearing and terrifying.

“Would you like to stay for a little while?” She whispered her question as she watched him take a deep breath.

Part of her prayed he’d say ‘yes’. Part of her wanted to crawl into bed with him right then and there. 

But there was still a part of her that wanted him to say ‘no’. That wanted him to walk away and not look back.

The first part of her was growing exponentially while the second part of her shrank dramatically.

She was so tired of being at war with herself.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He whispered.

She wasn’t entirely sure why he thought it was a bad idea.

But then she caught sight of his eyes and she understood.

He wasn’t in a good place and it was showing.

He was liable to do something they would both regret in the morning.

She swallowed as she nodded her head, her hand falling from his chest.

“Oh. Okay.” She felt her heart start to race in her chest.

She wanted him to stay and do bad things to her.

She wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his lips on her skin.

She was hurting too and she wanted him to comfort her.

But she knew that the type of comfort she was seeking was likely going to be very different than the comfort he was willing to give.

He was a man after all.

“I’ll see you guys in the morning.” His voice was shaky and she watched as he turned toward the front door, opening it slowly. “I’ll swing by around 8:00am.”

“Okay.” She watched as he made his way out onto the front porch, a sad look on his face. “We’ll see you then.”

He gave her one last soft look, his eyes softening as he reached out to squeeze her hand.

And then he was gone, his long legs carrying him toward his Jeep.

She watched as he backed out of the driveway and made his way down the street.

It wasn’t until he turned the corner and the vehicle disappeared from her sight that she realized that she was crying.

And it absolutely broke her heart.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Tags for “Ave Maria”

Ethan had hated himself for missing Eli’s party. 

And he hated himself even more for not staying when Leanne had invited him to do so.

But he knew better. And so he had done what he had too.

He had declined her invitation and he had driven away like a good boy.

He would take the fact that he cried the whole way home with him to his grave though.

And then he had the most restless night’s sleep he ever remembered having.

So he had given up around 4:00am and dragged himself into the shower without a second thought.

He had been on his third cup of coffee by the time he had headed to Leanne’s on Sunday morning and he hoped that she wouldn’t notice the dark circles under his eyes.

—

He had gotten lucky though, and she hadn’t said anything to him about his ragged appearance.

Instead she had ushered him inside with a soft smile, her hand grazing over his arm as she called for Eli to finish getting ready.

And then they had been out the door and on their way to breakfast before he knew what was happening.

After they had eaten they had returned to Leanne’s house and Eli had dragged him upstairs as fast as possible.

He had shown him his room and all of his toys, including his impressive dinosaur collection.

And then they had settled on the floor in front of the coffee table to work on his new lego set.

Eli hadn’t wasted anytime at all before climbing into Ethan’s lap and offering him suggestions on what they should do next.

And he had welcomed him with open arms, both literally and figuratively.

After they completed the task at hand Eli had asked Leanne if he could show Ethan how he rode his bike without training wheels and she had agreed, rather reluctantly, to let him practice in the driveway.

Ethan had felt a surge of unknown pride take over him when the boy rode back and forth on the driveway all on his own.

He wondered if this was what it felt like to have kids.

If this was one of those feelings that his step-brother’s were always talking about.

Sure he felt something special when he watched his nieces and nephews accomplish new tasks, but this was different.

Something inside of him was so at peace and so in love and he didn’t know what to do with it.

—

Their fun had ended there though because Ethan got a call that he was needed at Angels.

So he had hugged the boy ‘goodbye’ and told him that he’d see him soon.

And then he had placed a kiss against Leanne’s head as she whispered for him to be safe.

He had driven to work with a giant smile on his face and he prayed that nothing that happened that night would take away this good feeling he had deep down inside.

Luckily, the night hadn’t been too crazy.

But then night had turned into middle of the night. And that had turned into day. And he had been a grumpy mess of a man when he had finally been able get a few minutes to himself the following night.

He had retreated to the roof for some fresh air and he prayed that no one came looking for him.

His prayers weren’t answered though because within five minutes of having shut the door behind him Leanne appeared at his side.

It’s not that he wasn’t excited to see her, he was missing her after all, but he was kind of hoping to get some time to himself.

To gather his thoughts. To get his head screwed on straight.

He had been all out of sorts since his old CO had come to town.

And he certainly wasn’t feeling like himself lately.

“Eli asked about you last night,” He let out a sigh at her lack of a greeting, “when he was getting ready for bed.”

“I hope it was something good.” He had felt bad for having to leave them yesterday and he had spent the entire afternoon and evening wishing that he could get out of there and back to them.

“He asked if you were going to be his new daddy some day.” Her words made him inhale sharply.

As much as he loved that idea deep down, he wasn’t prepared for the boy to be aware of it’s possibility.

Or rather, it’s lack thereof.

“Damn kid.” He whispered. “Right in the heartstrings with that one.”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe all of a sudden.

The idea of being Eli’s father made his heart hurt.

He’d give anything to be able to fill that role for the boy.

And for his mother.

“He’s very concerned these days with finding his ‘new daddy’.” She said quietly.

He shifted his gaze toward her and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.

She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and it was killing him being so close to her, and yet at the same time, so far away.

“It’s the age, trust me.” He knew all about asking for a ‘new daddy’, it was something he had lived through.

He totally understood where the boy was coming from.

“Trust you?” She sounded skeptical, but her eyes were soft when they locked with his and she offered him a gentle smile.

“I went through that phase too. Right around this age actually. I clearly remember asking Santa for a daddy one year and my mom about lost her mind.” He had been about seven when he had pulled that stunt. His mom had done her best to maintain her composure, but he remembered hearing her cry herself to sleep a few nights after that. “Grace did it too once, around the same time. Robbie did it several years in a row.”

“Why? He’s never worried much about it before now.” He could tell that she was concerned, worried even, but the fact that she almost sounded scared made him feel things he didn’t think he should be feeling.

“He’s in school now Leanne. He’s making friends and experiencing new things.” He knew that that had been the age when Robbie had started to wonder where their dad had gone and when they were getting a new one. “He probably hears the other kids talk about what they do with their dads on the weekend. How much fun they have together. He probably just wonders why he doesn’t have the same thing.”

“Is that what happened to you?” She whispered her question as her eyes searched his face.

He didn’t know why he felt comfortable exposing his secrets to her all of a sudden.

But there was something about her that just made him want to be open. To tell the truth and give her whatever she wanted.

“Yeah. I remember once, when I was in the first grade I think, that all of the boys in my class were going to get together to go camping.” He still remembered that day like it was yesterday. “We were all in a Cub Scout’s style group at school and they were planning this huge trip. All of their dad’s were coming and they wouldn’t stop talking about how excited they were for it.” He remembered feeling more embarrassed than anything that he didn’t have a father to go with him. He was old enough to understand why his dad wasn’t in the picture and he remembered fearing that all of his friends, and their fathers, would know why too. “I remember going home crying because I was the only kid who didn’t have a dad to go with me. I wound up faking a stomach bug so that I didn’t have to go.”

“What did your mom say?” She turned to lean her back against the concrete ledge and she gave him a look that said she was both interested and worried to hear his answer.

“Nothing.” His mom had let him skip the camping trip and she had even indulged his desire to spend the weekend in bed eating nothing but Jell-O and crackers.

“Was she upset? About you not having a dad to take with you?” He guessed that she probably was upset with herself to some degree. She always put on a front for her kids, but Ethan knew that deep down, she felt some amount of guilt about her choice to raise them alone. “I feel like if Eli came home and said that to me I’d probably never stop crying.”

“I never told her. Although I think she guessed it.” His mother was a smart woman, extremely smart, and he knew that she knew deep down that he wasn’t really sick that weekend. “She wasn’t stupid by any means.”

“Did she ever tell you why? I mean, why you never had a father.” He swallowed at her question as he did his best to keep his emotions in check. “Why you didn’t have someone to take you on those trips or to teach you about sports or fishing? Did she ever try to fill the gaps?”

“I knew why I didn’t have a dad. I saw him hit my mom once. She hit him back too. Feisty thing she was. He left and never came back. He wasn’t welcome in our house after he laid a hand on her and I can’t blame her.” Truth be told, he blamed his mom for many years for his father not being around. But as he got older and he realized what an asshole he had been to her, he stopped feeling angry about her decision to make him leave. “A man should never hit a woman, for any reason. Grace and I were only four, maybe five at the most. Robbie was still a baby. But I remember my mom telling him to never come back. And he listened.”

“So she just, did it all on her own?” His mother had been a warrior. In fact, in his eyes, she still was. “Raised three kids by herself just like that?”

“She wasn’t entirely alone. Her parents were nearby, and her sister lived with us until I was in middle school.” His grandparents had played a super active role in their lives until they were in high school and the older couple had both gotten sick. They had moved into a nursing home right before Grace had passed away and they had lived there for another decade before they both passed. His aunt had moved out when he was twelve, but she lived close enough by that she and her husband still hung around the house. His family had been unconventional to say the least, but they had made it work. “But she did all the heavy lifting. She was mom and dad and she somehow made it work. She’s a saint if you ask me. All of you single mom’s are. I know I couldn’t do it by myself.”

“I’m hardly a saint Ethan.” He could see the tears in her eyes at her words and he stepped forward, his hand going out to push her hair behind her ear.

“You are Leanne. Trust me. That little boy might not know how to say it, but he thinks it.” He knew that Eli thought the world of his mother, even if he didn’t know how to tell her. “And when he gets older, he’ll appreciate it even more. I know I sure do.”

“I don’t want him to resent me. For doing this alone.” He couldn’t imagine that Eli would ever resent her. That little boy loved her more than anything, even if he didn’t always come right out and show it.

“He won’t.” He whispered.

“But…” She blinked a few times as she tried to gather her thoughts and all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and never let go.

He understood what she was going through.

He himself may not have been in her shoes, but his mother had, and when he had gotten old enough to understand, she had told him everything that he had needed to know about how she had struggled to raise them alone.

“Look, my mother made my father leave. She told him not to come back. And there are times were I resented her for that.” In all honesty, once he realized what a jerk his father was, he completely understood why his mom had had no problem telling the dirtbag to get lost. “She made the choice to do it by herself. But she stood up for what she believed in and I support that. You, you didn’t choose this life for you, or for Eli. But you’re embracing it and that’s what matters.”

“Sometimes… I just…” She sniffled and he couldn’t help himself. He reached out for her and she willingly walked right into his arms. “I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.”

“You are Leanne. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you are.” He pressed a kiss against her head as she wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. “And I know it’s hard, I know some days you want to quit. But you can’t and you won’t, because you’re stronger than that.”

“I feel like it’s not fair to him.” She whispered against his shoulder. “Like I’m denying him something.”

“What? By not giving him a father?” He hoped that she understood that it was normal for Eli to feel a little anger about not having a father figure. Just like it was normal for her to feel sadness at not having a partner in all of this.

It certainly wasn’t like she had asked for any of this to happen to them.

“Yeah.” She nodded her head as she fisted her hands against his Angels jacket.

He could feel her tears soaking through his t-shirt, her body trembling in his arms as she tried her hardest not to fall apart.

She was failing, but he didn’t mind one bit.

“That’s not true Lea, and you know it.” He pulled back a little then, his eyes locking with hers as he spoke. “Look, my mom didn’t date when were kids. It wasn’t until I was a freshman in high school that she even looked at another man. Whether that was by choice, or by self-preservation, or what, I don’t know. But she didn’t do it. It didn’t hurt us any. Sure, I would have loved a dad, but my mom being happy was all that mattered.”

She let out a soft sigh as she closed her eyes.

He didn’t know why he was telling her all of this.

But for some reason, it didn’t seem the least bit wrong.

“And when she met Grant, she was head over heels for him. They dated for three years before they got engaged. And when they got married, it was the best day of our lives. All of our lives.” He had adored Grant, even as a teenager, and he had been thrilled when they had made the move to combine their families together. Grant had come with baggage of his own, a tragic accident had taken his wife a decade earlier and he had been left to take care of his four kids alone. Ethan’s mom had stepped in and helped out, and then so had Ethan and Robbie. And their family had grown and they hadn’t minded one bit. “But it was just nice to see my mom happy. I think that if she had found Grant sooner, she probably would have dated sooner. And she probably would have married sooner. But she didn’t. And that was okay.”

“So you’re saying that if I find someone, I should take the risk?” He could see the glint in her eyes. The way she was sort of baiting him.

He would bite, if she wanted.

“I’m saying… that if you find someone who makes you happy. And they also make Eli happy. Then hiding isn’t doing anyone any good.” And that part was true. She deserved to be happy. And so did Eli. “Sure there’s bad people out there, but there’s so many good people too. And there’s someone out there who’s going to give you and Eli the world, just like you deserve.”

“Someone like you?” Her hands had settled against the front of his shirt, her fingers gripping the lapels of his jacket gently as she dared him with her eyes.

“Someone Leanne.” He let out a deep breath. He wanted it to be him more than anything, but at this point, he just wanted what was best for her and the boy. “Doesn’t have to be me.”

“You seem to want it to be you.” She whispered.

“I wouldn’t mind it. But I also know not to push my luck.” And he wasn’t even going to try. He respected her too much to go beyond what she deemed acceptable. Despite how much he may have wanted too. “I won’t do anything to hurt you, or Eli, and if that means keeping my distance, than that’s what I’ll do.”

“What if we don’t want you to keep your distance?” His eyes snapped up at her question.

He certainly never expected those words to leave her mouth.

“Than I won’t. But that has to be your decision.” He wouldn’t make that decision for them. Not now, not ever. If they wanted him to stick around, he most definitely would. But if they weren’t ready, than he would make himself scarce. “Yours and Eli’s. It can’t be mine.”

“I think, I have a lot to think about tonight.” She said softly.

He watched as she closed her eyes before stepping back into his embrace.

“I think you do too.” He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

He could most definitely get used to having her in his arms like this.

It certainly felt right in more ways than one.

“I’m gonna head out then.” She said quietly as she pulled from his arms. She offered him a soft smile as she smoothed down the front of his jacket. “I’m gonna need a good night’s sleep if I’m going to ponder over my feelings for you.”

“At least now you’re admitting that you have them.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes before laughing.

God that laugh did things to him.

She shook her head as she walked away from him, her long legs carrying her toward the door to the roof.

“Goodbye Dr. Willis!” She shouted back to him, her hand waving over her shoulder softly.

“Goodbye Dr. Rorish.” He shouted in return. “Sweet dreams!”

He heard her let out a soft chuckle before disappearing through the door and down the staircase.

He hoped and prayed that she went home and gave his proposition some serious thought.

Because he wanted to be a part of their lives more than he had ever wanted anything.

And he didn’t know if he would be able to handle her telling him to walk away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Tag for “Exodus”

A few days had gone by since Ethan’s chat with Leanne on the roof and he had been unable to get a read on how she was feeling toward him since their talk.

She was still friendly with him.

She still talked to him about various things, mainly Eli, and she seemed to be more comfortable around him than before.

But she hadn’t made any mention of their talk and she hadn’t given him any indication as to whether or not she had made a decision in regards to the future of their relationship.

He was both scared and intrigued.

He wanted to know if he stood a chance with her.

If she would be willing to let him into her life. And into Eli’s.

He was determined though, that he was going to talk to her tonight after shift. He had to. He needed answers and he needed them now.

But then the power had gone out just as he had left the locker room, his motorcycle helmet tucked under his arm, his leather jacket only partially zipped before he was plunged into darkness.

He had yanked his phone out of his pocket and turned his flashlight on without a second thought and he had gone off in search of Leanne.

He found her in Center Stage, panicking over a patient who was in distress.

He heard something about Jesse and something about backup generators and then time had seemed to stop.

He could see the worry on Leanne’s face. The fear in her eyes. And it had nothing to do with the fact that they had just been left in the dark.

He waited until she was done with the patient and had walked away before approaching her.

He didn’t want to draw attention to them, especially with everything else going on, but he knew in that instant that she needed him.

“Lea…” He reached for her as she rounded the corner into a dark hallway.

Even in the darkness he could see the tears in her eyes.

“What’s up?” He whispered his question as he gently backed her against the wall, one hand settling on her cheek as the other rested on her hip.

“Nothing.” She breathed out.

He could tell it was more than that.

Something was wrong, very wrong.

“Nothing. It’s not nothing.” He ran his thumb along her cheek as he spoke and he watched as she took a deep breath before letting her head fall toward his hand slightly. “You’re stressed.”

“I have a hospital full of patients and no power Ethan.” She huffed out, her head snapping back up as she did her best to make eye contact with him, despite the darkness of the space. “Of course I’m stressed.”

“Something else is bothering you.” She wasn’t telling him the whole truth and it was killing him.

He thought that they had crossed that line and moved on to trusting each other.

“It’s Eli.” She whispered.

“What’s wrong?” His heart started racing in his chest at the mention of the boy. “Where is he? Is he at home?”

“He’s in my office.” She barely got the words out before she started breathing raggedly.

He took a step closer, letting his forehead fall against hers as he cupped his fingers around her neck.

He heard her let out a deep breath as she moved her hands to his chest.

“Why is he down there?” Not that it really mattered. All that mattered was that the little boy was probably alone, and most definitely terrified.

He knew he had a very real fear of the dark and it worried him.

“His sitter called in sick.” She said softly, her fingers gripping his jacket tightly. “I was supposed to be leaving soon to take him home, but I can’t go anywhere now.”

“Is he alone?” He figured that the answer to that was probably ‘yes’ but he wanted to check first.

“Probably. I haven’t been able to check on him.” She let out a soft sob and he tightened his grip on her hip, letting out a soft hush as he tried to calm her down. “I sent Risa down there over thirty minutes ago but I haven’t seen her since.”

“I’ll go.” He said softly.

“You don’t have too.” He could tell that she was silently thankful for his offer, but she wanted to maintain her image.

She kept swearing up and down that she didn’t need help with this whole parenting thing.

“Leanne it’s fine. I’m on my way out anyway.” In truth, he was getting ready to head out for drinks with his step-brother, but he would honestly rather spend the night with the kid. “I’ll go make sure he’s okay.”

“I…” She was shaking, her hands trembling against his chest as her breathing started to become ragged.

“Let me take him home. He can’t stay here all night and wait for you in the dark.” He knew he had to be downright terrified and that broke his heart. “I’ll take him home and get him to bed and stay with him until you get off.”

“You don’t have too Ethan.” She whispered. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Remember what we talked about the other night? I want to do this.” And he did. He wanted to help, in whatever way he possibly could. “The question is, do you? Do you want me to help?”

“Yes.” She didn’t skip a beat in her response and he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

She was willing to let him in.

She was willing to let him help.

He couldn’t believe it.

“Then let me help.” He whispered. “Let me take him home.”

“My keys are in my desk.” She gripped his jacket even tighter and he pulled back slightly, letting his lips press against her forehead.

He got ready to speak when he heard a voice holler for her from somewhere in Center Stage.

“Go! Go. We’ll be okay.” He pressed another kiss against her head before stepping back fully, allowing her the space she needed to move around him. “We’ll be waiting for you when you get home. Be safe?”

“I will.” She nodded her head and offered him a soft smile, her hand going out to squeeze his gently. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He squeezed her hand in return and then the next thing he knew she was gone, disappearing down the hallway and into the darkness.

—

Ethan had made his way toward Leanne’s office as quickly as his legs would take him.

All he wanted to do was to get to Eli, and fast.

He had pushed the door to her office open as soon as he arrived and he let his eyes search the darkened space for the little boy.

He found him quickly, his little body curled into a ball on the couch, his stuffed dinosaur tucked under his arm.

He could see the tear marks on his cheeks and despite his eyes being closed, Ethan could tell that he was wide awake.

“Eli?” He whispered the boy’s name as he stepped into the room fully.

“Ethan?” He watched as the boy’s eyes flew open and he sat up from his spot on the couch.

“Hey buddy.” Ethan knelt down as he watched the boy eye him curiously. “Come here.” 

Eli didn’t hesitate then, instead he jumped up from the couch and ran across the small room, his arms wrapping tightly around Ethan’s neck when he reached him.

“You okay?” Ethan couldn’t help but wrap the boy up tightly, his arms tightening around his little body as he lifted him into his arms.

“Yeah.” Eli whispered as he pulled back from him a tad.

He could see the fear in his eyes. He could tell that he was terrified of something. Be it the dark, or being left alone, he wasn’t sure.

“You scared?” He brushed back some of the boy’s curls, his palm stilling against his cheek.

“Yeah. A little bit.” He knew that he was a brave boy and that he was trying to act like nothing was wrong. “Where’s mommy?”

“She’s upstairs buddy.” He offered him a soft smile, praying that he could offer him some sort of comfort. “She’s gonna have to stay for a while to help all these people okay?”

“I wanna go home.” Eli’s eyes filled with tears as he tucked his dinosaur against his chest, his head falling to Ethan’s shoulder softly.

“I know pal. That’s why I’m here.” Ethan dropped a kiss to his head as he hugged him closer. “I’m gonna take you home and we’re gonna get you to bed.”

“Okay.” The boy let his eyes fall close as he snuggled closer to him.

“Okay.” Ethan moved toward Leanne’s desk then, grabbing her keys from the top drawer before heading out into the hallway.

He had just made it to her car when he noticed the boy in his arms was fast asleep, his breathing even as he rested against Ethan’s chest.

He couldn’t help but smile at the image in front of him.

He had come to love this kid more than he ever thought possible.

He just prayed that his mother was as accepting of it as Eli seemed to be.

—

Ethan had gotten Eli home in a matter of minutes, the traffic light given that just about everything in the city was closed due to the power outage.

He had carried him upstairs and woken him gently, declaring that it was time for bed.

The boy had changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth all on his own before climbing into his bed with a giant yawn.

Ethan had bid him a ‘goodnight’ before making his way toward the door, but the boy had begged him to stay.

He didn’t want to be alone, and Ethan totally understood.

So instead he had excused himself for a minute in order to get ready to turn in for the night and then he had planted himself on the bed next to the tot.

And when his alarm went off the following morning, that was where he found himself still.

Eli had tucked himself against his side at some point during the night and he had his little arms wrapped tightly around Ethan’s left arm, his head resting against his shoulder as he breathed softly.

Ethan had pushed himself up and out of the bed just as the power kicked back on and he had let out a sigh of relief.

He hoped that that meant that Leanne would be home soon and that she would be able to get some rest.

He had woken Eli reluctantly and he made his way downstairs to scrounge up some breakfast while the boy got ready for school.

After realizing there was nothing of substance in Leanne’s kitchen he had escorted the still sleepy boy out the door and into the car where he had declared that they would stop and get donuts instead.

The look of excitement on Eli’s face had been all that Ethan had needed to see and they had stopped at the first donut shop they could find.

He had then dropped Eli off at school before making his way back toward Angels with a heavy heart.

Everything about that morning had seemed so perfect. It was almost like it was too good to be true.

—

When he arrived at the hospital the first thing he did was set out in search of Leanne.

He not only wanted to return her keys to her and reassure her that Eli was perfectly fine and that he had made it to school with no trouble, but he also wanted to make sure she was okay.

Last night had shaken her, bad, and he wanted her to know that he was there for her if she still needed him.

He had opened the door to her office slowly when he hadn’t received an answer, and the sight before him made his heart melt.

Leanne was curled up on her side on the couch, her jacket tucked under he head as a pillow, her arms folded in front of her chest.

She looked so calm and peaceful and serene. She looked like a angel and it made Ethan’s heart race.

He got ready to walk out when Jesse appeared at his side, a soft smile on his face as he gave the woman in front of them a once over.

“She been out long?” Ethan whispered.

“Thirty minutes or so.” Jesse whispered back, eyeing him softly. “I tried to convince her to go home but she told me she didn’t have her car…”

“She didn’t.” He knew that Jesse would harp on them both for this new development in their so called ‘relationship’. He knew he had to tread lightly with what information he shared and what he kept to himself.

“Did she ever get things straight with Eli?” The other man’s question shocked him and he didn’t know why. He knew Jesse cared about the boy as well. It wasn’t really a secret that he and Leanne were close. “She was worried sick about him last night.”

“Yeah. I took him home.” He shifted his gaze to the head nurse and he couldn’t help but chuckle when the man raised an eyebrow in his direction. “He was fine. Went right to bed.”

“You took him home?” The shock in Jesse’s voice made him roll his eyes.

He didn’t understand what the big deal was.

“I was on my way out.” He turned his attention toward the other man and offered him a look. “I couldn’t let him to stay in Leanne’s office in the dark all night.”

“I’m shocked she let you do that.” Ethan couldn’t agree more with the other man’s words.

“Honestly, so am I.” He hadn’t expected Leanne to let him take Eli, it certainly wasn’t like her at all.

“Where is he now?” Jesse raised an eyebrow and Ethan let out a chuckle.

What did he think he did, left him at home alone?

“I dropped him off at school.” Ethan said softly.

“She’ll be thankful to hear that.” He sure as hell hoped so.

He hoped that he was slowly getting on Leanne’s good side with his behavior lately.

He really, really wanted to be a part of their lives.

He just hoped that she could see that, and accept that.

“It was nothing really.” He shrugged his shoulders as he let his eyes wander back toward the sleeping woman.

He hadn’t minded one bit that he had gotten to spend the night with the kid.

And he certainly hadn’t minded that he had accompanied him on a donut run that morning.

“I’ll let her know you stopped by.” Jesse’s words startled him and he simply shook his head as he blinked his eyes.

“Thanks.” And then he turned on his heel and headed away from the small room.

He could feel himself being drawn in more and more every day and it killed him.

He was falling, fast and hard, and he didn’t want to stop.

But the fact that Leanne seemed to want him too, was enough to break his heart.


	17. Chapter 17

Leanne wouldn’t deny that she was thankful for Ethan’s help the past few weeks.

Especially when she had noticed such a great improvement in Eli’s mood ever since the man had started hanging around.

But she was still struggling with everything that she was feeling for him and it was becoming increasingly hard to keep him at arm’s length.

Eli hadn’t seemed to mind one bit, and neither had Ethan, but she was really starting to feel the weight of her decisions.

And having her heart and mind at war with each other like this was killing her.

She had tried to put some distance between them over the past few days and she had noticed how Ethan hadn’t seemed to back down when it came to wanting to hang around.

And Eli hadn’t let up any either. In fact, he had become insistent that he spend every free moment with Ethan, and it was really starting to bug her.

She didn’t exactly know why either, and that part was killing her more than anything.

“Mama?” Eli’s soft voice broke through the silence of her bedroom and she rolled over onto her side at the sound of movement at her bedroom door.

“Hi baby.” She whispered.

It was late, probably well after midnight, and she was curious as to why the little boy was seeking her out.

He rarely came to her in the middle of the night like this.

“Can I come snuggle?” He sounded sad and it broke her heart.

She hoped that he hadn’t had another bad dream.

“Of course E.” She pulled the covers back as he made his way into the room and climbed in beside her, his dinosaur tucked against his side as always.

“Did you have another bad dream?” She asked softly as she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, tucking him against her side.

“No.” He shook his head as he snuggled up to her, his eyes closing almost immediately. “I’m just feeling a little sad.”

Her heart stopped at the boys words.

She hated that he was feeling things like that so randomly.

He was only six years old. He was far too young to just all of a sudden be ‘feeling sad’.

“Why are you feeling sad buddy?” She dropped a kiss to his head as she spoke and she hoped that he would talk to her about these new feelings instead of shutting her out.

“I miss Ethan mama.” He whispered.

It broke her heart to hear the boy say those words out loud.

She knew that he was missing his best-friend more than anything right now.

If she was being honest, she was missing him an awful lot too.

“I’m sorry sweetie.” And she was sorry. She was sorry that she was letting her own emotions get in the way of her son’s happiness.

She was slowly starting to realize that it wasn’t worth it.

“Do you think Ethan’s mad at me?” His question was so quiet that she barely heard it, but it sent chills down her spine.

She never thought that Eli might associate Ethan’s absence with something he had done wrong.

“No baby.” She pressed a kiss to his curls as she hugged him tighter. Her heart was breaking for the boy and she hated it. “He’s not mad at you, I promise.”

“Then why hasn’t he been around lately?” Eli looked up at her with soft, curious eyes and she let out a sigh.

She didn’t know how to explain to a six year old that the man wasn’t coming around because of her. It was all her fault that he was feeling this way and it was starting to destroy her.

“He’s just been very busy E, that’s all.” She hoped that he would take her answer and accept it as fact.

“Oh.” He dropped his head back down to her shoulder softly and she watched as he closed his eyes. “Okay.”

She didn’t miss the tear that rolled down his cheek though and she tugged him even closer.

They laid there in silence for a while and she was almost certain that he had fallen back to sleep when his little voice spoke up once more.

“Do you think I could see Ethan while I’m on break?” She was shocked by his question and she turned to offer him a soft look.

But his head was still down and his eyes were still closed so she returned her head to it’s position on her pillow as she let out a sigh.

She had already arranged with Campbell to take some time off while Eli was out of school for the Christmas break.

She was almost certain that that would mean that Ethan would be working extra though.

She knew that he wouldn’t mind. That he would do whatever it took to allow her the extra time with Eli. But she hoped that it wouldn’t interfere with his holiday any.

“I’m not sure honey.” She closed her eyes as she tried to process how she would go about asking the man if they could see him for Christmas. “We’ll have to ask.”

“I wanna spend Christmas with him mama.” Eli whispered, his little head shifting upward and offering her a soft look.

She let out a gentle huff as she let that process in her head.

She’d love to spend Christmas with the man too. But that wasn’t their place.

Christmas was a time to spend with family.

And Ethan wasn’t their family.

No matter how much either one of them wanted him to be.

“We’ll ask okay Eli?” She gave him a look that she hoped said this conversation was over and he let out a soft sigh as he settled back against his side. “That’s all we can do.”

“Okay.” He said softly, snuggling closer as he let out a yawn. “Goodnight mama.”

“Goodnight baby.” She pressed one last kiss to his forehead before closing her own eyes and dozing off to sleep.

The thought of spending Christmas with Ethan the only thing on her mind.

—

The next morning Leanne had fully intended on avoiding Ethan at all costs, despite Eli’s plea to spend more time with the man.

She was trying her best to put some distance between them and she was failing.

As much as she wanted to hate this man and everything about him, she was slowly starting to fall for him and everything that he did.

Especially when she realized just how much he meant to her son.

And how much her son meant to him.

She had done just fine staying clear of him that morning, but then she had gotten a look at the schedule while standing at the nurse’s station and she was shocked to see that Ethan had taken two whole weeks off.

She had never known him to take time off.

Not in the six and a half months that he had been at Angels.

To say she was shocked was an understatement.

“Taking a little vacation I see?” The question left her mouth before she knew what was happening and she watched as Ethan’s head snapped up at her words.

She had gone in search of him after seeing his status on the calendar and she had found him staring at a vending machine on the second floor with an apprehensive look in his eyes.

“Yeah. Going to see my mom in Oregon for Christmas.” He didn’t miss a beat in answering her question though and he offered her a soft look as he replied.

“First time you’ve been home for the holidays in a while?” She wondered if he had gotten a chance to go home much while he had been overseas.

From the way he talked about his mom and brother, they were all pretty close despite the military pulling them in different directions.

“First time in five years.” He said softly.

She could see the excitement in his eyes and while she was happy that he was happy about going home and seeing his family, she was also heartbroken that she would have to explain to Eli that he wouldn’t be around for the holidays.

“Well, enjoy.” She whispered.

She didn’t know why she all of a sudden felt so lost, like her heart was empty and everything was just dull.

She hadn’t realized that she was excited about the prospect of spending the holiday with Ethan until, well, she wasn’t.

“What about you?” He turned toward her then, having given up on his vending machine battle. “Got any big plans?”

“Not really.” And she didn’t, not now anyway. “Eli’s out of school for two weeks so I took some time off to be with him.”

“That’s good. He’ll enjoy that.” He offered her a big smile as he stepped toward her.

She wasn’t entirely sure why, but she stepped back at his movements.

She needed to put space between them and she needed to do it now.

“He keeps asking if he can see you again.” She whispered. “He even wanted me to invite you over for Christmas dinner.”

“Well damn, if I had known…” She could see the pained look in his eyes and she felt bad for even bringing it up.

She should have known that that would hit him right where it counted.

“No, Ethan, go see your mom.” She didn’t want him to give up on time with his family, not when she knew he needed it. “She needs it I’m sure.”

She watched as his eyes softened and he got ready to speak when his pager went off.

He simply offered her a nod as he stepped around her and headed for the elevator.

Letting out a sigh she watched him retreat down the hall.

And she felt her heart break at the sight of his defeated form disappearing behind the elevator doors.

She knew she had struck a nerve somewhere and she hated it.

Because as much as she wanted to push him away, there was an even bigger part of her that now wanted to pull him in.

—

That night she had been later getting home than she had originally planned and she was both saddened and relieved to see that Eli had already turned in for the night.

She didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news and have to tell the tot that Ethan was going to be out of town for the holiday.

She knew it would break his heart just as much as it was breaking hers.

She had excused for the baby sitter for the night and gone upstairs and taken her shower in silence.

And then she had checked on her sleeping son before crawling into bed with a soft sigh.

She was so not looking forward to the conversation with her son that she knew was coming.

She had just turned out the lights and gotten comfy when she heard her phone buzz and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

If it was Campbell they were going to have words.

Grabbing her phone she let her eyes wander over the name on the screen and she couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight of Ethan’s name.

Unlocking the phone she opened the text message up and did a double take at the words staring back at her.

_Come with me to Oregon?_ Was all the text said and she took a deep breath as her heart thundered in her chest.

_Excuse me?_ She had no clue where he got off thinking he could ask such a question of her.

_You and Eli. Come with me to Oregon._ It’ll be fun. She reread the text about ten times before closing her eyes.

They couldn’t possibly do such a thing.

_Ethan…_ She didn’t want to seem rude, but she couldn’t believe that he would ever ask such a thing of her.

_Look, it doesn’t have to be romantic. It doesn’t have to mean anything other than what it is. An invitation to get away for a little bit_. The idea of getting out of LA for a little while did sound awfully appealing.

She had never been out of LA, not since she had moved there when she was six, and she had always wanted to see other parts of the world.

_We can’t…_ But they couldn’t go with him to another state for Christmas.

They couldn’t intrude on his time with his family.

Time that she knew he so desperately needed.

_Why not? You already said you took off for his break. I saw on the schedule where those days overlap with mine. Come with me_. He was mighty persistent wasn’t he?

She didn’t know what to say or how to respond.

Sure there was a big part of that was screaming for her to say ‘yes’.

A part of her that wanted to see something other than the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles for once.

A part of her that wanted to be by his side during this special holiday.

A part of her that so desperately wanted to indulge her son’s fantasies about spending Christmas with his best-friend.

_Please… I wanna spend the holidays with you. With both of you. We can decorate the tree and drink hot chocolate and go ice skating. They’re already calling for snow. When was the last time you had a white Christmas?_ His words made it sound so inviting.

She had never been ice skating before, at least not that she could remember.

And she knew for a fact that Eli hadn’t.

_Never._ And she had never had a white Christmas.

In fact, she couldn’t even remember if she had ever seen snow up close and personal.

Maybe once or a twice when she was younger and her parents used to take her skiing.

But even then, that was often fabricated snow, very rarely was it the real thing.

_Exactly. Come on. It’ll be fun._ He sounded so excited at the prospect and it was breaking her.

_Eli…_ She didn’t know what her son had to do with this.

Eli would love it and she knew it.

_Eli will love it. We can build snowmen and watch movies. It’ll be perfect. You’ll see. He’ll have a blast. And so will you_. The idea sounded so, wonderful and perfect and she felt her heart racing at the idea.

_What about your mom and step-dad?_ She didn’t know what possessed her to ask about the older pair.

She had heard Ethan talk about them briefly, but he never revealed a whole lot about them.

_What about them?_ He must have sensed that she had no idea why she had brought them up.

_Won’t they mind? I mean, just showing up with some random woman and her young child. I don’t want to ruin their holiday Ethan._ She knew she sounded crazy. If Ethan’s mom was anything like him, which she would hazard a guess that she was, she most certainly wouldn’t mind if they joined them for the holiday.

_Ruin? Are you kidding me? My mom would die. I’ve told her all about you Lea. She wants to meet you, and Eli. She would love to have you both_. She couldn’t believe that he had told his mom about her.

Was she really that special?

Did she and Eli really mean that much to him?

_I don’t know…_ She wanted to say ‘yes’ so badly.

But there was also a part of her that was screaming at her to say ‘no’.

That was telling her that it was inappropriate and wrong and that they could never do such a thing.

_Look, take the weekend to think about it and let me know Monday at work okay?_ She let out a sigh of relief.

She was thankful that he wasn’t hounding her for an answer right then and there.

_I’ll think about it._ And she would think about it.

A lot.

In fact, she had a feeling that it was all she would think about for the rest of the night.

_Don’t think too hard._ She could almost see his eyes twinkling.

_Ethan…_ She warned him and she hoped it worked.

He needed to give her space to think about this.

Time to put everything together in her head.

He couldn’t push her or he’d lose her.

She hoped that he had realized that by now.

_Please Leanne. Please promise me you’ll consider it. I know you guys will have a good time. And I would love to show you guys the house where I grew up. The farm and the animals. The quiet little town. It’ll be perfect. Please just promise me you’ll think about it._ She felt her heart grow ten times at his words.

He wanted to share the most sacred part of him and his life with her.

He wanted to take her back home and show her everything that had made him who he was today.

He wanted to share things with Eli that only a father would share with their son.

_I’ll think about it_. Her brain was already starting to hurt as she tried to process everything in her head.

She didn’t know what to think about his invitation.

It sounded so pleasant and inviting and she couldn’t stand it.

_Goodnight Leanne_. She closed her eyes as she felt them starting to water.

She shouldn’t be so hopelessly addicted to this man.

_Goodnight Ethan._ And yet, she was.

She had fallen into his trap and she was helpless.

And while a small part of her wanted out, an even bigger part of her wanted to stay in it.

And it never wanted to leave.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *I apologize for the long break in updating, I’ve had a horrible case of bronchitis/pneumonia and the little one has had an ear infection at the same time. (That and work has been a shit show so I’ve been sleeping a lot to try and not fall apart.)  
> **But I’m fairly certain no one’s even still reading my stories so I digress.

The weekend had come and gone before Ethan knew what was happening and he was both regretful and thankful for it.

He was regretful because it meant he had to go back to work after two blissful days off.

He was thankful because it meant that Leanne should be giving him an answer about whether or not she and Eli would be joining him for Christmas.

He had been nervous to ask her, but he wanted them to be with him so bad.

He could only imagine how much more wonderful the trip would be with them by his side.

And he couldn’t wait to show Eli the snow and the horses on his mom’s farm.

He couldn’t wait to take Leanne to the little town where he’d grown up. To show her the shops and the snow covered buildings.

He wanted them to be a part of his life just as much as he wanted to be a part of theirs.

The anticipation of waiting for an answer was killing him.

He had tried all day to get a few minutes alone with Leanne, but he constantly failed.

She always seemed to be ‘too busy’ to talk.

He hoped that she wasn’t avoiding him on purpose.

But after she had practically ignored him the entire shift he had had enough.

So after he had left for the night he had headed straight to her place and he didn’t bother to call or text first.

He wanted to see her. No, he needed to see her. And he needed an answer about the trip soon so that he could make the proper arrangements.

Pulling into her driveway he was shocked to see that the house was mostly dark, save for the light in the front room that stayed on constantly.

He hoped that they hadn’t both already gone to bed. It was only 7:30pm after all.

He turned off his bike and hopped off, dropping his helmet onto the seat as he eyed the house quietly.

He made his way up the sidewalk and he was halfway up the stairs when the front door opened in front of him.

“Hi.” Leanne’s voice was soft and he did a double take at her appearance.

She was dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and an Angels t-shirt. Her hair was pulled into a messy braid and she had long ago rid her face of the make-up she had worn earlier. He thought she looked like the most domesticated beauty he had ever seen.

“Hi.” He didn’t know why he was whispering.

They were outside and there was no one around.

Maybe it’s because his heart was beating a million miles a minute and he was too busy trying to keep himself together to think about it.

“What are you doing here?” Her question was soft as she leaned against the door frame, offering him a soft smile.

“I was hoping we could talk.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket as he eyed her softly.

“Would you like to come in?” He couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face at her question.

Of course he wanted to come in!

He wanted to go in and never leave.

“Sure.” He finished making his way up the steps and he smiled at her as she stepped aside, holding the door open for him so that he could make his way inside.

“Would you like something to drink?” She shut the door behind her as she spoke and he let his eyes wander around the house.

He wondered if Eli was still up or not.

“Uh, sure.” He didn’t really know what to say or how to act.

It’s not like he hadn’t been to her house before. 

“Eli’s in the den if you wanna say ‘hi’.” He snapped his head in her direction so quickly he was sure he had whiplash.

“Yeah.” He nodded his head as he made his way back toward the den.

He felt his heart racing in his chest and he didn’t know why.

Maybe it’s because he hadn’t seen the boy in almost two weeks. 

He was afraid that Eli would be mad at him. That he would hate him for not having been around.

He wished that it was easier to explain than his mother not wanting them together.

“Hey pal.” He watched as Eli’s head snapped up from where he had been reading a book and a giant smile came across his face as he tried to remove himself from the chair as quickly as possible.

“Ethan!” The boy came barreling at him and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he knelt down and braced himself for impact. 

The boy’s arms wrapped around his neck so tight he almost couldn’t breathe and then the next thing he knew they were both toppling to the ground from the force of Eli’s hug.

Eli let out a giggle as he kept his arms around his neck as they crashed to the floor and Ethan couldn’t help but laugh as he wrapped him up tight.

He heard Leanne make her way into the room and he shifted his gaze in her direction.

The look in her eyes made his heart race.

She almost looked like she enjoyed watching the scene unfold.

“Eli, sweetheart you have to be careful.” She offered the boy a pointed look but he just laughed as he snuggled himself against Ethan’s chest.

“It’s fine Lea.” He gently pushed himself into a sitting position, pulling Eli into his lap as he did so. “There’s nothing like a warm welcome.”

Eli giggled again as he offered his mother an apologetic look.

“Sorry mama.” He had yet to remove his arms from around Ethan’s neck though and he could tell that the boy would raise hell when it was finally time to let him go.

“It’s not me that you just knocked to the floor Eli.” She raised an eyebrow in the boy’s direction and he watched as Eli turned his attention toward him instead.

“Sorry Ethan.” He whispered.

There was a look of regret in his eyes and Ethan prayed that he didn’t think he had actually done anything wrong.

“It’s okay buddy.” He dropped a kiss to his head as he hugged him close. “Now that I know just how strong you are I’ll have to better prepare myself for those hugs.”

Eli let out a soft laugh as he tightened his grip around his shoulders and he did the same, his arms tightening around the boy’s back as he offered Leanne a smile.

She rolled her eyes at him, but the smile on her face said she was far from annoyed.

If anything, she was amused, maybe even appreciative.

He doubted the boy showed this much enthusiasm about other things in his life. 

“I know you’re excited that Ethan’s here baby,” He could sense a ‘but’ coming, “but it’s time to get ready for bed.”

Eli made a pouty face that would put some babies to shame.

“But…” He got ready to protest when Leanne shot him a look.

He immediately stopped and instead he let his head fall to Ethan’s shoulder with a sigh.

“It’s okay buddy.” Ethan hoped that he could get the kid back in good spirits. He absolutely hated seeing him so sad. “How about I tuck you in?”

Eli shifted his eyes in Leanne’s direction and Ethan heard her let out a sigh as she nodded her head at them both.

“Come on E.” He gently stood then, hoisting Eli up with him as he went. “How about we pick out a super fun story to read first?”

The boy simply nodded his head as he snuggled against his chest, a yawn escaping his lips as they made their way up the stairs.

He had a sneaky feeling the boy wouldn’t even make it through said story, but he wanted him to know that he was trying.

—

After having gotten Eli settled in bed he had started on the story that the boy had picked out. But, just like he had suspected, the boy only made it through the first ten pages before succumbing to sleep.

Ethan had tucked him in then, making sure he had his dinosaur safely at his side and turning on his nightlight before exiting into the hallway.

When he got back downstairs Leanne was seated on the couch, a cup of tea in her hands as she stared out the back door.

“He made it all of ten minutes before he was out.” He stopped behind the couch as he shifted his gaze toward the outside.

He was curious as to what she was watching so intently.

“I figured as much.” She whispered. “He’s had a bit of a cold the past few days. He’s been extra tired.”

He simply nodded his head at her response as he moved further into the room.

He wondered if he should just leave or if he should make himself at home.

He still wasn’t sure where they stood on such things.

“Were you avoiding me today?” His question came out of nowhere and he watched as she lifted her gaze toward him. “Or did we just really have that shitty of luck?”

“I wasn’t avoiding you. I promise.” She offered him a soft smile and he hoped that she wasn’t lying to him. “I kept trying to find you and you were always two steps ahead of me.”

“I hate it when that happens.” He whispered.

He just wanted her to be honest with him.

He wanted her to open up to him and to trust him.

He thought he had at least earned that hadn’t he?

“So…” He waited a few minutes before speaking again, hoping that she would break the silence first.

“So…?” She raised an eyebrow in his direction and he let out a sigh.

“Did you think about it?” He hoped that she had thought about his offer. That she had put some consideration into going with him to Oregon for Christmas.

“Think about what?” He didn’t know if she was playing stupid or if she just really wasn’t that sure what he was talking about.

“Oregon? Christmas?” He moved to sit next to her on the couch, his hands falling into his lap as he let his head fall back against the cushion. “Did you think about it?”

“Yes Ethan, I thought about it.” She didn’t sound so sure though.

“And?” He just wanted an answer at this point.

A ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. Something concrete that he could work with.

If she said ‘yes’ he’d be over the moon and he’d know that they were heading somewhere.

If she said ‘no’ though. Well, he figured that would mean that she wasn’t interested in him or this relationship at all.

“I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do Ethan.” Her response was quiet and he could hear the apprehension in her voice.

He knew that she was nervous and that this was probably a step she had never considered taking.

“Oh. Okay.” He dropped his head downward and let out a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding.

When she didn’t respond after a minute he pushed himself back up off the couch and started making his way out of the room.

But her hand grabbing a hold of his stopped him in his tracks and he let out a sigh.

“I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.” She whispered.

Wrong idea about what?

“Wrong idea?” He didn’t know what she was talking about.

No one had to know they were going together.

And no one had to know the circumstances surrounding their visit.

It was honestly no one’s damn business but their own.

“Us, going away together for Christmas.” She offered him a look that said she wanted him to think about her words. She was asking for him to be understanding. “I don’t want people to think that it’s more than what it is.”

“Screw people and what they think.” But he wasn’t understanding, because he thought she was being ridiculous.

“If only it worked like that Ethan.” Her eyes closed a bit as she tried to maintain her composure and he dropped her hand as he started pacing.

He didn’t understand her concern.

Who cared if they went away together?

People went away together for the holidays all the time.

It didn’t mean a damn thing.

“Leanne please. I really want you guys to come. It doesn’t have to mean a damn thing.” He was pleading with her and he hated it. But he really, really wanted them to come. 

He watched as Leanne got ready to speak but he stopped her, his hand going out in front of him as he gave her a look that pleaded with her to give him a chance to speak.

“We’ll sleep in separate rooms, you and Eli can go off and do things on your own. It doesn’t have to be anything more than what it is.” And it didn’t. Her and Eli were free to come and go as they pleased. He didn’t care and he knew no one else would either. “We’re friends and we’re going away together. That’s it. I don’t want to be away from you guys for the holiday and I don’t want to leave you here alone.”

“We won’t be alone.” He could see the pained look on her face and it broke his heart.

“I know for a fact that you will.” And he did know. He knew that it would just be her and Eli and while she may act like she was okay with that, he knew better. “Jesse’s going to Puerto Rico, isn’t that what you said?”

“Yeah.” Her head fell forward at her response and he knew that he had her.

“So you’ll be alone.” He pointed at her as he spoke. “You’ll be alone and you know it. And you can’t pretend that it’s okay.”

“We have each other.” She said softly. When she lifted her head he could see that her eyes were full of tears and he hated it. “That’s always been enough.”

“But it doesn’t have to just be you two.” He didn’t want her to think that it had to be that way though. He was there for them, and he wanted to be a part of their lives. “Not anymore.”

“Ethan…” She stood up and offered him a look that told him he should probably stop while he was ahead.

“Look, I leave Friday night okay. It’s a long drive, but I take my time and Eli could sleep through most of it.” He knew it was a long drive, but he figured that they could both rest while he drove.

And he was willing to stop whenever and wherever, he was in no hurry.

She sniffled a little and he reached forward, his hands settling on her arms as he stepped into her space.

There was only a few inches between them and he heard her breath catch as he locked his eyes with hers.

“I really, really want you guys to join me. But I can’t force you too.” He said softly. “Just please, continue to think about it. At least let Eli know that I offered it. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to be with him.”

“Okay.” She nodded her head at his words and he felt his heart break in his chest.

She had already made up her mind and he knew there was no changing it.

She wasn’t going to say ‘yes’. Not now, and maybe not ever.

And it destroyed him right down to the core.


	19. Chapter 19

Ethan had been on edge all week and he couldn’t stand it.

He had been waiting with bated breath for Leanne to give him an answer about whether or not she and Eli would be joining him for his trip.

But every time he tried to talk to her she blew him off.

And every time he got close to her she’d run away.

He wondered if he was getting too close again and if she was starting to get scared.

He certainly didn’t want that to be the case, but something deep down inside told him that things weren’t nearly as black and white for her as they were for him.

By the time Friday morning had rolled around he had barely had any contact with Leanne and he figured that that meant he was making his trip alone.

He was trying to act like it didn’t bother him any, but he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone.

Not even himself.

He was heartbroken, devastated even.

And he felt it down to his core.

After getting off of a work a little after 3:00am he had headed home and slept for a few hours, praying that a little bit of rest would help him feel a little bit better.

He knew he had a long drive ahead of him that night but there was still so much he had left to do.

So he had reluctantly gotten up a little before 10:00am and taken a shower before getting his day started.

He had just finished loading his bags in the car when his phone dinged in his back pocket and he let out a sigh when he say Leanne’s name on the screen.

_When do you leave?_ Stared back at him and he couldn’t help his heart from fluttering in his chest.

He wondered if this meant that she had changed her mind about going with him.

_Not until 8ish. Still got some last minute errands to run. You guys okay?_ He still had a few places to hit up before he left for the night, but he was willing to make some exceptions if they needed him.

Or better yet, if they were going with him.

_Eli is asking for you._ He felt his heart stop in his chest.

It killed him that the boy was so attached to him sometimes.

He would give up anything for him, but he knew that his mother wasn’t nearly as willing as he was.

_I can stop by for a bit. How about for lunch?_ If they weren’t going to come with him he definitely wanted to see them before he left.

He had packed their gifts in the car just in case and he would love to at least hand deliver them.

_He wants to spend Christmas with you._ Leanne’s words made him let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding.

_I want to spend Christmas with him too._ He wanted to spend Christmas with them both more than she could possibly imagine.

He waited for a reply but he never got one, so instead he went on about his business.

He had been in the store an hour later when he figured he would give it one last shot.

_You guys are more than welcome to come. The invitation is still open._ He hit send as he took a deep breath.

It figured it was now or never.

_Where are you now?_ She responded almost immediately and he hoped that that was a positive sign.

_Target._ He was getting ready to check out in fact and he prayed that she said that she wanted to see him.

He missed them both terribly.

_Come over?_ He couldn’t help the giant smile that formed on his face at her question.

He thought she would never ask.

_Give me fifteen minutes._ He would race to them if he had too.

He had to see them before he left, absolutely had to.

_Okay._ Her response was short but he was thankful that she was okay with it.

And with that he had rushed through the rest of his shopping and hurried out to his car before heading to her place at her record speed.

—

Ethan had finished up and made it to Leanne’s in less than twenty minutes and even though he was fairly certain that he had broken several traffic laws on his way, he didn’t much care.

He just wanted to see his two favorite people before he headed out of town for the week.

Especially if he wasn’t going to get to take them with him.

When he pulled into Leanne’s driveway he couldn’t help the giant smile that broke out on his face at the sight of his favorite little friend waiting for him on the front steps.

And as soon as Eli saw him he started jumping up and down and waving his arms around, a giant smile on his face the whole time.

“Ethan!” The boy shouted his name as he exited the vehicle and he made his way toward him quickly, his arms going out to pull him close.

“Hey buddy!” He scooped the excited tot up and into his arms, smiling when the boy snuggled into his embrace, hugging him back tightly. “How are you?”

“Good!” Eli pulled back a little bit and took Ethan’s face in his hands, his palms flattening against his stubble covered cheeks as he offered him a curious look. “Guess what?”

“What buddy?” He was interested to see what had the boy so excited, because despite how enthralled with him he may be, he doubted that his simple presence was enough to get him this excited.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as Leanne made her way out onto the porch and he couldn’t help but notice the giant smile on her face as she stopped next to them.

“Mama says we can spend Christmas with you.” Eli’s words made his heart flutter in his chest.

He couldn’t believe it.

In fact, he didn’t believe it.

So he shot Leanne a look that he hoped asked all the right questions.

“Did she now?” He shifted his focus back to the boy when he saw Leanne nod her head softly, a warm smile coming over her face as she laid a hand on Eli’s back.

“We get to go on a trip too!” The excited look on his face made Ethan melt and he couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle as he dropped his forehead down to rest against Eli’s.

“You’re right!” He whispered, his right hand reaching up to tussle the boy’s hair. “You ever been to Oregon?”

“No! Is it cool there?” He was so glad that the boy was so excited to venture out.

He always got the feeling that he was secretly the adventurous type.

It seemed as though he just needed the right companions.

“It is.” He couldn’t wait to share everything that was so perfect about the place with the boy, and his mother. He couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present if he tried. “And guess what?”

“What?” Eli’s eyes were wide with anticipation and wonder and he felt his heart soften.

“There’s even snow.” His mom had called earlier to tell him that it had been snowing off and on since Wednesday.

She had reassured him that it wouldn’t hinder his travel much, but that it was beautiful nonetheless.

He had been more than ready to handle it’s messiness in order to get some of it’s beauty.

“Snow!” Eli pulled back then, his eyes widening even more as he beamed back at him. “I’ve never seen snow in person before!”

“It’s really pretty,” Ethan said softly, his eyes shifting in Leanne’s direction, “you’re gonna love it.”

“Can we build a snowman? And go ice skating? I wanna go ice skating!” Eli’s words were starting to jumble together and Ethan let out a soft chuckle as he waited for him to finish.

“We sure can.” He had never been so excited to build a snowman or go ice skating in his entire life.

“I’m so excited!” The boy shouted, his little body shaking with excitement as he offered Ethan the biggest smile he had ever seen.

“I can tell. I’m excited too.” He pressed a kiss to Eli’s head as he snuggled back against him, his arms wrapping around his neck once more. “It’s gonna be fun, I promise.”

The boy nodded his head against his shoulder and Ethan couldn’t help but shoot Leanne a look.

He wondered what had made her change her mind.

She had been so adamant that it was a bad idea when they had talked on Monday. And she had spent all week avoiding him.

He wanted to know why she had all of a sudden had a change of heart.

“I gotta go finish packing!” Eli declared suddenly. And the next thing Ethan knew he was wiggling his way to the ground, his little legs carrying him up the stairs as he giggled.

“So…” Ethan shifted his full focus to the woman beside him and he offered her a soft smile as he spoke. “What made you change your mind?”

“I straight up asked him if he wanted to go to Oregon with Ethan for Christmas.” She didn’t even have to think about her response and it warmed his heart that she had simply gone to the boy for an answer.

She was putting him first and that was what mattered most.

“And he said ‘yes’?” He knew the boy would be down the idea. He had never doubted that.

“He didn’t even hesitate.” The smile on her face told him all he needed to know.

That she hadn’t wanted him to hesitate. Not one bit.

“And you’re okay with this?” He was so glad they were going with him. So glad that it hurt.

“As long as you know, that we’re doing this as just friends. That’s it.” He could live with that, for now.

“I get it. Just friends.” He offered her a wide smile and a wink, to which she simply rolled her eyes.

“Nothing more Ethan.” She whispered.

“Nothing more,” He whispered back, “yet.”

She rolled her eyes once more before heading inside, leaving him standing on the porch alone, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

He would get her to give in one way or another.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Cuteness overload begins now.

Leanne had been incredibly thankful that Ethan had chosen to make the drive to Oregon during the nighttime hours.

Not only were the roads deserted, but it also allowed the perfect environment for Eli to sleep peacefully.

Which is exactly what he had been doing since they had hit the road around 8:00pm.

Ethan had told her to close her eyes, that she should rest as well, but she was unable to keep herself resting for more than a few minutes at a time.

She didn’t know if it was nerves or excitement or what, but something had her completely wired and unable to sleep.

So instead she had rested her head against the window and watched the darkened scenery pass.

“You don’t have to be nervous you know?” Ethan’s soft voice broke through the silence of the car and it startled her.

She must have dozed off because she hadn’t even been aware that they had crossed state lines.

“I’m not nervous.” She whispered.

In reality, she was more nervous than she knew what to do with.

“You’re a horrible liar.” She felt his hand reach across the center console and take a gentle hold of hers.

He wrapped his fingers around hers while his eyes stayed on the road in front of them.

Part of her wanted to yank her hand free of his, but the other part of her wanted to never let go.

She turned her hand over and laced her fingers with his.

The part of her that was falling for him was starting to get bigger and bigger and she was starting to be okay with that.

“You’re gonna have a great time Lea,” He squeezed her hand as he let his gaze shift to her briefly, “I promise.”

She simply nodded her head at his response. 

She was totally unprepared for this trip. She wasn’t prepared to meet his mom and step-dad and slew of siblings she knew he had.

She wasn’t prepared to be alone with him for an entire week.

Away from Angels and the hustle and bustle of the city.

In LA she could run from him, she could hide.

But here, with him, in what she assumed was going to be a cozy little farmhouse, she knew there would be nowhere to run.

Eli was surely thrilled about being in such close quarters with the man for the next seven days.

She, on the other hand, wasn’t sure what to make of this arrangement.

“It’ll be okay Leanne.” He squeezed her hand once more and she let out a breath that she didn’t know she had been holding. “I promise.”

“Okay.” She said softly, squeezing his hand in return.

He didn’t say anything back but she heard him let out a soft sigh as he withdrew his hand from hers.

She could tell that he was frustrated, most likely with her, and she blinked her eyes a few times as she tried to keep the tears as bay.

She didn’t want this trip to be off to a rocky start so soon.

“Try and rest hun.” He patted her thigh gently before returning his hand to the steering wheel, his eyes shifting upward to catch a glimpse of the sleeping boy in the back seat. “We’ve still got a few more hours to go.”

Again, she simply nodded her head in response before letting it fall back against the window once more.

Closing her eyes she tried to let the sound of the soft music playing on the radio lull to her sleep.

—

When Leanne woke up next she made a mental note of the time, 4:45am, and that’s when she noticed that the car wasn’t moving.

Letting out a yawn she stretched her arms out in front of her and let her eyes adjust as she took in the space outside the car.

They were stopped at what looked like a truck stop and she could make out Ethan standing next to Eli’s door, a gas pump behind him.

She undid her seat belt and opened the door slowly, her head instantly turning in Ethan’s direction.

“Hi.” She said softly.

“Hey.” He had just placed the nozzle back in the pump and he made his way toward her. “You sleep?”

“Yeah.” She let out another yawn as she stretched her legs out in front of her, letting them dangle out of the open door. “Must have anyway, a few hours have gone by.”

He let out a soft chuckle as he stopped in front of her.

“Yeah, we’re about four hours out.” He let out a yawn of his own and she felt bad.

He had been driving nonstop all night and she knew he had to be exhausted.

“It’s cold.” She whispered.

She hadn’t expected such a temperature difference but dammit if there wasn’t one.

A big one.

She didn’t own a single item of winter clothing and neither did Eli.

They were surely going to freeze.

“This is nothing.” He stepped forward until he was directly in front of her, his hands going out to take hers gently. “Gonna be below freezing tomorrow night.”

She shook her head back and forth as her eyes got wide.

She didn’t know that she had ever experienced such frigid temperatures.

“We’re not prepared for that.” She felt horrible for not thinking ahead.

“It’s okay.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll get you guys hooked up. I promise.”

She noted how even his lips were cold and it sent a shiver down her spine.

“Mommy…” Eli’s quiet voice chimed in from the back seat and she shifted her gaze in his direction.

“What is it baby?” She watched as he rubbed at his sleep filled eyes and let out a yawn.

She was glad that he had slept most of the trip, it had certainly made it a lot easier on them all.

“I have to go potty.” His voice was still full of sleep and Leanne couldn’t help but chuckle softly at how innocent and sleepy he looked. “And I’m hungry.”

“Let me pull the car up front okay pal?” Ethan pulled back from her and moved so that Eli could see him through the opening between her headrest and the door. “We’ll go in and go potty and get a snack okay?”

Eli nodded his head with a soft smile and she watched as Ethan stepped back before patting her legs, nodding with his head for her to stick them back inside the vehicle. 

She did as he asked and he shut the door before moving around to the driver’s side and climbing inside.

After moving the Jeep into a parking space right out front they both slowly moved from the vehicle, her legs aching in unfamiliar places after having been sitting for so long.

She couldn’t help but smile when Ethan moved to Eli’s side of the Jeep, opening his door and helping him from his seat with ease.

And then he was hoisting the boy up and onto his hip with a soft huff and she felt her heart swell at the sight.

She wouldn’t deny that Ethan was great with the boy.

And she wouldn’t deny that her son adored the man as well.

But there was something about seeing them together in that very moment that made her melt.

They looked like father and son. Like they were related and always had been and always would be.

She stopped in her tracks at the realization and took a deep breath.

“You okay?” Ethan stopped a few steps beside her and eyed her curiously.

Eli lifted his head from Ethan’s shoulder a tad, his brown eyes staring at her softly.

“Mama?” He whispered. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head back and forth quickly, blinking her eyes to try and stop the tears from falling once again.

“Nothing baby.” She whispered. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Ethan raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t respond and she was thankful.

She gestured for him to lead the way then, her hand shaking as she waved it out in front of her.

Her heart was racing in her chest and she felt like her whole world had just come to a screeching halt.

She would never get that image out of her head now. Not for as long as she lived.

Part of her didn’t know if she wanted too.

—

Leanne had stayed quiet the entire time they had been in the truck stop and she had remained silent once they had returned to the car.

Ethan had buckled Eli back into his seat and returned to the driver’s seat without a word, though he did shoot her a curious look as she let out a frustrated growl when she couldn’t get her seat belt buckled.

She had simply turned her attention away from him and stared out the door as he backed out of the parking space and headed back toward the highway.

She and Eli had both been asleep before they had made it more than ten miles.

When she awoke again they were stopped once more and she let her eyes settle on the sign of the little diner they were parked in front of.

She noticed that Ethan was nowhere to be found but then she heard the door to Eli’s side of the car being opened and she quickly turned her attention in his direction.

“Are we there yet?” Eli’s soft voice whispered.

“Not yet buddy.” Ethan whispered back.

She wondered why they were being so quiet.

“Is mama awake yet?” And then it hit her, they were trying not to disturb her.

“Yes baby, I’m awake.” She said softly.

She heard Ethan let out a soft chuckle as he helped Eli from his seat and onto the ground outside the car.

“Hi mama!” Eli’s voice was anything but soft then and she let out a soft laugh as she removed herself from the vehicle.

“Hi baby.” She smiled as the boy reached out and took her hand, offering her a smile as Ethan closed both of their doors.

“It’s so cold.” She could feel the definite chill in the air and she let out a shiver as Ethan escorted them toward the front of the little diner.

“I know buddy.” Ethan ruffled his hair gently as they made their way inside and she couldn’t help herself from smiling when his other hand rested against her hip. “That’s what happens up here.”

She watched as Eli got ready to respond but then they were being escorted to a booth and the boy had just followed along with the waitress.

Eli had insisted on sitting next to Ethan and she had been happy to oblige, smiling softly at the boy as he promised to sit next to her next time.

“Is it always cold?” He asked softly after a minute.

Ethan let out a chuckle as he leaned back in his seat and she felt a chill come over her body at how relaxed he looked.

He never looked that at ease when he was at Angels.

In fact, the only time she saw him this relaxed was when they were together, with Eli.

“Not always.” He shifted his gaze to the boy beside him and offered him a soft smile. “But definitely during this time of year.”

“I don’t think my jacket’s big enough.” The boy pulled at the sleeves of his little sweatshirt as he gave Ethan a questioning look.

“Yeah. We’ll stop and get you and your mommy something warmer to wear.” He nudged the boy gently with his elbow, earning himself a giggle, and Leanne felt her heart soar once again. “I gotta get something too.”

“What about hats? Do we get to wear hats?” She let out a soft chuckle at his question and she let her eyes shift to Ethan’s.

“Of course we get to wear hats.” His smile reached his eyes and it warmed her heart.

He was completely in his element here with them and it made her happy in ways she didn’t know were possible.

“Cool!” Eli smiled brightly at the man before returning his attention to the drawing he had started on.

“He’s so amused by the little things.” Leanne heard herself whisper. “Sometimes I forget what that’s like.”

“Ah to be six again.” Ethan’s eyes shifted to hers and she ducked her head at the look of love and softness there.

“You’re telling me.” She said softly.

She loved how excited Eli got about the little things and she loved that he seemed to have that in common with the older man.

“You warm enough?” Ethan’s question was quiet and she lifted her head once more, letting her eyes lock with his as she swallowed.

It was such a simple question and yet there was something about the way he asked it that made her nervous to answer.

“I’ll be okay.” She choked out.

There was a fire in his eyes that she had never seen there before and it made parts of her crawl in all the right ways.

“We’ll get you a coat.” He didn’t break his gaze from her though and she was pretty certain that he was doing his best to get under her skin. “And a hat and scarf.”

“I’m fine Ethan.” She whispered.

He was winning this battle and she hated it.

She didn’t want to be attracted to him like she was.

She didn’t want to want him as badly as she all of a sudden did.

“They’re calling for up to eight inches of snow tomorrow, you’re gonna need more than that flimsy little jacket.” He reached across the table and fixed her collar as he spoke, his fingers lingering on the skin of her neck before he pulled back and returned to his seat. “Although, I must add, you do look mighty adorable in it.”

She rolled her eyes at his comment but before she could respond their waitress had arrived to take their orders.

Ethan had returned to his normal self, his eyes shifting toward her every now and then, a small smile on his face as they did, and by the time they had finished eating he was beyond relaxed.

She was worried that he was going to be like this the whole trip, because dammit if he was, she was in trouble.

A lot of trouble.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Obviously this chapter is really AU because Robbie and Ethan’s mom are still alive. But I promise they’re just as adorable as Ethan.

They had driven the last hour to the farm in silence and Ethan couldn’t help but feel a certain tension almost radiating from Leanne’s side of the car.

Lucky for him, she didn’t say anything though.

Instead, she kept her eyes fixed out the passenger window, her hands folded neatly in her lap, a tell tale sign that something was bothering her.

Eli had stayed awake the rest of the drive and every time Ethan would glance in the rear view mirror the boy had an awed look on his face.

He knew that it was the first time he had seen snow up close.

And even though there wasn’t much on the ground at the time, he knew that it still excited the boy.

Sighing softly to himself, he pulled the car off the road and onto the long drive to his mom’s house.

It had been so long since he had been home and he had missed it.

Everything about this place was special to him and he couldn’t wait to share it with the two most important people in his life.

He got ready to speak when he heard a soft gasp from the back seat.

He slowed the car to a stop and turned his attention to Eli.

“You okay buddy?” He watched as Leanne turned as well, her eyes searching over her son’s face and body, looking for a problem.

“Mommy! Mommy look!” Ethan followed Eli’s hand as he pointed out the window, his little face pressing against the glass as a giant smile came across his face. “Horses!”

“I see them Eli.” Leanne’s voice was soft and Ethan felt his whole body shiver. He shouldn’t be so turned on by just the sound of her voice. “Aren’t they pretty?”

“Are they your mommy’s horses Ethan?” The boy turned his attention toward him, his eyes big as he waited for an answer.

Ethan couldn’t help but let out a chuckle as he turned back around, pressing the gas slightly to get the Jeep up the small hill leading to the house.

“They sure are.” He had always loved the horses growing up and it had been ages since he had ridden one.

“Can I ride one?” Eli’s question was full of nothing but excitement and he got ready to respond when Leanne cut in.

“Eli…” Her tone was full of warning and Ethan let out a sigh.

“I’m not sure buddy, we’ll have to see.” He knew that his mom and Grant would have no problem showing the boy how to ride, it had been his mom who had taught him after all. But he sensed that Leanne wasn’t too keen on the idea. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

Eli simply nodded his head, a small smile still on his lips as they pulled up to the house.

Ethan let out a contended sigh as he put the car in park and he blinked to hold back the tears in his eyes when he noticed his mom pushing her way through the front door.

He could make out Grant in the background, laughing at something as she swatted her way past him and he chuckled.

Even after 30 years of marriage they were still hopelessly in love with each other and it made his heart swell.

He was so glad that his mom had found happiness in all the chaos.

“Is that your mommy?” Eli asked softly from the back seat.

“Sure is.” Ethan nodded his head as he offered the boy a soft smile in the rear view mirror. “Her name’s Ms. Sophia.”

“Can I ask her about the horses?” The boy turned his attention toward his own mother and put on his best puppy dog eyes. “Please!?”

“Let’s get settled first okay baby?” Leanne whispered.

Ethan could tell that she was failing to withstand the boy’s charm though.

Smiling to himself he reached over and patted her hand softly before opening his door and stepping out into the cold.

“My boy!” Ethan let out a laugh as his mom descended the stairs, her arms opening wide as she beckoned him toward her. “I’ve missed you.”

She wrapped her arms around him tighter than he thought possible and he felt tears hit his eyes once again.

He didn’t care how old he was, his mother was his best-friend regardless.

And he had missed her terribly.

“Hi mom.” He whispered, his face burying against the older woman’s neck as he hugged her tightly.

“Hi baby.” She pressed a kiss to his head just as he felt a little hand tug on his jacket and he reluctantly pulled back and looked down.

Eli was standing there next to him, a big smile on his face as he looked up at the pair.

“Mom, this is Eli.” Ethan pulled back all the way and reached down, scooping the tot up in his arms and offering him a small smile. “Eli, this is my mom, Ms. Sophia.”

“Hi!” Eli said excitedly.

Ethan watched as his mom’s face lit up at the boy’s excitement and he felt his heart swell.

She had always loved kids and she had such a soft spot for them that he sometimes thought she must have been a saint.

“Hi there Eli.” His mom extended her hand in Eli’s direction and he took it quickly, shaking it gently as he smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too!” He pulled his hand away and clapped it together with the other one.  
“Your horses are really pretty.”

He heard Leanne let out a soft sigh from her spot by the car and he chuckled.

The boy was a schemer if nothing else.

“You like horses?” His mom asked softly.

“Yeah.” He nodded his head before turning his attention to Ethan and then back again.

“You ever ridden on one?” Ethan watched as her gaze shifted to the woman behind him for a brief second before shifting back to the boy in his arms.

Eli shook his head back and forth as a sad look came over his face.

“Well guess what,” His mom must have sensed the boy’s anguish because she had that look in her eyes that said she was about to do something bold, “when I go out to feed them later, you are more than welcome to come for a ride.”

“Really?” Eli’s eyes lit up and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction.

His mom had probably just made that boy’s entire week.

“Really.” She reached out and patted his little cheek softly before turning her attention in the direction of Leanne once more. “As long as it’s okay with your mom of course.”

“Oh please mommy.” Eli turned to face the woman as well, his eyes getting big as he plastered on his best smile. “Please, please, please.”

He waited for the inevitable ‘no’ from Leanne, but it never came.

Instead, she smiled softly before nodding her head at the boy.

“That would be fine baby.” She said softly.

“Yay!” Eli jumped himself right out of Ethan’s arms and ran toward his mother, his arms wrapping around her waist tightly.

She quickly hugged the boy back and Ethan laughed when Eli pulled away from her and ran to the open door at the back of the Jeep.

Reaching his hand out in Leanne’s direction he motioned for her to come forward, a smile coming to his face as she moved to stand next to him.

“Mom, this is Leanne.” He let his hand fall to her back as he gestured toward his mom with the other. “I’ve told you about her.”

“Ah yes,” His mom extended her hand and Leanne took it gently, shaking it with a smile, “the pretty young woman who’s stolen my son’s heart.”

Ethan watched as Leanne’s face turned bright red.

He had told his mom all about her and Eli.

And all about his feelings toward them both.

She was nothing but supportive of course and she had encouraged him to invite them up for the holiday.

“It’s nice to meet you Leanne.” His mom squeezed the younger woman’s hand as she offered her a giant smile. “We’re so glad that you guys decided to join us.”

“It’s nice to meet you too Mrs…?” Leanne’s voice was soft and he could feel her trembling softly with nervous energy.

“Oh no dear, it’s just Sophia.” His mom let out a chuckle as she withdrew her hand, her eyes twinkling in the early morning light. “Mrs. makes me feel old.”

“I know that feeling.” He knew that Leanne hated being called Mrs. Rorish more than anything.

It always made his day when a patient would screw up and call her that instead of doctor.

“Come, come, let’s get you guys inside.” She motioned toward the front door with her hands as she spoke. “You must be freezing.”

“I told them we’ll need to take them to get some better coats.” He knew that what they currently had on wasn’t going to cut it, not when the temperatures were supposed to be in the teens for the next few days. “I figured we could just stop at the place up by Uncle Ryan’s.”

“Oh nonsense dear, I’m sure there’s something in this house they can wear.” He didn’t doubt it. His mom was always prepared. “No sense in them spending a lot of money on buying stuff from that crook.”

He let out a laugh as he shook his head at her.

“Moooom…” Despite having quite a bit of money to her name, she was quite the penny pincher.

“I’ll check the laundry room, I’m sure there’s something of Hayden’s that will fit Eli.” Now that he thought of it, his nephew and the boy were similar in size. “And I have plenty of coats, Leanne can borrow whatever she needs.”

“That’s not…” Leanne tried to interject but his mom just shook her head, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she escorted her up the steps.

Ethan turned behind him and held his hand out for Eli, a small smile on his face as the boy came bouncing toward him.

“Don’t argue with her.” He said softly as they made their way inside. “You won’t win.”

“Ethan’s right dear. Trust me, we won’t let you two freeze.” His mom shut the door behind them, shutting out the chilly air and enveloping them in the warmth of the large farmhouse. “And what about you? Where’s your winter jacket? You’re gonna catch pneumonia in that light thing.”

“Hey now, this thing is plenty warm.” He loved his leather jacket and he thought he was perfectly warm enough in it.

“I have long john’s thicker than that jacket Ethan James.” He hated it when his mother used his full name, especially in front of his lady friends. “We’ll just have to find you something of Grant’s to wear. Or your brother’s, Lord knows those four have enough coats between them to keep a small army warm.”

“Whatever you say mom.” He wasn’t going to argue with the woman, he knew it would get him nowhere.

“Good boy.” She reached out and patted his arm lightly, offering him a soft smile. “Now, come, have you guys eaten? I can whip up some sandwiches and soup.”

“We had a big breakfast this morning.” He certainly wasn’t ready to eat again anytime soon and he figured neither were Leanne and Eli. But there was one thing he was hoping to get out of this trip. “But… I am looking forward to one of your famous meatloafs, so please tell me there’s one on the menu sometime this week.”

“Tonight in fact.” He must have looked like an idiot with that giant smile on his face but he didn’t care. His mother’s meatloaf was his favorite thing in the entire world. “I’ve still gotta run into town and get the rest of the items on my grocery list. I trust that you can get these two beautiful people settled while I’m gone?”

“Yeah mom, I’ve got it.” He watched as Eli beamed back at them both, his hand still holding tightly onto Ethan’s.

“Good. Leanne can stay in Millie’s room.” She pointed upstairs and Ethan rolled his eyes. He knew damn well where his sister’s room was. It hadn’t been that long since he had been here. “And Eli can stay in the playroom if he would like. Or in Hayden’s room, whichever he prefers.”

“I’ll show them around ma.” He said softly. “No worries.”

“Good. And don’t you make a mess of things while I’m gone.” He rolled his eyes at her words. What did she think he was, twelve? “And let the dogs in before it gets too much later. They’re gonna turn to icicles out there if they stay much longer.”

“Dogs? You have dogs?” Eli’s little eyes lit up as he eyed Sophia and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle.

That boy sure did love all things animal related.

“We sure do Eli.” She reached down and patted the boys head softly. “Two of them actually. Henry and Bullet.”

“I love dogs!” Leanne let out a soft sigh behind him and he couldn’t help but let his smile fade slightly.

He knew that Eli had been hoping for a dog of his own for a while now.

“Me too!” His mom’s face brightened as she replied back to the boy. “Alright, I’ll be on my way. Call me if you need something, I won’t be long.”

“Bye mom.” Ethan leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek before pulling back. “Be safe.”

“I will.” And with that she was heading out the door, her purse in her hands and a smile on her face.

Ethan let go of Eli’s hand then and turned to face the boy and his mother.

“I’ll get the bags from the car and then point you guys in the right direction.” He said softly.

“Okay.” Leanne whispered.

He could tell that she was uncomfortable and it made his heart hurt.

He didn’t want her to not enjoy herself and he was fearful that it was all just too much for her to handle.

He quickly made his way outside, grabbing their bags from the back of the Jeep before heading back inside.

He found them both in the same place he had left them.

“The playroom’s down here pal.” He headed down the hall and toward the large room off the kitchen, his eyes going wide at the cleanliness of the space.

It never looked that clean when Hayden was around.

“Alright buddy, you get to pick, you can sleep in here with all the toys,” He gestured toward the room in front of them as he eyed Eli softly, “or upstairs in Hayden’s room.”

“Who’s Hayden?” His question was whispered and Ethan knelt down in front of him as he brushed a stray curl back from his forehead.

“My nephew.” Eli and Hayden were exact opposites and Ethan was kind of glad that the boy was gone for the holiday. It’s not that he didn’t love his nephew, but his crazy personality might have been too much for the shier boy to handle. “But he’s not here right now. He’s with his dad for the holiday.”

“Where’s mommy gonna sleep?” Eli shifted his eyes upward and toward his mother, a concerned look on his face.

“Upstairs,” Ethan pointed back toward the staircase, “in my sister’s room.”

“Where are you gonna sleep?” He turned back toward him then, his eyes soft as he processed the information that Ethan had just given him.

“In my old room.” He had scolded his mom once for leaving his room exactly as he had left it when he joined the Army at 17.

But she had claimed that he would need a place to stay when he came home, and that he would need a safe place to relax in.

At first he had thought she was crazy, but the older that he got the more he realized how right she was.

“Is that upstairs too?” Ethan could see where this was going and he smiled back at Eli.

“Sure is.” He nodded his head with his words and he heard Eli let out a soft breath.

“I wanna be upstairs.” He whispered, his eyes shifting between the two adults at his side. “In case I need something.”

“Okay, upstairs it is then.” Ethan stood then, his hand reaching down to pick their bags back up off the ground.

Eli nodded his head softly before taking Leanne’s hand as they followed Ethan up the stairs.

Once they made it to the top Ethan took a right and led them down a small hallway, his eyes searching the rooms as they went.

At the end of the hall he pushed the door open and flipped the light on, his eyes scanning the small space to see how much of a disaster the nine year old had left the room.

“This is Hayden’s room.” He turned toward Eli as he spoke and he dropped his bag gently on the chair by the window. “You can sleep on the top or the bottom bunk, whichever you prefer.”

“Woah!” Eli’s eyes got bigger and bigger the further into the room he went and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle. “This room is so cool.”

“Yeah, he’s really into Star Wars right now.” Everything about Hayden’s life was Star Wars related. Ethan’s step-sister had tried to stop it once, but it had only fueled the kid’s fire. “It’s kind of his thing.”

“Is that a Death Star?” Eli whispered his question as he moved over toward the bookcase, his hand reaching out to touch the glass case on the middle shelf.

“Looks like it.” From what Ethan could tell it looked like the object was made out of Legos and Ethan had no doubt that Grant must have had a field day helping the kid put that thing together. “I’m gonna go show your mom her room while you get settled okay?”

“Okay.” Eli simply nodded his head as he stared in awe at the impressive LEGO collection on Hayden’s bookcase.

Smiling to himself Ethan turned his attention back toward the woman behind them and he gestured toward the door.

She stepped back into the hallway and he lead her to the room at the end of the row, the one right next to the stairs, and he pushed the door open slowly.

Millie’s room was exactly as he remembered it.

Purple, with more purple, and flowers of every kind decorating the small space.

His step-sister may have been one of the nicest people he had ever met, but her interior decorating skills left a lot to be desired.

“Here you are my dear.” He whispered, his head mere inches from hers as he stopped in the doorway.

“Thank you.” She whispered back.

He watched as she swallowed and he let out a soft chuckle before moving into the room and dropping her back on the bed.

“Bathroom’s through there.” He pointed to the door on the far right wall as he turned toward her. “Eli’s on the other side of that. So if he needs anything…”

“Thank you.” She whispered again.

He wished that he had a way to calm her chaotic mind right now but he didn’t want to make her even more uncomfortable.

“Where’s your room?” She asked softly, her eyes locking with his as he adjusted the strap to his bag.

“At the end of this hall.” He gestured in that direction with a soft smile. “On the other side of the stairs.”

“Okay.” She nodded her head before moving toward the bed, her hands reaching out to unzip her bag.

“Take your time getting settled.” He moved toward her then, his hands reaching out to stop hers.

She gave him a slightly perturbed look as she stood up straighter, her hands pulling back and out of his grasp.

“Leanne…” He whispered. “Come here.”

She shook her head back and forth and he sighed.

She was so hot and cold with him and he hated it.

“Fine.” He moved around her and toward the door frame. “Make yourself at home.”

And with that he was disappearing down the hall and toward his own room.

If she didn’t want him to push, he wouldn’t push.

It wasn’t worth the fight right now.

—

Later that night Ethan had been sitting in the playroom with Eli, helping him build some sort of contraption out of Legos when he heard the front door open.

His mother’s excited squeal clued him into the fact that Robbie must have arrived and he quietly excused himself from his spot on the floor.

Standing in the doorway to the room he watched as his mother squeezed his brother to death in the hallway, tears streaming down her face as she repeated over and over again how excited she was to see him.

“Big brother!” He couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when Robbie wrestled his way out of their mom’s arms and came barreling toward him.

He hadn’t seen his brother in almost two years and he had missed him terribly.

“Baby brother!” He pulled the younger man into his arms tightly, wrapping him up in an attempt to keep him from falling over.

They stood there hugging for a few minutes before Robbie pulled back, his eyes searching the room behind Ethan’s head.

He watched as Robbie’s eyes got wide at the sight of Leanne curled up on the couch and Eli sitting crosslegged on the floor.

“They yours?” He whispered, his attention turning back toward him as he spoke.

“Yeah.” Ethan didn’t know why he was so afraid to have this conversation with Robbie.

He was his best-friend after all.

“Let’s talk bro.” And with that he was slinging his arm over his shoulders and escorting him toward the stairs.

Ethan heard his mom let out a soft sigh as she made some comment about ‘her boys’ and then they were heading toward Robbie’s room without another word.

“So... who’s the girl?” Robbie shut the door behind them before he finished getting the words out and Ethan sighed.

“Hm?” He wanted to play dumb, mainly because he wasn’t in the mood for this conversation right now.

“The girl?” Robbie pointed downstairs with a huff. “Or, woman I should say. Who is she?”

“Her name’s Leanne.” Ethan said softly, his body falling onto Robbie’s bed with a sigh.

“Okay, Leanne. That doesn’t answer my question bro.” Robbie nudged him gently, pushing him toward the wall as he flopped down next to him. “Who is she? Where did she come from?”

“We work together at Angels.” Closing his eyes, Ethan was reminded of when he and Robbie were kids and they used to lay awake at night and talk about things.

Anything and everything.

They had always been best-friends and Ethan had missed him terribly since he had gone back to Afghanistan.

“Wait!” Robbie turned toward him with wide eyes. “Is she the doctor chick that’s had you all tongue tied and mushy the past six months?”

“I am not tongue tied or mushy.” He spat back. “And she’s not ‘that doctor chick’. She’s more than that.”

“Okay dude, sorry. But, for the record, you are totally tongue tied and mushy.” He had spoken to his brother on the phone a few times, and he always managed to bring up Leanne. But he was certainly none of the things that he was describing. “You’re smitten. It’s pretty obvious.”

“Is not.” He growled out.

“Is too.” He growled back.

“Robbie...” He may have loved his brother dearly, but his insistence about certain things was annoying.

“Ethan...” But he also knew that Robbie felt the same way about him sometimes.

“Is there a point to this conversation?” Ethan turned toward his brother and raised an eyebrow.

He wondered if Robbie was actually interested in his life or if he was just being a putz.

“Are you two dating?” Robbie asked softly.

“No. Not exactly.” They weren’t anything close to dating, or at least, he didn’t think they were.

“Not exactly?” Apparently it was just as obvious to his brother that he was confused about the whole thing.

“Well, I don’t think we are.” They had been out the one time by themselves, but he had promised her that it wasn’t a date. “I don’t really know anymore though.”

“Why is she here?” That was an even better question.

Especially considering that they weren’t dating.

“Her and Eli were gonna be alone for Christmas.” He had worried about them being by themselves while both he and Jesse were gone for a whole week. “I didn’t want that.”

“Eli?” Robbie raised an eyebrow as he sank back against the pillow.

“Yeah. Her son. He’s six.” Ethan said softly.

“She must mean something to you if she and her son came all the way here for Christmas.” Something was an understatement.

Ethan was falling for her, hard, and fast.

“We’re… I don’t know what we are.” But he had a fear that they were nothing in Leanne’s eyes. Nothing but friends. And it killed him. “Something, I guess.”

“Something? That’s it?” It did sound kind of crazy. “Just something?”

“It’s complicated.” He whispered.

“Well please, bro, explain.” He knew that Robbie was trying to help, but he had a hard time coming to terms with his feelings.

Especially considering that they didn’t seem to be returned.

“Robbie…” It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to his brother about this, because he was the only friend that he had in this world.

But it was all a little much for him sometimes.

“Oh come on man.” Robbie let out a soft sigh. “We’ve always talked about these kinds of things before.”

“There’s nothing to tell.” He closed his eyes as he felt tears start to form.

He wouldn’t break down about this in front of Robbie. 

Never in front of him.

“Are you dating?” Robbie asked again.

“I told you, I don’t know.” He knew that the answer was ‘no’.

Maybe subconsciously he hoped that if he avoided the truth it would make it not so.

“Are you two sleeping together?” He shifted his gaze toward his brother at his question.

“No.” He huffed out.

He knew it was wrong, but he wished that they were.

Everything about her turned him on.

And in ways that he’d never felt before.

Sure he had loved a few girls in his time.

And he had most certainly had his fair share of sex in his day.

But there was something about Leanne that made that all seem obsolete.

“No?” Robbie seemed confused.

“No Robbie, we’re not sleeping together.” Uttering those words made him angry.

“Why not?” Like he knew the answer to that question

“Because we’re not Robbie.” He whispered as he turned his head back away from him once more.

"She's pretty ya know?" He was very well aware of how beautiful she was.

“Yeah.” He replied with one simple word because he wasn’t about to go into detail about how attractive he found her.

"Don't you think she's pretty?" Robbie asked softly.

"Sure." He shrugged his shoulders at his brother’s question.

"Sure?! Ethan are you blind?” He rose his voice slightly as he rolled his eyes at him. “She's fucking hot."

"Hey now!” He hated his brother’s filthy mouth sometimes. “Don't talk about her like that."

"Ha! Got a reaction! Mission accomplished." But he really, really hated it when he used it to get a rise out of him on purpose.

"Excuse me?" He asked quietly, pushing himself into a sitting position, his back hitting the wall with a thud.

"Dude, you're acting like you've never met the woman.” Robbie glared at him from his spot against the mattress. “Clearly she means something to you. Stop being such a wuss and just talk to me about her."

"No." He crossed his arms over his chest as he pushed his sock covered feet against his brother’s side.

"Then I'm gonna start making stuff up.” His brother had a wild imagination so there was noway that would end well for him. “Or maybe I'll hit on her myself?"

“You, Robert Joseph, will do no such thing.” His brother was also a player.

A dirty, filthy player.

He would never let him anywhere near Leanne.

Not in a million years.

“So she is your girl?” He raised an eyebrow once more as he pushed himself into a sitting position, his back resting against the head board as he sighed.

“She’s…” He didn’t know how to finish that sentence.

He didn’t know what Leanne was to him.

Friend didn’t seem like enough, but girlfriend was clearly too much.

“Something?” Robbie asked.

“Yes. Something.” That seemed like an appropriate enough response.

“Her son, what’s he like?” He was thankful for the change in topic, especially when he felt a blush come over his neck and face after all that talking about Leanne.

“Eli? He’s great. Funny, smart, super shy though.” He was so smitten with the boy that he couldn’t control himself sometimes. He wanted to be that father figure for him so badly. “He keeps to himself mostly, but he’s a good kid.”

“He likes you?” Robbie’s question was soft and when Ethan shifted his gaze in his direction he could see the genuine interest and concern on his face.

“Seems too.” He prayed that Eli’s fascination with him was for real.

“Where’s his dad?” That question sent Ethan’s mind for a whirlwind.

He didn’t know if Leanne would be comfortable with him talking about all of that with a complete strange.

“That’s none of your business Robbie.” He said softly.

“Just curious.” He shrugged his shoulders as he gave him a soft look. “Woman like that, any man would be crazy to leave her. Especially with a kid.”

“He’s dead.” He whispered.

“Well there’s that…” Robbie’s face seemed to portray his uncomfortableness with the topic.

“Car accident. Six years ago.” He may not have known Leanne long, but when Jesse had told him the story of how things had come to be it had broken his heart in two. “Her husband was killed on impact. Their daughter died two days later. Leanne survived, barely. Eli was delivered by emergency c-section at 29 weeks.”

Just talking about it made his heart hurt.

He had wished above everything that he had known Leanne back then.

That he had been there to help her through all of that pain and suffering.

“I wasn’t trying to be insensitive bro.” Robbie whispered.

“Just leave it be then.” He just wanted to stop talking about it.

It was making him uncomfortable, very uncomfortable.

“So it’s just her and the kid then?” Robbie’s eyes were closed when Ethan shifted his gaze back toward him.

“For the past six years.” He replied.

He still couldn’t believe that it was just the two of them.

How someone hadn’t snatched her up and married her yet was beyond him.

“No wonder you were drawn to her then.” Ethan snapped his eyes toward his brother and raised an eyebrow.

“What’s that mean?” He didn’t know where his brother was going with this, but he had a feeling that he was going to hate it no matter what.

“Single mom, shy and quiet kid, tragic past.” Ethan took a deep breath at the sadness that crept over Robbie’s face. “Sound like anyone we know?”

“If your referring to mom you should probably stop while you’re ahead.” So what if he had been attracted to Leanne because of her partial resemblance to their mother.

And so what if he was becoming attached to Eli because he remembered what it was like to be a kid without a dad.

“Hey I love mom, don’t get me wrong.” Robbie’s features softened at the mention of their mother. “This isn’t a stab Ethan, it’s just pointing out an observation. You saw a little bit of mom in her didn’t you?”

“Shut up Robbie.” He hissed.

“I’m serious bro. You’ve always been so close to mom.” His mom was the most important person in his life and she had been since the day his dad had walked out that front door. “It doesn’t surprise me that you’d go after a woman with a similar past.”

“Nothing about their pasts is similar Rob.” He snapped, his eyes growing dark as an anger settled in his chest.

“Single mother. Young kid.” Robbie was poking at the sleeping bear now and Ethan wanted it to stop. “Both kind of broken and shy.”

“Mom chose to be single, Leanne did not.” Nothing about what had happened to Leanne had been by choice and it broke his heart that she had to go through with it. “Mom voluntarily raised three kids alone, Leanne is raising her son alone because life isn’t fair.”

“If it quacks like a duck...” Ethan had had enough and he quickly scrambled over Robbie’s legs and stood up.

“Goodbye Robbie.” He huffed, his body turning toward the door as Robbie reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Hey dude, come on.” His brother’s voice was soft and Ethan knew that he was sorry for what he had said and how he had said it. “I’m just trying to talk to you.”

“I’m done talking.” But he had had enough. “I’ll see you later.”

And with that he exited the room with a sigh, his back settling against the door after he closed it.

Taking a deep breath he slowly made his way back downstairs and toward the woman he was suddenly so protective of.


	22. Chapter 22

Leanne had instantly been enamored with everything about Ethan’s mom’s house.

It was so quiet and peaceful, especially at night.

And despite it’s large size, it was rather cozy.

She had instantly felt at home and she was so thankful for the feeling of safety it gave her.

Ethan’s mom had also been overwhelmingly welcoming and she had done everything she could to make her and Eli feel right at home.

She had been the most gracious of hostesses and even her husband Grant had gone out of his way for them.

Ethan hadn’t been lying when he had said that they were nice people.

After they had gotten settled in, she and Eli had curled up and taken a nap together in the bed in her room.

And then Ethan had made them a late lunch while they had talked about all the things they wanted to do during their week together.

Once they had finished their food Sophia and Grant had offered to take Eli down to the stables with them and she had readily agreed.

She knew that the boy was dying to get a close up look at the horses.

She was anticipating staying back at the house, but Ethan had chimed in that he would be tagging along and so she had joined them too.

They spent almost two hours with the horses and Eli had been over the moon when she had told him that he could ride one.

It had probably been one of the proudest moments of her life when her normally cautious son climbed right on up onto the horse with no fear.

She had expected Ethan’s mom to be the one that showed him the ropes, but instead, it was Ethan.

And her heart had nearly exploded in her chest at the sight before her.

They were clearly made for each other and she couldn’t believe that she was so hellbent on keeping them apart.

After returning to the house they had enjoyed hot chocolate by the fire and then she had retreated to the kitchen to help Sophia with dinner.

At first she had tried to refuse Leanne’s help, but she had eventually won the woman over and before she knew it she was making homemade mashed potatoes.

The rest of the night had gone well and she and Ethan had settled in the playroom with Eli not long before his brother had arrived.

He vanished upstairs with the younger man and never returned.

When she went to tuck Eli into bed a little while later the light was on his room but it was quiet.

Part of her wanted to go make sure he was okay, but part of her was scared of crossing a line.

Choosing to be brave she reached her hand up and knocked on the door softly.

“It’s open.” He called back.

She could make out the sound of movement on the other side and she took a deep breath as she slowly opened the door.

“Just me.” She said softly, her eyes scanning the room in front of her.

It was a decent size, the same as the one Eli was sleeping in, and it was painted a soft gray.

There were a few trophies scattered around the shelves, baseball from the looks of it, and there was a Back to the Future movie poster hanging on one side of the room.

It was like stepping back in time to when Ethan was a teenager.

She wondered if his mom had changed anything about the small space since then.

The other wall was covered completely in book cases, a small desk sitting in between and she felt her heart start to race.

She had no idea that Ethan read that much.

His bed was nestled against the far wall, next to the window seat, and it was covered it what had to be the world’s softest looking blanket.

She instantly felt like she was seeing a part of his life she was never meant to see.

“Everything okay?” He asked from his spot on the bed.

“Yeah.” She swallowed as she offered him a small smile. “Just making sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” He whispered.

She could tell that he wasn’t fine, but she knew it wasn’t her place to push.

“I’m gonna head to bed.” She didn’t know why she was telling him this.

“Okay.” He leaned back against the headboard once more and offered her a smile. “Sweet dreams.”

She nodded her head before turning back around and stepping into the hallway.

“Nighty night.” He called to her.

She stopped just outside the door and hung her head, a smile coming over her features as she turned back toward him.

“Nighty night.” She whispered back.

He offered her a soft smile and a wave and with that she headed toward her room.

She could feel herself falling faster and faster for him.

And she both loved and hated it.

—

Later that night Leanne woke up and realized it was a lot colder than she had anticipated.

Shivering, she made her way to the bathroom and then headed out into the hallway.

She didn’t know why, but she wanted to check on Ethan more than anything, so she made her way toward his room.

But his door was open and the room was empty.

Letting out a sigh she moved to Eli’s room to make sure he was settled in okay.

The sight before her made her heart flutter in her chest.

Ethan was sitting in the window seat of Eli’s room with the boy in his lap, a blanket wrapped around them both as they both stared out the window.

She could make out the snow falling slowly outside and it made her shiver.

Not just with a chill, but with excitement.

She had never experienced such a thing firsthand.

“What do you wanna do first in the snow?” She heard Ethan ask softly.

“Build a snowman.” Eli whispered his response as he pressed his face against the cool glass. “I’ve always wanted to build a snowman.”

“We can do that.” Ethan brushed some of the boy’s hair aside and dropped a kiss to his head.

“Can we give him a hat and arms and a carrot nose?” He asked softly.

“Of course we can.” Ethan let out a chuckle with his response and she watched as Eli turned toward him with bright eyes.

“And can we go ice skating? I’ve never been ice skating before.” She didn’t know what the boy’s sudden fascination with ice skating was, but she was thankful that Ethan seemed willing to indulge him.

“We sure can buddy. Whatever you want.” Eli beamed back at him before turning back toward the window.

“Do you think mommy knows it’s snowing?” He asked after a few minutes.

“I don’t know bud, I’m sure if she wakes up she’ll see it.” She wanted to interject and tell them that she sure did see the snow and that she was loving it.

But she wanted them to have this moment.

She knew that after the past few weeks of the back and forth, they needed it.

“It’s so pretty.” Eli whispered. “I bet mommy will love it.”

“I’m sure she will.” Ethan whispered back.

There was a certain tone to his quiet voice that made Leanne’s insides tingle.

She stood and watched them for another few minutes while they sat in silence and she wanted nothing more than to go snuggle up with them in the small seat.

But then Eli did something that completely stumped her and she was frozen to her spot.

“Ethan, are you and mommy gonna get married someday?” The boy’s question was barely audible from her place at the door but she heard it nonetheless.

It sent her heart into a tizzy.

She couldn’t believe that he would ask such a thing.

She wanted to bust into the room and break up the chat right then and there, but she was also curious to see how Ethan handled this.

“Not anytime soon pal.” He said with a soft chuckle.

Not anytime soon? Who was he kidding? They were never getting married.

Nope.

“Oh. Okay.” She could tell that Eli was saddened by the older man’s response and she felt her heart break for him.

“Why?” Ethan asked the same question she was dying too.

“Because I’d really like it if you were my new daddy.” And there it was.

The same response that she had gotten when she asked why Eli wanted Ethan to hang around so much.

“I’d like that too buddy.” She couldn’t handle hearing Ethan say those words. “But that’s not exactly how it works.”

She knew that he cared about her and Eli.

But to hear him confirm it like that was too much for her.

“Oh.” The boy whispered back.

“But I promise you, we can be friends okay?” Ethan ruffled Eli’s hair as he pulled him toward him, his eyes locking with the boys as he spoke.

“Best-friends?” Eli whispered his question with tear filled eyes and Ethan leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his forehead.

“Best-friends.” He whispered back.

Eli nodded his head before falling against Ethan’s chest with a soft sigh.

She watched as Ethan wrapped his arms around him tightly, the boy snuggling into his embrace as his eyes closed and he drifted off to sleep.

She stood there and watched the two of them for a minute, before stepping into the small room.

“It’s beautiful.” She whispered.

“Always is.” He didn’t skip a beat with his reply and she wondered if he had known she was there the whole time.

“I bet you missed snow when you were in Afghanistan.” She bet he missed a lot of things.

“Yeah. It’s a weird thing to miss I guess, but, it was always such a big part of my childhood.” She imagined that as a child it was a special thing to him. “Mom would always make a big deal out of it. We’d miss school and play until our fingers went numb. I remember Robbie even convinced her to let us play in the dark one time. I thought we were gonna freeze to death.”

“You talk about your brother a lot.” She had heard more about him the past few weeks than she had in the seven months she had known him and she was curious to meet him. “You two are close?”

“When he’s around, yeah.” She could hear an almost regretful sound in Ethan’s voice and it made her heart hurt for him.

“He’s gone a lot?” She knew that he was right next door at the current moment, but she got the feeling that this was the first time he’d been home in a while.

“He’s in the Army too. He travels a lot.” Ethan sighed as he turned toward her. “Spends a lot of time alone.”

“You miss him?” She couldn’t imagine what that feeling was like.

She wasn’t close with her sister, not like Ethan seemed to be close with his brother.

“He’s my best-friend. We used to be real close. I mean, growing up, we were inseparable.” She had seen the pictures downstairs on the mantle of the two of them together. They had been quite the adorable pair. “But these past few years, he’s been, different. Something’s been off with him. He keeps to himself now mostly. Doesn’t come around too often.”

She remembered the way his mother had almost lost her mind when the younger man had arrived earlier and she guessed that she was missing him just as much.

She heard him let out a sigh before turning to look at the boy in his lap.

He brushed back some of Eli’s wayward curls with a smile and then turned back toward her.

“You’ve got yourself one hell of a kid here Lea.” He whispered.

“Yeah.” She said softly. “He’s pretty special.”

“You’ve done a good job with him.” He smiled up at her as he reached a hand out to take a hold of one of hers. “I hope you don’t ever doubt that.”

“Sometimes I do, but I think that’s par for the course when you’re a single parent.” It was more than just sometimes that she felt like she was failing.

“Yeah, probably.” But she bet that he knew what that feeling was like since his mother had done the same thing.

“I should get him back to bed.” She really wanted to stay there all night and watch the snow with him, but she knew that Eli should sleep and so should she.

“I got him.” He whispered softly as he stood, holding Eli against his chest tightly.

He moved toward the boy’s bed and deposited him under the covers gently.

And then he pressed a kiss against his head as he pulled the blankets up to his shoulders.

“Goodnight buddy.” He whispered softly before stepping away from the bed.

She moved in and copied his movements, whispering an ‘I love you’ against the tot’s head before pulling back.

“I’ll walk you back to your room.” Ethan said softly.

“How gentlemanly of you.” She watched as he rolled his eyes before motioning for her to walk out into the hallway.

He pulled the door to the boy’s open closed slightly before walking her the few feet toward her own room.

“Get some sleep.” He whispered, his hand going out to rest on her hip.

“You do the same.” She whispered back, her eyes closing at the intimacy of the situation.

She felt his forehead fall to rest against hers and he let out a soft sigh as his other hand reached up and cupped her cheek.

She was 100% certain that he was going to lean in and kiss her right then and there and she wasn’t nearly prepared for that.

“Goodnight Leanne.” He said softly, his lips pressing against her forehead gently before he pulled back.

“Goodnight Ethan.” She replied as she opened her eyes.

But by the time she focused in on her surroundings he was gone, his bedroom door shutting quietly behind him as he turned in for the night.

She let out a soft sigh before entering her own room, her fingers going up to brush against her forehead.

It’s not that his lips hadn’t pressed against her skin before, because they had, but this time it was different.

This time she had wished more than anything that they were pressing against her lips instead.


	23. Chapter 23

When Leanne woke up the next morning she was shocked to find that there was a good seven inches of snow on the ground outside.

She had thought it was probably the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.

Eli had been over the moon about it and after downing his bowl of oatmeal in record time he had begged and pleaded for Leanne to take him outside.

“He’s more than welcome to come with us.” Leanne had been shocked to hear Ethan’s step-brother speak up from the end of the table.

Owen and his wife Jamie had arrived late last night with their three kids and while Leanne had simply gotten in a greeting before they were all ushered off to bed, she had pegged the man for a quiet one.

“Please mommy?” Eli’s eyes were wide and when she lifted her head to look at Ethan from across the table he simply shrugged his shoulders.

“We’ll be right outside.” It was Owen’s oldest daughter who replied back, Emma, if Leanne recalled correctly and she let out a soft sigh.

“That would be fine.” She shifted her gaze down to her son and offered him a soft look. “But you have to listen to Owen you hear? And no running off. Stay where he can see you.”

“Yes mama.” Eli leaned up and pressed a kiss against her cheek before running upstairs and toward the room he was sharing with Owen’s son.

Both boys feet thundered on the stairs as they giggled over what kind of hat to put on their snowman.

“He’ll be fine.” Ethan whispered softly.

“I know.” She whispered back, her eyes following Owen as he and the girls headed upstairs as well.

Ethan had chuckled softly before standing, his now empty bowl in his hands.

“Relax.” He pressed a kiss against the top of her head with his words. “I’ll be with him.”

And then he was dropping his bowl into the sink in the kitchen and making his way up to his room.

She let out a soft sigh as Jamie patted her arm from her spot beside her.

“Let me guess,” She said softly, “he doesn’t get out much?”

Leanne shook her head back and forth as she swallowed.

She hated being found out by other moms.

“He’s not a very social kid.” She whispered. “He never has been. I always… worry.”

“They’ll be okay.” She stood from the table as well, her hand resting on Leanne’s shoulder as she continued. “Jacob’s not very social either. They’ll make quite the pair.”

Leanne nodded her head as she turned and offered her a small smile.

“Thank you.” She hoped that the woman understood what she was getting at.

She was thankful that she hadn’t judged her and instead had supported her.

She didn’t seem to get much of that from the soccer moms at Eli’s school.

—

A little while later Leanne had finally decided to join everyone outside and she was enjoying a quiet conversation with Jamie when a pick-up truck pulled into the drive.

“Who’s that?” Eli whispered his question to Ethan as the man knelt beside him and Ethan smiled back at the boy.

“My brother.” He said softly.

Eli simply nodded his head as the other three kids ran toward the younger Willis brother, cries of ‘Uncle Robbie’ coming from their lips.

She watched as Eli waited patiently next to Ethan, his arms wrapped tightly around the man’s leg.

She knew that he was nervous about meeting new people and she prayed that he had nothing to be nervous about.

She had heard nothing but good things about the young man and she herself was excited to finally meet him.

After Robbie had hugged the others and promptly dropped them all gently into a giant mound of nearby snow, their giggles echoing through the small area, he made his way toward Ethan, his eyes going straight to the boy at his side.

"Who are you?" Eli asked before Robbie or Ethan could get a word in edge wise.

"I'm Robbie.” He said with a smile, kneeling down in front of the tot. “Who are you?"

"Elias James Rorish.” He said proudly. “But you can call me Eli."

"Elias James huh?" Leanne didn’t know where the man was going with this but she watched as he shifted his gaze toward Ethan with his question.

"Yep. That's me." Eli smiled back at Robbie and the man let out a chuckle before standing, his attention shifting to Ethan.

"You sure he ain't your kid?" He asked softly.

Leanne felt her heart stop in her chest.

If she didn’t know 100% that he wasn’t Ethan’s, she would question it too.

"Positive." Ethan’s reply was quiet and she could see a pained look in his eyes.

She hated that he had gotten so attached to them so quickly.

"I don't know man.” Robbie shrugged before turning back to Eli. “He's got your middle name."

"Coincidence Robbie.” Ethan rolled his eyes as he lifted Eli up and onto his hip. “It was his father's middle name."

"He's got that constant silent smirk going on." Robbie pointed at the young boy and smiled.

"I do not have a silent smirk!" Leanne certainly noticed that look about Ethan on day one and she thought it was downright adorable.

"What's a smirk Ethan?" Eli asked softly, his eyes scanning Ethan’s face for some sort of clue.

"He means smile buddy." His reply was just what Leanne expected.

Calm, cool, and collected.

He was always so gentle with the boy and it made her swoon.

"Oh. Yeah you do! You always look so happy!” Even when he was angry or stressed out she could always count on Ethan for a smile. “Mommy says she likes your smile."

She had never said such a thing!

“Thanks buddy.” He whispered. “I’ll make sure to tell your mommy you said that.”

She guessed that he wasn’t aware of her presence at the bottom of the steps.

She waited for someone to rat her out, but no one did.

“She likes his smile huh?” Robbie’s question caused Eli to perk up, his eyes going wide as he smiled back at the man. “What else about him does she like?”

Eli got ready to respond when Sophia came to the door and called everyone in for a lunch break.

She was both thankful and annoyed.

She wanted to know how much the boy knew about her feelings toward Ethan.

But she most certainly didn’t want Ethan to know.

—

Later that afternoon Leanne had settled herself on the couch in the den with a book and a cup of hot tea while Eli napped.

She had been a few pages into the novel she had chosen when a figure appeared in the doorway, soft blue eyes staring back at her as she tried to act like she didn’t notice the presence.

"Leanne right?" Robbie’s voice was soft as he pushed himself off the door frame and into the room.

"That's me." She replied quietly.

She hadn’t been formally introduced to the younger Willis brother and she was both excited and anxious to meet him.

"Robbie.” He stuck his hand out in her direction and offered her a smile. “I'm Ethan's brother."

"Ah. The infamous Robbie.” She shook his hand gently and returned the smile. “It's nice to meet you."

"Infamous?” Robbie seemed shocked that she had even seemed to know who he was. “Ethan talks about me?"

"Yeah. I've heard a story or two." He had only mentioned Robbie a handful of times, but every time he had he had been almost enthralled with his own story.

Leanne could tell that they were close, no matter how much they may have bugged each other.

"Oh God.” He rubbed at the back of his neck as he sighed. “Nothing bad I hope."

"No. Nothing bad." She hadn’t heard Ethan say anything bad about his brother in fact.

"Well in that case it's nice to meet you too.” He said with a soft laugh as he moved to sit next to her on the couch. “Ethan talks about you too you know?"

"So I've heard." She whispered.

She had heard from quite a few of Ethan’s relatives that he talked about her.

And from the sounds of it, he never shut up.

"He's quite smitten with you.” Robbie’s eyes sparkled, just like Ethan’s, and Leanne could tell that he was excited about his brother’s new obsession. “And that kid of yours."

"Your mother said the same thing." Ethan’s mom had been nothing but welcoming and she hadn’t hesitated to tell Leanne how she already knew all about her thanks to Ethan’s twice weekly phone calls.

"Great minds think alike." Ethan had told her that Robbie and his mom were two peas in a pod and she could see why.

"I can't imagine that Ethan has much to say about me.” She didn’t know why he would be talking about her to his family. “At least not good things anyway."

Not that she minded, she just didn’t think they were at that stage in whatever this was that they were in.

"He does. Trust me." Robbie smiled as he spoke.

She wondered what all Ethan had said about her.

"I'm flattered I guess." She shrugged her shoulders as she put her book to the side and folded her legs up under her.

She wanted to know more about Ethan and Robbie and everything surrounding their lives.

"You should be.” He pointed at her softly and chuckled. “I don't mean to be cocky, but anyone lucky enough to have my brother in their life should be thankful."

"He's a good man." Ethan was a good man, the best kind of man.

She was lucky to have him in her life.

And in Eli’s.

Of that much she was certain.

"He's the best. Really.” Robbie sighed as he sank back against the couch cushions. “He's my best friend. Hell, he's really my only friend at this point."

"He seems to be very proud of you." Ethan had mentioned how his brother had overcome a lot to get where he was today and it had made her heart melt.

Seeing him so proud of his brother gave her hope.

She hoped that one day she’d be able to let him into her life enough for him to show Eli those same feelings of love and pride.

"Ha! Ethan has a lot of feelings about me.” He closed his eyes as his head fell back against the back of the couch. “I'm fairly certain that pride isn't one of them."

"He is. Trust me.” She whispered. “I may not have known Ethan long but I know enough to know that."

"Yeah, well, we've certainly had our fair share of issues." He reopened his eyes and shifted his gaze toward a picture on the table behind the couch.

She hadn’t noticed it before, but now that he was paying attention to it she couldn’t help but let her eyes wander toward it.

It was a picture of who she could only assume were Ethan and Robbie with their sister.

They were all still kind of young, Ethan and Gracie probably no older than seven or eight, Robbie was maybe four, and they were on the beach.

They were all laughing at something and the twinkle in Ethan’s eyes made her think of Eli and how he lit up when something excited him.

She knew damn well that Eli wasn’t Ethan’s biological child, but there were definitely times when even she was fooled.

"You guys had it rough growing up?" Ethan hadn’t shared a ton of information about his childhood with her, but she knew enough to know that it wasn’t easy for them.

"We managed.” Robbie shrugged his shoulders as he shifted his gaze away from the picture and back toward her. “Mom made sure we never went without."

"It must have been tough, growing up without a dad like that?" If anything, she wanted a little insight into how they dealt with it.

Eli was still young, too young to really understand.

But Robbie and Ethan had lived through it. They knew what it was like to grow up completely without that male figure in their lives.

"It was." He huffed out.

Leanne got the impression that Robbie had a very different take on the situation than Ethan did.

"Ethan seems to be okay with it.” Ethan had seemed to grow up without too many issues. “He told me it wasn't too bad."

"That's cause Ethan's a hard ass.” He snapped back. She was taken aback by his tone, he seemed so calm and level headed before. “Even as kids he was like that. He didn't care much about anything."

"I wouldn't say that.” She knew better than that though. Ethan cared about a lot of things, and people, probably more than he should have. “He cares about you and your mom. From what little I've heard, he loved your sister."

"He didn't care that mom sent dad away.” And there it was, what Leanne had suspected. Resentment. “He was proud of her. I never understood why."

"Ethan told me that he hit your mom.” That was as good a reason as any to get rid of a man in her book. “Sounds like a good enough reason to me."

"He hit her once. Once! During an argument. And she hit him first.” Robbie was entirely too defensive of their father for someone who only had one side of the story. She wondered if he knew more than he lead Ethan and Sophia to believe. “But she always left that part out. She made herself out to be the victim."

"That's not what Ethan said happened." Ethan had told her the story once.

How his dad had struck his mom and she hit him back, all before telling him to leave and never return.

"That's cause Ethan wanted to take mom's side.” She highly doubted it had anything to do with taking sides and more to do with wanting what was right. “He got to be the man of the house with dad gone. He didn't care."

"You guys were just kids Robbie.” She doubted that Ethan saw things like that. It certainly wasn’t his style. “I doubt that was how Ethan viewed the whole thing."

"He never got to know the whole story." Robbie scoffed.

"And you did?" She raised a questioning eyebrow in his direction as she spoke.

"Yes." He stated simply.

"How? You were just a baby.” She remembered Ethan saying that Robbie hadn’t been any older than two at the time. “How did you know what was going on."

"Dad told me." He crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the couch once more.

"I didn't realize you guys had any contact with him?" Ethan never mentioned speaking to his father to her before.

The only man he talked about was Grant, but never his dad.

"We, don't. He came back around when I was twelve, right before Gracie died.” Leanne was shocked to hear that. Ethan had never mentioned his father’s return to her. “Ethan didn't want anything to do with him, neither did mom."

"But you did?" She wasn’t surprised that Robbie had been drawn to his father though.

The man was just looking to belong, for someone to share a bond with.

"We talked a few times. Kept in touch during high school.” She wasn’t sure how to feel about this news. She bet that Ethan wasn’t a supporter of all of this. “When I joined the Army I went to live with him for a while. He's s decent man. He didn't do anything wrong. Mom hit him and he reacted. It wasn't meant to be a big fight. But she kicked him out and refused to talk to him ever again."

"Ethan never told me that." She whispered.

"I never told Ethan that we were in touch.” Well that sure did explain a lot. “He and dad got in this blow up fight at Gracie's funeral and they never talked again after that. I figured it was just best to not mention it."

"Wow. I... he never told me any of that." She had no idea that he and his dad had had contact all those years ago.

And she most certainly didn’t know that they had had a fight.

"Of course not. He wants dad to be the bad guy." She let out a sigh this time.

She highly doubted that was Ethan’s goal in all of this.

"I don't think that's it Robbie.” She really didn’t want to cause tension between the two. “I think he just went with what he knew."

"He knew dad wasn't like that though. He knew it and he didn't care.” He did have a little bit of a point there. “Dad tried to apologize but he wanted nothing of it."

"And your mom?" She wondered if Sophia had been more accepting of the older Willis’ apology.

"She made peace with him, for Grace's sake.” She could see that. Sophia was a level headed enough person that she could totally understand her wanting to do something to benefit her children. “He wanted to be there at the end and she didn't have the heart to tell him 'no'. He just wanted to make things right."

"Did Grace want to make things right with him?" She wondered if Robbie would talk about his sister more than Ethan did.

"She wanted to try. She forgave him.” Grace must have been more like Sophia than her brothers. “She said she couldn't let go if she didn't at least try. That's what he and Ethan fought about it."

"Grace forgiving him?" She didn’t understand how that would affect Ethan though.

"Yeah. Ethan was always fiercely protective of her. Through thick and thin those two.” That would explain why Ethan never talked about her. He probably felt like part of him was missing. “She was his best friend and he was so broken when she died. He didn't understand why dad had to come in and ruin things during those last few months."

"How did he ruin things?" Ethan wasn’t normally one to let others dictate how he lived his life.

She wanted to know how he could let his father’s presence hurt him so much.

"He was by her side a lot. He sat with her and talked to her. He prayed with her and took care of her.” Their dad was starting to sound like a halfway decent man and it made her skin tingle. She didn’t want to be at odds with Ethan over a man she had never even met. “Ethan wanted no parts of him being around so he steered clear for a while. I think he felt like dad took away his last days with her."

"That doesn't sound like Ethan." Ethan wasn’t exactly the vindictive type.

"No offense, but how well do you really know him?" Robbie had a point.

She didn’t know Ethan that well. At least not as well as she wanted too.

"Well enough to know that that doesn't sound like him." But she did know that he was a level headed man and that he wasn’t one to just jump to conclusions about other people.

"He couldn't forgive dad and I don't know why.” Robbie sank back even further into the couch, his eyes closing once more as he let out a sigh. “I don't know what went wrong along the way that made him hate him so much."

"Perhaps all that responsibility took a heavier toll than you think?" She did know for a fact that Ethan had felt burdened at times about taking on so much as he got older and Grace got sicker.

"I don't know. Maybe." He shrugged his shoulders as he offered her a soft look.

"Look, Robbie, I don't know Ethan that well and it's my fault. I've shut him out to save myself the pain of getting hurt when he decides to get up and leave us. There are still so many mysteries about him, his relationship with your father is clearly one of them.” There were a lot of things that she didn’t know about him still and it killed her. “But I do that he loves you and your mom. And that he loved your sister. I think he felt the burden of your father leaving more than you think. And I think it's something that he's struggled with a lot since then."

"He didn't have to do it alone.” He whispered. “We always swore we would get through things together."

"I get the feeling that Ethan keeps a lot to himself,” She was starting to get the picture that the strong and stoic man that marched around Angels Memorial like nothing bothered him at all, wasn’t really as strong and stoic and nonchalant as he wanted everyone to think he was, “even when he shouldn't."

"He's always been so tough." She totally understood that.

Ethan never broke. Never.

And the only time that she had seen him come close had been when it came to her, or Eli.

That both broke, and warmed, her heart a little.

"He still is." She whispered back.

"He's really obsessed with you.” Robbie offered her a smile as he opened his eyes and gave her a look that said she should listen to him. “And that kid of yours."

"I don't know why.” It was her turn to shrug her shoulders. “I mean, Eli I understand, but me?"

"You seem nice enough." She let out a chuckle at Robbie’s words.

"Thanks, I think." He barely even knew her and yet he was making that judgement.

She thought it was sweet, but unnecessary.

"Ethan hasn't dated much.” That news came as a shock. “Even when we were in high school he pretty much kept to himself."

"Really?" She had a hard time imagining Ethan as not dating.

He was attractive of course, but his personality was rare in men.

"Yeah. He dated a friend of Grace's for a while before she passed away.” Robbie looked off into the distance as he tried to recall details for her. “And he had a serious girlfriend when he lived in London. But other than that, he's been on his own."

"That's it? Only two girlfriends?" Now that was hard to believe.

"I'm sure he's had dates, maybe even slept with a few of them too. But nothing serious.” She couldn’t believe it. Ethan hadn’t lived in London in almost a decade. She couldn’t fathom that he hadn’t been in a relationship since then. “At least not that I know of."

"He seems so invested in having a relationship with me." She still didn’t know why though.

She wasn’t that special.

"He must really like you." Robbie whispered.

"Yeah. Must." She couldn’t fathom why though.

"Do you like him?" His question sent her mind for a spin.

"I'm not sure how I feel about him to be honest.” Sure she liked him. He was a pretty decent guy after all. But she didn’t know if she liked him enough to be in a relationship with him. “I wanted to hate him when he first came around."

"Yeah, he has that effect on people sometimes." Robbie seemed to understand though.

"I didn't want to like him.” And she hadn’t wanted to like him. Not even as a friend or colleague. In fact, she had told Campbell that he was trouble at one point and that he needed to go. “And I certainly didn't want Eli to like him."

But that had all changed, and quickly too.

“Why’s that?” He asked softly.

“I’ve been through a lot in the past few years.” The accident had made her a different person. It had broken her in so many ways and she was still trying to recover from it, even after six years. “And Eli, he’s so young and vulnerable. I don’t want either one of us to get hurt.”

“Look, I don’t know you or your relationship with my brother, but I can tell you one thing. Ethan doesn’t half-ass anything he does, that includes his relationships with women.” She figured that much. He seemed like a pretty dedicated guy. Both as a friend, and as a lover. “If he’s with you, he’s with you. And he’s going to love you until the end of time. That much is for sure.”

“I don’t think he knows what he’s getting into.” She said quietly.

She was a woman with baggage. A lot of baggage.

She didn’t think he realized just how much of that baggage still weighed so heavily on her.

“I can bet you anything that he does.” Robbie pointed at her with a wink. “And even if he doesn’t, Ethan does his best work when he’s being challenged.”

“I can’t afford for anything to happen to me. Or to Eli.” She didn’t want to get hurt, but she was more worried about Eli.

He was already so attached to Ethan and while their budding relationship was adorable in its own right, she was worried what would happen to the boy if Ethan ever went away.

“He would never hurt you. Rest assured about that.” He smiled at her and she saw a glimpse of Ethan in him that made her heart swell. The two may have been opposites in so many ways, but there were little bitty parts of them that were obviously shared. “And if he did, I’d hurt him myself.”

“You’re a good brother Robbie.” She reached forward and patted his arm softly. 

“I try.” He said shyly.

“You won’t tell Ethan about this chat will you?” She really didn’t need Ethan to know that she had shared her feelings with Robbie when she wouldn’t even share them with him.

“Nope. Your feelings toward my brother are our little secret.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes just as Eli appeared in the doorway, his hair sticking up in every direction possible, his eyes still sleeping from his nap.

“Hi mama.” He said softly.

“Hi baby.” She reached her arms out for him and he made his way into the room, climbing into her lap and snuggling up to her.

Robbie let out a chuckle as he shook his head and Leanne couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at him.

“What’s so funny?” She asked softly, her hand reaching out to try and tame the boy’s hair.

“You sure he isn’t Ethan’s?” She didn’t know why people kept asking her that.

She was definitely sure that he wasn’t related to Ethan in any way.

“Positive.” She whispered.

Eli looked up at her with a soft smile and she simply snuggled him closer.

She was starting to understand Robbie’s logic.

Because looking down at Eli in that very moment had her thinking it was the young Ethan from the picture she had seen earlier.

“Just checking.” He whispered back.

He stood from his spot on the couch and reached out, ruffling the boys hair much like Ethan was accustomed to doing, and then his long legs were carrying him out of the room and out into the hallway.

She looked down and offered Eli a smile, just as he beamed back at her, and her heart swelled in her chest.

Maybe Robbie had a point.

Maybe letting Ethan in wasn’t such a bad idea after all.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry it took so long to update! The past week has been HORRIBLE and I haven’t really been in a good place emotionally or mentally. I have marked the story as “on hiatus” because I’m not sure when I’ll be able to post again, but I’m gonna aim to get back up and running by the end of the month. So I hope you guys enjoy this super long, snuggle filled chapter. Thanks to those of you who have stuck around, I really appreciate your support. <3

Ethan had been having a great time since arriving in Oregon three days earlier.

In fact, if he was being honest, he’d say he was having the best time he’d ever had.

And not just because Leanne and Eli with him.

Although that was surely making all the difference.

But also because Robbie was finally home and he was finally getting to spend time with his baby brother.

It had been too long since they had been together and he had missed him.

And they had been getting along great.

Until, they weren’t.

Ethan had woken up from a nap that afternoon to the sound of shouting coming from downstairs and he raced down to the kitchen as fast as he could.

He found his mom, Robbie, and Owen in the middle of a shouting match.

He wasn’t sure what they were arguing over, but his mother was in tears and Owen’s face was as red as red could be.

Robbie was shaking like a leaf, but his voice never faltered as he shouted one thing and another at their mom.

But then Grant had flown through the back door, his youngest son Parker hot on his heels, and he had escorted Sophia upstairs with careful hushes.

Owen had shoved Parker off of him before pushing Robbie back against the counter and then racing out the backdoor with a frustrated growl.

The glare that Robbie sent the younger man’s way could have killed and Parker scurried off into the den with a worried expression on his face.

Ethan didn’t know what was happening, but he hated it.

He had gotten ready to speak up when Robbie held a hand in the air.

“Save it.” He spat at him as he shoved past him and toward the front door.

“Robbie…” But he was gone before Ethan could get in another word.

When he turned back around he saw Leanne standing in the doorway to the dining room, her eyes wide as she and Owen’s girls stood in shock.

Shaking his head softly he moved into the room to collect the girls, ushering them upstairs quietly.

When he had returned downstairs Leanne was nowhere to be found, so he had slid his feet into his boots, pulled on his sweatshirt, and headed outside in hopes of finding Robbie.

—

He had found his brother elbow deep in horse shit, literally, and they had participated in their own shouting match before Robbie had told him to get lost.

Ethan didn’t want this day to go like this.

It was Christmas Eve.

They were supposed to be celebrating and getting along.

Not fighting constantly over God knows what.

They had all suffered through dinner rather silently, the only talking around the table coming from the kids.

Ethan was thankful that they all seemed to be to young to know better.

Except Emma, he could tell she was biting her tongue.

But in true Marshall fashion, she put on a brave face and smiled like nothing was amiss.

After helping Parker clear the table Ethan had retreated outside and tucked himself into the corner of the porch swing.

He had been there about fifteen minutes when the front door was gently pushed open and Leanne made her way outside, a soft smile on her face as she moved to stand in front of him.

“You’re gonna catch a cold out here you know?” She said softly, her eyes searching his face.

He wasn’t sure what she hoped she would find there.

“It’s not that bad.” He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke.

In reality, it was goddamn freezing, but he wasn’t going to admit that to her.

“Well I’m bringing a blanket anyway because I’m cold.” She held up the blanket she had snagged from the back of one of the couches and then moved to sit next to him.

She snuggled up against his side, her head falling to his shoulder as she draped the blanket over them both.

“Is everything okay Ethan?” She asked quietly. “What happened earlier, with Robbie? Is he okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s just… he’s in one of his moods.” In reality, he didn’t know what was wrong with his brother. They hadn’t been able to get that far. “It happens sometimes.”

“Oh. Should we leave?” Her question was barely audible but it broke his heart.

“No! You guys haven’t done anything wrong!” He didn’t want her to think that any of this was her fault, or Eli’s. His brother was just being a dick. “Don’t think that for a second. My mom invited you and I invited you and it’s fine that you’re here. He’s just…”

“In a mood?” She lifted her head up and offered him a sad look.

It made him weak knowing that she felt some sort of responsibility for what was happening around them.

“Yeah.” He whispered.

She lowered her head back down to his shoulder and he dared to reach out, his hand moving to rest on her thigh.

“Robbie, he’s got pretty bad PTSD. He gets, locked in his head sometimes.” He thought that he had been getting better, but it appeared as though he wasn’t being told the whole truth. “I guess he’s just afraid of other people seeing him like that.”

“I understand. We can always get a hotel or something.” He didn’t want them to get a goddamn hotel.

He wanted them to stay.

“Are you crazy? You’re not leaving.” He whispered. “He’ll get over himself.”

“Ethan…” She let out a sigh and he interrupted her before she could continue her thought.

“No! No, look I’m not having him chase you guys off.” He would never let his brother’s inability to cope with the real world break his relationship with Leanne apart. “He’s known that you guys were here, he could have left if he wanted. But I won’t let him ruin this for you, or for Eli.”

“I don’t want to make things uncomfortable.” He could hear the tension in her words and he squeezed her thigh gently. “Your mother… she’s been amazing. So have you. I don’t want this to mess up Christmas.”

“If it messes up Christmas it’s his fault.” He turned toward her then, offering her a soft smile. “But I won’t let that happen.”

“Okay.” She reached out then, squeezing his hand softly.

“Eli asleep yet?” He wondered if the boy was planning to head to bed early considering he was waiting not so patiently for Santa to come.

“No. He was watching a movie with your mom when I came out.” He couldn’t help the smile that came over his face. “She said it’s a tradition.”

“A Christmas Carol?” His mom loved that movie.

“Yeah.” She smiled back at him and he felt his heart flutter in his chest.

“We always watched that on Christmas Eve as kids.” They had watched one version of it or another on Christmas Eve for as long as he could remember. “Which version did they settle on?”

“Muppets.” She chuckled with her words and he couldn’t help himself from reaching out and brushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“That’s my favorite one.” He whispered.

“Maybe we should go join them then?” She pulled back from him then and he instantly regretted his bold move.

“You want too?” Part of him wanted her to say ‘no’ so that they could stay right where they were, alone, together.

But another part of him wanted to curl up with her and Eli on the couch and eat Christmas cookies and watch the movie that meant so much to him.

“Yes.” She whispered. “Do you?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” With that he stood up, pulling the blanket off of her as he went.

He held out his hand then, offering her a smile as she stood as well, her hand taking his softly.

They made their inside quietly, both of them shedding their boots and coats, and then they headed toward the den.

Everyone had seemed to make themselves mighty cozy, each corner of the big couches being taking over by a couple, his mom and Grant included.

He could barely make out Eli amongst the pile of blanket covered children on the floor and he offered him a smile as he made his way to the last empty corner.

Sitting down, he motioned for Leanne to join him, which she did, and he felt his heart start to race as she snuggled herself against him.

He had expected that to be the end of it, but the next thing he knew Eli was climbing into his lap and settling himself against his chest.

He couldn’t help but press a kiss against the boy’s head, and then against his mother’s, before pulling the blanket around the three of them with a soft sigh.

He caught sight of his mother’s face then, a giant smile spreading over her features as she took in the scene before her.

She offered him a wink and a mouthed ‘they look good on you’ before returning her attention to the movie.

He couldn’t help but let his eyes wander downward to the two people in his arms.

He couldn’t agree with his mother more if he tried.

They did look good on him.

Really, really good.

—

Eli had lasted about twenty minutes after climbing into Ethan’s lap before he was sound asleep, his little head having settled on Ethan’s shoulder as his breathing evened out.

Leanne only lasted fifteen minutes after that before she was nodding off as well, her body tucked against hers tightly as she let her arm relax across his stomach with a sigh.

He hadn’t wanted to move then, so he waited it out, letting the movie finish before he gently rose from his spot and carried Eli upstairs.

He had tucked him into the top bunk just as Owen came through the door with Jacob on his hip, the boy just as gone as Eli was.

When he came back downstairs Leanne was starting to stir and he had walked her up to her room quietly.

He had pressed a kiss to her forehead before heading into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

After he had finished up, he had grabbed his pillow and headed downstairs to the couch he had just vacated.

He had just tucked himself against the couch cushions when Owen and Parker appeared at the door, giant black trash bags in both of their hands.

“Are you two supposed to be Santa or something?” He asked with a smile.

Parker let out a laugh as he made his way into the room, dropping his bags beside the giant tree.

“Jack wanted me to wear a costume.” He said as he rolled his eyes. “Like that was gonna happen.”

Ethan couldn’t help but laugh.

That was just the sort of thing Parker’s husband would suggest.

“Did you guys bring stuff for Eli?” Owen asked as he plopped down on the couch beside him.

“It’s in the back of the Jeep.” He whispered.

Leanne had expressed her concern to him that Eli would panic about not being home for Christmas.

He thought that Santa would forget about him then.

“We’ll help you put it out.” Parker said with a smile. “But first, someone’s helping me put this damn thing together.”

Ethan looked up just as he lugged a cardboard box with the picture of a play kitchen on the front of it.

“How are you going to get that monstrosity back to New Orleans with you?” He couldn’t believe that they had gone through with buying that thing.

“Dad didn’t tell you,” He grabbed a pair of scissors from the coffee table and opened the box with a huff, “we drove.”

“You’re insane.” Owen growled out, his eyes scanning the area as he pushed himself from his seat.

“It was Jack’s idea.” He forced the box open as his eyes went wide at it’s contents. “Trust me, I had no desire to drive across country with three children.”

“Three girls mind you.” Ethan pointed at him as he pushed himself into a standing position.

He stretched with a low moan, his back aching from the hours spent in the car, and the hours spent trudging through the snow earlier.

“Ah yes,” Parker started pulling items from the box just as they heard the back door open, “they played the silent game for most of the car ride.”

“By choice?” He asked.

Ethan knew Parker and Jack’s girls well, and silence was certainly not something they were good at.

Parker got ready to respond when Grant’s middle son Carter appeared in the doorway, a case of beer in one hand and a tool box in the other.

“I brought reinforcements.” He said with a chuckle, his eyes twinkling as he made his way into the room.

And that was when Ethan noticed Robbie stepping up behind him, a giant box in his arms, a soft smile on his face.

“Beer ain’t gonna cut it man.” Owen growled out as he fell to the floor, searching through the dozens of plastic bags full of tiny parts that Parker had dropped there. “This thing makes noise.”

“Good thing dad just restocked the liquor cabinet.” Carter threw the doors to said cabinet open and Ethan couldn’t help but let out a low whistle.

“Are you sure we should drink while putting this stuff together?” He definitely was not the cautious one of the five, but something about alcohol, small power tools, and kids toys didn’t sound like a good combination.

“I guess I shouldn’t over anyone some of the pot I have hidden in my desk then should I?” Robbie’s question caused Parker to let out a howl and Ethan couldn’t help but join him in the laughter.

“That’s probably not very wise son.” The voice from the doorway caused all five of them to freeze in place, their eyes all shifting toward Grant’s tall frame as they swallowed.

“Daaaad…” Owen was the least likely to get fussed at so Ethan presumed that’s why he spoke up.

But Grant just laughed, making his way into the room and heading straight for the bottle of Jack Daniel’s that Carter had just opened.

“Let’s at least wait until we’re done here before we ponder getting high.” He said with a chuckle.

The other five men shared a look, a long, curious look, before busting out into a fit of laughter.

“Whatever you say dad.” Carter said with a smile. “Whatever you say.”

—

The six of them had successfully managed to get presents for ten children, including Eli, under the tree with very little injury.

Parker had sustained a rather nasty cut while attempting to assemble a bike for his youngest daughter Aimee.

And Owen had somehow managed to drop the box containing Jacob’s new drum set on his foot.

But other than that, there had been nothing more than a few paper cuts acquired.

And after they had tucked all the kid’s gifts securely into their designated spots under the tree they had all headed off to bed.

Ethan had been rather shocked when Robbie hadn’t offered everybody a hit of whatever homemade weed was hiding in his bedroom.

But then he had stated that it probably wasn’t wise for them to venture outside in the snow for such a task.

And they certainly weren’t about to stink up Sophia’s house with such a thing.

After they had all headed upstairs Ethan had tucked himself back onto the couch, his head falling to the pillow as he eyed the tree softly.

His mother sure had done a good job of decorating it this year.

Not that she hadn’t done so every year before.

He had just felt his eyes start to get heavy, the four beers and however many shots of whiskey he had consumed earlier finally kicking in, when he heard movement in the hallway.

The person stopped in the doorway before quietly making their way into the room and he opened his eyes to get a look at his new visitor.

“Leanne?” He asked softly.

He figured it was her, the build was right, and it certainly didn’t look like Jamie or Nicole from behind.

“What are you doing in here?” She asked softly, turning toward him before making her way toward the pile of gifts behind Eli’s sign.

“You didn’t think I’d forget did you?” He had promised her that he would make sure that Eli still got all his gifts from Santa.

“You did that?” She reached out and ran her hand along the handlebars of the boy’s new bike. “You put those out?”

“Yeah. All of us worked together.” He gestured toward the giant pile of gifts as he spoke. ”It was quite the operation.”

“I can see that.” She whispered as she made her way toward him. “You guys didn’t need to do that though.”

“It was fun. I haven’t gotten to do that stuff in a long time.” He hadn’t been home for Christmas in years and he couldn’t remember the last time that he had gotten to make Christmas about kids. “Kids make Christmas so special. It was nice to be able to take part in that.”

“Well thank you.” She said with a smile.

“Anytime.” He smiled back up at her and he could see the blush on her face.

“You were sleeping in here?” She asked softly, moving to sit next to him.

“Robbie snores like a grizzly bear and I can hear him through the walls.” He and Robbie had always had a hard time sharing the space, despite having separate rooms. “That and I always try to sleep by the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.”

“Tradition?” She turned toward him and her eyes were glistening in the light from the tree and it made his heart burst at the seems.

“Yeah.” His mom had always allowed them to each have their own little trees in their rooms growing up but that hadn’t stopped him from sneaking downstairs to sleep in front of the big tree.

Even long after he knew that Santa didn’t exist.

“You guys are big on those in this family.” She said with a soft smile.

He felt his heart start to race at the proximity.

That and the alcohol in his system.

“It was something mom always tried to do for us as kids.” His mom had always been big on tradition.

She said it was one of the things that kept her going while raising three little ones all alone.

“I like it.” She whispered.

She let her head fall to his shoulder and he let his head fall to hers.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them breathing softly, and he pondered asking her to stay with him.

Surely they could both make do on the big couch.

But then she was yawning and pulling away from him slightly and he knew the moment was over.

“You should get back to sleep.” He whispered. “I’m sure Eli will be up before dawn.”

“Most likely.” She nodded her head as she stood and he followed suit.

She got ready to walk away from him when he let out a soft sigh and grabbed her hand gently in his own.

“Merry Christmas Leanne.” He said softly as he pulled her toward him.

And then his hand was on her neck and his fingers were in her hair and the next thing he knew he was crashing his lips against hers.

She let out a whimper as she brought her free hand to his chest slowly.

But then she was pulling away from him with a soft sigh.

“I… I should go.” She mumbled, stumbling away from him like a bumbling idiot.

He felt his heart break in his chest in that moment.

He guessed he had really gone and screwed things up for good now hadn’t he?

—

Ethan hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after sharing the kiss with Leanne and instead he had wandered upstairs, checking to make sure that she had made it back to bed safely.

She was curled on her side with her back to the door when he stopped outside, peeking around the doorframe like a child.

Eli was tucked against her chest, that much he could tell, and he wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with the both of them.

It would have been the best Christmas present yet.

But he had refrained and instead he had headed back downstairs and turned on the TV.

The next thing he knew it was a little after 5:00am and his mother was making her way into the kitchen, humming a Christmas carol as she went.

He figured he should join her and at least help her get breakfast started before he jumped in the shower.

“Good morning mama.” He said softly, stopping in the doorway to the kitchen.

She turned and offered him a smile before pouring a cup of coffee and handing it to him.

“Good morning baby.” She whispered back. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas indeed.” He took the offered cup from her before pressing a kiss to her cheek.

He moved to sit at the island, watching as she went about gathering ingredients from the pantry that she would need for breakfast.

"So when are you and Leanne gonna get married?" She asked softly as she set her armful of ingredients on the counter in front of him.

"Mooom!” He loved his mother, he really did, but sometimes, she was even a little much for him. “We hardly know each other. We're not even dating."

"Could've fooled me." Apparently they could have fooled a lot of people.

"We're not mom." He whispered.

He more than wished they were.

He would give anything to be able to take care of her and Eli the way they both deserved.

"I've seen the way you look at her Ethan.” She offered him a soft smile as she reached out and patted his hand. “What's really going on between you two?"

"Nothing.” And he wasn’t lying. The kiss last night had clearly meant nothing to her. “We're just friends."

"Just friends my ass." Hell, he figured even a friend probably wouldn’t have run away from him like that after something so innocent.

"We are.” He nodded his head, as if he was trying to convince himself more than his mother. “And how do I look at her? What about my gaze makes you think we're into each other."

"You look at her like she's the best thing that's ever happened to you.” She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. And she wasn’t even his. “Like she's the only person in the room."

"I most certainly do not mother." He snapped.

His mother simply gave him a warning look before shaking her head.

"Yes son, you do.” She said simply. “And you know how I know?"

"How?" He didn’t much care how she knew because it wasn’t true.

He didn’t look at Leanne in any such way.

"Your father once looked at me like that." She smiled softly as she spoke. “Grant still does to this day. It’s the ‘look of love’ as your Nana used to say.”

"Mom please..." He didn’t want to hear stories about his dad, or his crazy old Nana for that matter.

Not on Christmas.

Not when things were supposed to be good and holy.

Nothing about that wretched man was good and holy.

"You look more and more like him everyday." He could see the shimmer of tears in her eyes and it broke his heart.

He hated that he was a constant reminder of the man who broke his mother’s heart.

She deserved so much better than the hurt that man had put her through.

Ethan would never stop being thankful that Grant had shown up and saved the day.

"Wish I didn't." He wanted no parts of his father.

Not when he was a child, and certainly not now.

"Ethan..." He knew that his mother wanted him to forgive the man.

That she needed him too.

But he couldn’t. Not after everything that had happened.

"No mom. We're not doing this.” He sighed as he hung his head, closing his eyes as he spoke. “You know how I feel about dad. Just leave him out of this."

"Okay, okay.” She held her hands up and offered him a smile. She was asking for a truce and he appreciated her willingness to stop. “I'm just saying."

"Well don't." Unlike Robbie though she seemed to understand, and to care, and he knew that the discussion about his father was officially over.

"So if you and Leanne aren't dating, why did she come with you?" And back to the awkward topic at hand.

"I didn't want her and Eli to be alone for Christmas.” He hated the idea of that. All alone in that big house. Nowhere to go and no one to come see them. “What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing honey. It's just..." The twinkle in his mother’s eye made him swallow.

She was up to something.

Just like always.

"Just what?" He was curious as to where she was going with this though.

If his mother was one thing, it was smart.

"Bringing someone home for Christmas is kind of romantic." He rolled his eyes at her words.

"Is not." It most certainly was not.

"Is too." Though, if he thought about it, he wouldn’t have done the same for Noa or Malaya, so maybe it was a little romantic in nature.

"It's not... it's not like that." But Leanne clearly didn’t see him like that and it was killing him inside.

"But you like her don't you?" Of course he liked her.

He was downright crazy about her.

"Yes mom.” He smiled with his words and he heard his mom let out a chuckle. “I like her."

"You want to date her don't you?" More than anything.

"I wouldn't turn down the idea.” He would most certainly jump at the opportunity. “Look, she's been through a lot, so has Eli. I don't wanna step on toes or push her too far. I'm trying not to be discouraged by it. I want to be there for her, and him. It's what they both deserve."

"That's sweet of you." They deserved better than him actually.

But he didn’t want that.

He wanted them to want him.

Just as badly as he wanted them.

"She's a good woman. The best.” He lifted his head and smiled at his mom. “She didn't deserve all the tragic things that happened to her. And Eli didn't deserve to grow up without a dad and a sister. It isn't fair."

He hated that she had been through so much.

That she had been so broken and alone.

He wished that he had known her back then.

That he could have provided some support and love for them when they needed it the most.

"It wasn't fair for you guys either." His mother was crying and he wouldn’t stand for it.

"Mom..." He reached out for her, taking her hands in his as he begged her not to go there.

"No. Look Ethan, I know you don't like talking about your dad, or Gracie, but you can't hide from it.” He wanted to bury those parts of his past. He wanted to erase them and act like they didn’t exist. He could move on from his dad leaving them, but losing his sister, that he couldn’t stand to think about, much less talk about. “You're attracted to Leanne, and better yet, Eli, because you know what it's like. You grew up without a father and you lost your sister. I get it."

"There's nothing to get mom." He said softly.

"It wasn't fair what I did to you kids, getting rid of your dad like that.” He shook his head. He hated when she blamed herself for their problems. His father knew better and yet he hadn’t bothered to stop himself from hurting her. “But I had to stand up for myself. I had to do what was right."

"I don't hate you for it ma, I get it.” He had never blamed his mom though, not like Robbie did. “He never should have laid a hand on you."

"No son, he shouldn't have. But we should have tried to work through it.” He hated it when she said that. No man should hit a woman, ever. And no man should ever be forgiven for such an act. “Instead I acted in the moment and it cost you guys your father and that wasn't fair."

"He deserved it." He snapped.

"No he didn't. Your father was a good man Ethan. He still is.” His eyes grew wide at her words. He wondered how she knew that he was still a good man. He prayed that she hadn’t been in contact with him. “He loved you kids more than anything. I never should have split you guys apart."

"He had eight years to make things right mom.” His dad could have tried to make amends the day after he left, instead he waited until Gracie was dying and he was full of rage. Robbie hadn’t been affected much, but he knew that eight years was too long for a father to be away for no reason at all. “Eight years to come back around. And yet..."

"He wasn't welcome Ethan, you know that." His mom whispered, offering him a soft look.

"What changed? Why let him back in at all?" He never understood why his mom had let him into the house that spring morning.

"Your sister was dying. He deserved to be there for her.” He didn’t deserve anything. “It's what they both deserved."

"He didn't care about her until then.” His dad had been well aware that his sister was sick. And he had been well aware that she had been dying for years. “She'd been sick since right after he left. What the hell changed?"

"Your father got himself together honey. He made peace with all the stuff he'd done.” He shook his head at her words. “He wanted to be there for you guys, especially you and your sister."

"I can't forgive him." And he couldn’t.

He couldn’t make it right.

There was such a deep, dark part of him that was lost when the man walked out on them.

A part of him he would never get back.

Abandonment did that to you.

"You should son. Your brother did. So did I.” He would never understand why. “And Grace, she had to forgive him. It was the right thing to do."

It most certainly wasn’t.

"Not for me it wasn't." He couldn’t make himself do it though.

And he knew that he never would.

"Your brother still talks to him you know?" He let out a sigh at her question.

"I know." Robbie had told him once that he and dad were in regular contact with each other.

He had stormed out of the room and refused to talk to the other man the entirety of that Thanksgiving weekend.

"You should at least try honey. He'd appreciate it.” He didn’t really care what his father would appreciate at this point. “After everything is said and done he's still your father and you're still his son."

"I stopped being his son the day he walked out on us." And he had. He hadn’t considered himself Martin Willis’ son in decades. “If I’m anyone’s son, I’m Grant’s. Not his.”

Grant Marshall had been more of a father to him in the nine months he had lived under their roof than his father had been his entire childhood.

"Ethan, that's not fair." And while his mother had surely welcomed their acceptance of Grant, and his children, with open arms, he knew that she wished he would have done the same for his own father.

"No, mom, it's the truth.” He set a stern look upon his face and eyed her wearily. He knew that she wanted them to make peace with each other. To start over and make things right. “And I'm sorry if it upsets you or Robbie. But that's just the way it is."

"I just wish you would reconsider sweetie." She squeezed his hands before stepping back from the counter and turning to collect the bowls from the counter behind her.

"I won't." He whispered.

"Okay. I'll drop it.” She turned back toward him and offered him a smile. “I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He hated it when he hurt his mom’s feelings.

Even as a little boy he couldn’t stand to see the woman upset.

"So... you and Leanne?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.

He had been halfway through cracking the eggs she had placed in front of him and he let out a sigh.

"We've been over this Mom, there is no me and Leanne." He raised an eyebrow in her direction and she simply laughed at him.

"There should be.” She returned to stirring the contents of her bowl as she spoke. “You two are adorable together."

"Adorable?" They most certainly were not adorable together.

Were they?

"Yes, adorable.” She smiled brightly at him as she stopped her movements, placing her spoon to the side as she crossed her arms over her chest. “And Eli, he's just the cutest."

"I told you he was awesome." He had told his mom all about them during their phone conversations and she had been more than delighted to meet them.

"He is. He's so sweet.” She had a twinkle in her eye. The same one she got when she talked about her grandchildren. He let out a sigh as he saw the wheels turning in her head. “Reminds me of you when you were little."

"Mom..." He was getting real tired of everyone saying that.

Especially to Leanne.

It had to be hard to hear that her son from her deceased husband looked like another man’s.

"He does. Same quiet, thoughtful personality.” He let out a sigh. That sounded just like Eli. “He sure does love his mama too."

"He's not my son." He whispered.

He wished more than anything that he was.

Deep, deep down, he wanted him to be.

"I know, but you could've fooled me." She winked at him as she took the bowl from in front of him, dumping the contents of the cracked eggs into the bowl in front of her.

"Robbie said the same thing.” He whispered. “So did Owen and Jamie."

"He sure does seem to adore you." The boy was over the moon about him and he didn’t quite understand why.

He wasn’t anything special.

"Yeah. He's been fascinated by me ever since I showed up at Angels.” But for some reason, Eli couldn’t seen to get enough of him. “I don't know why though."

“You’re an amazing person Ethan James.” She said with a smile. “That’s why he’s fascinated by you.”

“Wish his mother shared his enthusiasm.” He said softly, closing his eyes as he swallowed.

“She does Ethan.” He opened his eyes back up at his mother’s words and eyed her curiously. “Trust me son, she does. She’s just too scared to show it.”

“How do I get her to not be scared anymore?” He would honestly do anything at this point to get through to her.

He felt himself falling for her more and more everyday.

And if he dared say so, he found himself starting to even love her.

“Just keeping doing what you’re doing son.” She beamed back at him. “Be patient with her. Give her some time, and some space. But never, ever, leave her side. Understand?”

“Never?” He knew that Leanne wanted to push him away. And probably even more so after that kiss.

“She’s gonna fight you on it honey.” She was speaking from experience and he couldn’t help but smile back. “She’s gonna fight like hell to keep you at arm’s length. But you can’t let her win. Not in the long run.”

“What do I do until then?” He whispered his question as his heart started to flutter in his chest. Grant had successfully wooed his mother, so she must know something he didn’t. “I can’t wait forever.”

“You won’t have to wait forever baby.” She reached out a flour covered hand and patted his cheek from across the island. “Trust me.”

“I hope you’re right.” He whispered. “I hope you’re right.”

She didn’t reply back with words, instead, she patted his cheek softly before dropping her hand and returning to the task at hand.

He had gotten ready to speak up when Robbie shouted his name from upstairs.

So instead he offered his mom one last smile before pushing himself into a standing position and making his way up to his room.

He prayed that she was right.

He prayed that he didn’t have to wait forever.

Because as much as he cared about Leanne and Eli, as much as may have loved them, forever was entirely too long to wait to finally have them in his arms.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *An update, yay!  
> **This isn’t my finest chapter but honestly it’s more of a filler between storylines, but it’s got some good Ethan/Jesse content and that’s what I’m here for, lol. I hope you guys enjoy!

Leanne hadn’t wanted to enjoy herself so much while in Oregon with Ethan and his family.

She thought it would surely be easier if she had absolutely hated the trip.

But that wasn’t the case.

In fact, it wasn’t even close.

She hadn’t hated the trip, not at all.

She had enjoyed herself throughly and Eli had never seemed so happy and relaxed.

Ethan’s entire family had welcomed with open arms and had kept them there their entire visit.

Leanne couldn’t remember what it was like to have a family.

To have people who loved and cared for you. People who supported you and had your back.

She hadn’t had that in so long and she had forgotten what it was like.

But she had found it again with them.

And with Ethan.

Until they had kissed on Christmas.

And then everything felt, off.

She noticed that he wasn’t as close as before. That he kept his distance from her.

He hadn’t changed his focus on Eli though, and instead seemed to be more about the boy than he had before. If that was even possible.

She wondered if she had given off a vibe that was scaring Ethan away.

Or if perhaps he had realized after that kiss that he didn’t want her like that.

It surely wouldn’t be the first time a guy had just up and decided she wasn’t worth it.

It broke her heart, but for the remainder of the trip she had put on a brave face.

And as much as it killed her, she kept her distance from him as well.

—

After they returned to LA things seemed to return to how they were a few weeks before they left.

She kept her distance from Ethan and he kept his distance from her.

It didn’t seem fair at first, but she knew that it was what was best.

Pushing him away, keeping him at arms length, it was the only way to protect her heart from the inevitable heartbreak that was coming.

But poor Eli had taken the brunt of their separation.

And he wasn’t taking it well.

For a whole month after their return the boy asked for Ethan every morning and every night.

And every morning and every night she had had to tell him that he wasn’t coming.

She knew that he was too young to understand, but this was what was best for them all.

It had made working at Angels rather awkward though, and she had taken to avoiding working with Ethan like the plague.

The residents had made a few whispered comments behind her back about it, but she didn’t much care for gossip, so she had simply rolled her eyes in their direction and they had stopped.

It wasn’t until Jesse started to notice that things were off that she really got a talking too.

“So you never did tell me how your time off went for Christmas.” Jesse appeared out of nowhere while she was filling up her coffee cup and she let out a sigh.

She really didn’t want to talk about this right now.

“It was fine Jesse.” She said softly.

She hoped that he would take the hint and leave.

Today was just not the day to do this.

“Did you and Eli do anything fun?” It seemed as though he wasn’t going to do as she wanted though.

“Nothing to exciting, no.” She shrugged her shoulders as she dumped a sugar packet into her cup.

“Really?” Jesse raised an eyebrow at her as he smiled mischievously. “Because rumor around the hospital is that you and Eli went with Ethan to Oregon for Christmas. Is that not true?”

“Who told you that?” She hadn’t told anyone that they were going with Ethan for the week.

Not even Jesse.

Hell, especially not Jesse.

“No one. Everyone.” His eyes twinkled and she knew that she had been caught. “What does it matter? Did you?”

“Did I what?” But she wanted to keep him guessing in case that would ward him off.

“Did you go to Oregon with Ethan for Christmas?” He let out a sigh with his question.

“Yes.” And with that she started to walk away from him, her legs carrying her toward her office.

She heard Jesse’s footsteps behind her and she let out a low growl.

“And you took Eli?” She huffed as she pushed her office door open.

“Yes.” And he followed her inside without being invited.

“Where did you stay?” She shut the door behind him as she eyed him curiously.

She didn’t know why it mattered that she went with him.

Or where they stayed or what they did.

It was no one’s business but her own.

“With his mom and step-dad.” She said softly.

“Was it nice?” But then again, Jesse was her best-friend.

She supposed he was probably a little hurt that she didn’t tell him about her trip.

“It was very pleasant, yes.” And it had been pleasant and she had rather enjoyed herself.

And yet she had come home a grumpy mess.

“Did something happen between you two?” He asked quietly.

“No.” She could see the confusion in his eyes.

And the concern.

The concern got to her the most.

“So why have you been avoiding him for a month?” She hated that he knew her so well.

“I’m not avoiding him Jesse.” She actually was avoiding him but she wasn’t going to come right out and tell the man that. She didn’t need him asking a million questions why. “Things have been busy.”

“Riiiight.” He dragged out the word as he eyed her wearily.

“Look, since it seems there is no purpose to this conversation,” She plopped down into her desk chair and gave him an annoyed look, “I’m going to get back to work.”

“Fine.” He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll just go find Ethan then.”

But before she could protest he was already out the door and on his way.

— — — — — — — —

Ethan had been halfway through the giant stack of patient charts that he had somehow acquired when Jesse appeared beside him with a confused look on his face.

“Spill.” The head nurse didn’t hesitate to speak and Ethan jumped at the sound of his voice.

“Spill what?” He didn’t know what Jesse was up to, but it couldn’t be good.

“Whatever happened between you and Leanne over Christmas.” Ethan lifted his head and noticed the concern in the other man’s eyes. “Spill.” 

“Nothing happened Jesse.” He said with a sigh, dropping his pen onto the counter as he rubbed at his eyes.

He hadn’t slept right in over a month.

Not since they had gotten back from Oregon.

Not since he had kissed Leanne in front of the Christmas tree that night.

“She and Eli went with you back home yes?” He didn’t even want to know how Jesse found that out.

The only person Ethan had mentioned it to was Rollie and he doubted the man was going around spreading rumors.

Someone must have overheard them and took it from there.

“Yes.” He whispered.

“Did you guys have a good time?” He asked softly.

“We had a great time.” They had more than a great time. Until, they didn’t. “Eli loved it. And my mom adores him. And Leanne.”

His mom hadn’t stopped asking about them since they left too.

She wanted to know if he and Leanne had made any progress in their ‘relationship’.

He kept having to remind his mother that there was no such thing between them.

“Sooo… did something happen between you two?” Jesse must have been able to sense the tension between them.

Ethan would honestly have been surprised if he hadn’t been able too.

It was rather intense.

“What do you mean?” He wondered if Leanne had told him about the kiss.

He was curious to know how she felt about it after all.

They had never talked about it. Not a single word.

It was almost as if it had never happened.

“She’s been avoiding you.” He secretly wondered if she was hoping that it hadn’t.

“So I’ve noticed.” He whispered.

He hated that she was avoiding him.

He had tried to give her space when they were at his mom’s.

That was what the older woman had suggested he do anyway.

But it didn’t seem to make a difference.

She still seemed to not give a damn about him or their budding relationship.

“Why?” Jesse was a persistent one, that’s for sure.

“If I knew why Jesse, I’d fix it.” He didn’t know what she needed from him at this point.

Or what she wanted.

He wished she would tell him though because he missed her, and Eli.

“Did something happen that would have caused her to do that?” He was pushing in all the right ways and Ethan was helpless.

He had to fold.

He had to tell someone.

“I don’t know. I mean… we did kiss. On Christmas Eve.” Jesse’s eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to speak but Ethan held up a hand as he rambled on. “But it wasn’t anything super special. And I didn’t mean for it to happen. But that was it. The rest of the trip was purely platonic. We’re just friends, I get it. I guess.. I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders before letting his head fall forward. It was all a little much for him right now. “Maybe I screwed up with the kiss. Maybe it was too soon. Or maybe she didn’t want it. I don’t know. It just, it felt right, ya know? I just… I feel like an idiot. And now she won’t talk to me and she avoids me and she won’t let me see Eli. It just sucks.”

“Wait wait wait.” Jesse dropped both hands to his hips and eyed him curiously. “Back it up. You kissed?”

“Yes, Jesse, we kissed.” Ethan still couldn’t believe it himself.

“What kind of kiss?” He let out a huff at the man’s question.

“What do you mean what kind of kiss?” It was just a kiss. He didn’t get why that was so difficult to understand. “We shared a kiss Jesse, simple as that.”

“Was it quick or did it last a while? Was there tongue?” God he wished it had lasted longer than it did. And he certainly wouldn’t have been opposed to there being tongue. But there wasn’t. “Did it happen more than once? Was their mistletoe involved?”

“Woah woah woah.” He shook his head with a soft chuckle. “Slow down Jesse.”

“You better tell me.” He pointed a finger at him as he spoke sternly and Ethan knew he had better stop fooling around.

Jesse wasn’t one to mess around with.

“We kissed Jesse, that’s it. A quick and simple kiss.” That’s all it had been. It had been wonderful, but it had been nothing really. “It was late, the Christmas tree was the only light in the room, we had been talking. It just… it happened.”

“Who initiated it?” Like that made a difference.

“Me.” That was probably the problem.

She wasn’t ready and he knew it.

And yet he had pushed her to do something that she didn’t want to do.

“And that was it?” He raised an eyebrow with his question.

“Just one kiss.” Ethan said softly.

It had meant everything to him.

And yet, it appeared as though it meant nothing at all to her.

“And she’s avoiding you because of it?” The more Jesse brought it up the more it sounded like the stupidest excuse ever.

“I guess. I don’t know.” He didn’t know if that was why things had gone downhill for them, but he could only assume the two were related. “I mean… I thought things were going good. I guess I was wrong.”

“I’ll talk to her.” He said wearily.

“No, Jesse, don’t do that.” He didn’t want to make this worse. And more so, he didn’t want Leanne to think that he was the one spreading the rumors around the hospital about them. “Don’t make this awkward.”

“It’s already awkward.” Awkward appeared to be an understatement at this point. “The tension between you two couldn’t be cut with a chainsaw.”

“Please Jesse. It’s fine.” He just wanted to go back to normal. If she didn’t want to be his friend anymore, than so be it. “She doesn’t want this. I get it. It is what it is.”

“What about Eli?” The question sent Ethan’s heart into overdrive.

“What about him?” Leanne hadn’t allowed him to so much as talk to the boy since they got home and it was killing him.

He missed him so much it hurt.

“She hasn’t allowed you to see him?” He let out a sigh at the nurse’s question.

“No.” He said simply. “But he’s not my son Jesse, I don’t have a say in those kinds of things.”

“But that boy adores you.” He knew that, more so now that ever before.

“I know.” He whispered.

“I’m gonna talk to her Ethan.” He reached out and patted him on the shoulder softly. “This bullshit has gone on between you two long enough and I’m tired of it.”

But before Ethan could protest the man was marching back in the direction he had come from.

He let out a sigh as he picked his pen back up and returned to his files.

Praying to God that Jesse was able to get through to Leanne.

He missed her, and Eli, and he just wanted them back in his life.


	26. Chapter 26

Ethan hadn’t talked to Leanne in five weeks. 

Save for the very brief conversations involving patients.

And those conversations, were definitely brief.

He was tired of her giving him the cold shoulder.

Tired of him ignoring her and keeping him away from Eli.

It wasn’t fair.

He hadn’t done anything wrong and he hated that she was treating him like this.

He had enough of it and he was going to confront her about it even if it killed him.

Which, at this point, it very well might.

He had just finished up his rounds and decided that it was now or never.

He could do this.

He had to do this.

It was the only way things were going to get better.

Letting out a soft sigh he stopped at Leanne’s door and knocked softly, holding his breath as he waited.

“Come in.” He heard her voice call from the other side of the door.

He let out the breath he was holding and pushed the door open slowly.

When he stepped inside though the room was mostly dark, save for the small lamp on Leanne’s desk, and it took his eyes a minute to focus on his surroundings.

But when they did he felt his heart sink in his chest.

For curled up in a ball on Leanne’s couch was Eli, sleeping soundly, his jacket resting over his body.

“Hey.” He greeted her softly, giving her a once over as he spoke.

She looked downright exhausted and he could that she had been crying at some point.

“Hi.” She whispered.

He didn’t know if she didn’t want to talk to him for fear of waking up the boy.

Or if she was really just that mad at him.

“He okay?” He asked quietly.

He made his way toward the boy and felt his forehead.

He was burning up and Ethan let out a sigh.

“He’s got strep, and an ear infection that he can’t seem to kick.” Her voice trembled slightly as she spoke and he felt his heart ache for both of them. “I can’t send him to school because of the fever and the baby sitter’s out of town until Saturday.”

“I can take him if you want.” He would gladly take Eli home with him, or home to Leanne’s, whichever one. “I’m heading out now. I don’t mind.”

“I know you don’t mind.” She snapped back. “But it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine Leanne. He’s sick.” He knew that she was well aware of that fact but he couldn’t help but state the obvious. “He should be in bed or watching cartoons and eating chicken noodle soup. Not sleeping on the couch in your office.”

“It’s fine Ethan. I’m trying to get out of here as early as I can.” He knew that no matter how hard she tried that wouldn’t happen. “I will take care of my son however I see fit and I don’t need your input.”

“Leanne, please.” He didn’t want to plead with her.

He didn’t want to beg.

But at this point, he just wanted back in their lives again.

“I said ‘no’!” She shouted back. 

Ethan let out another sigh.

And then, he heard it.

A soft whimper from the couch beside him.

And when he looked down Eli was peering up at him from under his hoodie.

“Ethan?” He whispered the man’s name as he blinked his eyes sleepily.

“Hey buddy.” Ethan kneeled down beside him and he heard Leanne let out an exasperated breath. “Go back to sleep.”

Eli shook his head back and forth and offered Ethan a sniffle.

“I wanna go home.” His voice was so scratchy that it broke Ethan’s heart.

He could only imagine how tired and miserable he was.

“Leanne…” He lifted his head and offered her a look that he hoped was threatening enough to get her to give in to him. “Please let me take him. He’s miserable.”

“He’s fine!” She shouted. “He’s my son Ethan! Not yours! Not ours! Mine!”

Ethan heard Eli let out another sniffle and he told himself not to look down at the boy.

He knew if he did that would be it.

He would be wrapped up in him and he wouldn’t be able to get out. 

“Fine. Whatever.” He shrugged his shoulders as he pushed himself back into a standing position. “I’m just trying to help.”

And with that he stormed off, slamming Leanne’s office door behind him as he went.

If she wanted to be a bitch, fine.

He had had enough of her bullshit.

—

Ethan had wound up staying at Angels several hours past his scheduled time.

Part of him was hoping that Leanne would be able to leave if he offered to cover her patients for her.

The other part of him just couldn’t bare to go home to an empty house.

But Campbell had informed him about two hours after he had paid her a visit that she was still there.

And he had lost it.

He had stormed away, slamming doors and cursing under his breath.

And it wasn’t until Jesse found him a full hour later that he spoke to anyone at all.

“Everything okay with you?” Jesse asked him softly.

“Just tired Jesse.” He whispered.

“You and Leanne have another fight or something?” Jesse had to know that something was up.

There was no way that the others hadn’t figured out by now that he and Leanne were headed downhill.

“We’d have to be talking to each other to have a fight wouldn’t we?” Whatever Leanne’s problem was he didn’t know but it was becoming too much for him.

“She still isn’t talking to you?” Jesse sounded just as confused about the whole thing.

“No. I mean, she screams. She barks orders.” She had been treating him like shit at work. When she even acknowledged his presence at all. “Doesn’t really talk much though.”

“I told her that you offered to stay so that she could leave and take Eli home and she lost her damn mind.” He felt bad that Jesse had gotten barked at. It wasn’t his battle to fight. “Told me that I needed to tell you to mind your own damn business.”

“She’s mad because I offered to take Eli home when I noticed that he was here.” He just wanted the kid to be okay. He wanted him to rest and get some sleep. “Kid shouldn’t be sleeping on her couch when he’s sick like that. I was just trying to help.”

“Hey, I get it. I totally agree.” Jesse held up his hands and sighed. “I offered to take him myself but she refused.”

“She’s too stubborn for her own damn good.” He didn’t understand why she was being like this. He was fine with her shutting him out of her life, but keeping him from Eli, especially when he needed him, that was pissing him off. “Problem is, it’s only going to get one, or both of them, hurt in the long run.”

“Amen.” He knew that Jesse was just as frustrated with Leanne as he was.

He knew that it had to be hard for him.

To see her like this. After everything she had been through. It had to kill him to know that his best-friend was struggling.

“I don’t know how to get through to her. I just want to help.” Ethan just wanted to make things better. He had felt himself starting to really fall for her while they were in Oregon, and by the end of their trip he was pretty certain that he loved her. “I’m drawn to her, and Eli, and I don’t know why. I don’t know why I care so much or why I want to love them both so deeply. I just am. But she won’t let me in. She won’t let me help and I don’t get it. She has to know that she doesn’t have to do this alone.”

“She knows Ethan, trust me.” She certainly wasn’t acting like it.

Not now.

Not after their kiss.

“Has she always been like this? I mean, has she always refused help and pushed people away like this?” He didn’t think that that was the case. She certainly didn’t seem like the type. But then again, he was starting to wonder if he really knew her at all. “It’s been six years, that’s an awfully long time to not accept help from anyone.”

“No. But then again, there’s never been a man interested in her like this before.” Ethan raised an eyebrow at the man’s words. She wasn’t acted like she was interested in him at all. “And the few times that there have been men of any kind in the picture, the minute they find out about Eli, about Leanne’s past, they run.”

“Why? What happened to her was tragic, but it’s life. It happens.” He hated that it had happened to her. It broke his heart to think she had been through so much and that she had had to go through it alone. “It doesn’t make her a bad person and it shouldn’t reflect negatively on her. She didn’t ask for it to happen.”

“I don’t know Ethan. I’ve never asked and she’s never told.” He hard a time believing that. “She’s never dated anyone, not since John. And if she has, it hasn’t been for more than a month. She’s never let anyone into Eli’s life, of that I am certain.”

He could tell that the boy had never had anyone but his mother, and Jesse, in his life.

“So it’s always just the two of them?” He felt bad about it though.

The boy deserved better than that.

They both did.

“Always.” Jesse whispered.

“And she’s really that against someone stepping in?” He didn’t know why she refused help though.

He could tell that she was struggling, drowning even, and he just wanted to help her through it.

“I guess so.” The other man shrugged his shoulders and Ethan sighed.

“I don’t want to hurt her. Or Eli. I would never do that.” He would never hurt them, ever. He had watched his mother go through it all alone for far too long. He would never bring that upon Leanne. “I want to help. I want to make things better for them.”

“I know that.” He was glad that Jesse seemed to have his back.

His support would mean a lot when it came to convincing Leanne to let him in.

“How do I make that clear to her?” He asked quietly.

He needed to know how to get through to her.

And if there was anyone who would know how to do that, it would be Jesse.

“I don’t know if you can.” His response wasn’t what Ethan wanted to hear though.

“But there’s got to be some way.” He had to figure something out, and soon. He couldn’t stand watching her push him away. And he couldn’t stand watching Eli suffer because of Leanne’s poor decisions. “There’s got to be something I can do or say that will make things better for her. For us. I hate sitting by and watching her suffer.”

“I know.” He guessed that Jesse probably felt just as helpless as him and it sucked.

“I’m worried about her.” He was scared for her. He just wanted her to be okay. “And Eli.”

“I think we all are.” He could see the concern in Jesse’s eyes and it broke his heart.

If Jesse was scared for her, than something was definitely up.

Ethan got ready to respond when his pager went off and he was called away to Center Stage once more.

Letting out a sigh he walked away from the head nurse with a heavy heart.

He was hurting for Leanne, and Eli, and it was killing him to watch them fall apart.

—

Ethan had finally made it out of Angels the following morning and he had been shocked when he heard that Leanne wasn’t coming in.

Jesse had mumbled something about Eli having a high fever.

Campbell said something about a doctor’s appointment and complications.

Ethan’s heart had gone into overdrive and he had immediately texted Leanne to make sure that things were okay.

_Campbell told me about E. Is he okay?_ He hit send without a second thought and he held his breath until she replied.

_He’s fine._ He let out a sigh at her words.

He knew the boy wasn’t fine.

He didn’t understand why this was happening.

_I’m sorry for yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just trying to help._ He hoped that apologizing, though he had done nothing wrong, would get her to let him in.

_It’s okay._ But she was still pushing him.

_How’s Eli feeling?_ He crossed his fingers that she wouldn’t just completely end the conversation there.

_Pretty miserable._ He felt his heart break.

He wanted to be there for the boy more than anything.

_I heard his fever got pretty high._ He thought he had heard Jesse say it was 103 at one point during the night.

_Yeah._ Short and to the point.

He hated this bullshit.

_How bad?_ If she was going to continue to do this to him he was going to lose it.

_It was 103 when I called Will. Sometime around 3am._ He felt tears well up in his eyes.

He couldn’t stand to know that the boy was hurting so much.

_The medicine’s not working?_ He knew that they had given him antibiotics but from the sounds of it, they weren’t doing their job.

_Doesn’t appear to be. He’s had strep a lot this year. Antibiotics don’t seem to be doing much for him at this point._ He let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

All he wanted to do was to go over there and hold them both.

_How’s his ear?_ He was hoping for some good news at least.

_A little better. He doesn’t seem to be messing with it as much at least._ Thank goodness for small miracles.

_That’s good. Has he seen an ENT?_ He wondered if she had consulted a specialist yet.

He remembered Robbie having issues of the same nature as a kid.

It had finally been an ENT that had suggested surgery to his mother and within weeks his little brother was a whole new child.

_I have an appointment on Thursday. Campbell encouraged me not to wait any longer._ He was thankful that she was at least listening to Campbell if no one else.

The man may have been ass, but he knew that he would have Eli’s best interests at heart.

_Good idea. Let me know if you need anything._ He prayed that she would ask him to come over.

That she would reach out to him for help.

_Thank you._ But that was all she said and he felt his heart sink.

One step forward, two steps back.

_You two get some rest today okay?_ He hoped that they could get some sleep if anything else.

He knew that would at least make the time go by a little quicker.

_We will certainly try._ He could tell that she was defeated and exhausted and it broke his heart.

_Want me to come over?_ He knew it was a long shot, but it was worth trying.

_No._ He rolled his eyes at her snappy response. 

He just wanted to help.

He didn’t understand where her hostility was coming from.

_You promise you’ll call or text if you need anything? Anything at all._ He hoped that she knew that she could reach out to him.

She didn’t need to be afraid of asking him for help.

That’s what he was there for.

_Okay._ He let out another sigh at her response.

He was never going to get through to her and it killed him.

_I’m here if you need me. Please don’t hesitate. I care about you guys, both of you. I just want to be there to help. I want to do this._ He took a deep breath as he sent his text.

He knew that saying things like that would likely scare her off even more.

And apparently, he had been right.

Because she never replied to his text.

And he spent the rest of the day with a heavy heart.

He was losing her, if he hadn’t already lost her, and he couldn’t stand it.

He needed her, and Eli, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Leanne was as exhausted as exhausted came.

She had been thrown off guard when Eli had started feeling sick Saturday night.

And when he was barely able to get out of bed on Sunday she had known something was wrong.

She had guessed strep throat and she had been right.

But this case wasn’t like the past four times that he had had it that year.

No, this time, something was different. 

And he certainly wasn’t fairing very well because of it.

She had worked through it for the first half of the week, but by Wednesday afternoon, she was so done.

She had scheduled Eli an appointment with the ENT for the next day and now it was just a matter of playing the waiting game.

A game she most certainly wasn’t very good at.

She had just settled Eli down for a nap when she heard her phone ring in the other room and she rushed to answer it.

She prayed it wasn’t the doctor’s office calling to reschedule, again, or to cancel.

But instead, a number that she didn’t recognize flashed across the screen.

She took a breath before answering it, curious as to who would be calling her at 1:00pm on a Wednesday.

“Hello?” She asked softly.

She held her breath for a second before a soft voice came over the line.

"Leanne? Honey, it's Sophia.” She let the breath go at the sound of the older woman’s voice. “Ethan's mom."

"Uh hi.” She most certainly wasn’t expecting this, but she would take it. “How are you?"

"I'm good dear.” She would never admit it, but she had missed the woman since returning to LA a month ago. “How are you?"

"I'm um... I'm hanging in there." She mostly certainly wasn’t doing good or well or even okay.

She was falling apart and she hated it.

"Ethan tells me that Eli is a bit under the weather." She let out a sigh.

She should have known.

"He has strep, and an ear infection. He's doing okay.” That was a lie. A complete and total lie. “Just real tired."

He was more than real tired.

And so was she.

But she didn’t want to let anyone see her fall apart.

"Robbie had strep a bunch as a kid. It's the worst." It most certainly was the worst.

She hated watching her little boy suffer so much.

It was tearing her up inside not being able to help him any.

"He gets it several times a year.” This was really the first year that he had gotten it more than twice. “It's certainly no fun."

"Have they talked about removing his tonsils?” She was fearing that the ENT would suggest that route. “They took Robbie's out when he was 10. It made all the difference."

"No. They... they haven't said anything.” She wasn’t ready for that though. “I have a feeling it's a possibility though."

"Probably." She didn’t want to even think about her little boy having surgery right now though.

The idea terrified her.

"I... I don't mean to be rude, but, why did you call?" It’s not that she didn’t mind the call, in fact, she greatly appreciated it.

She hadn’t talked to anyone other than Jesse since yesterday and it was hard being away from adults and grown up conversation.

"I wanted to check on you. Both of you.” She was thankful for that. The older woman had been nothing but kind and caring when they had been in Oregon and she was very appreciative of her warmth. “Ethan was mighty upset when we talked last night. He's really worried about Eli. And you."

She let out a sigh.

She knew that she shouldn’t keep pushing Ethan away.

He wasn’t doing anything wrong.

"We're doing okay.” She whispered. “I promise."

"Are you sure honey?” She felt tears spring to her eyes at Sophia’s question. She was anything but okay. “I remember what it was like. Being a single parent with a sick kid isn't easy."

"We're getting by." She said softly.

Barely. They were barely getting by.

But she was managing.

That was what Eli needed. It was what he deserved.

"You don't have to put on a brave face for me doll.” Sophia’s words were comforting. She was glad that she had someone she could turn too. “I've been there remember?"

"I promise Sophia, we're doing okay." But she wasn’t quite ready to fall apart yet.

"Has he missed school?" Leanne hated that he had had to miss the entire week so far.

And there was no way he’d be able to go tomorrow or Friday.

She knew he was loving the extra one-on-one time with her, but he had missed a field trip on Monday and special visitor from the fire truck yesterday.

He had been almost livid at the realization.

"Three days so far.” She said softly. She heard Eli stir in his room and she held her breath, praying that he would sleep a little longer. His thirty minute naps hadn’t been helping either of them out any. “He can't seem to kick this fever and he can't go back until it's gone."

"Have you been missing work?" Unfortunately she had and it was hard.

She knew that Campbell understood, being that he was a single parent as well, but it still killed her to be away from the hospital.

"No. Eli's been coming with me.” Everyone had looked at her strange when she brought him with her Monday and yesterday, but she hadn’t had a choice. “I kept him today. Probably will for the rest of the week actually. His sitter isn’t due back for a few days.”

"I'd be more than happy to come help out." She felt a shiver run down her spine.

She certainly didn’t expect that kind of support from the woman.

Encouraging words, yes.

Offering to travel several hours to help her with her sick son, no.

"That's not necessary.” As nice as it would be to see the woman, she would never ask her to do that. “Really. We're okay."

"Leanne, I don't mind.” She knew she didn’t mind. She knew she wouldn’t have offered if it was an issue. “You two are family now, whether you like it or not."

"Thank you, I appreciate the offer, but we're doing fine." They would be okay.

They had to be.

"Well will you at least let Ethan in then?” She let out a sigh at her question. She should have known. “He cares about both of you so much. He just wants to help."

"I know." And she did know.

She didn’t want to believe it, but she knew.

She knew that Ethan cared about them, that he might have even loved them, and it was breaking her heart.

"You can trust him Leanne. You can let him in.” She wanted to. She really, really did. “He'll take good care of you both."

"I know he will. I'm just..." She knew that Ethan would never hurt her or Eli.

She knew that he would take care of them and love them the way they needed.

"You're scared and I get that. It certainly isn't easy to open up your heart again.” But she was so afraid of getting hurt. She couldn’t bare the thought of getting close to him and having him leave them. “Especially when you have little ones to worry about. But Ethan's a good man. And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother."

"I know. I trust him. I just..." She trusted him, more than she wanted to admit.

"It's okay love. You don't have to explain yourself to me." She was thankful that Sophia understood.

She wondered if she had gone through the same things when she was first dating Grant.

"I want to let him in. I really do. Eli... Eli loves him.” Eli was so smitten with the man it wasn’t funny. “He's been so sad without him these past few weeks."

"Then I think it's time you let him come back. Don't you?" She hated how right the woman was about it all.

"I don't want to get hurt. I don't want Eli to get hurt.” She felt the tears roll down her cheeks with her words. It wasn’t fair to the boy that she was keeping him from the man though. “There's nothing keeping Ethan here. What if he gets called away again? Or he gets the urge to ran off and leave town?"

"I can guarantee you that he won't hurt you intentionally.” Leanne knew that. She knew that Ethan wouldn’t bring any harm their way. “And he will do everything he can to keep you both safe and happy. And there's plenty to keep him there honey. He has you two, that's all he's ever wanted. And that's all he'll need from here on out."

She choked back a sob at Sophia’s words.

She couldn’t imagine that her broken life was what Ethan had been looking for all these years.

"But the Army..." She was so terrified of his orders changing.

She knew that he owed the Army two years and that he was serving those two years at Angels.

But she knew that those orders could change at any time and it was killing her.

She couldn’t bare the thought of him leaving them.

"The Army could very well call him away. That's true. But he's not exactly a spring chicken anymore. The chances of him going somewhere unsafe or unpleasant are rare.” She figured the woman had a point. He had even said himself the chances of them letting him go back into combat were rare. “And I know he's happy at that hospital of yours. I bet if you gave him a chance and let him in, he'd make a more permanent home there."

"You think?" She wondered if having her and Eli around would give him a good enough reason to stay in LA a little longer.

"I don't just think, I know. He's crazy about you, both of you.” She sniffled as she finally let herself settle down on her bed. “He doesn't wanna leave you anymore than you want him to go."

"Thank you.” She whispered as she leaned back against her pillow. “All your encouraging words. I needed those."

"Anytime sweetie." Sophia’s voice was soft and it made Leanne’s heart ache.

"Would it be crazy to say that I miss you all?" She certainly did miss them, all of them, even Robbie.

And she knew that Eli did too.

He asked about them every now and then and she hated that she didn’t know what to say.

"It wouldn't be crazy at all.” She smiled a little at the warmth in her tone. “We miss you and little Eli too. You guys were a treat to have around."

"Do you ever visit Ethan?" She had never heard Ethan mention them coming to town, at least not since he had arrived.

"We haven't lately. But this is the first time he's lived within a days drive since he was in his early twenties." She was shocked to hear that.

"You're kidding?" She knew that he had traveled around some because of the Army, but she never would have guessed that he hadn’t been settled in over twenty years.

"He was in California for a little bit after he joined the Army. But then he was on the East Coast.” She remembered him mentioning staying in New York for a while, and Florida for a few months after that. “Then Africa, Australia, a few places I'm sure I wasn't supposed to know about. He lived in London for a while. Him settling in LA is the closest he's been in a long time."

She had no idea he was such a well traveled man.

She made a mental note to ask him about his travels at a later date.

"Wow. I bet you missed him." She certainly did miss him right now.

She couldn’t imagine how his mother must feel.

"Terribly. He's a great son." She could hear the pride in Sophia’s voice and it warmed her heart.

She felt the same way about Eli.

"I bet he is. He loves you.” The bond that Ethan had with his mother gave her hope for her and Eli’s relationship. “His face lights up every time he talks about you guys."

"The feeling is mutual." She knew that Sophia must be proud of him, and Robbie, they were both great men.

"Do you think you'll visit soon? Now that he's here?" She hoped they would.

She would love to see them again and she knew that Eli would be over the moon too.

"I'm sure we could come up with a reason.” She chuckled with her words and Leanne felt a lips turn up into a smile. “Perhaps for a certain little boys Spring Break?"

"I think a certain little boy would love that." She couldn’t wait to tell Eli, that might be just what he needed to cheer him up.

"Text me the dates when you get a chance and we'll make the arrangements.” She couldn’t believe that she had agreed so easily. The fact that she was willing to come visit when she knew that Eli would be home made Leanne feel all giddy inside. “I'm sure Ethan will be thrilled."

"I will. And he will.” She was so excited now. “I know he misses you guys terribly."

"And we miss him. And you two.” She loved that they were missed. It was good to know that they had made a bond with them. “The house is awfully quiet without all those little ones running around."

"I bet. I'll send over the details this weekend." She wasn’t entirely sure of the dates of Eli’s spring break off the top of her head, but she would definitely find out as soon as she could.

"We'll be anxiously awaiting them.” She knew that Sophia was telling the truth. She knew that they would be just as excited to get the details as she would be to send them. “You two take care you hear?"

"We will." She would certainly try her best.

"And call Ethan." She let out a soft chuckle at Sophia’s words.

She should have known she would throw that in there one more time.

"I will." And she would. As soon as she could.

She missed him and she needed him now more than ever.

"I'll talk to you soon honey?" She would most certainly look forward to that.

"Yes, definitely." She had missed having a motherly figure in her life and she was thankful for Sophia’s presence.

"Get some rest." The older woman said quietly.

"Thank you." All she wanted to do now was take a nap.

It felt like it had been weeks since she had slept.

"Goodbye dear." She almost didn’t want the woman to hang up.

"Goodbye Sophia." But as soon as she was finished with her sentence the line went dead.

She felt her heart flutter a little in her chest at the thought.

She barely knew the woman and yet she was missing her terribly.

She wondered if this was what it was like to have a family.

—

Later that night, after settling Eli in her bed with a Slurpee and his favorite movie, Leanne had decided that it was now or never.

If she wanted to let Ethan back in, she needed to do it now.

She knew that she might lose him otherwise.

_Hi._ She figured that starting out simple was the way to go.

_Hey you._ She smiled at his greeting and she felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She had missed him so much.

_How are you? How’s E?_ She shot the little boy a quick glance from her spot in the bed and she felt a smile come over her face.

_He’s resting. Drinking a Slurpee and watching Finding Nemo for the fourth time._ Eli turned toward her and offered her a soft smile.

He must have known that she was talking about him.

_That’s good. How are you? Have you gotten any rest?_ She didn’t know what rest was at this point in her life.

_I’m okay. I’m just trying to make sure he’s doing okay. That’s what’s important._ And that was the truth.

All that mattered was that little boy and his well being.

_He needs you to be well rested too Lea._ She took a deep breath at his words.

She couldn’t fail him, not anymore.

He needed his mother to do what was right for him.

_He misses you._ She held her breath as she waited for a response.

_I miss him too. And you. I hate being away from you guys._ She couldn’t help the chill that ran down her spine.

_He has an appointment tomorrow with the ENT._ She didn’t know what she was hoping to gain by telling him that.

_That’s good. I’m sure they’ll be able to help. Are you seeing someone at Angels?_ She prayed that that was a sign that he would be there.

_Yeah. Dr. Malcom. At 10._ She once again held her breath.

_I should be around. Come find me afterward?_ She felt a small smile form on her face and she wanted nothing more than to have tomorrow morning hurry up and get there.

_I will._ And she definitely would.

She knew that it would cheer Eli up to see him, and that was what mattered most.

_I heard you talked to mom earlier?_ She let out a breath at his question.

She hoped he wouldn’t be mad.

_She called to check on us. I hope it’s okay._ She didn’t want him to think that she was invading his personal life.

_Of course it’s okay. I gave her your number for a reason. I figured she could offer some moral support._ She smiled once again.

There he was, thinking of her again.

_Thank you then. It was good to talk to her. It helped._ And it had. 

Ever since their conversation she had felt a little bit better about things.

_She told me she’s gonna come down and visit soon. For Eli’s spring break?_ She hadn’t told the boy about the tentative plans yet and she was shocked that Sophia had mentioned it to Ethan.

_If that’s okay…_ She hoped he wouldn’t mind that she had basically invited his mom and step-dad to visit without his permission.

_Are you kidding? I can’t wait. They’re so excited. Grant has demanded that we go see a Dodgers game. He’s already got tickets picked out if they match up with E’s dates._ She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

Buying tickets to a baseball game was such a grandfather thing to do.

She couldn’t believe that he was willing to do these things for Eli.

The boy wasn’t anywhere close to being his grandson.

_Eli would love that._ He would probably lose his mind.

Seeing a Dodgers game in person was something he begged her to do constantly.

But she was never able to get the time away from work to do it.

And the tickets were always more than she could afford.

_Good. I’ll let him know that we’re on then. They also wanted to know if he’d like to go to the zoo. Apparently there’s a special exhibit going on at the San Diego Zoo and ma’s dying to see it._ She couldn’t even imagine how excited that would make Eli.

_He would love the zoo. It’s his favorite place to go._ He asked constantly if they could visit the animals at the zoo.

Even the petting zoo nearby had become a regular visit for them.

_I’ll let her know._ She was becoming more and more excited about this visit with every detail she uncovered.

_Good. Eli will be so excited._ She would wait to tell him though until everything was set in stone.

She didn’t want him to have to deal with anymore disappointments.

_I’m ecstatic. Trust me. This is gonna be great. We’re gonna have a blast :)_ It was nice to see Ethan so excited about something relating to her and Eli.

She was glad to know that he hadn’t lost interest in them that easily.

_Same here. It’ll be nice to have some fun._ It would be nice to spend time with family too.

_That it will._ She watched as Eli place his cup on the nightstand before snuggling under the covers and hugging his dinosaur close.

She could tell that bedtime wasn’t that far off.

Opening the camera app on her phone she moved ever so slightly and snapped a picture of him, being sure not to disturb him as she did so.

And then she sent Ethan the picture without a second thought.

When he didn’t immediately respond she worried if she had crossed a line.

If maybe he wasn’t as invested as she thought.

But then her phone buzzed in her hand just as the little boy’s eyes started to close.

_Aw. I hope he gets some sleep tonight. Give him a snuggle for me._ She felt her heart start to race in her chest.

She wished that Ethan was there with them right then.

She would give anything to be able to snuggle up in his arms.

_I will. I’m gonna try and sleep too. I’ll see you tomorrow?_ She hoped that she would be able to catch him at Angels.

_Definitely. Just text me when you’re done with his appointment._ She felt a smile come over her face at his words.

She couldn’t wait to see him again.

_I will. Goodnight Ethan._ She laid back against the pillows and snuggled herself close to the boy beside her.

_Goodnight love._ She shook her head gently at his term of endearment.

He was definitely good at getting into her heart with words like that.

—

The following morning Leanne had had to practically drag Eli kicking and screaming to his doctor’s appointment.

But once she had promised him that they would see Ethan if he was good, he had straightened right up.

In fact, he had been on his best behavior the entire appointment and Leanne had been thankful that something as simple as seeing Ethan could put him in better spirits.

After his appointment she had scooped him up in her arms and made her way downstairs, praying that Ethan had gotten the text she had sent about being on her way down.

She had just stepped out of the elevator when he rounded the corner and she felt a smile come over her face at the sight of him.

“Hey!” He quickly made his way toward them and she watched as Eli’s head popped up and his eyes got wide.

“Ethan!” He shouted the man’s name as he tried to scramble out of her arms and into his.

“Hey buddy.” Ethan took him from her arms gently, settling the boy on his hip with a smile. “How you feeling?”

“Sick.” Eli whispered, his head falling to the man’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his neck tightly.

“I’m sorry buddy.” Ethan pressed his head against Eli’s curls before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Leanne felt her heart melt at the sight.

The fact that Ethan was so soft with the boy did things to her.

She had never been so at peace with the sight of the boy in someone else’s arms.

“How’d it go?” He asked softly, his eyes shifting from Eli over to her.

“I have a consultation on Monday to get his tonsils removed.” She was so nervous about the possibility of her little boy having to undergo surgery.

It was the most terrifying thing she had experienced with him since she had taken him home from the hospital six years ago.

“You’re kidding?” Ethan’s face softened as he brushed back Eli’s wayward curls.

The boy had no idea what was coming for him and she knew that Ethan was feeling for him.

“The doctor thinks we’re doing him more harm than good if we don’t remove them.” She said softly.

She understood where he was coming from.

She was a doctor too.

She knew the risks were far too great and that the surgery’s benefits outweighed it’s few potential cons.

“Damn.” He pressed another kiss to the boy’s head as he snuggled closer to his chest, his eyes falling closed as he settled himself into Ethan’s arms. “Can I do anything?”

“No. We’re okay.” She watched as Eli snuggled closer, a whimper leaving his lips as he started to doze off.

“Let me take him for a bit Lea.” He whispered. “That way you can get some sleep.”

She shook her head at his words.

She couldn’t dare burden him with that.

“I don’t mind.” He eyed her softly and she swallowed.

She knew that he didn’t mind and that he just wanted to help.

She knew and yet she couldn’t seem to make herself let him in.

“It’s okay Ethan.” She whispered. “I’m gonna take him home and let him sleep some. The doctor prescribed some stronger antibiotics so hopefully they’ll help.”

“Are you sure Leanne?” She could tell that he wanted to be there. 

That he needed to be there.

“I’ll let you know if we need help Ethan.” She said softly. “I promise.”

“Okay.” He let out a soft sigh and she could tell that he felt defeated. “Can I at least walk you to your car?”

She felt a smile come over her face at his request.

It was so simple and pure.

And yet, so incredibly Ethan.

“We would like that very much.” She whispered back.

It’s not that she wanted to say goodbye to him, but she knew that she needed to get Eli home.

And as badly as she wanted Ethan to come with them, she didn’t know if she was quite ready for that move just yet.


	28. Chapter 28

Ethan had been reluctant to leave Leanne and Eli earlier after seeing them at the hospital.

But he knew that he had to respect her wishes when she said that she didn’t want him to come over.

It was killing him to not be there for them both when he knew they were struggling.

All he wanted to do was help.

Instead, he had gone back inside and finished up his shift.

And at a little after three in the afternoon he had headed home and showered before crawling into bed and taking a two hour nap.

It had felt glorious to finally get some sleep.

But as soon as he had woken up at a little before 6:00pm all he could think about was Leanne and Eli.

He had tried texting her but she had never answered, so instead he had settled himself on the couch with a pizza and a few beers.

He was halfway through a movie when he heard his phone ring beside him and he got excited at the thought of it being Leanne.

Instead, he saw his step-sister’s name flash across the screen and he let out a sigh.

It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to the girl, it’s just not exactly who he was hoping for.

Pressing the button to accept the FaceTime call, he pushed himself into a sitting position on the couch, not wanting to be smushed against the cushions when his face came into view.

“Hi big brother!” Millie’s voice was soft and her she was smiling as she waved at him.

“Hi kiddo.” He didn’t care how old the girl was, she was always going to be ‘kiddo’ to him.

“How are you?” She asked softly, her eyes twinkling as she plopped herself down on her bed.

“I’m good.” He could hear Hayden playing in the background and he felt his heart race. 

He missed his family back in Oregon more than he ever had.

"Dad tells me you have a girlfriend." She always was one to get right to the point.

"I do?" He, however, must have missed something somewhere.

He most certainly didn’t have a girlfriend.

And he definitely didn’t have one that Grant would know about.

"Yeah. Oh gosh, what's her name?” She rubbed at her chin as she crinkled her brow together. “The pretty woman who came home with you for Christmas?"

"Leanne?" He couldn’t believe that Grant was calling Leanne his girlfriend.

Had he learned nothing from their trip?

"Yeah! Her!" Millie got a little too excited when realization hit her.

"She's not my girlfriend." He knew he sounded disappointed and honestly that was fine with him.

He was disappointed that she wasn’t his girlfriend.

In fact, she wasn’t really his anything right now.

"You brought her home for Christmas." She raised an eyebrow at him and he chuckled.

"And...?" He didn’t know why people kept assuming that they were together just because they spent Christmas with his family, together.

"And nothing. She must be your girlfriend then." She shrugged her shoulders as she leaned back against the headboard and he let out a sigh.

"We're just friends Mil." They were barely even though that.

"Dad doesn't seem to think that. And Soph's certainly not convinced." His mother was hellbent and determined to get them together.

It both scared him and warmed his heart.

"We're not dating." He whispered.

He knew he probably looked pouty and pathetic.

But if there was anyone that he could vulnerable with about something like this, it was Millie.

"But you wanna date?" She knew him better than almost anyone.

"I wouldn't be opposed to it." He shrugged his shoulders this time and she let out a soft laugh on the other end.

"So then why don't you ask her out?" If only it were that simple.

"It's not that easy. She has a kid." He didn’t think that Eli being in the picture made a difference, but she did, and it killed him.

"So? I have a kid.” He heard Hayden laugh before the sound of little feet came closer and closer. “I get asked on plenty of dates."

“That’s different.” Millie was young and sociable.

She got asked on lots of dates because she went on lots of dates.

And he knew for a fact that she did most of the asking.

“Why?” He knew that that wasn’t really an excuse though.

“Because, you’re, you.” It’s not that Leanne wasn’t beautiful, because she was downright gorgeous in his eyes, but Millie had something exotic about her that made the guys go crazy.

Soph said it was dangerous and would get her in trouble one day.

Grant said it made her more like her mother than ever before.

Ethan didn’t know which was more true, or, which one was worse.

“Well thanks bro.” She rolled her eyes and he let out a laugh.

“I’m just saying.” He didn’t mean anything by it.

But her and Leanne were nothing alike.

It most certainly wasn’t like comparing apples to apples.

“Soph told me that Eli’s been sick?” He let out a sigh at her question.

He hated thinking about the boy being under the weather.

“He’s had strep and an ear infection.” He whispered. “He’s in pretty rough shape.”

Eli had looked ragged when he had seen him that morning and he hated it.

He wanted to scoop the boy into his arms and never let him go.

“Have you seen them lately?” She must have sensed his worry.

“Saw them this morning after his appointment.” He had been thankful when he was able to sneak away and see them for a few minutes before they headed back home.

He had missed them the past few weeks and it did wonders for his heart to be able to see their faces.

“How is he?” She asked softly.

“Hanging in there.” But barely.

“That’s good. Hayden had it a few weeks ago. It’s the worst.” He had never had strep much as a kid, but he remembered Robbie having it like crazy.

He had always been in real rough shape when it came too.

“Yeah. He didn’t look like he was doing that great.” Eli had looked pitiful and Ethan could tell that every fiber of his being was tired beyond tired.

“Has he been sick a lot?” He nodded his head as he closed his eyes briefly.

Maybe the three beers he had had before his pizza had arrived were a bad idea.

“Leanne said he’s had it several times this year.” He wasn’t exactly sure how many times it was, though he was pretty sure that she had said. “And he’s had a pretty bad fever the past few times too.”

“Damn. That sucks.” He could see the sympathy on her face and it made his heart swell.

She always was the more compassionate one of Grant’s four kids.

Whether it was because she was the only girl or the baby of the family, he wasn’t sure.

“Yeah.” He nodded his head once more as he heard the bed creak.

“Mommy… who are you talking to?” He heard a little voice ask.

Millie let out a chuckle before turning the phone a little, Hayden’s messy blonde hair coming into view.

“Uncle Ethan. Wanna say ‘hi’?” He watched as Hayden’s face lit up when he realized that he was looking right at him.

“Hi Uncle Ethan!” The boy said excitedly, beaming from ear to ear.

Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle as he reached out and took the phone from his mom’s hand.

“Hi Hayden.” He waved softly as he leaned back some, his head coming into contact with the pillow he had been searching for. “How are you buddy?”

“Good! I miss you!” Hayden waved back excitedly as he plopped himself back against the pillows with a giant smile.

“I miss you too pal.” He hadn’t seen his nephew since before school had started last year and he missed him terribly. “How’s school going?”

“It’s okay. We went on a field trip yesterday to the science museum.” He looked extremely excited about his trip and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle.

“That sounds like fun. Did you see some cool stuff?” Hayden had always been a sci-fi fan and Ethan loved that he had such a curious spirit.

“Yeah!” The little boy shouted back.

“Good.” He heard Millie mumble something in the background and then Hayden was getting up and heading into the hallway, the phone still in his hands. “Hey Hayden, is Grandma around?”

He didn’t know why, but he all of a sudden needed to talk to his mother.

Hearing her voice would do wonders for his soul right now.

“She’s downstairs.” He said softly, a curious expression coming over his face.

“Can I talk to her?” He didn’t want to stop talking to the boy necessarily, but he just really needed his mom right now.

“Yeah. Are you gonna come visit soon?” The boy’s face fell as he asked the question and Ethan felt horrible for ending their conversation so soon.

“I’m gonna try buddy. I promise.” He had prayed that Hayden’s spring break would be the same as Eli’s, but unfortunately, it was the week after.

He had wanted the boys to meet and spend some time together.

He knew they would get along great.

That and he missed his nephew like crazy.

“I got a new bike! I can’t wait for you to see it.” He said excitedly.

“I saw pictures on your mom’s Facebook.” He had seen the picture last weekend and tears had formed in his eyes. The boy was growing up way to quickly. “It looks pretty awesome.”

“It’s green and it goes super fast!” He had no doubt about either of those two things, they were Hayden’s favorite things after all.

“I bet! I can’t wait to see it in person.” He wanted nothing more than to drive to Oregon right now.

There was something about being home that cured all woes.

“Same here.” He whispered as he walked downstairs. Ethan watched as he stopped just outside the kitchen. “Here’s Grandma.”

“Thanks buddy.” He offered the boy a smile and a wave, which he quickly returned. “I’ll talk to you soon okay?”

“Okay. Love you Ethan!” He beamed back at him and his heart swelled.

He most definitely had his mother’s loving personality.

“Love you too little man.” He watched as Hayden offered him one last wave before handing the phone over, his mother’s face coming into view as she moved to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Hi there son.” She said softly, a small smile coming to her face.

“Hi mama.” He didn’t care how old he was, he would always be a mama’s boy and he didn’t care who knew it.

“How are you?” Her question was quiet and he sensed that she probably already knew his answer.

“I’m hanging in there.” He knew better than to lie to his mama. “How are you guys?”

“We’re doing good.” She sounded tired and he hoped that she wasn’t working herself to hard. “Have you talked to Leanne since we talked?”

“Yeah. I saw her this morning.” He knew that she had talked to Leanne the other day and he was still in shock over their bond.

But he was thankful for it nonetheless.

He knew Leanne could use the support, especially if she wouldn’t let him in.

“How’s Eli?” He knew that his mother had grown to care about the little boy as if he was one of her own grandchildren and it made his heart swell.

“He’s okay. He had a doctor’s appointment this morning.” He pushed himself back up and into a sitting position, rubbing his face gently with his left hand. “They’re thinking their gonna have to remove his tonsils.”

“Damn. I was afraid of that.” He knew that his mother had brought it to Leanne’s attention that surgery might be a possibility.

She had gone through it with Robbie and Parker after all.

“Yeah. Me too.” He whispered.

He hated the idea of the boy having to undergo something so traumatic, but he prayed that it would work out positively just like it had for both of his brothers.

“How’s Leanne handling it?” He could see the concern in the older woman’s eyes and he was thankful for her support in all of this.

“She’s scared. A little overwhelmed I think.” Leanne was struggling, that much was obvious, but he didn’t know what exactly was going on with her because she refused to let him in.

“Yeah I got that impression when we talked.” She said softly.

He figured his mom probably knew a hell of a lot more than she was letting on.

“She still won’t let me in.” He whispered.

He felt his eyes burn and he swallowed hard.

He really didn’t want to fall apart right now.

Not here. Not in front of his mama.

“I know son. She’s scared.” But he knew that his mom was nothing but supportive and that she would be the last person to judge him for being emotional.

“Of what? Me?” He prayed that Leanne wasn’t scared of him.

He would never hurt her or Eli.

He would sooner die than bring any harm to them.

“Of getting hurt.” He could see the understanding in his mother’s eyes and he was made painfully aware of just how familiar she was with the situation.

“I would never hurt them.” He didn’t know how to get his point across though.

Surely his mom knew that the last thing he would ever do would be to cause them any pain.

“I know that son. She, however, doesn’t.” He let out a sigh at her words.

He had been telling Leanne for months now that she could trust him.

He didn’t understand why that was so hard for her to get.

“I wish I could make her see that I’m in this for real.” He eyed his mom seriously and she let out a soft chuckle.

“I know baby. Just give her some time.” He figured that she just wanted to him relax some about the issue though.

“How much time?” He didn’t want to wait forever.

Although, he probably would if he had too.

That was how much he cared about them both.

“As much time as it takes son.” Grant’s voice came over the line before his face appeared behind his mother’s and Ethan chuckled softly.

“Hi Grant. Nice of you to join us.” He knew that if there was anyone who would have something to say on the matter it would be him.

“Hi Ethan. Listen, take it from someone who’s been there.” Grant may have been a single father when he was dating a single mother, but he guessed that it didn’t make but so much of a difference. “You give her as much time as she needs.”

“What if she never comes around though?” He was afraid that she would never let him in. Her walls were so high and her heart was so guarded and it scared him. “What if I never get through to her?”

“You will honey. Trust me.” He could see the glint in his mom’s eyes and he wondered just how much she and Leanne had talked.

“I’m scared I’m gonna lose her before I even really get to have her.” He just wanted to know what a life with them was like.

He wanted to fall asleep with Leanne in his arms and wake up with Eli tucked between them.

He wanted to spend Sunday mornings watching cartoons in their pajamas and weeknights cooking dinner together.

He wanted to go on vacations with them and take them to see the world.

He just wanted them to be his family and for him to be theirs.

“That won’t happen.” Grant said softly.

“How do you know?” He swallowed once more as he continued to fight off the tears.

“Because she’s crazy about you.” His mom replied, a soft smile on her face as she spoke.

“Is she?” He doubted that statement at the current moment.

There was no way that someone who was crazy about him would push him away so much.

“Yes sweetie. She wants this.” His mom sounded very confident in her words and he let out a breath. She obviously knew what she was talking about so he just needed to trust her. “She just needs some time to work through it. The best thing you can do is be patient with her, let her come to you.”

“It’s hard. I just wanna help her, and Eli.” He wanted to take away all of their pain and loneliness. It wasn’t fair that they had to suffer like this. “I hate that she has to do this alone.”

“I know son.” Grant knew all about suffering through pain with kids looking up to him.

And so did his mom.

They certainly wouldn’t have lied to him about any of it either.

“I really care about them.” He whispered.

“That’s good. Just make sure she never forgets that.” Grant was speaking from experience with that one and Ethan smiled softly.

From the second he had come into their lives and up until this very day he had always made a point of letting them know just how much cared about them.

He had never treated him and Robbie as anything other than his children, with the same respect he gave his own blood.

And he had loved his mother endlessly from day one.

He prayed that he could one day offer that kind of passion to Leanne, and to Eli.

“I’m trying.” And he was trying.

He was doing everything that he possibly could to get through to her, to let her know how much he loved and cared about them both.

“It’ll come in time Ethan. I promise.” His mom’s voice shook him from his thoughts and he sighed.

“Yeah I guess.” He didn’t know how long ‘in time’ was supposed to be, but right now, it felt like forever.

“Trust us son, it’ll happen, just take a deep breath and try and go with the flow.” That was easy for Grant to say, his heart was a mangled mess right now.

“Easier said than done.” He just wanted some sort of sign that she was gonna one day let him in.

“Aren’t most things?” His mother had always had a saying when they were kids.

“Only those worth having right?” And he had always thought she was crazy.

Up until now that was.

“That’s right honey. Listen, that lady is very smitten with you, as is that little boy.” He was surely smitten with them. “Just be there for them and do what you can. It will all happen in due time.”

“Okay… I love you mom.” He loved his mother more than anything in this world and he hated being so far away from her.

When he was younger and traveling constantly with the Army, he hadn’t minded it as much.

But the older he got, the more he missed her and her warmth.

“I love you too baby.” She offered him a soft smile and he just wanted to wrap her up in a tight hug.

She was always the pillar of strength in their family and right now he needed her support.

“I miss you.” He whispered.

“I know honey. We’ll be there before you know it.” He was counting down the days until they arrived in LA.

“Three weeks right?” It couldn’t get here soon enough.

“Three weeks.” Grant said with a giant smile.

He knew the older man was looking forward to getting some time away from the farm.

“I can’t wait to see you guys. Leanne is super excited.” She had been over the moon when she had worked out all of the details with his mom over the weekend.

And he had been more than ready to offer up his guest room to them.

He just wanted them as close by as possible.

“As are we. I’m gonna let you go sweetie.” He let out a sigh at her words. He wasn’t ready to say ‘goodbye’. “But I’ll call you this weekend okay?”

“Okay mama. I love you.” He whispered his sentiment as he felt tears come to his eyes once more.

He loved talking to his mama, but he absolutely hated saying ‘goodbye’.

“I love you too sweetie.” She said quietly. “Good luck.” 

 

She offered him a wink with her well wishes and he chuckled.

“Thank you.” He was certainly going to need all the help he could get.

“Bye honey.” She gave him a small wave and then blew him a kiss, a giant smile on her face as she went through the motions.

“Bye mom.” He whispered.

And then the screen went black and he felt his heart drop to his stomach.

He couldn’t wait for them to get there so he could hug his mama tight.

—

The next day he had worked a short shift in the morning before heading home, the promise of a run and a warm bed in his future making him practically run out the doors of Angels.

After making it home and changing he had headed out for his run, clocking in his thirty minutes just as his cellphone buzzed in his pocket.

He let out a sigh as he pulled the item from his shorts and he let out a soft sigh when Leanne’s name flashed across his screen.

_I’m failing. I’m failing as a parent and I don’t know what to do anymore._ Her words made his heart hurt and he closed his eyes for a brief second before responding.

_Let me help._ She most certainly wasn’t failing, but he knew that she was struggling, and he just wanted to make things better.

_I’m scared._ He got that, he really did.

But he didn’t want her to be scared of him.

He wanted her to trust him and let him in.

_And you think I’m not? I never bargained to fall for a woman with a kid. I’m terrified out of my mind. Doesn’t mean that I don’t wanna still try._ He figured honesty was the best policy at this point.

It surely couldn’t make things any worse.

_I just don’t know what do._ His heart was breaking at her words.

She was normally so strong and brave.

Knowing that she was falling apart over all of this was too much for him.

_What do you need?_ He would do whatever he could for her.

_I just wanna shower and sleep and I just… Eli’s been a mess for the past few days. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong._ He swallowed as he let those words hit him.

She was really struggling.

Not just with her emotions, but physically as well.

It made his heart hurt to know that.

_Tell me what you need babe._ He would do anything at this point to help make their lives a little better.

_Can you come over?_ He felt his heart skip a beat at her words.

He would most certainly come over if that’s what she needed.

_I sure can. Give me thirty minutes to shower? I just got back from a run._ He had already walked most of the way back to the house and he could shower and be dressed in under fifteen minutes.

_We’ll be here._ He smiled at her words and he couldn’t believe it.

She was actually letting him in.

She was actually going to accept his help.

_I’ll see you in a few :)_ He couldn’t wait to have them both in his arms again.

_Thank you :)_ He smiled as he made his way up the steps and into his house, a bounce in his step as he made his way upstairs to shower.

He didn’t care if all they did was snuggle on the couch all night.

He just wanted to be by their sides.


	29. Chapter 29

Leanne had been shocked when she had agreed to let Ethan come over.

But to be honest, it was about damn time.

She was so incredibly anxious and overwhelmed and Eli had been nothing but a hot mess since they had gotten home from the hospital.

He wouldn’t sleep and he wouldn’t eat and all he seemed to do was follow her around and whine.

She knew that he didn’t feel well, but this behavior was so unlike him and it was killing her.

She had been trying desperately to cheer him up somehow but she was running out of things to do for him.

She had just fussed at him once again for getting under her feet while she was trying to do a load of laundry when she heard the door bell ring.

She prayed that Ethan would be on the other side.

She knew Eli couldn’t resist his best-friend.

Making her way toward the door she watched as Eli curled himself up on the couch, his eyes filled with tears as he dragged his dinosaur blanket over him.

She let out a sigh at the thought that she may be the reason he was so upset lately but they had both been getting on the other’s nerves.

Stopping in front of the door she ran her hand through her wild curls, a groan leaving her lips as she caught sight of herself in the hallway mirror.

She certainly wasn’t going to be wowing Ethan with her looks right about now.

Smoothing down the wrinkles in her shirt she quickly pulled the door open, offering a smile to the man on the other side.

“Hi.” He said softly, a smile coming over his lips as he rocked back on his heels.

He looked almost nervous and it made her heart start to race in her chest.

“Hi.” She replied back, returning his smile. “Come on in.”

She stepped back and gestured for him to enter, her hand shaking as she quickly tucked her arm back against her side.

“Thanks.” He shrugged his jacket off and she took it from him, hanging it on the hook by the door. “How’s my main man doing?”

“He’s…” She let out a sigh. “He’s a mess.”

Ethan let out a soft chuckle as he toed off his shoes.

“That bad huh?” He offered her a soft look and she felt her shoulders relax.

She was so incredibly thankful that he was there with them right now.

“We’ve been at each other’s throats all day.” She whispered.

She felt horrible for saying that about her six and a half year old son.

“It’s okay.” He reached out and squeezed her shoulders gently. “That’s why I’m here. So you can get some rest.”

She let out a sigh and she felt tears come to her eyes.

“I…” She swallowed as she tried to gather her thoughts.

“Hey.” Ethan’s hand was on her cheek before she knew what was happening and she lifted her head up to meet his eyes. “Come here.”

He tugged her toward him slowly and the next thing she knew his arms were around her tightly and he was pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered against his shoulder.

She hated that he was watching her fall apart.

This was not the way she wanted him to see her.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He said softly, his lips resting just above her ear as he rubbed her back gently. “I promise that after we get Eli settled tonight I’ll rub your back.”

She let out a soft chuckle as she snuggled herself closer to him.

She totally understood why Eli was so attached to him.

“You don’t have to do that.” She whispered softly.

In reality, she prayed above all else that he would totally keep his promise and give her that back rub she desperately needed, and wanted.

“I know I don't have too." He whispered, his lips pressing against her forehead as he pulled back slightly. "But I want too."

"Okay." She whispered.

She could barely get the word out.

Having him in such close proximity was doing things to her and it was making her think things she shouldn't.

Dirty things.

Things about how good it felt to have his body pressed against hers.

About what it would feel like to have his body hovering over hers, their skin touching as his lips wandered over her body.

She would be lying if she said that she'd never let her mind wander there before.

But tonight, for some reason, her mind was going there at record speed.

"Where's little man?" He asked softly.

"In the den." She replied, her hands falling to rest on his chest as she took a deep breath.

He had never stayed that close to her for that long before.

He nodded his head before pulling back and offering her a soft smile.

And then he was pulling away from her and squeezing her arms before walking away, his long legs carrying him toward the room at the back of the house.

She took a deep breath before following him and she smiled when she saw Eli's little head pop up as Ethan stopped in front of him.

“Hey buddy.” He said softly as he kneeled down.

“Hi Ethan.” He whispered.

Leanne could see how exhausted he was and it broke her heart.

“How you feeling?” Ethan asked softly, his hand going out to rest against the boy's cheek.

“Not good.” He shook his head back and forth as he offered Ethan a sad look.

“Yeah, your mom told me you’ve been pretty sick lately.” She hated that her baby was having to go through all of this.

“My throat hurts." Eli's quiet voice brought tears to her eyes. He really wasn't one to complain and it was hurting her knowing that he was in so much pain. "And my head.”

He sniffled as Ethan brushed his curls back and then he lost it.

She watched as he started crying, big, fat tears rolling down his little cheeks as he reached out for Ethan.

"It's okay buddy." The man said softly as he pulled Eli to him. "Shhh it's okay."

Eli sniffled a few more times before snuggling close to Ethan's chest, his arms wrapping around his neck tightly.

“I don’t know what to do for him anymore. The medicine’s not helping much and his throat is so sore that he can’t, and won’t, eat anything." She said softly. "He’s barely drinking either and I’m worried he’s gonna get dehydrated. He can’t sleep and he just tosses and turns. I’m running out of options and I hate it. I just don’t know what to do.”

She felt like she was failing and she hated it.

She just wanted her son to feel better.

“Right now, Leanne, I want you to go take a break." Ethan's voice was soft as he stood up and lifted Eli into his arms. "Go take a shower or a nice long bath and lay down for a bit and close your eyes.”

“I can’t…” She couldn't just go and relax, Eli needed her.

“Yes, you can. And you will." She felt another round of tears come to her eyes at Ethan's willingness to help. She wasn't used to this kind of support. "I will stay with him.”

“But…” She knew she shouldn't argue, but she couldn't help it, it was in her nature to fight him on everything.

“Leanne, stop. You asked me to come over and I came. I’m here to help and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to help." He said softly, his hand settling on the back of Eli's head as he hugged the boy close. "Now, go upstairs and relax for a bit.”

She didn't know what it meant to relax, not anymore, not after everything they had been through.

“Has he had a bath yet?” He asked softly as Eli nuzzled his head into Ethan's neck.

“He had one last night.” She whispered.

Getting him to agree to that bath had been a nightmare in itself.

“Okay." He pressed a kiss to the boy's head as he spoke. "And you said he hasn’t eaten?”

“Nothing. He won’t even drink his juice.” She had tried everything she could think of but he wasn't having any of it.

She knew how important it was for him to stay hydrated but he wasn't showing any interest in the idea.

“What about popsicles? Has he had any of those?” She let out a sigh, if only she had any.

“I ran out and haven’t been able to get to the store.” She felt horrible that she had let it come to that, but Eli had thrown a tantrum when she had tried to take him to the store with her.

“Okay. Change of plans. Stay with him while I run to the store, see if you can get him to calm down with a warm bath." His voice was so soft and calm and her heart fluttered. "Then, when I get back, you go relax and I’ll sit with him and eat popsicles and watch cartoons. That work buddy?”

He gave Eli a soft look and the boy simply nodded his head against Ethan's shoulder.

“Okay pal. Stay with your mama and go get some clean PJs on." He gently handed the boy over to her and Eli snuggled close, something he hadn't done in a few days. "I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Promise?” Eli whispered his question with heavy eyes and she pressed a kiss to his head in hopes of relaxing him some.

“Promise.” Ethan whispered back, his hand brushing across Eli's forehead softly.

And then he was stepping around them and squeezing her shoulder before heading out the front door.

She heard his car leave the driveway and she felt her heart ache.

He had just gotten there and now he was leaving again. And even though she knew he'd be back, it hurt to see him go.

\--

Ethan returned to the house thirty minutes after he left, a bag of popsicle boxes in one hand and a bag of juice boxes in the other.

He looked like a dream come true, both to her and Eli.

He had then ushered her upstairs, promising her over and over again that they would be fine and that he would get her if she were needed.

But he wanted her to relax, to shower and to sleep and take some deep breaths.

She had tried to argue one last time but he had pressed his lips against her nose before gently pushing her toward her bedroom, a soft smile on his face as he watched her walk away.

She had showered and fallen into bed and before she knew what was happening, she was asleep.

And when she made her way back downstairs a few hours later Ethan was nestled into the corner of the couch, his feet propped up on the foot rest, his head resting back against the couch cushions.

She worried at first about where Eli was, but when she rounded the corner into the small room she saw the little boy snuggled against Ethan's side, his head resting on the man's chest, his arm draped lazily over his stomach.

She wanted to sit down next to him but she saw that there was no room and she let out a sigh.

She didn't think he heard her but then he was gently scooping Eli into his lap and patting the space beside him.

“You get any sleep?” He asked softly, his eyes falling to rest on her face as he spoke.

“Not really." She had tossed and turned a bunch in between dozing. "Too worried about him.”

“You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.” He said softly.

“I wasn’t worried about him with you," And she wasn't, she knew that Ethan wouldn't let anything happen to the boy, "just worried in general.”

“Good to know you’re finally starting to trust me.” He whispered, his head falling back against the cushion once more.

“I’m trying Ethan.” She whispered back.

She was trying so hard to keep herself together around him.

She was trying to let him in, to give him a chance to be part of their lives.

“For who though?” She eyed him softly as she let out a sigh at his question.

“What?” She wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this.

“Who are you trying for?” He tilted his head in her direction once more and offered her a raised eyebrow as he ran a hand through Eli’s curls. “Him? Or you?”

His voice was barely a whisper and she felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She knew exactly what he was asking and she couldn’t help but smile.

He wanted to know if she was just as invested in this as Eli seemed to be.

“Both of us.” She whispered.

She watched as his eyes widened some before he sighed.

“I just want what’s best for both of you Lea.” He said softly. For the very first time, she completely believed him when he said that. “I think we could be really good together. I know that I care about you. I care about him. I want to give this a try. I think it’s worth it.”

She thought they could be really good together.

And that was what scared her the most. 

“I haven’t been with anyone… not since John died. I’ve dated a few times, but I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone.” She had been on four dates to be exact, and only two of those were with the same man. She hadn’t been able to open her heart and her life up to someone else. “I don’t even know how to do this. Dating, with a kid, it certainly isn’t something I ever saw myself having to do.”

“I get that.” He said softly. “One hundred percent.”

“This is just so new to me, to him.” She knew that Eli loved Ethan more than anything. And she knew that he would give anything to have the man around more. But dating Ethan would be much different than having him as a casual friend. “Neither one of us really knows what to do with all of this.”

“I understand that Leanne.” He offered her a soft smile as he reached his right hand and took a hold of her left. “But you’re never gonna know if it’ll work if we don’t try.”

“I just…” She turned her head from him as she bit back tears.

She wanted to try, she really did.

“Look, we can take things slow. As slow as you want.” He entwined their fingers and she chanced another look at him. “We can start out with dinner, just the two of us.”

“Eli needs me right now.” And he did. He needed her more than ever and it was killing her knowing that she didn’t seem to be providing for him the way he needed.

“And you can be there for him.” She should have known that Ethan would bend over backward to keep them both happy. “How about next Friday? After he’s been home with you and rested? I’m sure we could convince Jesse to stay with him for a few hours so that we can get some dinner.”

“Next Friday?” The idea of having dinner with Ethan, alone, made her stomach feel all funny and her heart started to race in her chest.

“Next Friday. Something simple, not too fancy or romantic.” She couldn’t remember the last time she had done anything remotely romantic. “But something other than cheap vending machine food.”

“Okay.” She whispered. “It’s a date.” 

“A real date?” When she turned her head back toward his she was shocked to see the hope in his eyes.

He looked so happy at the thought and it made her happy to see him so at ease.

“A real date.” She could do this, a real date, with Ethan.

It would be fine.

In fact, she had a feeling it would be more than fine.

“Good, I’m glad.” He squeezed her hand and she offered him a smile.

“I can take him if you want.” She said softly, her eyes scanning over the boy in his lap. “I’m sure you have better things to do than sit here with us.”

“Not really.” He shrugged his shoulders as he relaxed back against the couch some more. “I’d much prefer to sit here with you two and watch baseball than sit in my house all alone.”

“It’s getting late.” She whispered.

She was trying to come up with excuses to warrant him leaving, even though that was the exact opposite of what she wanted right now.

“It’s only 7:30pm.” He smiled as Eli snuggled closer to him, the tot’s head nuzzling against his shoulder as he tucked him closer to his chest. 

“You really don’t want to leave do you?” Not that she minded him being there.

In fact, it was quite the opposite.

“Not really.” He turned his attention back toward her and she blushed at the twinkle in his eyes. “Do you really want me to leave that badly?”

“No.” She whispered.

She never wanted him to leave.

And for once she didn’t mind if he knew it.

“Than I’ll stay a while longer.” He smiled back at her and she nodded her head.

“Okay.” She let her head fall to his shoulder then, snuggling herself against his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You should try and sleep Lea.” He whispered, his lips pressing a soft kiss against her head as he tugged her close. “You look exhausted.”

“Okay.” She nodded her head against his shoulder as she let out a yawn. “You still owe me a back rub.”

She wasn’t about to let him forget about that damn thing.

She needed it now more than ever.

Not to mention the fact that she wanted his hands on her body now more than she ever had.

“After the game goes off.” He said with a chuckle. “I’ll carry him to bed and then I’m all yours.”

She could hear the flirtatious tone in his voice and she smiled.

“Promise?” She would hold him to that if she had too.

“Promise.” He dropped another kiss to her head before letting his head fall to rest on top of her hair. “Rest babe.”

She felt a wave of something flood through her body at the use of the endearment.

It sounded so soft and gentle and beautiful coming from his lips.

It sounded so, perfect, like it was meant to be.


	30. Chapter 30

Ethan woke up and struggled to grasp ahold of his surroundings.

But then he caught sight of the little boy snuggled up in his lap, his mother tucked against his side, both sound asleep and snoring softly.

He couldn’t help the giant smile that came over his face at the position he had found himself in.

He was falling for them both so hard and so fast and they meant everything to him.

He just wanted them to be his.

He felt Eli stir in his lap and when he looked down the boy was rubbing at his eyes softly.

“Ethan?” His voice was scratchy and he let out a yawn as his eyes focused on him.

“Hey buddy.” He whispered back, his arm moving from around Leanne in order to reach out to the boy.

He pressed his hand against his forehead and let out a soft sigh when he noticed how warm he was.

“I need to go potty.” The boy whispered, his eyes blinking a few times as he looked over at his mother’s sleeping body.

“Okay, come on.” Ethan watched as he gently climbed down to the floor, stepping back and waiting for him to stand as well.

He moved as slow as he could, gently lowering Leanne’s sleeping body to the couch.

He draped the blanket from the back of the couch over her before turning and following Eli upstairs.

“Why don’t you get ready for bed E?” He wasn’t entirely sure what time it was, but he knew it had to be past his bedtime.

The boy simply nodded his head before letting out another yawn and heading into the bathroom.

Ethan moved quietly into his room, pulling the covers down and turning on his sound machine.

He found his stuffed dinosaur in the chair by the bed and moved him onto the pillow, smiling when the stuffed animal simply rolled downward, landing on it’s side in the space where the boy slept.

He got ready to fix it when Eli came strolling into the room in nothing but his underwear, his curls a wild mess on top of his head.

“My pajamas are dirty.” He said softly, offering Ethan a look of curiosity.

He wondered if he was testing him.

“Well then let’s not wear them.” He replied with a smile. “Do you have any clean ones?”

The little boy offered him a shrug.

“How are your pajamas dirty anyway?” He pulled the second dresser drawer open and searched through it in search of a clean pair. “Didn’t Mama put clean ones on you after your bath?”

The boy just stared back at him before shrugging again.

“I got popsicle all over those.” He said very pointedly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Did you now?” Eli hadn’t mentioned anything about that earlier while the eating of said popsicles was taking place.

“Mhm.” He nodded his head softly before hopping up onto the bed and smiling. “Can I just sleep in my underwear?”

Ethan turned toward him and raised an eyebrow.

“No Eli, you may not.” Maybe if it had been the dead of summer he would have said ‘yes’, but it was March, there was no way the boy was sleeping in just his Batman underwear and nothing else.

“Why not?” He crossed his arms over his chest and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle.

He looked so much like Leanne when he did that and it made his heart swell.

“Because it’s cold outside.” In reality, it was probably only going to get into the 50s tonight, but alas, he knew Leanne wouldn’t appreciate her sick son sleeping in so little.

“No it’s not.” He sure was just as obstinate as his mother when he wanted to be.

“This isn’t up for debate Elias.” He turned back around and grabbed the two pairs of pajamas that he had found in the drawer before turning around and holding them up. “Batman or Ninja Turtles?”

Eli gave him a look that could kill and he just chuckled.

“Fine, I’ll pick for you.” He dropped the green pair of pajamas onto the top of the dresser and tossed the black set at the boy. “Batman it is.”

The boy didn’t flinch, in fact, Ethan didn’t think he even blinked.

“They match your underwear.” He was hoping that was enough logic to convince the boy to do the right thing here.

“So?” Ethan thought he was dealing with a six year old boy, not a fifteen year old girl.

“Eli, put the pajamas on.” He crossed his arms over his chest as well, mirroring the tot. “Please.”

They stared at each other for a while, both doing their best not to blink.

“Do I need to get your mother?” He really wanted to work this out on their own. He knew he could get through to him, but, like his mother, when he was determined, it was hard.

“No sir.” He whispered, his head falling as he uncrossed his arms and reached out for his shirt.

“Do you need some help?” Ethan asked softly.

Eli simply shook his head before pulling his t-shirt over his head. He hopped off the bed and pulled his pants on slowly. And then he climbed back up onto the mattress with a soft sigh.

“Thank you.” He was glad that the boy did what he asked after a few minutes.

He knew it could be hard to listen at his age. Testing boundaries was normal, he got that.

“Will you read me a story?” He barely heard the question but he smiled when he did.

“Of course I will.” He said softly, moving toward the bed as Eli pushed himself back against the pillows. “What should I read?”

Eli shrugged his shoulders and pointed toward the bookcase in the corner.

Ethan poured over the books for a minute before grabbing a book he knew all too well.

“How does ‘Harold and the Purple Crayon’ sound?” This had been Hayden’s favorite book when he was younger and Ethan had read it to him over the phone many a night when he was living in London.

“I love that book.” He said quietly, offering him a smile.

“Me too.” Ethan made his way back toward the bed and he watched as Eli made himself comfy, tucking his dinosaur under his arm as he turned onto his side facing him.

Grabbing the blankets, Ethan pulled them up over them both as he leaned back against the headboard.

And the next thing he knew Eli was changing positions and moving to snuggle against his side.

“Comfy?” He wouldn’t have minded if the boy fell asleep right then and there.

Eli nodded his head as he let out a yawn and Ethan wrapped his right arm around him before beginning his story.

When he was all done a few minutes later Eli’s eyes were closed and he was just barely awake.

“I’m gonna go check on your mom okay?” He hoped that she was still asleep, she certainly needed it.

“Okay.” Eli whispered. “Goodnight Ethan.”

“Goodnight buddy.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss against the boy’s curls before sliding out of the bed slowly.

He watched as he snuggled against the pillows and started to doze off.

He felt his heart swell at the amount of love that he had for this kid.

He had never expected to feel this way about another human being, ever, especially not one that wasn’t his to be so in love with.

He quietly made his way out of the room, turning the light off as he went.

He left the door cracked like Eli liked and headed downstairs slowly.

He found Leanne sitting on the couch, a confused look on her face, her hair a mess, her eyes half-lidded.

“You okay there love?” He watched as she turned to face him, her eyes widening at the realization that he just caught her with bedhead.

“You’re still here?” She sounded worried and embarrassed and he just chuckled.

“Yeah.” He replied softly, making his way toward her. “I just put Eli to bed.”

She raised an eyebrow in his direction and he moved to sit next to her on the couch.

“He went potty and brushed his teeth. Changed his PJs too.” She let out a sigh as she leaned back against the couch cushions. “Apparently he got popsicle all over his other ones.”

She let out a chuckle and he felt a flutter in his heart.

Her laugh always did things to him.

“How many stories did he make you read?” Eli was often the little conman when it came to stories from what he had heard.

“Just the one.” But he had never had that issue with the boy.

“Wow.” She turned toward him and offered him a smile. “You must have the magic touch.”

He let out a chuckle as he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Speaking of having ‘the magic touch’…” He watched as she blushed and he couldn’t help but smile back at her. “Don’t I owe you a back rub?”

She simply nodded her head and he clapped his hands together.

“Turn around and take your shirt off.” He watched as her eyes widened and her blush intensified tenfold. “Please.”

He offered her a soft smile and then he waited, his eyes searching hers for any sign that she would cooperate with him.

“You’re serious?” She looked so confused and shocked and it made his insides tingle.

She was the most adorable woman he had ever seen.

“If you really want, you can keep the shirt on.” He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, especially since he knew that she hadn’t been with anyone in so long.

He respected her privacy and as much as he would love to have his hands on her bare skin, he would never push her.

“Okay.” She whispered as she turned around.

He moved to sit back against the arm of the couch, his arm grabbing the pillow that Leanne was using earlier to rest against his spine.

“Actually,” He reached out and patted her back gently, “stand for a second.”

She didn’t ask any questions and did as he asked.

Stretching his right leg out against the back of the couch he let out a breath of relief, the pain in his knee disappearing a little.

“Now sit back down.” He patted the space in front of him and she again, did as he asked without any question. “Scoot back.”

He let his hand rest against her hip as she scooted back toward him, her body getting increasingly closer to him, sending a shiver down his spine.

She stopped at just the right distance and he squeezed her hip with his left hand as she folded her legs together in front of her. 

“You comfy?” He wanted to make she sure she was settled and relaxed before he started, otherwise this would be incredibly hard.

“Yeah.” She whispered.

He let his hands move to her shoulders then, brushing her hair aside as he started at her neck.

He found a knot instantly and worked it out slowly, letting out a soft laugh when she whimpered and then moaned slightly.

“Good?” He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t hurt her.

She didn’t answer with words, instead she simply nodded her head, but he heard the relaxing sigh that left her lips and he knew that he was on the right track.

They sat that way for a good thirty minutes as he massaged every square inch of her back, neck, and shoulders.

By the time he was done she was putty in his hands and he knew that she probably hadn’t been that relaxed in years.

“You should try and sleep.” He whispered as he let his hands settle on her hips, urging her to scoot back some more.

“I know.” She whispered as she complied with his silent request, stopping when her back was flush against his chest. “I’m sure E will have me up again soon.”

She sounded so defeated and worn out and he hated it.

“I can stay a little while longer.” He didn’t have to be at work until 3:00am, staying with them until then was no problem at all.

“You don’t have too.” He felt her body start to tense up again. “I know you have stuff to do. We can’t just take over your life like this.”

“You’re not.” He leaned forward a little and pressed a kiss against her shoulder, his head moving to rest in the space as her wrapped his arms around her from behind. “I want to be here. I want to help.”

And he did, more than anything.

They were just as much his family as ever before and he wanted nothing more than to help them through this.

“I…” She let out a sob and it broke his heart.

He hadn’t noticed that she was crying and he felt horrible.

“Don’t Lea.” He whispered, his lips moving to her neck where he pressed the lightest of kisses against her bare flesh. “Don’t do this. I’m here, I want to be here. You two mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I want this okay?”

She nodded her head softly as she leaned back against him and he couldn’t help but smile.

“As much as I love this position,” He pressed another kiss to the back of her neck before continuing, “you’re neck is going to kill you if you sleep like that.”

“Hmmm.” She snuggled closer and he chuckled. “Then you can just give me another massage.”

“I don’t need a reason to do that babe.” He felt her shiver in his arms and he couldn’t help but smile knowing that he had that affect on her with just a few simple words. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

She simply nodded her head before moving to stand, waiting for him to do the same before they headed upstairs.

He wasn’t sure why he was following her, she was a grown woman, she could do this on her own.

“You’re not gonna help me change into my pajamas too are you?” She asked her question with a soft smile and he rolled his eyes.

“Why? Is that an offer?” Part of him wanted her to say ‘yes’ and to let him strip her down right then and there. But he knew better than that.

They were taking this slow and he was perfectly okay with that.

“Maybe another night.” She offered him a wink before disappearing into the bathroom and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

It had been worth a shot.

When Leanne emerged from the small room a minute later she was dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and an Angels t-shirt that was a few sizes too big for her.

It made his heart race in his chest.

He wanted to know what she would look like in one of his Army t-shirts.

And nothing else.

“Will you tuck me in?” He shook his head at her question, her words breaking him from his fog.

“You’re kidding right?” Not that he minded.

Because if that’s what she wanted, he would totally do it.

“Not really.” He could see the exhaustion in her eyes and he knew what she meant.

She just wanted someone by her side right now.

And he was more than happy to be that someone.

“Yeah.” He whispered. “Come on.”

She climbed into bed without another word and curled up on her side facing him.

He moved to pull the blankets over her slowly, stopping when he got to her chin.

“Thank you for tonight.” She whispered, her eyes half-lidded as she slowly started to drift off.

“Of course.” He wouldn’t have come over if he hadn’t wanted to be here.

“I mean it.” He could see the worry in her eyes and he knew that she just wanted her son to feel better. “He’s been struggling the past few days but there’s something about you that he just seems to take comfort in.”

“I’m glad I could help.” He would do anything for them, anything at all, and he hoped that Leanne was starting to see that.

“Do you work tonight?” She asked softly.

“Yeah I covered your 3:00am shift.” He had taken the shift without hesitation when Will had asked.

He knew that Leanne would be in no shape to be there, especially with Eli being so upset.

“You just worked a 12 hour one. Are you gonna be okay?” Her eyes were filled with concern and he reached down and brushed a few strands of hair aside.

“I’m gonna chug some coffee and I’ll be fine.” It didn’t hurt that he was then off until Monday morning. “Trust me. This is nothing.”

“You don’t have to stay.” She said with a yawn. “You should sleep.”

“I’ll snooze on the couch.” He ran his fingers through her hair slowly, doing his best to calm her. “I won’t wake you before I leave, but I’ll be in the den if you need me.”

She simply nodded her head at his words and he knew that his head massage was working.

“Sleep beautiful.” He whispered, bending down to press a kiss against her cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow and we can make plans for this weekend if E’s up to it.”

Another head nod, followed by a yawn, and he knew she was a goner.

“Night love.” He pressed a kiss to her temple this time before pulling back and drawing the covers as far up as possible.

“Night babe.” She whispered, a small smile coming across her face as the words slipped from her lips.

He chuckled softly before standing and giving her one last look.

And then he turned and headed for the door, turning the light off as he went.

He poked his head in on Eli one last time before heading downstairs, settling on the couch with the pillow and blanket that Leanne had used earlier.

He was asleep before he knew what was happening, his dreams filled with nothing but what he hoped his future with Leanne and Eli would look like one day.


	31. Chapter 31

Leanne had been shocked at how calming it had been having Ethan at the house yesterday and last night.

He had brought with him an ease that she hadn’t been able to get in weeks.

Eli had been over the moon to have the man so close.

And to be honest, so had she.

She had missed having someone touch her the way Ethan did, both figuratively and literally.

He was definitely doing his best to worm his way into her heart.

And as much as she was trying not to let him, she was failing terribly.

She had been shocked when Eli had slept through the night and she had heard Ethan sneak in to check on him before he left.

He had paused outside her door and waited for a few minutes but she had stayed still and quiet.

As much as she wanted to say ‘goodbye’ to him she had reached a place where she knew she wouldn’t be able to let him go if he had come in.

And while she knew that he respected her and her boundaries, there was a part of her that probably would have asked him to stay for all the wrong reasons.

But she had refrained and so he had left and she had felt an emptiness in her heart at his sudden absence.

When she had awoken Friday morning Eli was tucked against her side, sleeping peacefully, and she was shocked that she hadn’t heard him enter the room.

They had spent the day together, the boy in much better spirits than he had been the first four days of the week, and she had tucked him into bed that night with no issues whatsoever.

She had waited for a call or text from Ethan, but it never came, and she prayed that he was okay.

Saturday morning came around before she knew it and once again, Eli had crawled into bed with her during the night, his little head nestled against her shoulder, his dinosaur tucked under his arms.

She had dropped a kiss to his head just as she heard her phone buzz on the table beside her.

She smiled when Ethan’s name appeared on the screen and she quickly slid the phone open in order to see what he was up too.

_Good morning sunshine._ The words staring back at her made her heart flutter in her chest.

She was becoming so hopelessly addicted to him and she both loved, and hated it.

_Good morning._ She wished he was here to say it person.

_How’s the kid?_ She glanced down at the boy at her side and she let out a soft sigh.

_Sleeping._ She wished she knew how long he had been there for.

_He do okay yesterday? I meant to text or call but I worked straight through. Just now getting off._ She let out a sigh, she should have known that he would be busting his ass since she was out.

She felt bad that he was having to work extra.

But she was also thankful that he had her back during all of this.

_He did a little better. I might have used you as a bargaining tool. I told him that you would count the popsicles that were left over and you’d know whether he’d been eating them or not._ Eli had been reluctant to eat again yesterday and that had been the only major issue they had had with each other. 

_And it worked?_ She let out a soft laugh as she remembered the boy’s face when she told him that she would call him if he didn’t start taking care of himself.

_He ate an entire box worth yesterday._ He had, in fact, made his way through a box and a half of popsicles, along with an entire jar of applesauce and half a pint of strawberry ice-cream.

_Good boy. He sleeping any better?_ She knew that Ethan had talked with him about listening to her and helping her out and she was thankful.

She didn’t know the extent of the conversation but she knew that Eli respected Ethan and his word.

_He slept until almost 11 yesterday. But he gave me a hard time again last night. I told him that you would ask though and he said he would go to sleep for you._ She had, once again, almost called Ethan for reinforcements at bedtime, but Eli had complied after asking if Ethan would be mad if he didn’t sleep.

She had reminded the boy that Ethan, just like her, just wanted him to get better.

_Crazy kid._ She smiled at his words.

Eli was definitely something.

_That he is._ And he was more and more like her daughter every day.

_Want some company today?_ She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

The idea of being able to see him once again excited her in more ways than she thought it would.

_If you’re free. I’m sure you’re exhausted._ She didn’t want to take up anymore of his time, she knew he was a busy man.

_Let me get in a few hours of sleep. I’ll come over around 3?_ She shouldn’t have been so excited about having him come over and hang-out with them, but she had missed him.

And for once, she wasn’t afraid to admit it.

_We’ll be here._ She glanced down beside her as Eli stirred in his sleep and she smiled softly as he blinked up at her lazily.

_See you guys in a bit!_ She knew that Eli would be excited to see the man, especially after being away from him for two days.

—

Ethan had arrived a little after 3:00pm, and with him, he brought a stack of dinosaur books for Eli that he had found at the bookstore earlier.

Leanne had chastised him for spoiling the boy but he had told her that he couldn’t resist the sale, or the brightly colored images in the books.

She had chuckled softly before leading him into the den and calling to Eli to let him know that Ethan had arrived.

“Ethan!” He had run full force at the man, his arms going out to wrap around his neck as he knelt down in front of him. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too buddy.” Ethan pressed a kiss against his head before pulling back and extending the bag of books in the boy’s direction. “Here.”

Eli looked down at the bag and then back up at Ethan, an eyebrow raising as he realized the contents.

“Are these for me?” Eli asked with big eyes as the man handed over the bag with a smile.

“They sure are.” He said softly.

Eli gently took the bag from his hands and stood there staring at him for a second.

“Go ahead, open it.” Ethan encouraged him but Eli just stared back at him, a confused look on his face.

Leanne was worried that Ethan would get upset with him for not saying ‘thank you’ or being excited but instead he reached out and pushed his curls away from his eyes.

“Come on, let’s sit on the couch.” He gestured toward the object behind them and then stood, heading over and plopping down against the cushions. He patted the space beside him and Eli followed suit, dragging the bag up into the space between them. “We can go through them together.”

Eli had simply nodded his head and Ethan smiled at him, pulling the first book from the bag and handing it over so the boy could investigate it himself.

They stayed that way for a good half hour, going through the books slowly and talking about their contents.

Ethan promised Eli that he would help him read all of them over the course of the next few weeks and she felt her heart swell at the idea of the man being in their lives for that long.

She hoped that he would be a part of their loves for longer, but just a few simple weeks seemed like a lifetime right about now.

After they finished with the books Eli had requested a movie and Ethan had complied, scrolling through the Netflix que until they settled on a movie about singing animals.

Eli then snuggled against Ethan’s side and stayed that way through the entire film, his eyes falling heavy toward the end.

She had suggested that they eat dinner before it got any later and Eli had mumbled that he wasn’t hungry, causing her to let out a sigh.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” Ethan said softly, hoisting the boy up onto his hip as he headed into the kitchen. “Why don’t I go get us something and I’ll bring you back a milkshake?”

Eli’s eyes lit up at Ethan’s suggestion and she chuckled softly.

“If that’s okay with your mom that is?” He shot her a look and she simply nodded her head.

If it got Eli to eat something, she didn’t much care what it was.

“Okay.” Eli whispered, his head falling to Ethan’s shoulder with sleeping eyes.

“You stay with Mama and I’ll be right back.” He pressed a kiss against the tot’s head before handing him over to her with a soft smile. 

And then he was heading out the door and to his car and he was backing out of the driveway before she knew what was happening.

He returned a few minutes later with a large Chick-Fil-A bag and one vanilla milkshake, no whipped cream, extra cherries.

Eli had simply smiled up at him before digging in and before either of them knew what was happening the boy had emptied his cup and was reaching for one of Ethan’s chicken nuggets.

She had chastised him for not asking first but Ethan had offered her a soft look before telling her it was okay.

And then he was pulling an extra box of nuggets from the bag and placing it in front of the boy.

“I knew that milkshake would do the trick.” He said with a wink.

She shook her head at his words but smiled nonetheless.

He surely did know what he was doing when it came to Eli and she was thankful for his gentleness with the boy.

After they had finished eating she had ushered Eli upstairs to get ready for bed, with the promise that they could all watch one more movie before actually going to sleep.

They had all snuggled on the couch then, Eli picking the movie once more, and they were only half way through the film about talking animals when Eli had dozed off, his body tucked safely against Ethan’s chest.

Once Ethan realized the boy was no longer with them he had turned off the movie and put it on a Dodger’s game, turning the volume down low as he let his head fall to rest on top of hers.

They stayed that way for another thirty minutes before his phone beeped from it’s place on the end table.

He grabbed it quickly, sliding it open and sighing before typing back a response.

“That work?” She hoped that he didn’t have to leave them just yet.

She was quite comfy tucked against his side like this.

“No. Robbie.” He whispered.

She could tell that something was wrong and she hoped that no one was hurt.

“Everything okay?” She asked softly, her head lifting up off his shoulder so that she could eye him curiously.

“Eh.” He shrugged his shoulders as his head fall back against the cushions, his eyes closing as he let out a soft sigh.

“Wanna talk about it?” She hoped that he knew that he could count on her, that she was there for him just like he was there for her.

“Not much to talk about. He’s in town and he’s been acting… strange.” He turned toward her, his eyes opening to reveal a soft pain to them that made her heart go weak. “Something’s going on with him and I don’t know what it is.”

“Strange how?” She knew she didn’t know Robbie very well, but he had seemed like a decent person.

“He’s been quieter than normal. And angry. Real angry.” She knew that he suffered from some issues though, that much she had learned at Christmas, and she worried that something was up with the younger Willis man. “We got in a fight this morning over the coffee pot. It’s just… weird.”

“Did something happen with work? Didn’t you say he’s in the Army too?” She knew that he was stationed somewhere on the East Coast, or at least, he was at Christmas time.

He had mentioned how he had been thrilled when he was able to get away for a few weeks, especially since he was certain he would be getting sent back to Afghanistan soon.

“Yeah. And that’s another thing, he’s home and I’m pretty sure he shouldn’t be.” She wondered what he meant by that but she got the feeling that things were amiss for Robbie somewhere down the line. “I don’t know if he got in some kind of trouble, or if something happened, but something’s definitely amiss about the whole thing.”

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” She knew that the two of them were close and that they loved each other dearly.

She hoped that that would mean that Robbie would open up to Ethan about whatever was bothering him.

“Robbie’s not exactly an open book.” He whispered, his eyes getting a far off look in them. “Not anymore anyway.”

“I’m sorry Ethan.” She hated that he was going through this.

He didn’t deserve any of the pain he was feeling.

“It’s okay. Just, frustrating. I’m trying to help him, but I don’t know how.” Ethan was a helper by nature, that much she had come to learn in the past few months. He couldn’t help himself from trying to make things better for others. “He won’t tell me what he needs and it’s hurtful. We’ve always relied on each other up until now.”

“I’m sure he’s just going through something.” She reached out and squeezed his knee gently as she let her head fall back to his shoulder. “Give him a little time, I’m sure he’ll come around once he’s got things sorted out.”

“Yeah. I guess.” He sighed out.

She could tell that he was frustrated and that he wasn’t in a good place.

It made her heart hurt to see him like this.

“Well I’m here if you wanna talk.” She hoped he would take her up on that offer.

She wanted him to know that he could trust her.

“Thanks.” He whispered.

She let out a soft sigh as she pulled away from him, her eyes going to the boy in his lap.

“It’s getting late.” It was almost 10:00pm and it was well past the time she normally tucked the tot into his bed. “I should get him to bed.”

“I’ve got him.” He said softly as he rose, pulling Eli into his arms protectively.

She felt her heart start to race at the sight before her.

Even when he was down and out he still always had Eli’s best interests at heart.

She followed them upstairs quietly, watching as Ethan woke the boy softly before placing him on his feet just outside his bathroom.

“Go potty before we tuck you in buddy.” He said softly, brushing aside some of the boy’s hair as he spoke. 

Eli simply nodded his head before heading into the bathroom and doing his business.

He washed his hands without a word and walked out of the room with a quiet sigh before taking Ethan’s hand in his.

“Can you stay the night Ethan?” He asked in a whisper voice.

Leanne guessed that maybe he didn’t want her to hear.

“Not tonight pal.” Ethan lifted him gently into bed and she watched as he snuggled under the covers, his head nestling against his pillow case as he let out a sad breath. 

“Oh. Okay.” The little boy sounded so broken and Leanne wished that there was a way to fix it for him.

“Maybe some other time?” Ethan kneeled down beside the bed and offered Eli a soft smile as he pulled the blankets up to his chin.

Eli nodded his head before letting out a yawn and she smiled when Ethan leaned in and pressed a kiss against his forehead.

“Goodnight buddy.” He whispered, his hand stilling on his head as he tried to calm him some.

“Goodnight Ethan.” Eli whispered back, his eyes falling closed briefly before he opened them and shifted his gaze toward her. “Goodnight Mama.”

“Goodnight baby.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before pulling back and giving him a soft smile. “Get some rest.”

He simply nodded his head before snuggling even further under the covers, his little eyes closing completely as he nestled against his pillow.

Ethan stood up from his position, his hand going out to rest on her hip as he guided her out the door and back into the hallway.

“I should probably get going.” He whispered softly, his eyes settling on her face as he stood closer to her than normal.

“Yeah.” She nodded her head at his words.

She didn’t want him to leave but she knew that he couldn’t stay.

“Sorry I couldn’t have been anymore help.” His eyes were dark and she could see the almost haunted look in them.

She didn’t understand why he felt like he hadn’t helped her any.

He had been a great support system the past few days and she was so incredibly thankful for his presence.

“You got to him sleep with little to no effort, that’s help enough.” The fact that he had helped with Eli as much as he had was enough to make her heart swell.

“Good to know.” He reached up with one hand and brushed her hair aside, offering her a soft smile. “Let me know if he gives you a hard time tomorrow night, I’ll swing by and put him to bed before my shift starts if I have to.”

“Thank you.” She didn’t want Ethan to have to come over every night and put the boy to bed, but he certainly did respond better when Ethan was around.

Part of her was jealous for the impact that Ethan had on the boy, but she also respected it.

“I’ll text you tomorrow and see how he is.” He whispered.

“Okay.” She whispered back.

“I’ll see myself out.” He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, then one to her nose, before letting his forehead fall to rest against hers. “Goodnight Leanne.”

“Goodnight Ethan.” She closed her eyes as let her hands settle against his hips.

She wanted him to stay more than she had ever wanted anything before.

She wanted to fall into bed with him and let his hands wander over her bare skin.

She wanted to kiss him senseless and never stop.

She wanted to wake up with his naked body wrapped around hers.

She wanted to love him so badly that it hurt.

“I thought I was leaving.” He whispered, his hand tangling in her hair as the other gripped her hip softly, pulling her closer to him than before.

"Yeah." She didn't want to acknowledge his possible absence. She didn't want him to leave. She needed him here with her.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked the question she had been waiting to hear and yet she didn't know how to respond.

"I don't know." That was as good as it was going to get right now.

"Look at me Leanne." He brushed his thumb over her lips gently, his nose bumping against hers in an almost nuzzling fashion.

She felt her eyes open on their own accord and they locked with his as she sighed softly.

"Do you want me to stay?" He repeated his earlier question and she felt her heart skip a beat at the softness in his eyes.

"What happens if you stay?" She wanted to know if he was all in or only in it for one thing.

"What do you want to happen if I stay?" He was giving her the freedom to decide where they took this and she felt her body tense at his words.

She knew damn well what she really wanted to happen.

But they weren't even dating, they weren't even anything, it would surely be a disaster if they took that step first.

"You want the truth?" She didn't know if he wanted the same things as her but she was willing to find out.

"Please." He pressed his lips against her chin as his fingers pushed their way under the hem of her t-shirt.

The feeling of his skin against hers was more than she could fathom.

"I want you to stay and make love to me." She whispered, her eyes closing as she struggled to get the words out. "I want to wake up next to you in the morning and know that you're never going to leave."

"Okay." He breathed out softly, his fingers gripping her hip tightly as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Are you sure?"

She let out a sigh.

No, she wasn't sure

But she wasn't sure about anything right now.

"I don't know what to do." She sobbed, her eyes clenching tightly as she felt her heart start to race in her chest.

"Then we don't do anything." He whispered.

She let out a shaky breath as she fell against his chest.

"I hate this." She hated not knowing what to do.

She hated feeling like she had no control at all.

And yet, all the control as well.

"Look at me Leanne." He said softly, his fingers dancing lightly against the skin at the base of her neck.

She took a deep breath before opening her eyes and pulling away from him.

When her eyes locked with his she felt something inside her break.

"I'm so scared." She fell apart and she watched as he let out a breath before tucking her back against his chest, his arms wrapping around her tightly, his lips pressing softly against her ear.

"I would never hurt you." She knew that, probably better than she knew anything at all.

He was the softest man she had ever met and his love for her and Eli was something she had never seen before.

"I know." She sobbed against his shoulder, her arms wrapping tightly around him as she clung to him like the lifeline she needed him to be.

"We don't have to do anything." He whispered as he pulled back some, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks against his palms. "I can stay and we can just sleep. It doesn't have to be anything else."

"I want it to be something else." And she did, desperately.

She had never wanted it before, but tonight for some reason, she needed him.

"Look at me." He tilted her face up so that he could lock his eyes with hers and she felt heart skip a beat at the love behind his gray orbs. "If we do something tonight there's no going back."

She didn't know if she was quite ready for that but she understood.

Ethan wasn't a one night kind of guy.

In fact, she doubted that he was even a few night's kind of guy.

She knew that if she gave that part of herself over to him that was it, they were together and there was no turning back.

"I..." She didn't know what to say or what to do.

She wished there was a clear cut answer somewhere in the mix.

"Let's just get some sleep okay?" He offered her the softest of expressions and she nodded her head at his words.

Sleep sounded fantastic right about now.

"Go get ready for bed." He whispered, his lips pressing softly against her nose. "I'm gonna go get my gym bag out of my car."

She simply nodded her head once more as she took a deep breath, pulling back from him as she did so.

She had just come out of the bathroom, dressed in her pajamas and ready to sleep, when he wandered into the room with his duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Give me a minute." And then he was disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door.

She sighed as she crawled into bed, pulling the covers up over her as she relaxed back against the pillows.

When Ethan emerged from the bathroom he had changed into sweat pants and an Angels t-shirt and he looked so soft and cozy and she just wanted to melt into him.

"I'm gonna poke my head in on E first." He stepped into the hallway and she heard him walking toward the boy's room.

A minute later he headed back in, shutting the door partially behind him, his hand reaching out to flip the light off.

"Out like a light." He whispered, climbing into the bed beside her.

"Good." She was hopeful the boy would make it through the night again. He hadn't had trouble sleeping like this since she had first brought him home from the hospital at five months old. "Thank you."

"No worries." He plopped back against the pillow and settled himself under the covers like he belonged there.

She felt her heart flutter at the feeling of having a man in her bed again. It had been six and a half years since she had a man beside her like this.

"This is a little weird." She whispered into the darkness after a minute.

He let out a soft chuckle from his spot beside her and the next thing she knew he was rolling onto his side and wrapping himself around her, his face nuzzling against her neck as he pressed a kiss to the skin.

"It's only weird if we make it that way." He whispered back.

She knew what he meant and she let out a soft sigh as she relaxed into his embrace, her hands coming up to rest against the bare skin of his arm.

"You'll be here when I wake up?" She feared he would vanish in the middle of the night and she'd be left feeling empty and alone once again.

"Always." He pressed another soft kiss to her neck and then he was letting out a sigh as he settled even more into the mattress.

"Promise?" She asked quietly, her head turning slightly toward his.

He didn't answer at first and she wondered if he had fallen asleep, but then he was pressing a kiss against her shoulder with a soft chuckle.

"As long as you'll have me." He whispered.

She felt a shiver run through her body and her heart almost stopped.

She most certainly wasn't expecting that response, not from him, not right now.

But she would take it.

Because if it were up to her, he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.


	32. Chapter 32

Ethan had woken up Sunday morning to the feeling of a wam body pressed tightly against his side, an arm draped over his stomach, a leg tossed over his.

He had panicked at first, wondering how in the world he had managed to get a woman home with him when he didn’t remember going out the night before.

But then he felt the weight against his other side, a head of brown curls tucked against his shoulder, a tiny hand gripping his shirt tightly.

And then it hit him.

He hadn’t just brought some random woman home with him.

He was with Leanne, and Eli, and he felt his heart swell.

He couldn’t have asked for a better way to wake up.

He dropped a kiss to each of their heads before letting out a yawn and he felt Leanne stir against him.

“You okay love?” He whispered his question as he let his hand run up and down her back.

“Mhm.” She nuzzled herself closer to him, a small smile on her face as she let her fingers run under the hem of his t-shirt.

He felt chill run through him at the feeling of her fingers against his bare skin.

“Your hands are freezing.” He huffed out, his fingers tickling her waist softly.

“Sorry.” She most definitely wasn’t sorry because she let her hand move higher, over his hip and up to his stomach.

“Stoooop.” He whined out.

Not only was she driving him crazy with the temperature of her fingers but she was doing evil things to him with the way her hand felt against body.

“Okay.” She pressed a kiss to his shoulder before pulling her hand back and letting it fell to his hip, this time over the material of his t-shirt.

“Mama? Ethan?” The little boy’s soft voice broke through the slightly awkward silence and Ethan shifted his gaze down toward the body pressed against his right side.

“Hey buddy.” He brushed some of the boy’s hair aside, his lips pressing gently against his temple as Eli snuggled closer.

“I’m hungry.” Ethan was shocked to hear those words leave the boy’s mouth.

He hadn’t been hungry in several days.

“What would you like for breakfast baby?” Leanne’s question was soft and Ethan watched as she moved the hand that had previously been against his hip up to rest on the boy’s cheek, her eyes soft in the early morning light.

“Pancakes.” He whispered, his eyes mirroring his mothers as he smiled back at her.

“Then pancakes it is.” She said quietly.

And then she was pushing herself out of the bed and heading into the bathroom, the door shutting softly behind her.

Ethan felt Eli move to sit up, his little hand reaching up to rub at his still sleepy eyes.

“Come on buddy,” Ethan sat up beside him, his hand reaching out to pat his back, “let’s go get those pancakes started.”

The boy beamed back at him before hopping out of bed and scampering down the hallway and into his bathroom.

Letting out a soft laugh Ethan rose from the bed slowly, pocketing his cell phone before heading into the hall and stopping at the top of the stairs to wait for the boy.

He watched as Eli exited the bathroom, his hands still damp from washing them, and then he disappeared into his room, exiting a minute later with his dinosaur in tow.

“Can Rex and I watch cartoons Ethan?” He looked so soft and innocent and Ethan had a hard time believing that he was six and a half, not four like he looked.

“Yeah I’m sure we can find something you guys can watch.” He let his eyes wander down the hall then, settling on the door across from Eli’s that stayed closed all the time.

He wanted to know what was in that room but he didn’t want to pry.

Something deep inside told him that it had to be Caitlin’s old room, that was really the only thing that made sense.

“Hey E,” He knew he shouldn’t ask the boy, it wasn’t any of his business, but it was killing him not knowing, “what room is that?”

The boy’s eyes wandered in the direction that Ethan was pointing and he shrugged.

“I don’t know.” He sounded very serious about his response and Ethan just sighed.

He guessed it just wasn’t meant to be.

“Okay.” And then he was turning back toward the stairs and heading down them, the boy hot on his heels as they headed into the kitchen.

After depositing Eli on the couch with an old Scooby Doo cartoon Ethan got to work on getting out the ingredients for pancakes, his mind still locked in on the room upstairs that seemed just as much a mystery to Eli as it did to him.

—

They had enjoyed their pancake breakfast together after Leanne had gotten out of the shower and they had been doing the dishes when his cell phone had rung from it’s place in his pocket.

He had reluctantly answered, letting out a sigh when Campbell’s voice came over the line, and then he was heading upstairs for a quick shower before leaving them both with a quiet sigh.

He hadn’t wanted to leave, ever.

He wanted to stay and hold them both close and spend the day in their pajamas watching TV.

But unfortunately he had gone into work and had spent the next twenty four hours in a soft and quiet panic.

He wasn’t entirely sure why he was feeling the way he was, but he was at a loss for it all.

He had been on his way to the break room Monday morning to get a cup of coffee when he saw Leanne walking down the hallway, Eli perched on her hip, his eyes heavy and sleepy looking.

He let out a sigh as he ducked into the small room to his left.

As much as he cared about them, he wasn’t exactly in the mood to be around them right now.

Not after dealing with Robbie for the past two hours.

Not after having to yell at the little shit about his horrible behavior the past few days.

He saw Leanne heading toward the room, a small smile on her face when she saw him and he quickly headed out the back door.

He made his way toward the elevators, pressing the button for the third floor just as she exited the space she had just entered.

She shot him a slightly angry and confused look and then the doors were closing between them.

He let out a huff as he leaned back against the wall, the elevator taking him to his imaginary destination upstairs.

—

That night he had crawled into bed with a heavy heart, his eyes burning from the tears in them.

He had missed Leanne and Eli and all he wanted to do was go to them.

But he knew that he most certainly wasn’t in any shape to be with them right now.

Not after the day he had had.

Not after the fight he and Robbie had just endured.

He heard his phone vibrate on the bed beside him and he grabbed it slowly, letting out a breath when he saw Leanne’s nap flash across the screen.

_Are you okay?_ Stared back at him and he closed his eyes.

He wanted to tell her the truth.

He wanted to tell her that he was failing as a brother and a friend and he hated himself for letting Robbie down like this.

_Fine._ But instead he lied to her because that was all he knew how to do when he got like this.

_You’ve been avoiding me._ She wasn’t lying, he had been avoiding her.

But it was for her protection, nothing more, nothing less.

_No I haven’t._ Again he lied.

He knew better than to do this to her.

She didn’t deserve this.

_Today, at the hospital, I’m just thankful Eli was still sleepy and didn’t realize that you weren’t there._ He was glad that Eli hadn’t realized that Ethan was running from them.

He couldn’t stand to break the little boy’s heart like that.

_I was busy._ He wasn’t busy, not at all, but he wasn’t in any place to give her and Eli the attention that they needed.

_Did I do something wrong Ethan?_ He hated that she felt guilty for this.

It wasn’t her fault. Far from it actually.

_No._ That part wasn’t a lie at least.

_Then why are you giving me the cold shoulder?_ If only he could make himself be honest with her.

If only he could force himself to open up to her.

_I’ve just got stuff going on._ He hated Robbie for dragging him into this.

_And you’re gonna take that out on me and Eli?_ He hated himself for doing this to them.

He needed to find a way to make this better for them all.

_I’m sorry okay. What else do you want me to say?_ He hoped that she understood where he was coming from.

That it wasn’t anything personal.

That it wasn’t anything they had done wrong.

_I just want to make sure that you’re okay. You spent all this time breaking me out of my shell, now you’re gonna hide away from me?_ He let out a sigh as he closed his eyes.

He heard the front door slam shut downstairs and he knew that meant that Robbie was home from wherever he had wandered off too.

He feared another fight was on his hands and he honestly didn’t have the energy for it right now.

_I’m not hiding._ He wanted her to fight for him like he had so desperately been fighting for her.

He knew that was wrong of him, that that wasn’t how it worked, but something inside him wanted to know that she wanted him too.

_Could’ve fooled me._ He could practically hear the pain in her words and it broke his heart.

_Look, I’m sorry okay. I wasn’t in the mood earlier, and I’m not really in the mood now. I didn’t mean anything by it._ He hated that he was hurting her.

She deserved so much better than this.

_Okay._ Robbie shouted his name from downstairs and he let out a growl.

He really wasn’t prepared for this right now.

So instead he rolled over and buried himself under the covers, pulling the pillow over his ears to drown out Robbie’s yelling from the hallway.

—

He must have fallen asleep because the next time he was aware of what was going on the clock on his phone said it was a little after midnight.

There was a missed called from Leanne and one from his mother.

And then there was a text from Leanne that made his heart sink into the pit of his stomach.

_I hope you’re doing better than earlier. I’m sorry if I upset you, I was just worried. Eli’s been asking for you and I know you have no obligation to him, or I, but it’s just been hard. He doesn’t understand, and frankly, neither do I. Please don’t hesitate to call or text if you need anything._ She was reaching out to him just like he wanted.

She was trying to get through to him and he felt himself relax at the thought of things getting better between them.

He got ready to respond to her when he heard a loud crash downstairs and he jumped from his spot in the bed and ran toward the sound.

He never got the chance to reply back to her after that.

—

He had wound up missing work the next day, his obligation to his brother taking control.

Instead, he had stayed by the younger man’s side all night and day, doing his best to talk him down from whatever ledge he was perched on.

He didn’t want Robbie to go there.

He didn’t want to see him fail.

And he was willing to do whatever it took to keep him above water.

He had finally got the kid to rest around three that afternoon and after a shower and a very lengthy phone conversation with his mom and Grant, he had collapsed on the couch with a sigh.

He heard his phone ding from the coffee table and he couldn’t help but smile when Leanne’s name was the first thing he saw.

_I hope everything’s okay. Jesse told me you were out of work today and I just wanted to make sure you were alright._ She must have called to check up on him when he never responded to her text last night.

He was thankful for her intrusion for once.

_I’m fine. It’s not me._ He needed her to know the truth.

That it wasn’t him that was screwed up, it was his brother.

_Robbie?_ She was smart enough to put two and two together though and he never should have doubted her.

_Yeah._ He heard a rustling down the hall and then the bathroom door opened.

He prayed that the other man would simply just go back to sleep after he was done.

He was so mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted that he didn’t know if he could handle another ordeal like the one they had earlier.

_Can I do anything?_ God he loved his woman and her soft soul.

_No. I think we’re good. I’m gonna be out of town until Saturday. Any way we can postpone our date until then?_ He had agreed with his mom and Grant when they had suggested that Robbie come stay with them instead of him.

They would be able to provide him with more support than he ever could.

At least right now anyway.

But the thought of pushing their date back by even one night was breaking his heart.

He just wanted to move things forward for them finally.

_That’s fine. Everything okay?_ Things were far from okay, but he didn’t want to let her see him break.

_I’m gonna take Robbie to stay with mom. He needs more help than I can give him right now._ His mom always had a way of getting through to him, just like she always could with him.

He guessed it was a mother’s special touch.

_I’m sorry Ethan._ He knew that she was sorry that he was going through this.

He knew that she respected him enough to feel empathy for his situation.

_It’s okay. It’s the best place for him. Mom will get through to him, she always does._ His mom wouldn’t put up with Robbie’s shit and neither would Grant.

And unfortunately, that was what he needed right now.

People to set him straight and make him realize that he was going to be okay.

_Let me know if you need anything._ He wanted to tell her that he wanted to be in her arms right now.

But he didn’t dare leave Robbie alone, it would surely end poorly for everyone involved.

_I will. I’ll text you when I get back to town._ He would do his best to hurry back to be with her and Eli though.

He needed them now more than ever.

_Okay._ He could tell that she wanted to say more.

That she needed to say more.

_Please be safe._ She was trying, of that he could tell.

_I will._ He would be as safe as possible in order to get back to LA.

_I miss you. We both do._ He felt his heart flutter, he missed them more than he thought possible.

_I know. I miss you guys too. I’ll try and call tonight okay?_ He wasn’t supposed to leave until that night to drive Robbie up north, but he could certainly stand to hear their voices before he left.

_I’d like that._ He smiled at her response.

He was glad that she was coming around to him.

_Same here. Try and rest love._ He knew that she had to be exhausted still.

Eli was surely still giving her a run for her money.

_You do the same babe._ His lips turned upward at her use of the endearment.

He was getting somewhere with her finally.

And he hoped that somewhere was going to be good.

—

He hadn’t been able to call that night and he and Robbie hadn’t started toward Oregon yet either.

There was a huge storm system passing through and his mother had warned against getting on the road during that mess.

He had been wise to listen to her but he hated that he was having to push their trip back another day.

He wanted to drop Robbie off and get back to LA as soon as he could.

So that Tuesday night around 7:00pm he decided to give Leanne a call, his need to hear her voice outweighing his need to catch a few hours of sleep before hitting the road.

“Hello?” Her voice was soft on the other end and he smiled at the sound of it.

It may have only been a few days but he had missed it.

“Hey. It’s just me.” He knew that she wasn’t exactly expecting a call from him right then and there.

“Hi.” She whispered.

“Hi.” He whispered back. “You busy?”

“Waiting on Eli to finish brushing his teeth so I can tuck him in.” He smiled at the mention of the boy.

He had missed him just as much as his mother these past few days.

“How’s he feeling?” He hoped that he was finally on the mend, the past week and a half having been incredibly hard on him.

“Better.” He could hear the hope in her voice and it gave him a little hope as well. “He’s in much better spirits than before so I think we’re on the up.”

“How’d his appointment go Monday?” He felt bad that he hadn’t asked about it before, especially after avoiding them at the hospital after said appointment. “Does he need the surgery?”

“The doctor says ‘yes’.” He let out a sigh, that’s what he was afraid of. “But they are willing to wait until he’s out of school for the summer because it’s gonna be a long recovery.”

“That it will. Robbie had his out when he was ten and he was sick for weeks.” He remembered Robbie being a wreck for a good two and a half weeks after the surgery. Parker almost equally so. “That was also 30 years ago, but still.”

“Yeah. I’m not prepared for that amount of time off either.” He knew that she would do whatever she had to in order to make sure that Eli got the surgery and got better, but taking that amount of time off would be hard. “But it’s gotta be done.”

“Well I’ll help out if I can.” He would gladly split the time off with her if she wanted, he would do anything for them. “You know that.”

“I know.” She said softly.

He heard movement on the other end and then a little voice asking who it was that she was talking too.

“It’s Ethan.” Leanne said softly. “You wanna say ‘hi’?”

He let out a soft chuckle when he heard silence on the other hand followed by some shuffling.

“Hi Ethan!” Eli practically yelled at him and he couldn’t help but laugh.

He knew the little boy had missed him.

“Hi buddy! How you feeling?” The feeling was certainly mutual.

“Better!” He was glad to hear it.

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear that.” He hated seeing the boy in so much pain. It had been hard to watch him being so miserable. “You going back to school tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t sound excited about it but Ethan understood the need for him to return to normal now that he was on the mend.

“Well you take it easy okay?” He wanted him to be in the best health possible for when he returned from his trip. “And learn something new so that we can talk about it this weekend.”

“This weekend?” Eli’s voice hit a pitch that Ethan had never heard before and he laughed at his excitement.

“I’m going out of town for a few days, but I’ll be back Saturday.” He prayed that he would be back that soon. He knew that his mother understood his need to be home with Leanne and Eli too though so he didn’t think she would have any problem saying ‘goodbye’. “And you and I can do whatever you want okay?”

“Promise?” He asked softly.

“I promise.” And he wouldn’t break that promise, not now, not ever. “I’ll let your mom know when I’m home and we can get together and hang-out.”

“Yay! You’re the best Ethan.” He smiled at the boy’s exclamation. 

It certainly was nice to be wanted.

“That’s good to know pal. Now, you need to get some sleep, you hear me?” He hoped that he could encourage him to go easy on Leanne tonight. “Don’t give your mama a hard time.”

“I won’t. I promise.” He heard the boy snuggle down into bed and he smiled.

“I’ll see you in a few days okay buddy?” He wished he was there with them more than anything right now.

“Okay.” Eli let out a yawn on the other end and he blinked back a few stray tears. “Goodnight Ethan.”

“Goodnight Eli.” He whispered, and then there was a moment of silence before Leanne’s voice came back over the phone.

“I’ll text you later.” She said softly, a yawn escaping her lips as well. “I’m gonna try and get him to sleep and get in a shower real quick.”

“Okay. I’ll be on the road so I probably won’t answer for a bit.” They were supposed to leave around 10:00pm that night, but he didn’t know if she would make that long before falling asleep herself. “But if you can’t sleep, feel free to call.”

“Will do.” He knew that his voice would help calm her to sleep.

And her voice would keep him from losing his mind during his car ride with his brother.

“Goodnight Leanne.” He said softly, his body relaxing back against the pillows.

“Goodnight Ethan.” She whispered back.

Then there was silence on the other end and he let out a sigh.

Saturday certainly couldn’t here soon enough.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry for the delay in posting, it’s been one hell of a week. Here’s some adorable Willish <3

Leanne had missed Ethan terribly while he was in Oregon.

And while it had only been a week since he had been by her side, it felt like months.

Eli had asked about him everyday and she had been thankful for their nightly phone calls while he was gone. They had done wonders for them both.

Ethan had texted her yesterday afternoon to let her know that he was headed home and that he would call her in the morning so that they could make plans for the day.

She had felt her heart start to race in her chest.

She just wanted to be back in his arms again.

She had told Eli that he would be home soon and when she tucked him into bed that night the boy had told her that he hoped that Ethan would want to spend the night again soon because that had been the most fun sleepover ever.

She couldn’t help but agree with the boy and she hoped that Ethan would do just that.

The following morning she had gotten up before the sun and was showered and ready for the day before it was even 7:00am.

Letting out a sigh she rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror.

Surely Ethan was still sleeping after his exhausting car ride home.

She had no reason to believe that he would be calling any time soon.

But then her phone rang from it’s spot on the bathroom counter and she had felt her heart stop in her chest at Ethan’s name and picture flashing across the screen.

“Hello?” She answered softly, her breaths slowing down as she waited for the sound of his voice on the other end.

“Hi love.” She let out a breath as she smiled.

“Hi.” She whispered.

She didn’t know why talking to him this morning was any different than talking to him yesterday.

And yet, everything about it was.

“Did I wake you?” He asked quietly.

“No. I’ve been up.” She felt silly saying that but it was true.

She hadn’t been able to sleep knowing that he would be home soon.

“I can’t wait to see you.” She could hear the softness in his voice and it made her heart flutter.

She was falling for him so fast and it scared her.

“Same here.” She closed her eyes for a brief second before exiting the bathroom and heading into the bedroom.

She shifted her eyes toward the sleeping tot in the middle of her bed and she sighed.

“Everything okay?” He sounded concerned and gentle and she couldn’t handle it.

“Yeah.” She didn’t want him to think that he had done something wrong.

“I was thinking we could take E to the park today.” She smiled at his suggestion, knowing full and well that Eli would be happy with whatever choice they made. “It’s supposed to be nice, warm, lots of sun.”

“He’d love that.” The boy loved going to the park and running around. “He’s been dying to show you how fast he can do the monkey bars now.”

“I can’t wait to see.” She could hear the excitement in his voice and it made her smile even more. “We’re still on for tonight right?”

She felt her heart skip a beat.

Their date?

She was looking forward to it more than she had ever looked forward to anything.

“Of course.” She whispered. “Jesse will be here at 5:30pm.”

“Perfect.” Eli started to stir in bed and she hoped that he would wait until their conversation was over so that she could surprise him with Ethan.

“What time do you wanna meet at the park?” She didn’t want to go too early, but then again, the chance to spend the whole day with Ethan was certainly something she wouldn’t turn down.

“Tenish?” He sounded like that wasn’t soon enough but she knew that he respected that she had to get Eli up and going.

“That sounds perfect.” Eli let out a soft sigh as he snuggled into her pillow a little more. “I’m not gonna tell E that you’re joining us. I want to surprise him.”

“I like the sound of that.” He said quietly. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I can’t wait.” And she couldn’t, she wanted to see him and she wanted to see him now.

“Same here.” He whispered. “Goodbye love.”

“Bye babe.” She whispered the endearment out and it made her heart flutter to call him that.

She was thankful that they had reached a state in their relationship where she could say things like that to him and it wasn’t weird.

She wanted to be able to slowly take those steps forward, to try and build a safe and healthy relationship with him.

Because she was finally willing to admit that a relationship with him was exactly what she wanted.

—

She and Eli had left the house a little before 10:00am and headed to their favorite park down the road.

When they had pulled into the parking lot she was disappointed to see that the place was packed.

She knew that Eli wasn’t too big on being around all those other kids, but she hoped that once he saw Ethan he wouldn’t much mind it.

They had gotten out of the car and made their way toward the small playground on the right. The one that was the closest to being empty. The one where Eli said he felt comfortable. And there they waited.

About ten minutes later she caught sight of Ethan’s Jeep pulling into the space behind hers and she did her best to contain her excitement as she quietly got Eli’s attention.

He had been practicing on the little set of monkey bars and he had been reluctant to join her at first.

But then he had caught sight of the older man making his way toward them and he had let out an excited squeal as he bolted across the small play space and right into Ethan’s open arms.

“Ethan!” Eli wrapped his arms around Ethan’s neck so tight that she thought he was going to surely hurt him, but Ethan never so much as flinched. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too.” He said softly, his lips pressing against the boy’s hair as he hugged him tightly against his chest.

“Mama didn’t tell me you would be joining us.” The boy said suspiciously.

“We wanted it to be a surprise.” Ethan whispered as he pulled back and offered him a smile. “Were you surprised?”

Eli nodded his head excitedly before pulling from his arms and turning toward the monkey bars.

“Watch how fast I can go!” He took off toward the bars and pulled himself upward with ease, swinging himself from bar to bar with a giant smile on his face.

“Way to go E!” Ethan rose from his crouched position and headed toward her, his eyes glistening in the late morning light, his lips turned upward in a proud smile.

She watched as he clapped for the boy once he jumped down and then Eli was scampering off to conquer the small climbing wall once again.

Ethan stopped before her and before she knew it his hands were on her cheeks and he was pressing a feather light kiss to her lips.

She most certainly wasn’t expecting such a move from him and she felt her heart start to race in her chest.

“Hi.” He whispered against her nose, his hands falling to her upper arms slowly as he stared down at her.

“Hi.” She whispered back, her hands going out to rest against his chest gently. “Welcome home.”

“Thank you.” He pressed another gentle kiss to her mouth before pulling back at the sound of his name being called from behind them. “He seems good.”

She simply nodded her head and offered him a smile.

She couldn’t find a way to make her voice work right now.

Not after those kisses and the softness in his eyes and the way his hands on her arms sent a wave of electricity through her body.

He dropped another kiss to her forehead before pulling back fully and turning toward Eli who was heading toward them with a giant smile on his face.

She watched as Ethan took his hand and walked with him toward the ‘big kid’ monkey bars and she smiled at the idea that Ethan’s presence gave her son some sort of courage that she rarely saw from him before.

She was thankful now, more than ever, that she had decided to let him in.

And she certainly had every intention of keeping him there for as long as she possibly could.

—

After spending their morning at the park they had headed to their favorite little deli and enjoyed lunch together.

Eli had asked a million and one questions about Ethan’s trip. He asked if Robbie was okay. If Ethan’s mom and step-dad were okay. If the horses were enjoying the warmer weather.

He expressed his desire to return to Oregon and the large farm and the snow covered mountains one day.

And then he had told them that he hoped he would get to see Sophia and Grant again soon because he missed them.

“They’re kind of like my grandparents too now right?” The question was innocent and she knew it, but it still made her heart skip a beat.

They were the closest thing to grandparents that he had ever had and she hoped that maybe one day they could officially fill that void.

They had decided to keep the older couple’s visit a secret still though and Ethan had just told him that he’d probably get to see them again soon.

After lunch they had gone their separate ways, but Ethan had promised Eli that he would see him again that night for a little while, and then he had pressed a kiss to his nose before buckling him into his car seat.

He had promised her the same thing before kissing her cheek softly.

And then he was heading across the parking lot and toward his car and she suddenly felt very empty inside.

—

She and Eli had run a few errands before heading home and when Jesse arrived a little before 5:30pm she had been a nervous wreck.

She hadn’t exactly told the man why he was watching Eli for her that night and she knew that once he found out he would lose his mind.

“So why exactly am I baby-sitting again?” The words had left his mouth before he was even fully into the living room and Leanne let out a sigh. “Not that I mind or anything.”

“Because Jesse, Ethan and I are going to dinner.” She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world, like they did it all the time, and it made her smile to say it with such ease.

“Wait, wait, wait… Ethan?” Jesse looked shock and pleased and confused and so many other emotions that Leanne couldn’t quite label. “You left that part out of the original plea for help.”

“Yes Jesse, Ethan.” It was still hard for her wrap her mind around despite the fact that she had done nothing but think about their date since last weekend when he had suggested it.

“You’re going to dinner?” He raised an eyebrow at her and she chuckled.

“Yes.” It wasn’t that complicated was it? Were people really that confused by their desire to take things to the next level?

“Just dinner?” He sounded skeptical and she knew what he was saying.

As much as he liked and respected Ethan she knew that he thought he was a bit of a bad boy.

“That’s all we have planned.” They hadn’t discussed any plans for after dinner, but she hoped that he had something in mind.

“Like a date?” She laughed at his confusion and reached out and patted his cheek before heading back upstairs, Jesse hot on her heels.

“I guess it’s kind of like a date. I don’t really know Jesse.” They had established that it was indeed a date, but they hadn’t set any specifics. “We’re just… we’re trying something okay. We both agreed to give this a shot and this us doing that.”

“He makes you really happy doesn’t he?” The question sent her mind into overdrive.

She had never expected to find happiness after losing John and Caitlin.

She knew that she needed to put Eli first and foremost and she figured that meant she would miss out on love if she had too.

“Ask me in a few hours after we’ve been alone together.” She was trying to brush off his comment but he wasn’t having it.

“You’re gonna have a great time.” He said with a giant smile.

“You sound very sure of that.” She knew they would have a good time, she didn’t know why she was trying to cover it up so badly.

“I know Ethan well enough to know that he’s not going to bomb on this.” She knew that Ethan was over the moon about their plans for tonight and she doubted that it would be anything but perfect. “He’s going to make this perfect, just for you.”

“You’re crazy Jesse.” She whispered as she grabbed her brush off the counter and ran it through her hair.

She had changed outfits several times already and was currently debating what she should do with her wild curls.

“Maybe so, but that man is crazy about you. Both of you.” She knew that much was for certain after everything they had been through. “It’s about time that you finally let him in.”

“I’ve got to finish getting ready Jesse.” She eyed him softly as she tried to will him to walk away.

“Okay…” He held his hands up defensively as he offered her a smirk. “Try wearing something sexy.”

She rolled her eyes at him as she closed the door in his face.

She didn’t own anything sexy.

At least not anything that someone like Ethan would find sexy.

—

Ethan had showed up right on time and he had smiled at her lovingly as he handed her the most beautiful bouquet of purple and white flowers she had ever seen.

He had shaken Jesse’s hand and kissed Eli on the head and then he was escorting her out to his car with a soft smile on his face, his hand pressed gently against her lower back the entire time.

They had driven to the restaurant in a comfortable silence and despite wanting to find out how his trip went she had bit her tongue.

She didn’t want to ruin their already wonderful evening with something so sad and depressing.

Dinner had been wonderful and while the food was great, the company had been greater.

And when they had returned to the house a few hours later Leanne had been so soft and in love that she couldn’t see straight.

She knew that she shouldn’t be falling for him like she was.

That it was too soon to be thinking so seriously.

That it was too soon to be trying to make some kind of life plan that included him in it.

And yet, the entire drive home, all she could think about was a future with him.

—

When they had finally gotten home she had walked Jesse out with a soft smile while Ethan carried a sleepy Eli to bed.

She had stood in the hallway and listened to the two of them talk about one of the dinosaur books that Ethan had bought him last week and then Ethan was tucking the tot into bed with a kiss and a promise that he’d see him again soon.

Ethan had then headed down the stairs quietly with her trailing behind him.

They stopped in front of the front door and she all of a sudden felt a panic rise over her.

She didn’t want him to leave.

She wanted him to stay.

“Thank you for tonight Ethan.” But she didn’t think it was her place to ask for such a thing. Not right now, not after everything he had just gone through with his brother. “I had a great time.”

“Did you? Or are you just trying to be nice?” He asked softly.

“I really did. I promise.” She hoped that he realized that she was telling the truth. She had the best time being with him tonight. “It was nice to get out of the house.”

“Glad I could help free you from your confines.” He sounded a little hurt and she hated that she had somehow made him feel inferior.

He had made her the happiest she had been in a while and she hoped that he realized just how important tonight had been to her.

“You know what I mean.” She hoped that he understood the importance of getting out and being able to do things that were for adults only. “It was nice to just be, me, for once. Not mommy.”

“Well anytime you wanna just be, you, give me a call.” She hadn’t just ‘been her’ in so long.

She was slowly starting to lose sight of that woman was.

“I might just take you up on that.” She smiled back at him and he reached out and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I’m gonna get going.” He whispered. “I’m pretty exhausted after today.”

“I’m sure. Please be safe going home.” She wished that he would stay, but she totally understood his desire to get home and get some sleep.

She could see the exhaustion in his eyes and it was killing her to know that he had pushed so much aside just to be with her and E today.

“I will. I’ll text you tomorrow sometime.” He said with a soft smile.

“I look forward to it.” She wouldn’t lie and say that she wouldn’t be waiting for that text to come.

Ethan stared down at her for a second before cupping her cheek against his palm, raising her head up to his.

He dropped his forehead to rest against hers and he let out a soft sigh as he brushed his thumb over her lips.

“What are you doing?” She whispered her question as she eyed him suspiciously.

“Kissing you.” He whispered back. “Is that okay?”

She felt her breath hitch in her chest as her heart started to race.

“Yes.” She nodded her head as he smiled at her.

And then the next thing she knew his lips were pressed softly against hers and their mouths were molded together in perfect unison.

They stood there in the foyer kissing for a few minutes, his hands tangled in her hair, hers gripping his t-shirt tightly.

And then the next thing she knew he was pulling back and offering her a soft smile.

“Goodnight Leanne.” He whispered.

“Goodnight Ethan.” She tried to control her breathing but she was failing miserably at it.

That kiss had been a once in a lifetime kiss.

She had never felt anything like it before.

Not with John.

Not with any other man she had ever kissed.

No, there was something about the feeling of Ethan’s lips against hers that had just completely done her in and she was now a pile of mush.

“I’ll call tomorrow.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead with his words and then he was pulling away from her and making his way out the front door.

She watched breathlessly as he headed to his car, climbing inside and starting the engine, offering her a wave as he backed out of the drive.

She stood there staring after his taillights long after they had disappeared, one hand resting over her heart, the other pressed gently against her lips.

She could most certainly get used to her nights ending like this.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry for the lack of updating, life’s been crazy. But here we have Ethan and Leanne being all soft and talkative.

Ethan had been thrilled that his date with Leanne had gone so well.

And the fact that he had gotten to end the evening with a kiss had just been the icing on the cake.

And ever since then he hadn’t been able to get her off his mind.

He thought about her constantly, while at home, while at work, while on his daily run.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her and how happy she made him.

He knew that it was a long shot, that this going somewhere would require a lot from her, but he was hoping that they were headed in that direction.

They had talked every day since their date and while they hadn’t been able to spend any alone time together since then they had been doing their best to get to know each better.

He had finally gotten a few minutes to himself and he went off in search of Leanne, hoping to find her and convince her to join him for a coffee date.

“Hey you.” He found her standing at the nurse’s station, a pile of charts in front of her, a small frown on her lips.

“Hey.” She turned and offered him a smile though and he felt his heart start to race.

That smile did things to him.

“You getting off soon?” He prayed that she was and that he could sneak her away for a little while.

“Yeah.” She turned back to her charts and sighed. “Just gotta finish these charts.”

“Have coffee with me?” He hoped she would say ‘yes’.

He was missing her terribly.

“Definitely.” She scribbled something on the top chart before closing it and placing the stack behind the counter. “I’m all done.”

“Perfect timing.” He whispered, offering her a soft smile. “Let’s go.”

They walked out of the hospital in a comfortable silence and headed toward the coffee shop across the street.

He could tell that she was tired and that she probably would have much rather gone home and slept.

But he was thankful that she was okay with being with him instead.

“Your mom and Grant are still planning on coming to town right?” She had found them a table while he ordered them each a cup of coffee and a muffin and he had found her tucked into a booth in the back, her eyes soft and tired.

“Yes, definitely.” He had talked to them last night and they had both stated how excited they were to come down and visit.

He had been worried at first that they would have to postpone their trip because of Robbie, but his mom had been very clear about their desire to see them, despite all of Robbie’s drama.

“I can’t wait to see them.” She whispered before taking a bite of her muffin.

“They’re so excited.” His mom had been over the moon about getting to see her favorite little friend again. “Grant bought Eli a Dodger’s jersey for the game.”

She laughed softly and as she closed her eyes and reopened them, eyeing him with a sense of gentleness he hadn’t seen there before.

“He didn’t have to do that.” He knew that Grant didn’t have to do anything for the boy, but he was a spoiler of all of his grandkids, apparently Eli counted in that mix now.

“He knows, but he wanted too.” He took a sip of his coffee before leaning back in the booth and giving her a smile. “You’ve never told me anything about your parents.”

"There isn’t much to tell." She said quietly.

She had a pained look in her eyes and he felt bad for bringing them up.

"Are they still alive?" He hesitated before asking the question, but he was curious.

She had never so much as mentioned their names to him in the time they had known each other.

"I guess." She shrugged her shoulders as she spoke and he didn’t miss the sadness in her eyes.

"You guess?" He didn’t want to pry, but he was curious about her past.

"My mom died when I was thirteen. My dad remarried a few years later.” He heard her breath hitch as she spoke and he reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “We had a falling out when I was a senior in high school. We don't really talk much."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." He felt bad for bringing up bad memories, he knew how hard it could be to relive things like that.

"It's fine." She whispered, her eyes shifting downward to stare at her cup.

"Do you have any siblings?" He had never heard her mention brothers or sisters before.

"A sister. She lives in New York. We see each other once a year.” He felt bad that she only got to see her only real family so little. “And I've got a step brother in the Navy. He lives somewhere overseas with his husband and their two kids. We exchange Christmas cards but that's about it."

"Are you and your sister close?" He couldn’t imagine being estranged from a sibling, especially since he and Robbie were so close.

And even though Grant’s kids were his step-siblings, he loved them all the same.

"Growing up we were.” A small smile came over her face and he laced his fingers with hers as she spoke quietly about the other woman. “We're only 11 months apart so we did everything together."

"Ah, Irish twins.” He had always thought that concept to be an insane one. “Owen and Carter are like that."

"It wasn't as uncommon back then as it is now." He never understood having kids so close in age, though, he assumed there were benefits.

"Most people realize it's bat shit crazy to have two kids that close together." He liked the idea of kids having some space between them, allowing them to be their own person before they were saddled with a sibling.

He and Gracie had been four when Robbie was born and he thought that was probably the perfect spacing.

"Having kids is expensive.” She locked eyes with him and he smiled. “Caitlin would have been seven when Eli was born. Even that seemed like a daunting task."

She had never mentioned her daughter before and it made his heart race in his chest.

He wished that he had gotten to know the girl just like he was getting to know her brother.

"Yeah, Carter, he and his wife had twins and then turned around and had another one fourteen months later.” He had been shocked when he found out about Nicole being pregnant with Hannah so soon after the boys were born. “I love those kids to death, but they're a little much for me sometimes."

"Tell me about it.” She had gotten to see first hand what Ethan’s nieces and nephews were like at Christmas and he was sure that she was probably daunted by their behavior some. “Even just Eli is a little mind boggling sometimes."

"And he's a good kid!” He was the best kid that Ethan had ever known, besides Hayden of course. All of his other nieces and nephews were crazy, and while he loved them, he had never bonded with them like he had with his sister’s son. “I couldn't imagine having hellions that close in age."

"Me either.” She whispered. “You ever think about it?"

"Think about what?" He wasn’t sure what she was asking but he raised an eyebrow at her as he spoke.

"Having kids." She gave him a soft smile as she ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

"Not really. I mean, I'm certainly not opposed to the idea.” He had always wanted kids, but he had figured that was pretty much out of the question for him after everything he had been through. “I just never put much thought into it."

"Never met the right girl?" She raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled back.

"Something like that." He had thought he had met her once, when he was living in London thirteen years ago.

They had been so in love and he had been certain they were going to get married and raise a family together.

But then she had vanished into the night and that had been the end of that.

"And what if you met the right girl?" Her eyes twinkled in the light of the coffee shop and he wondered if she was referring to herself.

"I'd totally be okay with a kid or two." He loved the idea of being a father, especially after having gotten to spend so much time with Eli lately.

"Good to know." She whispered, her eyes falling back down to her plate as she picked at her muffin.

"Although, you've already got one up on me." He figured it wouldn’t hurt to insinuate that he would totally be down for having a kid or two with her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her head snapped up quicker than he had bargained for and he wondered if she was mad at him for asking such a question.

"Would you ever consider having another one?" He knew that she had technically had two children, and while Caitlin would always be her first baby, she was no longer here.

"I don't know.” She whispered. “Why? Are you offering?"

"Are you interested?" He raised an eyebrow at her and he pondered for a second the idea of them just going for it.

Having a baby with her would be like a dream come true if he was being honest with himself.

"I don't even know if it's possible to be honest." There was a hint of pain in her voice and he wondered where she was coming from.

"Why's that?" He wondered if he should even ask, if it was something she would feel comfortable with sharing or not.

"Eli was an emergency c-section. My bottom half had been pinned down during the accident.” He let out a hiss at the pained look on her face. He doubted that she remembered much about that night. “They delivered him in the back of the ambulance. I almost didn't make it."

"Damn. I didn't know." He didn’t’ know anything about her accident actually, just that it had happened and John and Caitlin hadn’t survived.

"It's okay. It's... it's not as hard to talk about it now as it used to be.” She smiled softly as she squeezed his hand. “And it's pretty easy to talk to you, so..."

"So you feel more comfortable?" He was glad that they were getting more and more comfortable with each other.

He had wondered at one point if that day would ever come.

"A little bit." She blushed slightly at her comment and he chuckled.

He was glad that he had that effect on her.

"Would you have another one?” He whispered his question after a few minutes of silence and he watched as she closed her eyes and then reopened them slowly. “If it was possible?"

"Maybe. If the right man came along." She looked rather relaxed and he was glad that he hadn’t made things awkward.

"The right man?" He wondered who that man might be.

She had told him that she hadn’t dated much after John died.

And he knew nothing about her life before the man.

"Yes." She didn’t elaborate and it had his mind reeling for answers.

"And what makes him the 'right man'?" He wanted to know what her qualifications for a ‘good man’ were.

"Smart. Funny. Laid back.” She winked at him as she spoke and he swallowed. “Doesn't take himself to seriously. Good with kids."

"How many of those boxes can I check off?" He wasn’t sure if he was her definition of a ‘good man’ but he prayed that he would one day be able to fill those shoes.

Both for her, and for Eli.

"All of them." She whispered.

"So am I the 'right man'?" He prayed he was. He wanted to be.

"I haven't decided yet.” She offered him a sideways smile and he chuckled. “Maybe."

"Maybe is better than 'no'." He squeezed her hand before pulling his away and taking a sip of his coffee.

He would take a maybe over a definitely not.

"You're ridiculous." She said with a laugh.

"Maybe so.” He shrugged his shoulders as he waggled his eyebrows at her. “But you're into me."

"Shut up Ethan." She whispered her threat but he could see the humor in her eyes.

"Admit it, you like me." He pointed at her as he spoke and she closed her eyes with a soft laugh.

"I will do no such thing." He knew that it was hard for her to admit that she was moving on with her life.

"You like me.” He knew that much was true. “Why is that so hard to admit?"

"It's not hard to admit." She was starting to get antsy and he felt bad for having taken things too far.

"Then why can't you do it?" But he wanted her to give him some sort of hope for the future, something to look forward to, something to hold onto.

"Because I..." She got ready to finish her sentence when her phone rang and she tugged it out of her jacket pocket slowly.

She let out a sigh as she answered it, mumbling something about ‘okay’ and ‘see you soon’, and then she was hanging up with a groan.

"I've gotta get back." She said softly.

"Already? You just left." He thought she would surely be getting off for the night.

It was almost time for her to get Eli from school after all.

"It's been two hours Ethan." There was no way they had been out that long.

"You're kidding?" He whispered his question as he checked his watch.

"Nope." Dammit where had the time gone?

"What about Eli?” He wondered if she had a backup plan for the boy or if she’d let him step in and help out. “Aren't you supposed to pick him up soon?"

"Fuck.” She whispered. “I’ll have to see if the sitter can do it.”

"I can get him. I don't mind." He really would enjoy some extra time with the boy, especially after having been gone last week.

"Ethan..." She sounded unsure and it broke his heart.

He never wanted her to doubt that he was there for her and the boy.

"Leanne..." He dragged out her name as he tried to reassure her with his eyes that he wanted this.

"Fine.” She said softly, offering him a gentle look. “You can get him."

"Thank you.” He whispered. “Any special instructions for the evening?"

"No. Just make sure he brushes his teeth before bed.” He nodded his head at her request and he watched as she stood from her spot. “And no TV tonight. He and I got into it yesterday and he lost his TV privileges for the week."

"Got into it?" He followed suit, grabbing his half-eaten muffin from it’s plate and following her toward the front door.

"We had a little argument about school." She sounded defeated almost and he sighed.

He hated it when Eli gave her a hard time.

"Everything okay?" He hoped that the boy hadn’t gotten into any trouble.

"Apparently he's getting teased.” He let out a sigh at her words. He was afraid of that happening. “He decided to take matters into his own hands."

"He didn't?" He held his breath as he waited for her response.

"He did. Punched a kid square in the nose on Friday.” He winced at her words, that most certainly wasn’t good. “They waited until yesterday at drop-off to inform me."

"Oh no." He couldn’t imagine what had been going through Eli’s head in order for him to punch another kid.

He most certainly wasn’t a fighter so something bad must have gone down.

"He was very upset. I didn't punish him for the actual fight.” She shrugged her shoulders as they made their way back across the street slowly. “I did, however, punish him for telling me that he hated me and that he didn't have to follow my rules."

"That's not good." That certainly didn’t sound like the Eli he knew and loved.

That little boy loved his mother more than anything.

And while he gave her a hard time sometimes, he respected her dearly.

"So, needless to say, no TV for the week." He could totally respect that decision.

He should be punished somehow for his behavior.

Even though Ethan bet he had a darn good reason for punching another child.

"I'll have a chat with him.” He remembered having to have several chats of the same kind with Robbie when they were younger. And with Carter and Owen. Grant may have been a tough guy, but his boys didn’t always listen to him when it came to things like that. Having a big brother like Ethan always seemed to be just the trick they needed. “See if we can come to an understanding about how he should and shouldn't talk to his mother."

"You don't have to Ethan.” He knew that it wasn’t his place, but he wanted to help however he could. The boy needed a strong male figure in his life, a father figure if you would, and he wanted that person to be him. “It's fine."

"No. We're gonna chat.” And he wouldn’t stand for the boy disrespecting his mother, not after all the hard work that Leanne put in. “I'll set him straight."

"I just don't understand where this behavior is coming from. He was doing so well.” He remembered Eli mentioning being bullied a few times before, but the boy had always seemed so nonchalant about it. Apparently that was no longer the case. “But now he's getting picked on and he's a completely different child."

"Bullies will do that to you." Ethan had never been bullied himself, thank goodness, but Robbie had had his far share of run ins with some not so nice kids. As had all three of Grant’s boys, especially Parker.

"I feel bad for him.” She whispered, her eyes tearing up as they stopped by the hospital doors. “He's only six, this stuff shouldn't be happening to him."

"Did he say what they were picking on him for?" He wondered what they could have possibly said that got under his skin like that.

"He wouldn't tell me. I tried to talk to him but he got real upset.” She hung her head as she took a deep breath. “That's when we fought."

"I'll see if I can get to the bottom of it." He wanted to make things better for them both and if working out this whole argument was something he could do he was willing to take that step.

"Thank you Ethan." She whispered softly.

"It's no problem.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against her cheek. He heard her let out a soft sigh and he reached down and squeezed her hand gently with his. “Just let me know when you're heading home."

"I will.” He could tell that she wasn’t looking forward to going back to work and he knew how she felt. The last place he would want to be right now would be away from Eli. “I'll see you later."

"Bye hun." He wanted to lean in and kiss her, but he knew that now wasn’t the time or the place.

Not here in front of Angels.

Not where everyone could see them and would know about their newfound relationship.

“Bye.” She said softly, her eyes blinking as she watched him retreat toward his car.

He just wanted to go get Eli and spend some quality time with his favorite little buddy.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry it’s been long since the last update, work has been super stressful and my little one’s been sick, so I haven’t had much time to write. I hope you guys enjoy some adorable Daddy!Ethan with our precious little Eli. <3

Ethan had left Angels and headed straight for Eli’s school, a smile on his face the entire way there.

He knew that the boy was in trouble, but he couldn’t wait to see him again.

He had just pulled into the parking lot outside the school when he saw Eli’s class heading outside, the kids scattering off in various directions toward their parents.

Ethan parked the Jeep in the closest parking space he could find and killed the engine, exiting the car quickly as he let his eyes search the area for the little boy.

"Ethan!” He heard his name being shouted from a distance and he chuckled as he turned toward the boy and offered him a smile. “What are you doing here?"

"I came to pick you up and take you home.” He knelt down and opened his arms up to the boy, smiling when he stepped into them and offered him a big hug. “Your mama got stuck at work for a bit."

"Oh okay.” He whispered before turning toward his teacher and waving. “Bye Ms. Turner!"

The teacher in question waved at him and Ethan stood, taking the boy’s hand and walking him toward the car.

He had just gotten Eli into the seat and buckled in when the boy started to speak.

"Is mama gonna be real late?" He asked quietly, his eyes searching Ethan’s face for some kind of clue.

"I don't know buddy. Maybe." He wasn’t sure what exactly had gotten Leanne called back in, but he hoped that it wasn’t anything to serious.

He was looking forward to being able to spend some time with her as well.

"Can you spend the night?" The boy’s question startled him and he shrugged his shoulders in response.

"I'll stay as long as your mama needs me too." And he would, even it meant staying all night.

"Okay." He whispered, letting out a yawn.

"What would you like for dinner?" He hoped Eli’s response would be something simple.

"Can we have pizza?" That was exactly what he was looking for.

"Sure thing.” Pizza was an easy enough fix, something he could easily pick up on the way home, or have delivered.

"Can we go get ice cream?" His eyes sparkled in the early afternoon light and Ethan had a hard time saying ‘no’ to that little face.

"I don't think so buddy.” But he kept his composure and shook his head gently. “Your mama told me you're in some trouble."

"Yeah." He hung his little head as he let out a soft sigh.

"We’re gonna go home and you’re gonna tell me what happened, understand?” He offered the boy a soft look as he tried to reason with him.

“Yes sir.” Eli whispered in response.

Ethan patted his leg softly before shutting the door and climbing into the driver’s seat.

They headed toward the house and after Ethan had gotten the boy inside and settled on the couch he had called and ordered them a pizza.

He then deposited himself beside Eli and raised an eyebrow at him as he got down to business.

“What happened Eli?” He hoped that the boy would talk to him and not shut him out.

"I said some mean things to mama." He said softly, his little eyes blinking a few times as he relaxed back against the pillow.

"Why'd you do that?" He knew that little boys and their mother’s fought sometimes, Lord knows that he and his mama had had their fair share of arguments over the years.

"I was real mad." He whispered.

"Mad at your mama?” But he couldn’t imagine Eli just going off on Leanne for no reason at all. He was a pretty level headed boy after all. “Or just mad?"

"Just mad." He shrugged his shoulders as he rubbed at his eyes.

Ethan could tell that he was both tired and embarrassed and he hoped that he understood that he just wanted to talk to him about things.

"Why's that?" He reached out and pushed his curls back, offering him a soft look in hopes of comforting him some.

"I don't know." Another shoulder shrug and a sniffle and Ethan felt the tension in the boy’s words.

"Eli, talk to me.” He cupped his face gently and offered him a soft smile. “What happened at school?"

"I punched Jimmy Seal in the face." He whispered his response and Ethan swallowed.

Punched was such a harsh term, but he didn’t doubt it for a second.

"Why?" He just hoped that Eli had a good reason.

"Because he's a bully." He stated very matter of factly, an angry look coming over his face as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"How so?" He was curious to know what the boy’s definition of a bully was.

"He's always calling me names.” He looked so sad and Ethan could see his eyes tearing up. “And making fun of me."

"That's no excuse to punch him in the face Eli." As much as he hated to hear that he hoped that the boy understood that he had no right to physically hurt the other boy.

"I know." He could see the understanding look on his face though.

He knew damn well that he wasn’t supposed to hurt that other kid, he wasn’t stupid.

"Is that the only reason you hit him?" He knew there had to be more though.

"He told me I couldn't be his friend because I was weird." Ethan let out a sigh, that was most certainly not a very nice thing to say to a six year old.

"And why does he think you're weird?" Eli was anything but weird.

A little different, yes.

But weird, no.

"I don't know." He shrugged his shoulder as he whispered softly.

He looked so sad and lost and lonely and Ethan felt his heart breaking for the little boy.

"Eli..." He hoped that the boy didn’t think that something was wrong with him.

He was perfectly normal and there was nothing wrong with the way he acted or the things that he did.

"He said I was weird because I don't like to play rough on the playground.” He said softly after a minute of silence. “I'd rather read or draw or hang out with Rachel."

So they were getting somewhere.

"Who's Rachel?" Ethan asked softly.

"My girlfriend." The little whisper that left the boy’s lips made Ethan’s heart skip a beat and he smiled down at him.

"You have a girlfriend?" He wasn’t as shocked to hear this revelation as he probably should have been.

Eli was a cute kid, and he was smart and funny.

And he had the gentlest of little souls.

Ethan was sure that the little girls probably loved him.

"Yeah. She's real pretty. She likes to read too! And draw.” She sounded just like Eli’s type of girl and it made Ethan chuckle. “We sit next to each other in art class. She's the only one who's nice to me."

It hurt him to hear the boy say that no one else was nice to him.

He deserved to have friends who cared about him and liked him for the sweetheart that he was.

"Does your mother know about Rachel?" He wondered if Leanne was aware that her son was stealing the ladies hearts already.

"No." He shook his head softly as his curls bounced down over his eyes.

"I think you should tell her." He nudged the boy’s shoulder softly as he gave him a curious look.

"I don't wanna." He whined out.

"Did Jimmy say something mean about Rachel?” He had a sneaky feeling that Rachel was involved in this bullying plot or else he doubted that Eli would have taken to punching the other boy in the face. “Is that why you punched him?"

"He was picking on her too. He said she was weird for liking me. That she was stupid for being my friend.” Ethan let out a sigh at the boy’s words. Kids could be so cruel and he hated it. “So I punched him in the face. No boy should say things like that about a lady."

He chuckled softly at Eli’s reasoning.

He was most certainly right though.

No man should ever say things like that to a woman.

No matter how old or young they were.

"You're right Eli, they shouldn't." He wanted the boy to understand that he was right in his thoughts and feelings about the situation, even if his actions were not okay.

"She was real sad.” He whispered, he felt horrible for the little girl and he was thankful that she had Eli to stand up for her. “I didn't want her to be sad anymore."

"I totally understand." And he did understand.

He didn’t want the little girl to be sad either, she certainly sounded like a good kid.

"Are you mad at me Ethan?" He could see the fear in Eli’s eyes and it broke his heart.

He never wanted the boy to think that he was disappointed in him for standing up for what was right.

"No E, I'm not mad. I wish you would have taken a different approach, but I'm not mad.” He wasn’t mad that he stood up for Rachel, or for himself, but punching Jimmy was a whole other story. “I'm proud of you for sticking up for Rachel."

"Mama was real mad." He bet that Leanne was more angry that he had taken matters into his own hands instead of telling a teacher or asking for help.

"Did you tell her why you did it?" He bet if the boy had been honest things would have gone over a lot smoother.

"No." He sounded disappointed in himself and that was a hard thing for Ethan to hear.

"I bet if you tell her the truth, she'll be a little more forgiving." He knew Leanne enough to know that she respected honesty, including from her son.

"I'll try." He whispered, a soft look in his eyes as he lowered his head downward.

"Don't just try Eli, do. Your mama loves you and she just wants what's best for you.” Ethan patted his cheek softly before pulling back and nudging his chin back up, their eyes locking as he spoke. “But you can't be getting into trouble like that, you hear?"

"Yes, sir." Eli nodded his head softly as he spoke and Ethan offered him a soft smile.

"Did you apologize to Jimmy?" He knew that Eli understood that he had done something wrong and that saying ‘sorry’ was the best course of action.

"Mama told me I have to on Monday." Ethan smiled at the boy’s words.

He should have known that Eli would respect his mother’s wishes.

"Yes, definitely.” He patted Eli’s shoulder before leaning back against the couch cushions. “Apologize for hitting him."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Eli moved to sit on his knees beside him, his eyes curious as he patted Ethan’s arm softly.

"Should I say sorry even if I'm not really sorry?" The question boggled Ethan’s mind for a minute and he let out a soft chuckle.

This kid was definitely Leanne’s son through and through.

"Yes buddy, even if you're not really sorry.” But apologizing was always the best step. “And tell your teachers you're sorry too.”

"Okay." He nodded his head softly as he sank back down next to him.

"Okay? And I think you should tell your mama about Rachel.” He was curious to see what Leanne’s reaction to the girl’s addition to Eli’s little world. “I’'m sure she'd be thrilled to have her over for a play date sometime."

"You think so?" He knew that Leanne wanted Eli to get out there and make some friends, especially after everything he had been through.

"I know so." And she would probably melt over her son being a little ladies man.

"How come you know so much Ethan?" Eli asked quietly, his eyes searching Ethan’s face for some kind of magical answer.

"I've been around. But I really don't know that much.” He didn’t know as much as he pretended too anyway. “Especially not when it comes to kids. Your mama's the expert there."

"Mama's real smart." Eli’s face lit up at the mention of his mother and Ethan felt his heart swell.

He loved how much Eli loved the woman.

"Yes she is." He nodded his head in response.

He couldn’t agree more.

"Is mama your girlfriend like Rachel's mine?" The question startled Ethan and he shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Not quite buddy." He wasn’t quite sure what Leanne was to him, but she was something, and that had to count somewhere down the line right?

"But why not?” He wanted to know the answer to that question just as much as the boy did. “You like mama don't you?"

"I do, but it's about more than just liking someone E." Dating was hard and being in a relationship was even harder.

Especially for someone like Leanne who had lost it all.

"No it's not. It's simple." If only things were as easy as a six year old wanted them to be.

"Not that simple." He pointed at him and smiled.

"Don't you think mama's pretty?" Eli’s eyes were real big when he asked the question and Ethan let out a laugh.

"Yes E, I think your mama's real pretty." Leanne was the most beautiful woman Ethan had ever seen and he couldn’t believe that he was lucky enough to have her in his life.

"Do you think she's nice?" The kid’s line of questioning was too much for him and he chuckled once more.

"She's very nice." He thought she had one of the biggest hearts he had even seen.

"Then she should be your girlfriend." Eli crossed his arms over his chest as he spoke and Ethan had never seen him look more like his mother than he did in that very moment.

"I'll let her know you said that E." He whispered.

He was sure that Leanne would love to hear about this conversation.

"She likes you too you know?” He raised an eyebrow in the boy’s direction at his question. “She thinks you're real funny."

"She does not." He shook his head with his words and Eli chuckled back at him.

"Does too. And she thinks you're cute.” He had a huge smile on his face as he spoke and it made Ethan’s heart swell to know that he was excited about his mother’s obsession with him. “I heard her tell Uncle Jesse that you're handsome."

"That's good to know I guess." He wondered what else she had told Jesse about him.

"I wish you and mama were together.” He said quietly, his little eyes blinking rapidly as he looked up at him curiously. “Then you could come over whenever you wanted."

"You mean, I could come over whenever you wanted." He knew that the boy wanted him there all the time, and he certainly wouldn’t have minded that arrangement, but it didn’t always work out like that.

"Yeah, I guess that's it." He shrugged his little shoulders and Ethan chuckled.

He was glad that kid could admit that it was really what he wanted.

"We can hangout whenever you want pal, you just gotta let your mama and I know." He knew that Leanne was much more open to the idea of them together now than she had been at one point.

He was thankful that she was letting him into Eli’s life a little bit more every day.

"Really?" He looked so excited at the prospect of being able to hang-out with his best-friend whenever he wanted and Ethan smiled back at him.

"Really. If I'm free, and your mama says it's okay, we can hangout whenever you want." He certainly wouldn’t mind spending all of his free time with the boy by his side.

"Yay!" Eli jumped up then, his little arms wrapping tightly around Ethan’s neck as he climbed into his lap.

"I'm glad that makes you happy buddy." He hugged him back tightly, his lips pressing a kiss against his hair as he felt the boy snuggle closer.

"I'm glad you're my friend Ethan." Eli whispered against his shoulder.

"And I'm glad you're my friend Eli." He surely was the luckiest man alive to have this wonderful little boy as part of his life.

And he was even luckier to have his mother in it too.

He just prayed that it stayed that way for a long time to come.


	36. Chapter 36

Leanne had gotten home a little after midnight and she had felt her heart melt at the sight in front of her.

Ethan was on his back on the couch, one arm tossed over the edge of the cushions, his head resting on a pillow as he snored softly.

Eli had settled himself on the man’s chest, his face buried against Ethan’s shoulder, his arms draped lazily around his neck, as he too, snored softly.

She could see Ethan’s other arm wrapped tightly around the boy’s waist, a blanket barely covering their lower halves, their bare feet sticking out from under the green and blue dinosaur covered fleece.

Both of their hair was a mess atop their heads and she saw what looked like red paint on the boy’s forehead.

She didn’t know if she wanted to hazard a guess as to where it came from.

Letting out a soft sigh she quietly moved toward them, her hand reaching for the remote on the coffee table, turning off the music that had been playing in the background.

She wondered briefly if Ethan had broken her ‘no TV’ rule with the boy, but from the looks of it they had simply used the YouTube app to indulge in a Beach Boys jam session.

She expected one or both of the boys to stir, but neither one of of them did and she chuckled softly.

They must have worn each other out with whatever kind of party they had had.

She contemplated waking them, but decided against it, at least until after she had showered and gotten ready for bed.

So after pressing the softest of kisses to both of their heads she made her way upstairs.

She had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself when she heard a gentle knock on the bathroom door.

“Just me.” Ethan’s voice was soft as he stopped just outside the small room and she smiled.

She could get used to having him so close by all the time.

“Be right out.” She called back.

She contemplated opening the door right then and there but she didn’t even want to know what kind of can of worms she would be opening if she did.

She heard him chuckle softly and then he was heading away from the door.

Sighing to herself she quickly dried off, pulling on her underwear and t-shirt before opening the door slowly.

She could hear Ethan talking with Eli down the hall and she smiled, her heart starting to race at the thought of the man tucking him into bed just like he would if he were his own son.

After a minute she heard the boy’s door close some and then Ethan was making his way toward her, a soft smile on his face as he stepped into the bedroom.

“That kid is a trip.” He whispered, his eyes wandering over her body before offering her a appreciative smile.

She couldn’t figure out what the big deal was.

Until she realized that she hadn’t put any pants on and was standing before him in a shirt that barely came to mid thigh.

Her cheeks turned red as she blinked her eyes back at him and then she was grabbing her sweat pants from off the dresser and pulling them on as fast as humanly possible.

“Hey now,” He offered her a soft and sensual look and she swallowed, “no need to put pants on just for me.”

He winked at her and she choked on a breath of air.

“Shut up Ethan.” She said softly.

It’s not that she minded letting him see her like that, it’s just, well, it was Ethan.

She had her own ideas about what she would like him to do to her while she was wearing such a minimal amount of clothing.

“Sorry.” He whispered, his head falling forward as he sighed softly. “Well, he’s asleep, or close to it anyway.”

She nodded her head as she dropped to sit on the bed, her eyes scanning his face for a sign of where she had gone wrong.

She hated that she had killed his playfulness so quickly.

That most certainly wasn’t her intention.

“Thank you.” She reached her hands out to him and he hesitated before taking them, stepping into her personal space with a soft smile. “I’m sure he enjoyed spending the evening with you.”

She knew that Eli would have been over the moon about getting to be with the man all night.

He had told her just last night how he had missed him.

“It was fun.” He stopped directly in front of her, his hands tugging on hers and pulling her back into a standing position in front of him. “Thank you for letting me hang-out with him.”

“Anytime.” And she meant it. She wanted them to be able to spend time together, especially when she knew that Ethan’s presence in Eli’s life had things exponentially better for the boy. “He really does love spending time with you.”

“And I love spending time with him.” He whispered, his hands dropping hers as he reached out and ran his hands up her arms, stopping them on her shoulders. “His mother’s pretty cool too.”

She swallowed as she tried to maintain her composure.

This man did so many things to her that she had never felt before and it drove her absolutely mad.

“Thanks.” It sounded so stupid to thank him for such a thing but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“You’re welcome.” He offered her a soft smile before letting his hands cup her cheeks against his palms.

And then the next thing she knew his lips were against hers, soft and gentle and perfect.

She let out a sigh as he relaxed his hands against her face, his lips turning upward and into a smile as he deepened the kiss slightly.

Her hands took on a mind of their own then, sliding under the material of his t-shirt as she let them dance softly against his bare back.

The feeling of his skin under her fingers made her toes tingle and she moaned into the kiss just as Ethan backed her up one step, her knees coming into contact with the mattress as he let a hand fall to her waist.

She wanted to tell him to stop, but then again, she wanted nothing more than to let him do this all night.

The next thing she knew though he was lowering her to the bed, his body hovering over her softly, his hands warm against her skin.

She felt him run his tongue over her lips with a gentle sigh and she couldn’t help but let her nails drag gently over the skin of his back.

He chuckled into the kiss before pulling back slightly, his head falling to the crook of her neck, his lips attacking the skin there with soft pecks and gentle nips.

“Mooommmy!” She had just tugged Ethan’s t-shirt upward when the voice called for her down the hall and she sighed, her hands falling flat against his back.

Ethan let out a soft whimper against her shoulder, his lips pressing a gentle kiss against the mark he had just left there, and then he was pulling back and offering her a soft smile.

“Damn kid.” He whispered, his eyes twinkling in the soft light of the bedroom.

She expected him to be mad, but instead, he was smiling, his fingers trailing down her arm slowly as he tried to catch his breath.

“I’ll make it short.” She whispered back.

He nodded his head softly before standing and stepping out of her way, his head falling forward as he bit back a chuckle at the growl that left her lips.

She headed toward’s Eli room quietly, her heart still pounding her chest as she stopped outside the boy’s bedroom door.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” She asked softly, making her way into the room and letting her eyes search the area.

Eli was sitting upright in his bed, his eyes wide as he clutched Rex to his chest.

“Is Ethan still here?” He whispered his question and she offered him a soft smile as she nodded her head.

“Yeah baby, he’s down the hall.” She could see some sort of panic in the boy’s eyes and it made her heart hurt.

“I want Ethan.” He said softly, tears streaming down his face as he looked at her with a panicked expression on his face.

She supposed that she should be angry about his desire to have the man come to his aide and not her.

But instead, she was thankful that he felt comfortable enough with him to seek him out in the face of whatever perceived danger there was.

“Okay sweetie.” She reached out and brushed back his curls, patting his cheek softly before turning toward the door.

She headed back toward her room and paused outside the door at the sight of Ethan pacing back and forth in her room, his head in his hands as he mumbled to himself.

She thought he looked adorable all panicked and distressed and she prayed that he wasn’t so worked up over their interrupted make-out session.

“Ethan…” She called his name softly and waited for him to acknowledge her before entering the room fully.

“Hey. Sorry.” He stopped in his tracks and dropped his hands, offering her a curious look as he took a deep breath. “Everything okay?”

“He wants you.” She whispered, her eyes trying to maintain their softness despite being a little bit worried about what his reaction might be to her words.

“Is he okay?” He asked softly, walking past her and toward the boy’s room.

“He wouldn’t say,” She followed behind him as she spoke, her heart racing in her chest at the prospect of something being wrong with the boy outside of a bad dream, “he just said he wanted you.”

Ethan nodded his head as he stopped at Eli’s door, pushing it open slowly and making his way toward the boy’s bed.

“Eli…” He moved to sit down beside the boy and that’s when Leanne noticed he was trembling. “What’s wrong buddy?”

Eli turned his head toward Ethan and sniffled before crawling into his arms, burying himself against the man’s chest with a gentle sob.

She swallowed as Ethan turned toward her and raised an eyebrow.

But all she could do was shrug her shoulders as she made her way to sit beside them on the bed.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, the boy snuggled tightly in Ethan’s arms as the man rubbed his back soothingly.

When Eli finally pulled back his eyes were red and raw from crying and he was hiccuping softly as he rubbed his nose on the sleeve of his pajama shirt.

“I had a bad dream.” He whispered, his eyes shifting between the two adults as he sniffled a few more times.

“Wanna talk about it?” Ethan cupped his cheek softly as he spoke, his voice low and gentle, his eyes doing their best to calm the boy’s frayed nerves with a simple look.

“It was about the bully at school.” Leanne felt her heart skip a beat at the boy’s words.

Her six and a half year old son most certainly shouldn’t be having nightmares about some kid at school picking on him.

“The one you punched?” Ethan asked softly.

She guessed that maybe Ethan and the boy had had a one-on-one conversation about what went down at school the other day.

“Yeah.” He whispered. “Except he punched me back this time. Bad.”

She shook her head at his sad expression.

She hated seeing him like this.

“Well that’s not gonna happen okay pal?” She could see the reassuring look in Ethan’s eyes as he spoke and it made her heart skip a beat.

He was so good with the boy and it made her want to love him even more.

“I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow.” It was hard for her to hear him say those words.

She had always hoped that he would enjoy school and make friends and have a good time there.

She never imagined that he would be bullied and picked on simply for being a little different.

“Well I don’t know about that E.” She said quietly, reaching out to run her hand over his head. “We’ll talk to your teacher in the morning okay?”

He sniffled a little before nodding his head slowly.

“Yes ma’am.” She didn’t want to upset him even more but she couldn’t exactly keep him out of school every time a kid did something to him that he didn’t like.

“Why don’t you try and go back to sleep baby?” She hoped that he would be able to fall back asleep so that he could get some rest before school tomorrow.

“Can I sleep with you and Ethan tonight?” She didn’t know what to make of his question and she swallowed before turning to look at the man beside her. “Please.”

“Yeah buddy,” Ethan patted his leg gently before standing, “come on.”

He rose from the bed and she watched as Eli stood up, jumping slightly and into Ethan’s open arms.

She watched with a soft smile as they headed back toward her room and she felt a shiver run through her body at the idea of Ethan spending the night once more.

She could most certainly get used to falling asleep with the man in her bed.

—

The three of them had fallen into bed together a few minutes after Ethan had carried the boy down the hall and they had fallen asleep almost immediately.

When Leanne woke up a few hours later Eli was tucked tightly between the two of them, his little arms wrapped tightly around Ethan’s arm that was wrapped around him from behind.

They were both snoring softly just like they had been when she found them on the couch last night and she felt her heart skip a beat at the resemblance between the two.

She let her eyes shift toward the clock on the beside table and she let out a sigh as 5:45am stared back at her.

She was supposed to be at work at 7:30am and Eli was due at school not long before that.

Therefore, she needed to get her butt in gear and get ready for the day.

She heard Ethan let out a soft sigh as he settled onto his back on the mattress beside them and she pushed herself up into a sitting position, her eyes scanning his still sleeping body.

She’d give anything to be able to just stay here in bed with them all day.

“Penny for your thoughts.” He whispered, his right eye cracking open slightly as he turned his head in her direction.

“Just pondering how to get away with spending the entire day here with you two instead of going to work.” She was going to be honest with him, it was the least he deserved after everything he had done for them the past few days.

“Do it.” He closed his eye as Eli rolled onto his other side, snuggling against his shoulder with a soft sigh.

“I have to work.” She hated that she always had to work.

She had been trying to get better at spending more time with the boy and less time at the hospital.

Some days worked out better than others.

“Call out.” He wrapped his arm around Eli tightly as he dropped a kiss against his curls.

“Campbell…” She choked out the man’s name as Ethan huffed at her.

“Fuck Campbell.” She rolled her eyes at his remark and she let her hand settle on Eli’s arm as she sighed.

“He has school.” She knew that Eli wanted nothing more than to stay home with them, school being the last thing on his mind right now.

“He can miss a day of school Lea.” He whispered, his eyes opening slowly to eye her as he yawned.

“He’s missed so much already.” He had been so sick the past few weeks and he had already missed more time than she would have liked.

“How about this then?” He gently untangled himself from the boy and pushed himself into a sitting position as well. “I’ll get him up and take him to school. You stay in bed and rest while I run some errands. I’ll pick him up around lunch and we can start our weekend early.”

She closed her eyes at the prospect of going back to bed.

It would be hard without the two there beside her, but she would definitely take what she could get.

“You’re sure?” She normally wouldn’t have accepted such an offer, but she really needed the extra rest.

And the extra time with her boys.

“Positive.” He whispered as he smiled at her.

“Okay.” She nodded her head before falling back against the pillows. “He has to be there at 7:30am.”

He nodded his head before crawling out of the bed and making his way toward her side.

“I’ll shower now,” He dropped a kiss to her temple as he pulled the covers up over her body gently, “then I’ll get him up and fed and we’ll be out the door by 7:00am, just like you like.”

She chuckled at his reference to her desire to stick with routine.

It didn’t just make her life easier, but it made Eli’s days smoother as well.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

He simply nodded his head before heading toward the bathroom, grabbing his duffle bag as he went.

She let out a soft sigh as the door closed behind him.

He really should just start keeping clothes at her place with as much as he was spending the night lately.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Our other favorite couple comes to visit <3

Ethan had been over the moon with the way things had been going the past week and a half and he absolutely couldn’t get enough of spending so much time with Leanne and Eli.

They had spent the entire weekend together last week and he had loved every minute of.

He had picked Eli up from school early on Friday and they had gone back to Leanne’s and crawled back into bed with the woman.

And there they had stayed for the rest of the day and night, and most of the day Saturday.

They had watched a few movies, eaten junk food, played board games, and slept.

And while it seemed so simple and underrated, it had been the best time he had in a while.

On Sunday they had gotten up early and taken Eli for a drive up to the mountains.

From there they had hiked for a little bit, watching as the boy explored the wooded area and scampered in and out the small caves they encountered.

Ethan had watched as the boys eyes lit up with wonder and his mother’s with love and softness.

He had never felt such love for two people in his entire life and knowing that these two people were his to love was something he would never get over.

After their hike they had headed into the little town nearby and enjoyed a nice lunch together before heading back toward home.

He had then reluctantly kissed them both ‘goodbye’ before heading home to get some sleep, his 2:00am shift looming over his head like a storm cloud.

—

The following week they had met up a few times for various reasons and all Ethan had been able to think about was how excited he was to spend the entire week ahead with Leanne, Eli, his mom, and Grant.

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all the fun things they had planned together and he knew that Eli would be over the moon to get to spend time with them.

In fact, just last night the boy had insisted on FaceTiming with his mom and Grant and Ethan had had to bite his tongue when trying to explain to the boy why they weren’t answering.

He knew that they were on the road and headed to LA and he was struggling to hide his excitement.

He had just finished straightening up the guest room when he heard a car pull into the driveway and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.

He prayed that it was his mom and Grant and that they were finally here safe and sound.

Making his way outside he felt a giant smile come across his face when he saw them both quietly exit the vehicle, making their way toward him slowly.

"Hi baby.” His mom reached out for him and he stepped into her arms with no hesitation.

"Hi mama.” He whispered against her shoulder, wrapping her up tightly as he blinked back a few tears. “Did you guys have a good trip?"

"We did. The ride was nice.” She pulled back and patted his cheeks softly, offering him a smile as her eyes twinkled in the early afternoon sun. “It's been years since we've been down this way."

"I'm glad you guys could come.” Even though he had just seen them a week ago he still missed them terribly. Ever since he had settled in the states he had tried his best to see them as often as possible. “I've missed you."

"We've missed you too." She pulled back from him then and he extended his hand in Grant’s direction.

The man shook it gently, offering him a smile as he spoke.

“Thanks for having us son.” He nodded his head at his words, his heart fluttering at the way Grant referred to him as ‘son’.

The man may have come into his life when he was already grown, but he had never treated him or Robbie like anything but his own.

“Anytime.” He was more than willing to open up his home to them. "How's Robbie doing? He's not alone is he?"

"We dropped him off with Aunt Rose.” Ethan didn’t miss the way his mom’s eyes twinkled at the fact that they had left Robbie with her sister. “She was going to put him to work painting the kitchen."

He chuckled at her words.

Aunt Rose was a character if there ever was one.

And while the woman was definitely missing a few marbles, she was the sweetest person Ethan had ever known.

"Good.” He knew that Robbie would be in good hands with her. He was her favorite nephew after all. “Keeping him busy seems to help."

"That it does.” His mom had told him about how they had been trying to keep his brother busy with various tasks around the farm. She said that it seemed to be helping put his mind at ease some. “How are Leanne and Eli? How did your date go?"

"They're good.” He did his best to avoid talking about his date with Leanne. The last thing he needed was to get started on how obsessed with Leanne he was. “Staying busy with work and school."

"And your date?" But he should have known his mother would never let him get away with that.

"It went well.” He said with a soft smile. “We had a good time."

"How have things been since then?” She offered him a raised eyebrow as she spoke. “Spending more time together I hope?"

"We've been trying.” They had been doing their best to get together since then, especially since Eli was obsessed with him lately. “Things have been crazy busy the past few days."

"Well I'm glad you've gotten to spend time together.” She reached out and patted his cheek softly. “Is Eli excited for our visit?"

"We haven't told him.” They had been keeping the impending visit a secret and Leanne was nervous about about how he would react. “We wanted it to be a surprise."

"You're kidding?" But he had no doubts that the boy would be over the moon about their visit.

"Leanne wanted to make sure he didn't get to excited and then something happen with Robbie and things get messed up." They had also just wanted to see the look of shock on his face.

"Makes sense.” Grant said softly, offering him a smile. “Well we can't wait to see him."

"I'm gonna pick him up from school in a bit, I figured you guys could come with me.” He had worked it out with Leanne to pick the boy up so that he could see the older couple as soon as possible. “Then we could meet Leanne for dinner."

"That sounds lovely.” His mom added. “Just let us know what time. We can't wait to see them."

"I know Leanne's excited to see you guys too.” Leanne had been so excited about their visit and she had talked non-stop last night about how she couldn’t wait to have them in town. “She's been talking about your visit nonstop."

His mom offered him a giant smile before following him and Grant up the front steps and into the small house.

“I’m sorry the place isn’t anything special.” The pair had never been to his house before and he worried about what they would think of the small space.

“It’s fine honey.” His mom said softly, her eyes scanning the small space.

“I cleaned out the guest room for you guys.” He pointed down the hall as he spoke. “And the bathroom’s clean and has new towels in it.”

“Thank you son.” Grant let his eyes wander down the hallway toward the room.

His mom made her way into the living room, stopping in front of the fireplace.

He could tell that she was checking out the pictures on the mantle, her eyes softening as they landed on a picture of her three kids in front of the Christmas tree.

It was taken the year before Gracie got sick. The last normal Christmas they ever had.

“Where did you find this picture?” She held up the frame toward him and smiled.

“It was in a box of stuff that I had.” He had been searching through stuff in the garage a few weeks ago when he found the frame tucked toward the bottom.

“It’s a great picture.” He could see the tears in her eyes and he moved to stand behind her.

They never talked about Grace.

Not because they didn’t want too, but because he couldn’t.

Losing his best-friend like that had been more than he could bare.

“This one of you and Eli is cute.” She sat the picture down and picked up the one next to it, her eyes softening at the image in her hands.

“Leanne took that when we went hiking last week.” Eli had been thrilled to get a picture with the man, finally, and he had gone out and printed a copy of it the next day.

“You don’t have one of the three of you?” His mom raised an eyebrow in his direction as she set the frame back down.

“We have one, but I haven’t had a chance to print it out yet.” They had snapped a selfie of the three of them a few nights ago while at the park and he had changed his phone background to it, along with his Facebook profile, but he hadn’t been anywhere to print a copy of it yet.

He definitely wanted one of the three of them on the mantle. 

He had a picture of everyone else who meant a lot to him up there.

“Good.” She patted his arm before stepping back. “I’m gonna take a shower and get some rest before we go get that adorable boy of yours.” 

“He ain’t mine.” Ethan said as he rolled his eyes.

“I know.” His mom said softly. “Could’ve fooled me though.”

Ethan let out a sigh as he watched his mom head down the hallway.

Grant offered him a sympathetic look before turning and following Sophia toward the back bedroom.

He hated that they kept bringing up how much Eli looked and acted like him.

He was well aware of that and it killed him.

\--

After Sophia and Grant had both showered and taken a nap they had enjoyed lunch together and sat around and talked for a bit.

And then they had all climbed in Ethan’s Jeep and headed toward Eli’s school.

Ethan was overly excited to see the boy again, especially since he had the older couple with him, and he couldn’t wait for Eli to see them.

After parking the Jeep he had excused himself and made his way toward the pick-up entrance, his eyes searching for the little boy amongst the crowd of tiny faces.

He finally spotted him sitting by himself off to the side, his hands folded neatly in his lap as his eyes searched for a familiar one.

"Ethan!” He shouted as soon as his eyes made contact with Ethan’s. He hopped up from his spot and ran toward him, his arms reaching out to wrap around his neck tightly. “What are you doing here? I thought mama was picking me up today!"

"She was, buuut...” He offered the boy a smile as he pulled back and ruffled his hair, “I have something special for you back at the car so she wanted me to come get you instead."

"Something special for me?” His eyes lit up as he smiled brightly at him. “What is it?"

"Come on and I'll show you." He stood up slowly, extending his hand to the boy as he waved to his teacher, letting her know that he was taking him.

Eli waved back as well, his other hand gripping Ethan’s tightly as they made their way into the parking lot.

They had just rounded the corner and his Jeep was coming into view when he heard an excited squeal leave the little boy’s lips.

"Grandma Sophia! Grandpa Grant!" He shouted, his hand releasing from Ethan’s as he took off running toward the older couple.

"Eli!" They both bent down and extended their arms towards the boy, bracing themselves for the inevitable impact.

"What are you guys doing here?!" Eli asked excitedly, his arms going around them both as he smiled from ear to ear.

"We came to visit for the week.” Sophia whispered softly as she pulled away from him. “Is that okay with you?"

"For the whole week?" The boy’s eyes were wider than Ethan had ever seen them and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

"Yes Eli," Grant said softly, ruffling the boys hair with a smile, “the whole week.”

"I'm on Spring Break!” Eli said softly, his hands falling to rest on the shoulders of the older woman in front of him. “Does that mean we get to be together?!"

"It sure does!” She replied softly, her hands reaching out to rest against the tot’s cheeks. “We've got lots of fun stuff planned too!"

"Stuff with me?" He sounded so shocked that the couple had thought of him and wanted to be with him during his break.

"Absolutely!" His mom sounded just as excited as him and it made his heart swell.

He had never imagined that he would have a little one in his life that meant so much to him.

Someone who his mom and step-father would adore like he was one of them.

"Does mama know about this?" Eli shifted his little eyes back to look at him and he nodded his head, reaching a hand out to ruffle his curls.

"She sure does.” He said softly, his eyes searching the boy’s face. “We're gonna meet her for dinner in a little bit and we'll talk about it! How does that sound?"

"Awesome!” He said excitedly, his hands falling down in front of him as he clapped them together in front of him. “This is the best surprise ever!"

"We're glad you're excited!” Sophia said softly, smiling back at the boy. “We can't wait!"

Eli just beamed back at her, his eyes glistening in the early evening sun.

Ethan felt his heart melt at the sight of the boy with his family.

He was glad that Eli and Leanne had the older couple in their lives now too.

\--

After picking Eli up from school the four of them had set off toward the mall, Sophia declaring that she had some money burning a hole in her pocket and a little boy who looked like he could use some new shoes.

Eli had been thrilled to wander from store to store with the woman, gladly accepting anything and everything that she was willing to buy him.

Ethan and Grant had hung back, offering their input when asked by the boy, but keeping to themselves for the most part.

When they were finally done they headed toward the Mexican restaurant by Leanne’s and got a table while they waited for the other woman to join them.

They had just ordered their drinks when Ethan saw Leanne appear in the doorway and he waved his hand in her direction before nudging the boy beside him gently.

"Mama! Mama!” He shouted as he pushed himself up onto his knees in the booth. “Look who came to visit!"

"I see baby!” She offered him the biggest smile she could manage and Ethan felt his heart start to race in his chest. “Do you like your surprise?"

"I do! I'm so excited!” Eli’s voice was so full of joy and Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle at how the boy could barely sit still he was so excited. “They said we've got lots of fun stuff to do!"

"You're right buddy!” Grant spoke up this time, offering the boy and his mother a soft smile. “We sure do."

"Like what? What are we gonna do?" Ethan watched as Leanne reached out and gently patted the boy’s arm, doing her best to calm him down.

"Well, we're gonna go to a Dodger's game on Sunday." The smile that came over Eli’s face was enough to make Ethan tear up a little.

He knew the boy had been dying to go to a game and this was the perfect opportunity to do so.

"Really?!” The tot’s eyes grew wide as he scooted over, allowing room for his mother to sit next to him. “I've never been to a baseball game! I can't wait!"

"It's gonna be a lot of fun buddy!" Ethan chimed in, his arms going out to pull the tot into his lap as he let out a giggle.

"What else are we gonna do?" He turned to look at Ethan and gave him a big smile as he spoke.

"We're gonna go to the Zoo on Tuesday.” Sophia added. “And we thought we could sneak in a trip to the beach on Thursday."

"I love the zoo! And the beach!" The boy was practically bouncing out of his arms he was so excited and Ethan couldn’t help but laugh.

Leanne’s eyes softened as she watched the two of them together.

He knew that she was losing her battle against falling for him, and hard.

She obviously liked him, but he knew that things were becoming more than that, and fast.

And he was perfectly okay with that.

"Same here!" His mom’s voice broke him from his thoughts and he smiled at her from across the table.

"This is gonna be the best week ever!" Ethan couldn’t help by silently agree with him.

It most definitely was going to be the best week ever.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ***Smut warning!**

After dinner the five of them had headed to the park where Eli had run circles around them all.

Ethan and Leanne had made their exit after thirty minutes, allowing the boy some alone time with his honorary grandparents.

They had left Ethan’s Jeep with the older couple before heading to Leanne’s place.

“We’ve never had a child-free house.” Ethan said with a smile as Leanne pushed the front door open.

She rolled her eyes at him but he didn’t miss the smile that crept over her lips as she made her way up the stairs.

“Don’t get your hopes up pal.” She shot him a smile as she stopped at the top of the stairs though and he chuckled before making his up toward her.

“I’m not.” And he wasn’t.

He would be perfectly content to just snuggle in bed, without a wiggly little boy tucked between them.

Not that he didn’t love that wiggly little boy, but sometimes, grown ups needed alone time.

“I’m gonna shower.” She made her way into her room slowly and he stopped outside the door.

“Should I wait downstairs?” He didn’t know what she felt comfortable with.

Of course he would have loved to have joined her in the shower, but that wasn’t happening and that was fine.

But he didn’t know if it would make her uncomfortable having him just outside the bathroom door the entire time she was naked on the other side.

“If you want.” She whispered. “Or you can wait here.”

He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and he contemplated whether to say what was on his mind or not.

“Or I could join you.” He said softly as he winked.

Leanne’s face turned about 100 shades of red and he bit his lip.

He worried he had gone too far.

“Maybe another night soldier.” She winked back at him with a soft chuckle, her hand going out to run down his chest.

“Promises promises.” He whispered, his hands going out to grab her hips gently, tugging her toward him.

“Ethaaaan…” She dragged his name out as she moved both hands to his chest, her eyes closing as he pulled her closer.

“Five minutes.” He dropped his head to the crook of her neck, pressing feather light kisses against the bare skin as he let his fingers wander under her shirt.

“Five minutes of what?” She asked, her head tilting to the side as she allowed him better access.

“Whatever you wanna give me.” He nipped at her collar bone as he nudged her shirt aside and she sighed, her fingers fisting around the material of his t-shirt.

“Five minutes isn’t enough.” She let out a moan as he ran his fingers run upward, grazing along the underside of her bra.

“I can be quick.” He whispered, his teeth dragging along the skin of her shoulder as he tugged her t-shirt upward with his left hand, the fingers of his right dipping under the underwire of her bra to graze over her breast.

“Don’t want quick.” She mumbled out, her body slowly melting into his as he slowly started to walk them backward toward the bed.

“Okay.” He turned her then, backing her up until her knees hit the edge of the mattress.

She stopped then, letting her body fall backwards as she tugged him downward with her until he was standing between her legs, his upper body hovering over hers.

He moved his lips back up to hers, capturing her mouth in a ravaging kiss, his tongue tracing over her lips almost instantly.

She whimpered against his mouth before allowing him access, her tongue tangling with his as she pushed his t-shirt up and over his shoulders.

He chuckled into the kiss as she tossed the offending garment to the side.

And then her hands were running down his bare chest and he thought he just might die right then and there.

But that didn’t stop him from returning his hands to the hem of her shirt, pushing it upward slowly as he pulled from the kiss.

If she wanted slow, he could give her slow.

He heard her let out a soft sigh as she tried to bat his hands away, attempting to keep him from pulling her shirt upward.

And that’s when it hit him.

She hadn’t been with anyone since the accident.

No one had seen the scars he knew she surely had.

“It’s okay.” He whispered against her lips, his hands falling back down to her hips softly.

She moved her hands upward to cup his cheeks against her palms and she offered him a soft smile.

“I’m trying.” She whispered, her eyes soft as she gave him the gentlest of smiles.

“And you’ll get there.” He pressed a kiss against her nose as he spoke. “I hope.”

She offered him a soft look, her hands moving up to tangle in his hair as she wrapped her legs gently around his, causing his whole body to fall against hers.

“You promise?” She sounded scared almost and it broke his heart.

He never wanted her to be scared of loving him.

“We’ll get there together.” He said softly, his fingers dancing lightly over her hip.

He could feel the mangled skin under his fingers and he let his hand wander there a little longer. 

She didn’t reply, instead, she pulled his head back down to hers, her lips crashing against his with a fire he didn’t know she had in her.

They stayed like that on the bed for a while, their lips dancing softly over each other’s, their hands wandering over each other’s torsos and through each other’s hair.

It was Ethan who pulled back first, rather reluctantly in fact, and when he did he dropped his forehead to hers with a breath.

“We should stop.” He didn’t want to, not by any means, but he was getting too far and too excited and it wasn’t going to end well if they didn’t put some distance between them, and soon.

“Why?” She whispered her question as she looked up at him with lustful eyes.

She was surely going to be the death of him.

“Because if we don’t,” He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes and then reopened them, “I’m gonna do something we’re both gonna regret.”

She let out a soft sigh as she closed her eyes, her hands settling on his shoulders.

“I wouldn’t regret it.” She whispered, her eyes opening once more as she tried to calm her breathing.

“But I would.” He hoped that she didn’t think he meant that he didn’t want to have sex with her, because God knew he did.

“Oh.” She let her hands fall to the bed then and he sighed.

“I didn’t mean it like that…” He reached up and brushed her hair aside, his fingers tangling with her loose curls as he offered her a smile. “I just… you’re not ready, and I’d hate to think that I’d pushed you into doing something you didn’t wanna do.”

“I want to Ethan.” She whispered, her hands moving back to his hair as she dragged his head downward.

“Want to what?” He wanted to know what exactly it was that she wanted to do with him.

“Have sex.” He nodded his head as he took a deep breath, his body relaxing under her touch once more.

“I do too.” He said before pressing a kiss against her lips. “A lot.”

She nodded her head slowly, her eyes twinkling in the dim light of her bedroom.

“But for now…” He could tell that she was uncertain about where they were taking this. 

It’s not like there weren’t plenty of other things for them to do.

“We wait.” He didn’t want to wait.

God knows he wanted her naked and willing underneath him.

He wanted to touch every inch of her perfect skin more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life.

But he respected her and their relationship too much to allow for things to get out of control like that.

Not when she wasn’t.

Not when he wasn’t ready to cross that line either.

"Okay." She whispered, her hands settling on his bare back as she tried to slow her breathing.

"We can do other things..." He wasn't sure what exactly she was comfortable doing or how far she was comfortable going.

But he didn't mind getting a little handsy.

Leanne didn't say anything back to him, instead she just stared up at him, her eyes soft and searching.

He didn't know what she was hoping to find in his eyes though.

"Other things...?" She gave him a devilish look as she let her hands wander around to his chest and down his stomach.

"Whatever you want." He whispered, his head falling forward to bury against her neck, his lips dancing over the red mark he had left earlier.

"I can think of a few things.” She said softly, her hands grazing over his belt buckle as she let out a whimper.

He had found her sweet spot, right where shoulder met her neck, and he was going to do his best to remember that exact spot for the rest of eternity.

“Good.” He moved his head back up as he smiled at her cheekily, and then he let his head fall back down, this time though he moved it to her stomach, pressing a kiss against her t-shirt as she moved her hands up to his hair.

He wanted so badly to push the material away, to let his lips dance over the skin of her stomach and her hips, but he knew she wasn’t ready to reveal that part of herself to him yet and he respected that.

He had too.

He slowly let his hands push at the waistband of her jeans, dipping his fingers below the material of her underwear as well.

Her skin was smoother than he expected, absolutely perfect in fact, and he felt himself falling for her more and more with each second.

He moved his right hand to undo the button of her jeans, his fingers pushing the zipper down slowly as he lifted his head up to catch a glimpse of her face.

Her eyes were closed, but there was a small smile on her face as she let her hands fall to the bed beside her.

“This okay?” He would never go further than she was comfortable with.

“Mhm.” She nodded her head and he moved both hands to her waist, pushing her jeans down slowly.

She let out a whimper when he let his fingers brush over her core briefly and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

He was happy to know that he was having some sort of effect on her.

Once her jeans were pushed down she kicked them away before wrapping her legs back around him, pulling him back down to her with her hands on his shoulders.

He leaned down and kissed her, softly at first, then passionately and with a sense of urgency.

There was nothing about her that he wasn’t completely addicted too.

“Just tell me if I go to far.” He whispered against her lips.

She nodded her head as her fingers tangled in his hair, keeping his head in place just above hers.

He kissed her again, this time while his fingers moved down to run under the edge of panties.

She whimpered again, this time a little louder, and he wondered how long it had been since she had been touched.

He let his fingers dip a little further, running through her curls as they headed for their final destination and he moved his head from hers, offering her a gentle look.

She smiled back at him as her hands fell to his back.

“Keep going.” She whispered, her hands running up and down his back gently as she let out a soft sigh, her eyes closing slowly.

“Yes ma’am.” He certainly wasn’t going to deny her anything and if she wanted him to keep going, that’s exactly what he was going to do.

His hand moved even lower, his fingers grazing over her folds as she arched her back below him, a low moan leaving her lips.

He chuckled softly before pressing his lips against her neck once more.

And then he found the spot he was looking for and he slid a finger into her with ease.

The whimper that left her lips was almost enough to do him in right then and there.

He gave her a minute to calm down before running his thumb along her folds slowly.

“Ethaaan…” She moaned out his name in a way he had never heard and it was the most beautiful sound ever.

“It’s okay love.” He nipped at her collar bone softly, his other hand settling against her hip as he silently communicated with her to move upward on the bed.

She slid her body up onto the mattress all the way, her legs falling aside as she granted him more access, and he moved to hover over her softly.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, Leanne with her eyes closed and her unsteady breathing, him with his head buried against her neck, his fingers working against her core to get her as close to the edge as he possibly could.

He felt her hands grip at his hair tightly, her back arching an extra amount as she let out a growl, and he knew that she was there, that she had reached the peak and that there was no going back.

She let one hand fall to the bed, her fingers fisting around the comforter as she wiggled beneath him.

He couldn’t help but smile as he moved his head back up to hers, his forehead falling to hers as he moved his fingers a little faster.

He felt her tighten around him and then she was gripping onto him for dear life.

And then the next thing he knew she was tumbling over the edge and her eyes were shut tighter than he thought possible.

He prayed that he hadn’t hurt her or upset her in some way.

But then she was opening them slowly, blinking up at him as she offered him the most adorable smile he’d ever seen.

“Good?” He whispered his question as he withdrew his fingers, offering her a gentle smile and a quick kiss against the lips.

“Very.” He wouldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t pleased with himself for that comment.

He smiled down at her as she tangled her hands in his hair, dragging his lips back down to hers.

He had just run his tongue along her lips when he heard the front door open downstairs and he felt her stiffen below him.

“They’re back early.” He whispered, pushing himself off of her quickly.

“Dammit.” She muttered, her eyes closing as she sat up slowly.

“Mommy! Ethan! We’re home!” A little voice called up the stairs and he couldn’t but laugh when Leanne’s face turned bright red.

“I’m gonna…” He pointed toward the bathroom where he dipped inside and quickly washed his hands before stepping back into the bedroom.

And then Leanne was rushing into the small room behind him, her underwear and pants clutched tightly in her hands.

He had just stepped out of the bathroom when Eli pushed the door open, his smile lighting up the room as he ran toward him.

“Hey buddy.” He bent down and scooped the boy up, pressing a kiss against his head as he snuggled him close. “Did you have fun at the park?”

“We sure did!” He looked around the room slowly, looking for his mother Ethan assume. “But it started to rain.”

“I’m sorry pal.” He said softly.

“It’s okay.” Eli reached out and grabbed a hold of Ethan’s cheeks softly. “Can we have ice cream tonight?”

Ethan let out a chuckle as he nodded his head at the boy.

"After your bath. And your homework." Eli scrunched up his face at the words and he raised an eyebrow. "And yes, homework."

"But it's Friday!" He crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his bottom lip out. "And it's Spring Break."

Leanne stepped out of the bathroom just as Eli began his whining and she shot him a stern look.

"Elias..." Eli turned toward her and sighed.

"Fine." He wiggled his way down from Ethan's arms and moved toward the door before turning to face them. "Can grandma and grandpa stay for a bit?"

"You'll have to ask them." He was sure that his mom and Grant wouldn't mind staying for a bit, especially if it meant they got to spoil the boy some more.

"Okay." And then he was taking off at full speed, his little legs carrying him back down the stairs and toward the older couple with a giggle.

Leanne let out a sigh behind him and he felt something inside him drop.

He wondered if he had crossed a line by telling the boy that they could have ice cream.

Or that he had gone too far with insisting that he do his homework beforehand.

But then Leanne was thanking him, her hands moving to his shoulders as she turned him around to face her.

"At least we get to be together for a little while longer." She whispered, her eyes soft as she let her hands wander down his chest.

"Thank God." He wasn't ready to say 'goodbye' to either one of them just yet, but especially not her.

He was so addicted to her and he couldn't help himself.

She offered him a sloppy smile before pulling him in for a kiss, her hands moving to tangle in his hair as he tugged her close.

He wanted to kiss her every second of everyday for the rest of his life.

And he was going to do everything possible to make sure that happened.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Sorry it’s taken me so long to update this! Life has been INSANE and since this is such a long chapter it required more editing than I anticipated. But I hope you guys still enjoy and I can’t wait to read your comments!

Leanne had been over the moon about getting to have dinner with Ethan’s mom and step-dad, along with Eli and Ethan of course.

And she had especially loved getting to spend some alone time with Ethan while his parents had taken Eli to the park.

She had been nervous at first, about taking that next step with him, but she had never felt more comfortable with a man in her entire life.

And that included with her husband.

She had honestly been totally willing to go all the way with him, but she had also been slightly thankful when he had told her they didn’t have to.

The fact that he was so concerned about her wellbeing made her heart swell.

She had never met a man like him before and while she had loved her husband, there was something about Ethan that she was learning to love more.

And if she was being honest with herself, if Eli hadn’t come home when he did, she probably would have told Ethan to keep going.

So while the boy’s timing may have been lousy, it had probably saved them both from an awkward situation.

After the boy had scampered off downstairs to beg Sophia and Grant to stay a little longer Ethan had gently pushed her in the direction of the bathroom, informing her that she should shower and take a few minutes for herself.

She had done just that, smiling to herself when he tried his best to invite himself into the shower with her.

When she was done she had gotten dressed and headed downstairs just in time to hear Eli exclaim rather loudly that he wasn’t in the mood to do his homework.

“How about I make you a deal.” It was Sophia’s voice that broke through the awkward silence and Leanne stopped in her tracks, not wanting to interrupt.

She most certainly didn’t mind the older woman trying her hand at the boy’s stubbornness.

She had raised Ethan and Robbie after all.

“What kind of deal?” She watched as Eli crossed his arms over his chest and straightened himself up.

“I will sit down and help you with your homework,” The older woman reached out and brushed his wayward curls aside and Leanne couldn’t help but smile, “but we have to do it now.”

“But why do I have to do it tonight?” He whined, his bottom lip quivering slightly. “I have a whole week!”

“Because buddy,” Grant knelt down next to Sophia and offered the boy a soft look, “you want to get it out of the way so that you can enjoy the rest of the week off, right?”

Eli brought his hand up to his chin and rubbed at it while he thought for a second.

She heard Ethan let out a chuckle and then there was a hand on her hip and lips against the back of her neck.

“He’s good.” She whispered as she leaned back into him.

“They’re better.” He whispered back.

She had no doubt about that though.

“Can we still have ice cream tonight though?” She wasn’t entirely sure why he was so fixated on having ice cream that evening, he had never paid much mind to it before.

“If you do your homework.” Sophia said softly. “And after your bath. Isn’t that what Ethan said?”

Eli nodded his head with a gentle smile.

“Yeah.” He dropped his arms to his side and relaxed his body as he spoke. “I’ll go get my book bag.”

And then he was making his way down the hallway and toward the front door, grabbing the bag and heading back into kitchen.

Leanne watched as he climbed into a chair at the table, pulling out his homework folder and a pencil.

Sophia moved to sit on one side of him, Grant on the other, and she watched as they both spoke softly with the boy about whatever it was that he was being instructed to do.

“Told you.” Ethan’s breath was hot against her neck and she shivered, causing him to chuckle as he ran his fingers under her pajama top.

“I never doubted them for a second.” She turned to face him and offered him a smile as he reached out and pushed her damp hair behind her ear.

“Good to know.” He whispered before leaning downward, his lips pressing against hers softly.

—

After Sophia and Grant had helped Eli get his homework done Leanne had ushered him upstairs and into the bath.

He had rushed through the process and quickly pulled on his pajamas before racing down the stairs and declaring that it was time for ice-cream.

She had simply chuckled when he had been intercepted by Ethan who had scooped the boy up and into his arms, tickling his sides as he lifted him above his head.

Her heart stopped for a minute in her chest at the sight before her.

She had never in a million years guessed that she would find someone who loved her and Eli so much.

They had all sat down and enjoyed their ice-cream before Ethan had picked up a very sleepy Eli and carried him upstairs.

The boy had demanded that Grant join them, so the man had done just that, leaving Leanne alone with Sophia for the very first time.

It’s not that the woman scared her, but she was definitely uncertain of how to handle her.

“Eli seems to be doing well.” The older woman’s soft voice broke through the silence and Leanne snapped her head up, her eyes blinking at her words.

“Yeah, he’s…” She swallowed before continuing, suddenly feeling very much under a microscope that she was fairly certain didn’t exist. “He’s doing a lot better.”

“Good.” She nodded her head before taking a sip of her water and Leanne let out a breath.

This was Ethan’s mom they were talking about here.

The nicest woman she had probably ever met.

She shouldn’t be nervous to talk to her about things.

“Ethan’s had a lot to do with that.” She whispered.

It took her a while to realize just how important Ethan’s role in all of this was, but now that she knew how badly her son needed him, how badly she needed him, she was finally able to come to terms with things.

“I figured as much.” Sophia’s face lit up with a giant smile at the mention of her son’s involvement. “He seems to be helping you as well.”

Leanne felt a blush come over her cheeks at the comment.

She wondered just how much about their relationship his mother was made privy too.

She guessed that she was probably able to figure out for herself just what went on while they were alone earlier.

“He’s definitely opened my eyes up to a lot.” And he had, in more ways than she was comfortable admitting to his mother.

“He really cares about you, both of you.” There was a loving look in the older woman’s eyes that mirrored that of one she had seen in Ethan’s many times.

“I know.” She knew that better than anyone at this point.

She knew that he cared about her a lot.

That he might have even begun to love her.

And she knew that he adored Eli more than anything in this world.

She was finally at a stage where she felt like she could accept that.

She could finally let him in and learn to love him just as much as he loved her.

“You two are good together.” Sophia offered her a wink and a soft chuckle. “You’d make beautiful babies.”

Leanne let out a laugh at her words and she couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter in her chest.

She didn’t know if she would ever know what it felt like to have another baby of her own, but she could only imagine that if it were with Ethan, it would be the best experience of her life.

“We’re not there just yet.” She said softly. “If ever.”

She could see the twinkle in Sophia’s eyes and she knew the woman understood completely.

“Don’t let people pressure you into it honey.” She reached out and patted her arm as she spoke. “So many people tried to tell Grant and I that we needed kids ‘of our own’ after we were married. I had a son going into the Army and he had a daughter still in grade school. I wasn’t looking to add to our family, ever.”

“It’s that I wouldn’t mind more kids…” She didn’t know why she was telling Sophia this, but she suddenly felt super comfortable with her. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Oh.” The older woman nodded before reaching down and taking her hand. “I know the feeling.”

Leanne was a little shocked that the woman shared that piece of super personal information with her.

“Really?” She didn’t want to impose, but now she was curious.

“I was pregnant after Robbie once.” Leanne held her breath at the woman’s words. She had no idea that there had been another child involved. “I had a miscarriage. The doctors advised me to never get pregnant again.”

“I’m so sorry.” She turned her hand over and squeezed Sophia’s, offering her a gentle smile. “I had no idea.”

“I wasn’t too far along.” She said softly. “We didn’t tell the kids. Robbie was only nine months old, Ethan and Grace were still in diapers. It was just easier to pretend it never happened.”

Leanne wondered if that miscarriage had been the downfall of Sophia and her first husband’s marriage.

“I had one too.” She whispered. “Between Caitlin and Eli.”

She had never told anyone, not even Jesse.

“I’m sorry honey.” The look of understanding on the other woman’s voice made her heart melt.

“We got pregnant with Eli pretty quick after that, so it wasn’t too hard.” But it had still been enough to cause her and John to be at odds with each other for a while. “Seven months later John and Caitlin were gone.”

She let out a sniffle and Sophia scooted closer, pulling her into a hug as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

“It’s never easy losing a loved one. Especially not someone as special as a husband or daughter.” She could hear the regret in the other woman’s words and it broke her heart.

“Ethan never talks about them.” She didn’t understand why he never talked about his dad and sister, they were a part of his life for long enough to make a difference. “His dad and Grace, he never brings them up in conversation.”

“Ethan didn’t handle his father leaving very well.” Sophia whispered as she pulled back, her eyes brimming with tears. “And after Grace got sick, he never left her side. They were two peas in a pod, always together, even on the worst days.”

She wished that Ethan hadn’t had to suffer the loss of his sister like that. She knew it couldn’t be easy on him.

“I wish he would talk about her.” She whispered. “I’d love to know more about her.”

Sophia got ready to speak up when she paused and dropped her hands to her lap, sighing softly.

And that’s when Leanne heard it, Ethan’s voice from behind her, and she felt her heart sink.

“Talk about who?” He asked softly.

When Leanne turned he was leaning against the doorframe, his eyes soft and searching, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Grace, Ethan, we wish you would talk about Grace.” His mom replied back, a gentle look in her eye.

Leanne very suddenly felt like she was intruding and she stood, stepping out of the middle of the two, her eyes searching Ethan’s for some sort of sign of what he was going to say or do next.

“I think it’s time we go mom.” He pushed off the door with an angry growl and headed toward the foyer, grabbing his keys and heading outside, the door slamming shut behind him as he went.

“I’m sorry Sophia.” Leanne whispered, turning to the older woman. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay sweetie.” She stood then, giving Leanne a quick hug before pulling back and offering her a soft smile. “He’ll calm down, just give him an hour or two.”

She nodded her head at the older woman’s words and then she watched as she made her way to the front door, Grant appearing behind her with a soft wave, and then they were gone.

She felt her heart ache in her chest for Ethan.

She knew that he had been through a lot, and that his sister’s death still haunted him, but she wished that he would open up to her, that he would let her in.

Pulling out her phone she shot him a quick text before heading upstairs and crawling under the covers with tears in her eyes.

I’m sorry I brought her up. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me. Please don’t hate me for this. I’ll be up for a while longer if you want to text or call, I’d love to hear your voice again. I’ll see you Sunday? <3 And with that she closed her eyes and let herself fall asleep, praying that a text or phone call from him would wake her soon.

—

Leanne didn’t hear from Ethan the rest of the night and she could almost feel her heart breaking in her chest.

She prayed that she hadn’t gone too far.

That she hadn’t said anything that would make him so angry that he’d push her completely away.

She prayed that, if anything, he’d call for Eli’s sake more than hers.

By noon on Saturday there had been no word from him still and she was most certainly fearing the worst.

She knew that Sophia and Grant had all these special things planned for Eli and she hoped that he wouldn’t take those away from the boy just because his feelings got a little hurt.

After taking the boy to the grocery store with her and running a few more errands they had headed home and Eli had curled up on the couch and taken a nap all on his own.

She had just settled down in the armchair with her latest book when her phone buzzed beside her.

She was shocked to see Ethan’s name on the screen and she held her breath as she waited to see what his response to her text would be.

‘What are the chances of you letting my parents watch E tonight so that I can take you out?’ She did a double take at his words and read them three times before responding.

‘Really?’ She was surprised to say the least.

She surely didn’t expect an invitation for a date to come out of this.

‘If it’s okay with you. They said something about renting a movie and having a pajama party.’ She chuckled at the idea of the older couple hunkering down with the boy in their PJs.

‘I’d love that. E would too.’ She knew that he would be thrilled to see them, again.

And she most certainly would enjoy another date with Ethan.

‘Any chance they could keep him the whole night?’ She knew it was risky to ask, both for her sake and for theirs, but it was worth a shot.

She wanted a night alone with Ethan.

Without the prospect of a little body being wedged between theirs at three in the morning.

‘Mom said she’d be more than happy. She also winked and told me to behave.’ She let out a full blown laugh at Sophia’s comment as her face turned red.

She was most certain that the older woman was aware of why they wanted a night to themselves, she had once been a single mother herself, but it was still slightly embarrassing to know that she was aware that they were physical like that.

‘Tell her thank you. What time should I expect you? Or should I come to you?’ She wasn’t sure whether Grant and Sophia would be comfortable staying at her place, but she certainly didn’t mind.

‘We’ll be there around 5:00. You can crash at my place if you’re okay with them staying there. Might make E a little more comfortable.’ The boy had never spent a full night away from her except with Ethan or Jesse and she worried about what that might mean for him.

‘I can’t wait. E will be stoked.’ The boy would surely be over the moon at the idea of spending an entire night with his honorary grandparents.

‘I’ll see you then <3’ She felt a giant smile come over her face as she began to think about just how the night would go for them all.

‘I’ll have to find something nice to wear ;)’ She didn’t used to be the teasing type, but for some reason, she couldn’t help herself when it came to Ethan.

‘Or you could wear nothing at all and we could just stay in??’ The idea was tempting, but she had a hankering for Chinese food and a strong adult beverage.

‘I thought you were gonna take me out :(‘ Not that she minded staying in with him to be honest.

Snuggling on the couch and eating Chinese food in their underwear sounded just as appealing as going to their favorite restaurant and wearing pants.

‘I’ll take you out for food. Then we’re coming back here and, well…’ She had to hold back a snort as she laughed at his response.

He was such a child when he wanted to be.

‘Good. Chinese food please. Preferably from somewhere that also serves tequila.’ She wasn’t a drinker by habit, but for some reason, the past few weeks had left her with the need for adult friendly night out.

‘Trying to get me drunk?’ She rolled her eyes at his answer.

‘Maybe ;)’ Not that she thought that he needed to be drunk to give her a good time.

Yesterday evening had proven that.

‘I don’t need to be drunk to show you a good time. You just wait.’ She swallowed at his words as she felt a wave of heat rush through her body.

‘I know.’ And she did know, there was no doubt about that.

‘I’ll see you tonight babe.’ She felt every inch of her skin tingle at the word.

She hadn’t been called by any term of endearment since John had died.

And before that it was rare that the man spoke those words to her.

He wasn’t exactly the romantic type.

‘See you then love.’ He was normally the one calling her that, but this time it was her turn to return the sentiment.

He didn’t reply back but she figured that he must be busy, so instead she headed upstairs to Eli’s room.

She quickly pulled out a clean pair of pajamas and set them on the bed, along with clean underwear, and she went ahead and pulled out an outfit and underwear for him to wear the next day too.

She knew they were going to the Dodgers game in the afternoon so she made sure to grab the comfiest pair of khaki shorts she could find him and his Dodgers t-shirt.

She then made sure all of his stuff was set up in the bathroom so that all he would need to do would be to brush his teeth and go potty before bed.

After she double checked that he was good to go she made her way into her room and grabbed her small duffle bag out of her closet.

She then stood in the middle of her room and stared at her dresser for a good five minutes before letting out a sigh.

She had no idea what to wear on her date with Ethan, nor did she know what to wear for their evening alone.

Letting out another sigh she stepped toward the giant piece of oak furniture and pulled open the drawer containing her underwear. She knew that if nothing else, she had to at least pack that.

Then it hit her, Ethan was probably expecting lingerie or something sexy, neither of which she owned a piece of. She dug threw her drawer twice, praying that she’d find something remotely presentable, but came up empty both times.

Grabbing her phone from her pocket she quickly shot Ethan a text, holding her breath while she waited for a response.

‘I own absolutely nothing sexy.’ She felt ridiculous saying that to him, but it was true.

She had nothing with which to impress him.

‘You don’t need anything. You’re sexy the way you are.’ She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him.

That was such an Ethan thing to say.

‘I own nothing. How does that even happen? I’m not that old am I?’ She didn’t know how she had gotten to this point in her life.

Not that she owned much of anything when she was still married to John, but surely it was more than boring old granny panties and sports bras.

‘You’re not old. You’re a mom and you’re busy. It’s fine love.’ She let out a sigh.

She knew he didn’t care, he wasn’t shallow like that in any way, but it still made her feel sort of silly.

‘If it makes you feel any better, I’m legit down to my last pair of boxers that doesn’t look like it’s been through a war zone.’ She rolled her eyes at his text.

John had always waited until the last minute to get new underwear and it drove her insane.

‘Perhaps we need to take a trip to the store tonight after dinner?’ She had absolutely no problem letting him pick out her underwear.

‘Can I pick out something lacy and black?’ Leanne couldn’t help but chuckle. She should have known that would be his question.

‘For you or for me?’ She held her breath while she waited for his response.

‘For you to wear. For me to remove.’ She let out a soft gasp at his words.

He was definitely the flirty type, but she was shocked to read that from him.

She didn't reply back right away and he must have gotten worried because he sent her another text.

‘Or not. Only what you're comfortable with.’ She smiled softly at his response.

She knew he would never take things farther than she wanted.

But after last night, after the way he had made her feel, she wanted to do more.

She wanted to know what it felt like to have him make love to her.

‘Just as long as you don't rip it when you take it off ;) I'd like to get more than one wear out of it.’ She knew he'd appreciate that.

‘I make no promises ;)’ She couldn't believe she was flirting with him like this.

‘I mean it though. I'd be perfectly fine with you just wearing one of my old shirts. If you leave it up to me, it won't be on you very long anyway.’ She let out a sigh at his text.

She couldn't wait to fall asleep in nothing but one of his old shirts, especially when she bet they smelled just like him.

Safe and warm and relaxed.

If those things had a smell, they would be Ethan.

‘I'd be fine with that.’ She hit send as she pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms, just in case, and threw them in her bag along with a few pairs of underwear.

She finished packing her belongings, making sure to include her Dodgers jersey and a pair of comfortable jean shorts for tomorrow, and then she headed downstairs to check on Eli.

The boy was sound asleep still and while she knew she should probably let him sleep, she didn't want him to be up for Grant and Sophia all night.

So she gently woke up, pulling him into her lap when he asked for an extra snuggle.

"Guess who's gonna come stay with you tonight?" She asked him softly, brushing his hair aside gently.

"Who?" He lifted his head up and locked his eyes with hers, offering her a soft smile.

"Grant and Sophia." She whispered.

Eli's eyes lit up as he beamed from ear to ear.

"Really?" He was so excited and Leanne was so thankful that she had let the couple into his life.

They may not have been around long, but they had done so much for the boy in the short amount of time.

"Yeah. They're gonna stay with you tonight and then we're all gonna meet up tomorrow for the baseball game." She hoped that he wouldn't ask where she was going, but she knew it was inevitable.

"Are you gonna stay with Ethan tonight?" He was smarter than she gave him credit for though.

"We're gonna go to dinner." She pressed a gentle kiss against his forehead before continuing. "And we might be out late, so we're gonna stay at his place okay?"

She prayed that it wouldn't be an issue for the boy.

"Okay mama." And then he was jumping down from her lap and grabbing his dinosaur. "Rex and I are gonna go clean my room."

And before she could reply back he was bouncing up the steps, Rex tucked under his arm, a giant smile on his face.

If that's what it took to get the boy to clean his room, Grant and Sophia could spend the night every night.


	40. Chapter 40

Ethan had been shocked when Leanne had agreed to not only have dinner with him, but to also let his mom and Grant take Eli for the evening so that they could be together.

He had thought that their alone time last night had been amazing, yet entirely too short lived.

And while he didn’t want to take things too far, he was both anxious and excited to have her all to himself for the entire evening.

After making sure that the house was straightened up and that he had made his room look somewhat presentable, he had showered and gotten dressed and then headed downstairs.

He had barely made it to the landing when his mom stopped in front of him and offered him a soft smile.

“You look nice sweetheart.” She said softly, her eyes twinkling in the early afternoon light.

“I look the same as I always do.” There really wasn’t anything special about what he was wearing, except for the fact that his shirt was cleaner than normal.

But he was a busy guy and he didn’t have time for fancy clothes or nights out.

“Your jeans are new.” He looked down at the pants he was wearing and shrugged.

“They’re not new.” He said with a sigh. “I’ve just never worn them before.”

She let out a chuckle as she leaned forward and fixed the collar of his shirt with a soft sigh.

“You look very handsome.” She patted his shoulders when she was done and offered him a big smile. “Leanne’s a lucky lady.”

“I’m the lucky one mom.” He whispered.

And it was true, very true.

He was lucky to have her, luckier than he had ever been.

And he didn’t know what he would do without her in his life.

“You’re both lucky to have found each other.” She leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “That boy of hers is definitely blessed to have you both in his life.”

“Eli’s the best.” He felt his heart flutter as he said the words softly.

He loved that kid more than he had ever loved anyone or anything and he would never get over how lucky he was to have him in his life.

“He sure does seem to think the world of you.” Grant added as he stepped into the foyer.

“I don’t know why.” He didn’t understand Eli’s fascination with him but he would take it.

“Because you’re a good man Ethan.” His mother whispered as she cupped his cheeks against her palms. “You’re a good role model for him and you love him like he’s your own. That’s what he needs.”

“Yeah.” He choked back a sob as he tried to keep his emotions at bay.

He would give anything to be able to provide the boy with the family that he needed.

The family that he and Leanne both deserved.

“We should get going.” Grant said softly.

He must have sensed Ethan’s discomfort because he offered him a soft look as he held his arms out toward the door, gesturing for them to go.

His mom simply smiled before grabbing her overnight bag and heading toward the Jeep, Grant following after her a few seconds later.

Ethan let out a sigh as he grabbed his keys and headed out the door, pulling the object closed behind him.

He really just wanted to get to Leanne, and fast.

—

They had driven to Leanne’s house in silence, his mom shooting him questioning looks in the review mirror as they went.

He knew that she wasn’t trying to get under his skin, but unfortunately, she was.

And he hated it.

When they had gotten to their destination, Eli had been waiting for them on the porch, a giant smile coming over his face as he waved excitedly at them.

And then he had been grabbing Grant and Sophia’s hands and dragging them inside and toward his bedroom, declaring that it was nice and clean just for them.

Leanne had shot him a smile as he stepped into the house quietly and he returned it, raising an eyebrow as he let his eyes wander up and down her body.

“What are you wearing?” He knew damn well what she was wearing.

It was a dress.

A very short, very revealing dress.

He had never seen her in anything so sexy before.

Not that she wasn’t sexy as she was, but damn.

“A dress.” She said softly. “Do you like it?”

He let his eyes wander over her once more as he made his way toward her slowly.

“I guess it’s okay.” He whispered as he stopped in front of her.

“Just okay?” She asked quietly, her hands going out to run down his chest as her eyes quickly checked the stairs for any sign of little feet before shifting back to lock with his.

“Yeah…” He dragged out, his head falling to her neck as his lips grazed over the smooth skin there. “It would look better on my floor though.”

The squeal she let out as he nipped at her collarbone made him chuckle and he let his hands settle on her hips as he pressed a kiss against the red mark.  
“We should…” She swallowed as she stepped out of his arms, her face turning bright red as she stuttered the words out. “Before Eli…”

He chuckled once more at her before nodding his head.

“Eli!” He called out for the boy and watched as he came running along, stopping midway down the steps, a giant smile on his face.

“Yes?” Ethan couldn’t help but smile back at him and he motioned for the boy to come see him.

“Come here.” He knelt down then, extending his arms in the boy’s direction.

Eli ran the rest of the way down the stairs and straight into Ethan’s open arms, his smile never faltering as he fell against his chest with a thud.

Ethan hoisted the tot up, placing him on his hip as he turned toward Leanne and smiled.

“Your mama and I are gonna head out now.” He said softly, ruffling the boys curls with his right hand. 

“You’ll be back in the morning right?” Eli shifted his gaze between the pair and Ethan watched as Leanne nodded her head, a small smile on her lips as she did so.

“Yes baby, we’ll be back in the morning.” She reached out and patted his cheek as she spoke.

“And we’re gonna go to the baseball game right?” The boy’s face lit up at the mention of the special game and Ethan felt his heart swell in his chest.

He was so enamored with this kid and he couldn’t help himself.

“Sure thing buddy.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss against his head before offering him a soft smile. “Now go give mama some snuggles before we leave.”

“Okay.” He gently passed the boy over to Leanne just as his mom and Grant came down the stairs, their eyes softening at the exchange taking place in front of them.

He watched as Leanne and Eli shared a hug and a kiss before exchanging ‘I love yous’.

And then Eli was scrambling to get down and grabbing Grant’s hand and dragging him toward the den with a giggle.

“Thank you again for doing this.” Leanne said softly as she smiled at his mom.

“No worries my dear.” The older woman stepped forward and wrapped Leanne up in her arms, whispering something into her ear with a smile.

He heard Leanne chuckle at whatever it was that she said and then she was stepping backward, her hand reaching out for his.

“Thanks mom.” Ethan said softly as he tugged Leanne close.

“Anytime.” She offered them both a giant smile and a wink then. “And you two don’t behave too much.” 

Leanne’s face turned bright red as she buried it against his shoulder and he let out a soft laugh.

He knew that his mother knew damn well why they wanted to night alone.

“We’ll try not to have too much fun.” He couldn’t make any promises though, especially after seeing Leanne in that dress.

“We’ll see you two in the morning.” She said softly, gesturing for them to get going.

Ethan nodded his head before escorting Leanne out the door with a final wave.

And then they were headed toward the Jeep, hand in hand, and he could barely contain his excitement.

—

The two of them had enjoyed a nice dinner together, the conversation pleasant and the company even better.

Afterward they had gone for a walk down by the beach, enjoying the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore as they strolled along hand in hand.

They had stayed put and watched the sunset, Leanne snuggled into his side, her head resting on his shoulder as she kept her arms wrapped around his waist.

And then after it had gotten dark he had taken her hand and dragged her back toward the Jeep, a twinkle in his eyes as he whispered to her how he just wanted to get her home.

When they had finally arrived at his place, he had escorted her inside and up the stairs toward his room with a soft smile.

“So…” She whispered softly, her eyes scanning the small space of his bedroom as she leaned back against the closed door.

“So…” He let his eyes wander over her body once more and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

That dress was killing him in all the right ways.

“What now?” She let her hands fall to her sides and he could see that she was nervous.

More nervous than he had hoped she would be.

And it broke his heart.

“Whatever you want my dear.” He stepped toward her slowly, giving her a soft smile as he reached out and pushed her loose curls behind her ear. “You call the shots here tonight.”

She shook her head back and forth as she reached out and let her hands wander down his chest with a sigh.

“No.” She whispered, her hands stopping at the waistband of his jeans. “I…”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes and he couldn’t help himself from leaning forward and pressing a kiss against her forehead.

“If you leave it up to me we won’t get anywhere.” He knew that she was scared of taking that step, and frankly, so was he.

He hadn’t been with anyone in years.

And he knew that she hadn’t been with anyone since her husband.

But he was certainly willing to take it as far as she wanted.

“I won’t go any farther than you are comfortable with Leanne.” He let his head fall down to her shoulder then, his lips dancing over the smooth skin of her neck as he spoke. “You know that right?”

She nodded her head as her hands moved to his back, wandering under the material of his button up shirt.

“I know Ethan.” She whispered, her nails dragging along his bare skin as he nipped at her skin. “But I want things to go… further…”

“Are you sure?” He asked as he let his hands fall to her hips.

They were dying to run under the hem of her dress, to dance along the skin of her thighs and over the material of her underwear.

He wanted her so badly it hurt.

“Just… don’t stop.” He snapped his eyes up to meet hers and he let his hands stop on her ass.

“Okay.” He whispered back. “I won’t stop unless you tell me to.”

She nodded her head at him and smiled, her hands moving out from under his shirt, their final destination being the buttons on the front of the garment.

“Thank you.” Her eyes glistened as she started to undo the buttons slowly and he smiled back at her.

“Yes ma’am.” He let his hands fall downward, pushing at the hem of her dress until he had the material up around her waist.

She let out a whimper as his fingers dipped under the waistband of her panties slowly, running along her hipbones as he pressed his lips against hers.

After a minute she had the buttons of his shirt undone and she pushed the material to the floor with a sigh.

Her fingers were cold against his skin and he let out a shiver as he dropped his lips from hers, pressing them against her collarbone as he pushed her underwear to the floor.

“Ethan…” She whimpered out his name as her head fell back against the door.

“Relax Lea.” He whispered against her chest, his right hand moving to her back to unzip the zipper of her dress.

She let out a sigh as he pulled the zipper down slowly, stopping it just above her waist, his fingers grazing over her lower back before moving back up to her shoulder.

He slowly reached out and pushed the straps of her dress down her shoulders, stopping when he got them halfway down her arms.

He let his eyes move up to lock with hers as he offered her a soft smile.

“Are you sure this is okay?” He wanted to make sure he wasn’t doing anything to her that either one of them would later regret.

She was his best-friend and he couldn’t handle it if he ruined their friendship because he couldn’t keep his libido under control.

“Please Ethan.” She was practically begging him and the lust in her eyes was enough to do him in.

He couldn’t argue with her at that point, not when he could see how badly she wanted him.

Not when he wanted her just as bad.

So, he continued his movements, pushing her dress to the ground with a soft sigh.

She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and there was nothing about her that he didn’t want to devour.

“God you’re gorgeous.” He couldn’t handle how beautiful she was.

He knew that she didn’t see herself that way and he didn’t understand why.

Everything about her was beautiful and perfect in every way.

“Shut up Ethan.” She growled out, her hands going to his hair as she dragged his lips to hers.

He didn’t respond, though he desperately wanted too, and instead he let his hands wander over her bare stomach, grazing over the smooth skin as he nipped at her bottom lip.

She moaned into the kiss, gripping his hair tighter, her right leg wrapping around his hip.

Ethan had just reached around to unclasp her bra when he heard Leanne’s phone ring from downstairs.

He let out a sigh as he dropped his head to her shoulder.

“Should I get that?” She asked softly.

“It could be Eli.” He said as he pulled his head back and offered her a soft smile.

“Yeah.” She whispered.

He stepped back slowly, taking a few deep breaths as he reached down and grabbed his shirt from the floor, standing up and wrapping the garment around her shoulders.

She offered him a smile as she slid her arms into the sleeves of the shirt and he reached forward, pulling her close with a huff.

“It had better be a very serious issue.” He growled before nipping at her bottom lip, his fingers buttoning the top three buttons of the flannel material slowly.

“I’m sure it is.” She pressed a soft kiss to his lips before stepping around him and reaching for the doorknob, opening the door with a soft sigh. “I’ll be right back.”

He let out a groan as he watched her head down the stairs and he followed, giving her a worried glance when she let out a sigh.

“I’ll be right there.” She said softly, her eyes connecting with his as she nodded her head slowly. “Yes Sophia, I’m sure. Tell him we’re coming.”

And then she was hanging up the phone and running her hand through her hair.

“Everything okay?” He asked quietly.

He figured his mother wouldn’t have called for no reason, something must have happened.

“E had a bad dream.” She whispered, her head falling forward. “He’s screaming for us. She said he won’t calm down.”

He sighed as he nodded his head.

This wasn’t how he pictured their date ending, not by a long shot.

“Give me a minute in the bathroom and then it’s all yours.” He offered her a soft smile before jogging up the stairs and into his bedroom.

When he emerged a few minutes later Leanne was zipping her overnight bag up and he could hear her sniffling.

Stepping up behind her he slowly wrapped his arms around her waist, dropping his head to her shoulder.

“It’s okay Leanne.” He whispered, pressing a kiss against her neck before continuing. “E comes first.”

“I just wanted one night.” She whispered back, a small sob leaving her throat as she turned to face him. “Just one night of not being ‘mom’. Just a night for the two of us.”

“And we’ll get it honey.” He pressed a kiss to her nose as he did his best to calm her down, his hands rubbing up and down her arms slowly. “Just not tonight.”

She let out a heavy sigh before stepping back from him and nodding her head.

“I’ll just be a minute.” And then she was disappearing into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her as she went.

Ethan let out another sigh.

He knew that she wanted this night to be special.

He did too.

But he also knew that Eli had never been away from her more than a night except for when he had stayed with him or Jesse.

He certainly expected him to struggle if he woke up in an already scary situation.

Leanne emerged from the bathroom a minute later, wearing a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt, and he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander down her form.

“Nice shorts.” He whispered, his eyes blinking a few times at the image of her tan legs.

“Thanks.” She whispered back. She moved to deposit his shirt on the bed and he stopped her, his hands going out to her waist as he offered her a soft smile.

“You look just as beautiful as you did in that dress.” He meant every word he was saying and he hoped that she knew it.

“Yeah, okay.” She turned her head away from him and he knew that he had lost her.

She was no longer Leanne the sexy woman who he went on a date with but rather, now she was Leanne the single mom who was slowly losing herself.

He felt his heart break in his chest at the notion.

“Let’s go get our boy.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead before stepping away from her, his hand extending out to take hers.

She didn’t say anything back, instead she just followed along behind him, heading downstairs in silence and then climbing into the Jeep without a word.

He hoped that this wouldn’t deter her from ever letting Eli spend the night away from either one of them ever again.

Because as much as he loved the boy, he wanted a night alone with his mother more than anything in this world.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally got a few minutes of downtime while the baby stuffs her face, so here’s an update. Some angsty Willish followed by sexiness, as always.

Leanne would have been lying if she had said that she wasn’t disappointed that Eli had woken up with a bad dream and interrupted her and Ethan’s night together.

But she had gone to him instantly just as he requested and when she and Ethan had pulled into the driveway she could see the little boy’s face pressed against the window in the front room.

Ethan hadn’t even shut the engine off before she was exiting the vehicle, her legs carrying her toward the front door as she fought back her own tears.

She had worried that this would happen.

That the little boy wouldn’t be able to handle being away from her for a night.

She had unlocked the door quickly and pushed it open just as the boy came barreling toward her and she wrapped him up in the biggest hug she could form.

“Mama!” He said softly as he buried his little head against her shoulder. “I missed you so much.”

“I know baby.” She pressed a kiss against his head as Ethan entered the house slowly, his eyes searching for them, smiling at her softly as he shut the door behind him. “I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered as he pulled back, his little eyes locking with Ethan’s. “I had a bad dream.”

“It’s okay buddy.” Ethan moved toward them then, kneeling down in front of the boy as he brushed his curls aside. “We don’t want you to be scared pal.”

He nodded his head softly before reaching out for the man and she let her hands fall to her sides as Ethan scooped the boy up and into his arms.

Eli snuggled close to his chest, his little eyes closing as he wrapped his arms around Ethan’s neck tightly.

“Everything okay?” Sophia appeared at the bottom of the stairs and her eyes were soft as she eyed the trio in front of her.

“Yeah ma.” Ethan dropped a kiss against the boy’s head as he moved toward her. “I’m gonna tuck him back in.”

Leanne nodded her head as she let out a soft sigh, watching as the pair headed upstairs and toward the tot’s room.

“I’m sorry we had to call you.” The other woman’s voice was soft and she could see the sorrow in her eyes.

If there was anyone who understood what was going through her mind right now it was her.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, scrubbing at her face with her hands. “I had a feeling this would happen.”

“He was perfectly fine up until that nightmare though.” Sophia reached out and patted her arms softly, offering her a smile. “He ate all his dinner, went to bed with no trouble at all.”

“He wanted to impress you guys.” She said softly.

Eli had told her all day long about how he was going to listen to Sophia and Grant and be the best boy he could be so that they wouldn’t have to worry about him.

He had wanted this sleepover to go off without a hitch just as much as she and Ethan had.

“He did a great job.” Sophia smiled at her brightly. “You should be proud.”

“I am.” She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

She was so proud of her son, in every way possible.

The boy had been through so much in his 6.5 years of life and he never let it phase him.

He was still the sweetest, softest, smartest little boy she knew.

“It’s okay Leanne.” The older woman reached out and pulled her into her arms, wrapping her up in a tight hug.

“I feel so lost.” She whispered, her arms wrapping tightly around Sophia’s shoulders. “I feel like I’m doing something wrong.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong.” She certainly felt like she was messing everything up, both for her and for Eli. “I promise you honey. You’re doing everything right.”

“I feel like I’m letting him down.” She sniffed out, her eyes watering as she tried to maintain her composure. “I shouldn’t have gone out tonight. I should have known better.”

“Leanne, honey, don’t beat yourself up over this.” Sophia whispered softly, pushing her back as she cupped her cheeks against her palms. “He’s fine, you’re fine, Ethan’s fine. It’s okay.”

“But…” She felt like the worst mother ever.

Her son had needed her and she hadn’t been there for him.

“Leanne, it’s okay.” Sophia smiled at her before taking a deep breath. “Trust me, your boy is certainly not holding it against you and you shouldn’t hold it against yourself.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” She sobbed out, her hands reaching up to wipe her tears away.

“I know love.” She was wrapped up in the older woman’s arms once more and she let out a strangled sob just as Ethan appeared at the top of the stairs.

She closed her eyes as she let her arms wrap around Sophia tightly, and she prayed that Ethan would just let them be for a few minutes.

He must have heard her silent plea because when she opened her eyes a few minutes later he was gone and the house was quiet.

“Go to him honey.” Sophia whispered as she pulled back. “He’ll understand.”

“What if he doesn’t?” She worried about disappointing Ethan more than anything else.

She knew that he was patient and loving and that he would support her through anything.

But she had just ruined their first night alone together and she felt horrible about it.

“He will.” She offered her a smile as she squeezed her shoulders softly. “Go. Talk to him. Tell him what you’re feeling. Tell him that you’re scared, that you can’t do this alone.”

“I don’t deserve him.” Leanne whispered, her eyes blinking slowly as she tried to calm herself. “He’s too good for me, for us.”

“That certainly isn’t true Leanne.” Sophia said quietly. “And even if it was, you two are all he wants. He loves you both, more than you’ll ever be able to understand.”

The older woman’s words hit her hard.

There was no way that Ethan loved her, not yet, not so soon.

It wasn’t possible.

“He doesn’t love me.” She choked out.

“Yes he does love.” Sophia took her face gently between palms, bringing her eyes to meet with hers. “He does love you. And he is doing everything he can to show you that. Ethan, he loves hard honey. And once he loves you, he doesn’t forget about you, he doesn’t just leave you hanging.”

Sophia words were causing her heart to beat rapidly in her chest.

She couldn’t fathom someone as amazing as Ethan loving someone as pathetic as her.

“Go talk to him Leanne.” She repeated. “You need him and that’s what he’s there for. Trust me honey. He wants to help.”

She couldn’t make words form so she simply nodded her head before pulling away from the other woman.

Sophia offered her a smile before giving her a gentle push toward the stairs.

And up she went, slowly but surely.

And she prayed that the Ethan that was waiting for her was the same understanding Ethan as always.

—

When she finally made it to her room she was shocked to see Eli snuggled up in the middle of the bed, his stuffed dinosaur tucked under his arm tightly, his curls wild against her pillow as he snored softly.

She couldn’t help the smile that came over her face at the sight of her baby boy sleeping so peacefully.

She wished he was able to sleep like that on his own, especially at his age.

She let her eyes scan the small room before she realized that there was no sign of Ethan.

He certainly couldn’t have left without her knowing it, but she didn’t see him anywhere.

And then she heard it, the sound of the shower shutting off in her bathroom, and she let out a sigh.

At least he hadn’t gone anywhere without telling her ‘goodbye’.

She let out a soft sigh as she quickly removed her bra and t-shirt, pulling a baggy t-shirt over her head just as the bathroom door opened. 

“Hey.” He whispered softly. “Sorry, I figured I beat you to it since you guys were talking.”

She simply nodded her head before crawling under the covers.

She knew that she needed to talk to him but she just wanted to lay down and hold her son right now.

“Do you want me to stay?” He asked softly, his bare feet padding quietly across the hardwood floor as he made his way toward her side of the bed.

She shrugged her shoulders as she pulled Eli into her arms, her eyes filling with tears.

“I’m gonna go give my mom the keys and let her know they can go.” He whispered as he bent down, brushing back her loose curls. “Then I’ll be back up.”

Once again, she couldn’t find any words, so she nodded her head once more, snuggling closer to the small boy as Ethan pulled the covers up over them both.

A few minutes went by before she heard anymore movement in the hall and then she heard her bedroom door open and shut quietly.

She kept her eyes closed tightly as she tried to control her breathing.

She didn’t want Ethan to know that she was silently falling apart.

“I’m here babe.” He climbed into the bed beside her then, his arm going out to wrap around her waist, pulling her back flush against his chest. “Get some sleep.”

He pressed a few light kisses to her neck and she let out a sob.

She couldn’t believe he was so soft and gentle with her after everything.

She had ruined their night, ruined all his plans, and yet, here he was, loving her like nothing had ever happened.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered into the darkness of the room, her arms hugging her son even closer to her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

Ethan pressed a kiss to her ear before letting his hand rest under the material of her shirt, soft and gentle against the bare skin of stomach.

“Who are you apologizing to?” He asked softly. “Because you don’t have to say sorry to me.”

She shook her head as another sob wracked through her body and when she felt Eli stir she held her breath.

The last thing she wanted was to wake him.

And she certainly didn’t want him to see her falling apart like this.

“You’re apologizing to him aren’t you?” Ethan’s question was whispered as he nuzzled his face against her neck softly.

“Yes.” She choked out. “I feel so guilty. I… I feel like I’m failing him.”

She heard Ethan let out a sigh before he gently rolled her over onto her back, his eyes locking with hers as he cupped her cheek gently against his palm.

“You are not failing him Leanne, do you hear me?” His voice was stern, yet loving, and she felt another wave of tears coming at how gentle he still was. “You’re not failing him and you’re not letting him down and you’re not hurting him. He’s a great kid and you’re an amazing mother and you’re doing everything right. Do you understand?”

She shook her head back and forth and he reached up with his thumb to brush back her tears.

“Yes Leanne, yes you are.” He dropped his forehead to hers gently, pressing a kiss against her lips before pulling back and offering her a soft smile. “He had a bad dream, it happens. And it will undoubtedly happen again, probably several dozen more times before he moves out. He’s used to you Leanne, you’re his mother, you’re always going to be his instant source of comfort. And with you not here it scared him. It’s normal. It’s okay.”

“I ruined everything.” She sobbed out.

She certainly didn’t expect him to ever want to take her out again.

He knew the chances of him getting laid were slim to none with Eli in the picture.

She didn’t understand why he didn’t just give up and walk away before they all got hurt.

“You ruined nothing.” He whispered. “We didn’t get to have sex, so what? There will be other nights Leanne. It’s okay.”

She shook her head once more, her mind reeling at what he was saying to her.

It didn’t make sense why he was so supportive of this.

Why he was so loving and caring toward her and her son.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, her eyes closing as she turned back toward to the sleeping boy beside her. “I’m so sorry.”

She rolled back over onto her side then, tucking the young boy against her chest as she sobbed against his curls.

She heard Ethan let out a sigh behind her and she expected him to get up and leave, but instead he wrapped his arm back around her waist, pulling her against his chest.

And then he pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder as he nuzzled his face against her neck.

“Get some sleep love.” He whispered into the darkness. “Both of you.”

And the next thing she knew his breathing was evening out and his body was relaxing behind her.

And soon she was left to lie awake, alone, snuggled between the two most important people in her life.

And she felt her heart ache at how much love she had for them both.

—

The next morning when she woke up she was alone in the big bed, the early morning sun shining in through the bedroom window.

She let her eyes wander toward the clock on her bedside table and she was shocked to see that it was already well past 8:00am.

She knew that they were supposed to meet up with Grant and Sophia at 9:30am, which meant she only had 45 minutes to get ready for the day.

Letting out a soft sigh she pushed herself from the bed and toward the bathroom, turning on the shower and stripping down her clothes just as the bedroom door opened.

She waited for a minute for someone to speak, but they never did, so she stepped under the warm spray and let out a soft sigh.

She was hoping that this shower would be exactly what she needed to calm her nerves after last night.

After spending longer than necessary in the shower she had exited the small room and headed out into the bedroom, pulling on her bra and underwear before grabbing a pair of shorts from the drawer.

She heard the bedroom door open once more and she froze in her spot as the intruder let out a growl.

“Not fair.” Ethan’s voice was low and she couldn’t help but chuckle as she turned toward him.

“Don’t like the view?” She knew damn well that he was enjoying the view, probably more so than he would admit.

“I love the view.” He stepped into the bedroom slowly, shutting the door behind him as he let his eyes wander over her body. “But we don’t have time to play.”

She chuckled at his choice of words as he stopped directly in front of her, his dark eyes scanning her body from head to toe.

“Sorry.” She whispered.

But she wasn’t sorry, not at all.

“My parents are here.” He choked out, backing away from her as he took a few deep breaths.

“I’ll be right down.” She said softly, grabbing her Dodger’s jersey off the dresser and yanking it over her head.

He turned back toward her and let out another growl, his eyes darkening even more.

And then the next thing she knew she was being lifted onto the dresser, Ethan’s hands hot and heavy against her waist as he slammed his lips against hers.

She tried to growl out his name but she was unsuccessful, her hands going to his hair instead, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist as she whimpered against his lips.

They stayed that way for a minute, their tongues tangling together as one of Ethan’s hands pushed it’s way under her shirt, running along the bare skin of her stomach and toward her chest.

He had just run a finger under the underwire of her bra when the bedroom door opened behind them and she heard a soft squeal.

“I am so sorry!” Sophia’s voice was full of humor and gentleness and Leanne let out a sigh as her head fell to Ethan’s chest.

“Ma!” He shouted back, his eyes closing as he tried to control his breathing. “Don’t you ever knock?”

“I’m sorry dear.” She said sarcastically. “You said you were coming upstairs to make sure Leanne was awake. Not to ravage her against the furniture.”

Leanne felt her face turn redder than a tomato and she choked back a noise in her throat that she knew would be incredibly unpleasant sounding.

“We’ll be right down.” Ethan said with a sigh as he stepped back some, putting some much needed, but not wanted, space between them.

“Okay son.” And with that she was shutting the door behind her as she retreated back downstairs.

“Busted making out with my girlfriend by my mother.” He said as he shook his head, his hands going up to run through his hair. “It’s like I’m fifteen again.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his words, it was a pretty funny scenario when you took away the total awkwardness of it.

And then it hit her.

He had just referred to her as his girlfriend.

She felt her heart start to race in her chest, her eyes closing as she felt her body start to panic.

She hadn’t been anyone’s girlfriend in well over a decade.

“You okay?” Ethan was catching on that something was wrong though and that made her panic even more. “Babe?”

He stepped back up to her, his hands going out to her head, bringing her eyes to meet with his.

“Did I say something wrong?” He asked softly.

And then the realization of his words must have hit him because he swallowed and nodded his head slowly.

“I shouldn’t have said that.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head back and forth before taking a deep breath.

“It’s okay.” She said as she blinked her eyes a few times. “You can call me that if you want.”

He smiled back at her and she figured his heart must have just exploded in his chest.

He didn’t say anything back though, instead, he pulled her closer to him, crashing his lips against hers once more.

She couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, her own heart exploding a little in her chest.

This may have all been new to her, and it was most certainly still very scary to her, but she was willing to take a chance on Ethan.

Especially if he was willing to take a chance on her.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Well here it is, the much anticipated arrival of our favorite snarky “teen”. I’ve changed canon slightly, and made Ariel younger than on the show, but I promise its for a good reason. I hope you guys enjoy!  
> **Also, Ethan and Robbie’s relationship is the softest and I’m so pissed that we didn’t get to see more of them together on the show.

Ethan had greatly enjoyed the time he had been able to spend with his mom and Grant while they were in town.

They had had a blast taking Eli to the Dodgers game and then the zoo and even the beach.

And Leanne had been over the moon about the whole thing as well, much to his surprise.

Ever since their night alone had turned into a night with Eli she had seemed more distant than usual, more quiet and standoffish.

He hated it, absolutely hated it.

And he had tried to talk to her and get her to open up to him, but she had shut him out.

And even worse, she had seemed to turn his mother for some sort of support.

It’s not that he didn’t want her to have a relationship with the woman.

Hell, if anything, he knew she needed her more than she needed him.

But it was hard when his mom seemed to know something that he didn’t.

And she wasn’t letting him in on their little secret any time soon.

After his parents had gone back to Oregon he had done his best to keep his cool with Leanne, trying not to lose his patience with her knew disgruntled attitude.

He had finally gotten her to agree to another date, opting to let Jesse take Eli to the park and dinner instead of trying to keep him contained at home, and they had headed out to a nice dinner just the two of them.

They had returned back to Leanne’s house after their meal and he had been reluctant to go inside.

They hadn’t spent the night together since their failed date.

Hell, she’d barely even kissed him since then.

But Eli had insisted and Leanne hadn’t seemed bothered by it.

So instead he had given the boy his bath and tucked him into bed with a story while Leanne and Jesse stayed downstairs and talked about whatever it was they talked about these days.

And then he had sat on the floor in Eli’s room watching the boy sleep until Leanne came up to tell him it was safe for him to move.

He felt like he was walking on eggshells around her these days and it broke his heart.

They had come so incredibly far, and yet, now, it was like they had made no progress at all.

“Ethan…” He heard Leanne’s voice call down the hallway and he let out a sigh as she pushed open the little boy’s door. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He whispered as he pushed himself up onto his knees and then up to stand.

He deposited the tiny green dinosaur he had found under the bed on the bookcase where it belonged before turning toward her.

“Were you hiding?” She asked softly, her arms wrapping around herself tightly as she gave him a soft smile.

“Yeah.” He turned his attention back toward the sleeping boy and he let out a sigh.

He hated how awkward things had become.

“You don’t have to hide Ethan.” She said softly.

“Could’ve fooled me.” He blinked his eyes a few times before stepping back and shoving his hands in his pockets. “I should go.”

“You don’t have too.” She sounded almost hurt by his words and part of him hoped that she realized that she was hurting him by doing this.

That by pushing him away like she was she was destroying him from the inside out.

“Really?” He snapped, his eyes growing dark as he turned toward her. “Because for the past month you haven’t wanted anything to do with me. Now all of a sudden we’re fine?”

He didn’t meant to get mad or angry, but he was tired of being shoved to the side.

Especially when he didn’t understand why.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered before turning away from him and heading out into the hallway.

He heard a soft sob leave her lips and he let his head fall forward as he huffed.

He hadn’t meant to make her cry.

He gave her a minute before following her, finding her sitting on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down her cheeks as she cried quietly.

“I’m sorry Lea.” He stepped forward then, kneeling down in front of her as he took her hands in his. “I didn’t mean to upset you like that.”

She nodded her head as she sniffled, her eyes closing as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her nose.

“I think we need to talk about some things Lea.” She nodded her head once more before sitting upright, taking a deep breath as she opened her eyes and locked them with his.

“I didn’t mean to push you away.” She whispered, her fingers wrapping tightly around his. “I’ve just been in a funky spot…”

He got that, he totally did, but he hated that she was taking it out on him.

“It’s okay love.” But he didn’t want to fight and he hated seeing her upset so he was willing to let it go if it meant it made her feel better. “I’m sorry if I pushed you too far.”

“You didn’t.” She shook her head softly, her curls swinging loose from her ponytail as she offered him a soft smile. “I scared myself. It’s silly, but, it was all my fault. I need to stop second guessing everything that you do. And everything that I do. It’s only hurting us both, and Eli.”

He nodded his head at her words as he smiled back at her.

He understood her completely.

She was afraid of loving him and he got it, it made perfect sense, especially after everything she had been through.

“It’s okay.” He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against her lips before letting his forehead fall to rest against hers. “Let’s just forget it all, okay?”

“Okay.” She whispered as she pulled her hands free from his, moving her arms to wrap tightly around his neck. “Can we make up now?”

There was a twinkle in her eye that made his heart skip a beat and he couldn’t help but beam back at her as he pushed her onto her back on the bed.

“I thought you’d never ask.” He whispered back as he moved his body to hover over hers.

He leaned down and pressed a searing kiss against her lips just as her legs wrapped around his waist and he couldn’t help but moan into the kiss.

She was going to be the death of him with this back and forth mess.

But at least it was one hell of a way to die.

—

Ethan and Leanne had been spending more time together, sometimes with Eli, sometimes without, and while they hadn’t taken that next step in their physical relationship, they had definitely taken a few steps forward in their emotional relationship with each other.

A few days later though, everything went from bad to worse to weird.

And everything in between seemed to happen as well.

Ethan had been standing at the nurse’s station one Friday afternoon when he heard a voice ask for Leanne softly.

He whipped his head in the direction of the soft sound and he felt his heart stop in his chest.

Standing before him was a young girl, no older than twelve or thirteen, with blonde hair and soft brown eyes and if Ethan wasn’t mistaken he would have sworn the girl was his sister’s ghost.

Or better yet, his sister herself.

“I’m looking for Dr. Rorish.” She whispered, her eyes darting between him and Rollie as she clutched her backpack strap tightly in her hands.

“She’s out right now.” Ethan said softly as he set down his patient chart and gave her a soft smile. “Can we help you?”

The girl shook her head back and forth, her eyes taking on a haunted look as she swallowed.

Ethan could see the tears threatening to form and he wanted to wrap her up in his arms and never let go.

“Do you know when she’ll be back?” He was honestly shocked that the girl had spoken again because he was certain that she would remain silent.

“She should be in an hour.” Rollie said softly. “I can take you to her office to wait if you’d like.”

The girl nodded her head before whispering a ‘thank you’ and then they were headed toward Leanne’s office before Ethan could wrap his head around what was happening.

And the next thing he knew he was standing alone at the counter once more.

He let out a sigh as he shook his head back and forth.

There was noway that that girl could bare so much resemblance to Grace.

It just wasn’t possible.

Was it?

—

After Leanne came into work that evening Ethan had tried chasing her down, both to make sure she was doing okay but also to get answers about the mystery girl.

But she was nowhere to be found when he went to her office, and neither was the girl.

So when his shift was finally over he went in search of the one person he knew would know the answers to his questions about the mystery teen.

“Who’s the girl?” He asked Jesse softly as he stopped next to him in front of the vending machines.

“What girl?” The head nurse shifted his eyes toward him before returning them to the snack choices in front of them.

“The girl that was looking for Leanne earlier.” He really just wanted to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

The girl could have been Grace’s ghost and ever since he saw her it had been tripping him out.

He couldn’t get his sister off his mind now and he needed some answers.

“Her name’s Ariel.” Jesse replied as he made his choice from the machine and waited for it to fall. “She was patient of Leanne’s a few years ago.”

“Ariel huh?” So the girl had a name, that was a step in the right direction.

Not that it explained why she looked like his dead sister.

“Yeah.” He grabbed his candy bar and opened it, taking a bite before offering Ethan a sympathetic look. “Her mom died when she was toddler, dad died in a car accident three years ago.”

“Gotcha.” He let out a huff at the man’s words.

He felt bad for the kid, he couldn’t imagine what it felt like to be completely orphaned at such a young age.

“Leanne hasn’t talked to you about her?” Jesse sounded surprised and honestly Ethan was too.

They had gotten so much better at sharing things lately.

“Nope.” He shrugged his shoulders as he kicked his foot against the ground. “I’ve been trying to find her all day so we could talk but she hasn’t been around.”

Jesse nodded his head before patting him on the arm softly.

“She took Ariel home to her house.” He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world that Leanne had just taken home this young girl.

“Oh.” Not that it was any of his business he supposed.

“Are you guys fighting or something?” He shook his head at the other man’s question and blinked his eyes a few times before lifting his head up to lock his eyes with Jesse’s.

“No, Jesse, we’re not fighting.” And they weren’t, at least, he didn’t think they were.

“You guys seem to be doing well.” He could sense the humor in the other man’s words and he smiled. “You’ve been out a lot here lately.”

“We’re… working on it.” And they were.

Nice and slow is what he had told Leanne after their last fight.

He wasn’t looking to rush things, especially not at the expense of losing her and Eli.

“How much are you, working, on?” Jesse asked, waggling his eyebrows as he offered Ethan a sly smile.

“Not that.” Ethan pointed at the man as he started walking back toward the elevator.

“So you two really haven’t had sex?” He stopped dead in his tracks as he shot an evil look in the head nurse’s direction.

“Could you say it any louder Jesse?” He really didn’t need the whole hospital to know what he and Leanne were or weren’t doing in the bedroom.

“Sorry.” He whispered, a soft smile on his face. “Are you though?”

Ethan shook his head before turning back around, his steps quickening as he noticed a few nurses giving him funny looks.

“Well, are you?” Jesse called after him.

But he let the elevator doors shut between them before replying.

If Leanne wanted Jesse to know what they were doing in the bedroom, she could tell him herself.

—

That night when he got home he had shot Leanne a text, asking her to call him when she got a second.

And then he had showered and pulled on pajamas before climbing into bed and shooting Robbie a text.

_You busy?_ He didn’t know why, but he needed his brother right now.

_Watching the Dodgers game. What’s up? You okay?_ He let out a sigh at his brother worrying about him.

He wasn’t the one who was going through some serious manic-depressive episodes.

_Can I call?_ This wasn’t exactly the kind of conversation he wanted to have through texting.

_I’ll call in ten._ He dropped his phone beside him and laid his head back against the pillows as he waited for the call.

Exactly ten minutes his phone rang from beside him, Robbie’s name and picture flashing across the screen, and he pulled the device to his ear and answered it as quickly as possible.

“Hey.” He said softly, his eyes finding a spot on the ceiling to focus on.

“Hey bro.” Robbie’s voice was quiet and he wondered if the man had actually been sleeping. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He whispered.

In reality, he wasn’t okay.

He hadn’t been able to get Gracie off his mind and it was messing with his head.

“No you’re not.” He whispered back. “What’s up? Talk to me man.”

He let out a soft sigh as he closed his eyes and then reopened them slowly.

“Some girl came into Angels earlier.” He said softly.

“Girl? What kind of girl?” He shook his head at Robbie’s question. “Young girl? Hot girl? Naked girl? You gotta be more specific bro.”

“Teenage girl.” He had heard through the grapevine that Ariel was actually twelve, her father having passed away three years ago when she was nine.

“Gotcha.” Robbie said softly. “What did she want? Was she looking for you?”

“No.” He closed his eyes once more. “She was looking for Leanne.”

“Okay. What’s that got to do with you?” He knew it wasn’t any of his business, except that Leanne was his girlfriend and he was concerned about her.

But he was also concerned about this girl and he couldn’t figure out why he cared so damn much.

“I don’t know.” He did know what was bothering him about her arrival though. “She looks like Gracie.”

He heard Robbie let out a sigh on the other side.

Ethan never talked about her, not to their mom, not to Robbie, not to anyone.

The simple mention of her name was enough to send him into a panic.

“Like, her ghost or something?” He could hear the tension in Robbie’s voice and he prayed that the man didn’t think he was crazy. “Did other people see her dude? Are you losing your shit?”

“She was real Rob, I promise.” Rollie had seen her and so had Noa.

And Jesse had known exactly who she was after he had gotten through to him.

“Okay.” His brother wasn’t one to let things go though, so he knew he was in for it. “It’s got you a little tripped out doesn’t it?”

Robbie knew him better than he knew himself and it was a hard thing to accept sometimes.

“Yeah.” He wasn’t lying though, he was totally weirded out by the girl’s resemblance to his sister.

“Are you sure she isn’t your daughter?” He let out a huff at Robbie’s question. “That could explain a few things.”

“She ain’t mine Robert.” He growled out.

“Just checking man.” His voice was soft and he could tell that he hadn’t meant to get such a rise out of him. “I’m sure she’s just a girl. Maybe she looks like her to you because you’ve had Grace on your mind lately.”

“Don’t use your psychology tactics on me Robert Joseph.” He huffed out.

He hated it when his brother used his background against him.

He also hated it when his brother didn’t use his background to help himself.

“Has she been?” The other man asked softly. “Grace. Has she been on your mind a lot lately?”

There was a softness to his question that made Ethan’s heart hurt.

“Yeah a little.” He hadn’t talked to anyone about his sister’s presence on his mind the past few weeks, but it was definitely starting to take it’s toll.

“I miss her too man.” He heard Robbie let out a sigh and he sank further down under the covers.

“Everything that’s been going on…” He blinked back a few tears as he took a deep breath. “Everything with Leanne and Eli… I just wish I could talk to her about things, you know?”

“Yeah dude, I know.” He whispered. “Trust me. I could use her help these days too.”

“It’s not fair.” He hated that they lost her so young.

It hadn’t been fair to her and it hadn’t been fair to them.

They didn’t deserve to have their bond broken like that.

“No it certainly isn’t.” He could tell that Robbie was fading off, his voice becoming softer with every word he said.

“I’m gonna let you go bro.” He didn’t want to keep the man up if he needed his rest.

Lord knew he was apt to get cranky and do stupid stuff if he wasn’t sleeping right.

“Okay man.” Robbie whispered. “Call me if you need to talk.”

“I will.” Ethan whispered back. “I love you kid. I hope you know that.”

He heard Robbie let out a soft chuckle on the other end of the line and he smiled.

“I know E.” He said softly. “I love you too.”

And then the line was dead and he was left alone in the silence of his tiny house.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *This family is the softest and I can’t even with them.

Leanne had been in a panic since Ariel had arrived two days ago.

And while she was doing her best to keep it together for the girl and Eli, she was struggling deep down inside.

She had met Ariel when she was still a child, nine years old and vulnerable and broken.

If she was being honest, she had still been plenty vulnerable and broken at that time too.

She had never expected to see her again.

Never in a million years.

And yet, here she was, sleeping on her couch and eating her cereal and looking just as vulnerable and broken as she had three years ago.

Leanne hadn’t been back to Angels since she brought the girl home with her, and she had been avoiding Ethan’s texts.

She didn’t really know why though.

She knew he was just concerned, that he was worried about her and Eli, and probably the mystery girl that Jesse had said he was asking questions about.

She totally understood his curiosity about the girl.

She did bare a scary resemblance to his twin sister.

His dead twin sister at that.

“Mommy?” She heard Eli’s voice before she saw the boy and she let out a sigh.

He had been so incredibly patient with Ariel being there and she felt like he deserved to catch a break after everything.

“Yes baby?” She moved to sit on the couch as she reached out for him, smiling when he climbed into her lap.

“Is Ethan okay?” She knew it was coming and yet his question startled her.

He hadn’t seen the man in four days and that was unusual for them at this point.

They were pretty much inseparable lately.

“Yeah he’s okay.” She missed him and she knew he deserved answers. “He’s just busy with work.”

In reality, she was shutting him out and she didn’t know why.

She still wasn’t used to letting people in and trusting them with her problems.

“Can he come over soon?” Eli’s eyes were full of hope and she smiled back at him.

“Yeah.” She really did want to see him. 

And she wanted him to be there for her through all of this.

She didn’t know what the future held for Ariel, but she had a feeling she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Is Ariel gonna stay with us forever mama?” She let out a sigh as she gave the boy a soft smile.

“I don’t know.” And she didn’t know and that made it hard.

She wasn’t in a position to take in a twelve year old.

Not with everything that was going on in her life.

She got ready to speak up when her phone buzzed on the table beside her and she grabbed it quickly.

She smiled when she saw Sophia’s name on the screen and she quickly opened the text message from the older woman.

_Hope I’m not bothering you honey but I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay. Ethan said you’ve been busy. That there’s a girl visiting that you used to know. He’s worried about you guys of course and I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help._ Leanne should have known that he would turn to his mother when things got bad enough.

_We’re doing okay Sophia. We’ve been busy. Ariel’s her name, she’s twelve. She was a patient of mine three years ago._ She trusted Sophia more than she trusted most people and she knew that she could tell her what was happening without fear of judgement.

_Is she staying with you?_ She heard the shower cut off upstairs and she let out a soft sigh.

_For now, yes._ She didn’t know what to do with the girl and she hated how callous that made her sound.

_Ethan’s a little emotional about it all. He says the girl looks like Grace._ She hadn’t expected Ethan to admit that out loud, and certainly not to his mother.

She knew that he didn’t talk about his sister, that it was a situation that he kept to himself in order to protect his heart.

_She does._ But even Leanne had noticed the uncanny resemblance to Grace Willis.

_Interesting._ It was interesting, very interesting, and Leanne was having a hard time wrapping her head around it all.

_I’m not sure what to do Sophia._ She heard Ariel start to make her way down the stairs and Eli popped up over the edge of the couch and called her name, adding a ‘good morning’ as he scrambled to greet her in the kitchen.

_Did she say why she was there?_ The girl must have gotten herself a bowl of cereal because then Eli was asking for some too.

She heard a second bowl hit the counter as Ariel asked him softly what kind he wanted.

_No. She’s mostly slept since I brought her here._ She was planning to talk to her today about what was going on but she wanted Eli out of the house first.

_Try and talk to her. Find out what’s going on._ She nodded her head as if the woman could see her. And call Ethan honey, he just wants to help.

She knew Ethan wanted nothing more than to help her, but it was so hard to let him in sometimes.

She was so used to doing everything alone, including being a parent.

_I will. Thank you Sophia. I’ll talk to you tonight and let you know._ Eli and Ariel had settled at the table, both enjoying their cereal in silence and she let out a soft sigh.

_Take care sweetie. Call if you need anything. Give E a big hug for me._ She smiled at the older woman’s words.

Her love for her son was astounding sometimes.

Especially considering he wasn’t even her grandson.

_Will do. Thanks again._ She smiled at the pair in front of her when both of their eyes settled on her.

She knew she needed to talk to Ariel about everything.

And she knew that she needed to get Eli out of the house to do it.

And there was only one person who Eli would drop everything for and willingly go out with.

Ethan.

So she pulled up his name and called him, her eyes closing as she waited for him to pick up.

—

Ethan had come over a little while after she called him, begging for his help with Eli, who had begun asking Ariel every evasive question he could think of. 

When he arrived he hadn’t asked questions, in fact, he hadn’t even batted an eyelash.

Instead he had ushered the boy out the door with the promises of ice-cream and monkey bars and adventures of all sorts.

Once the house was quiet she had gone in search of Ariel, finding the teen on the couch, a book in her hands.

“You doing okay sweetie?” She didn’t want to startle the girl, or invade her privacy, but she knew that they needed to talk and get some things out in the open.

“Yeah.” The girl whispered, her eyes not even leaving the pages of the book as she spoke.

“Can we talk Ariel?” She didn’t want to scare her away, but she couldn’t keep the girl hidden away in her house forever.

She had to call Social Services eventually, and they were going to want answers, just like her.

“I guess.” She said softly.

Leanne nodded her head as she made her way into the den, moving to sit beside the young girl on the couch.

“What are you doing here Ariel?” She asked as she gave the girl a soft look. “Where’s your aunt? Why aren’t you in Minnesota?”

Ariel eyed her curiously as she closed her book and let out a sniffle.

“I haven’t been with my aunt in two and a half years.” She whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “She sent me to a group home.”

“Why would she do that?” Leanne had thought that Ariel’s aunt had seemed like a decent enough person when she had come to get the girl after the accident that killed her father.

She never once expected that she would turn the girl over to social services after everything she’d been through.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged her shoulders then, her eyes closing as she sank down into the couch. “I really don’t wanna talk about this. Please.”

Leanne could tell that whatever had happened to the girl in the past two and half years wasn’t good and it broke her heart.

“Ariel, please, honey.” She just wanted to talk to her, to help her through this all. “I just want to help.”

“Well I don’t want your help!” And with that she pushed herself up from the couch and ran upstairs, her feet thundering against the hardwood as she tried her best to get away from her.

Leanne heard the door to her room slam shut and she let out a sigh.

She should have known that wasn’t going to go well, but she had been hopeful.

She knew now that that was a crazy thing to be.

—

Later that afternoon Ethan and Eli had returned, dinner in hand, smiles on their faces, and she had been thankful to see them both.

Ariel had spent the day tucked in Leanne’s bed, sleeping away, and she had been unable to make the girl leave the room, or talk to her.

She could tell that she was struggling with something and it was hurting her.

Ethan had volunteered to go get the girl and bring her down for dinner, so she and Eli had set the table while he told her all about what he and the man had done that day.

After eating an almost silent meal, Ethan had tucked Eli onto the couch with a movie before wrapping her up in a hug, his eyes following the sulky pre-teen up the stairs.

“I take it you two didn’t talk earlier?” His voice was soft as he pressed a kiss against her head and she couldn’t help but snuggle into his embrace.

“I tried.” She whispered. “She’s scared of something, or someone, but she won’t open up to me.”

“Want me to try talking to her?” She knew that he had a way with kids and maybe this was what Ariel needed too.

Maybe a strong male figure would do the trick.

“If you want.” She pulled back and reached up to cup his cheeks against her palms. “I know she looks like your sister Ethan. I know it’s freaking you out.”

He closed his eyes as he let out a soft sigh, but then he was pressing a kiss to her forehead before speaking.

“I take it my mom called you?” He didn’t seem angry or upset or even concerned.

“She texted me to make sure things were okay.” She said softly, her fingers tracing over the scruff on his chin, she was silently thankful that he had trimmed back his facial hair some. “She was worried about all of us.”

“That sounds like mom.” He said with a soft chuckle.

“If you want to try and talk to her Ethan I’m fine with that.” She offered him a soft smile as she dropped her hands to his shoulders. “But I understand if you need to walk away.”

“I’m good.” He smiled back at her as he reached up and pushed her curls aside. “Let’s go see if we can get some answers.”

She nodded her head softly as he pulled away from her and turned toward the stairs.

“We’ll be upstairs okay buddy?” He called to Eli softly, as the boy simply gave him a thumbs up, his eyes never leaving the screen as a herd of dinosaurs ran across the screen.

They then headed upstairs, Ethan knocking on the closed bedroom door softly before turning the handle and entering the small space.

Ariel was curled up in the middle of the bed, the covers pulled tightly around her shoulders.

Leanne could make out the sounds of her sniffling softly and it brought tears to her eyes.

“Ariel, it’s Ethan and Leanne, can we talk?” Ethan’s voice was gentle and quiet and everything Leanne expected him to be when dealing with a broken kid.

He always had a way of getting through to Eli when he was struggling, she wasn’t surprised that he was good at speaking to Ariel the same way.

“I don’t wanna talk.” She whispered, her body snuggling further into the covers. 

“It’s really important that we do this kid.” He whispered, moving to sit on the bed behind her. “We need to figure out what’s going on so that we can help you.”

“We’re just trying to figure out what happened sweetie.” Leanne said softly. “We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s going on.”

She watched as the girl pushed herself into a sitting position, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I just wanna go to Oregon.” She whispered.

Leanne had a bad feeling about whatever Ariel was hoping to find in Oregon.

“What’s in Oregon?” But she had to ask because she had to know.

“There’s a guy, he said I can come stay with him.” She felt her heart start to race in her chest, she wouldn’t dare let her go stay with some guy she met on the internet.

“No.” Ethan didn’t even hesitate to respond and it shocked her.

He didn’t even know this girl and here he was protecting her with everything he had in him.

“Why not?” Ariel seemed confused at Ethan’s concern for her and it was hard, the little girl didn’t deserve to be so alone. “He said I can stay with him for free. I just need $82 for the bus. That’s it.”

“So you came to me for $82? That doesn’t make any sense Ariel. What’s really going on?” She didn’t understand why she would go out of her way to come to LA just for a little but of money.

“I…” She let out a sniffle as she closed her eyes. “I…”

“You don’t really wanna go stay with this strange man do you?” God she hoped the girl knew better than that. “You’re only twelve Ariel, do you know what he’s going to do to you? Do you understand what he wants from you?” Ethan said softly. “He doesn’t want you to come stay with him so he can keep you safe. He wants you to come stay with him so that he can hurt you and use you. Whatever you’re running away from is just going to be waiting for you there.”

Ariel let out a sob as she wrapped her arms around herself, her eyes filling with fresh tears as she started to cry uncontrollably.

And once again, Ethan didn’t even hesitate.

Instead, he pulled the girl into his arms, hugging her close to his chest as he whispered in her ear that it was okay and that they were there for her.

Leanne let out a sniffle of her own as she moved to sit beside them on the bed, her hand going out to rub up and down the girl’s back.

“It’s okay honey.” She said softly. “Please just let us help you.”

Ariel nodded her head against Ethan’s shoulder before pulling back, her eyes searching Ethan’s face for something, of what Leanne wasn’t sure.

“Where were before you came here Ariel?” He asked softly, his hands steadying themselves against her arms.

“New Mexico.” She whispered. “Before that I was in Maine, before that South Carolina.”

“Why were you moved around so much?” She could see the haunted look in Ethan’s eyes and it broke her heart.

“I was considered ‘unfit’.” The pain in the girl’s words was just too much for her to bare and she reached out and pulled her close. “Nobody wanted me.”

No kid should ever have to feel that way and it sent a wave of pain through Leanne’s heart.

“You’re not unfit.” Ethan whispered as he ran a hand through her hair. “You hear me?”

“Angels was the last place I felt safe.” She said softly as she pulled back from Leanne, her eyes turning to Ethan as she wrapped her arms around herself. “Something told me to come back.”

“Well we’re glad you did honey.” Leanne whispered, reaching out to brush the girl’s blonde hair behind her ears. “We’re gonna help you through this.”

She nodded her head before closing her eyes and laying back down under the covers.

“Try and rest babe.” Ethan pulled the blankets up over her, tucking her in like a small child, and then he leaned down and pressed a kiss against her head. “We’re gonna make some phone calls.”

Ariel didn’t respond, instead she snuggled under the covers even more.

The next thing she knew Ethan was standing and taking her hand and pulling her into the hallway with him.

She knew that now that Ethan had dedicated himself to helping the girl, there was no turning back for either one of them.

And for once, she was okay with it.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Here we have the introduction of the outbreak and all things yucky. I promise it’ll be worth it all ;)

Ethan had been shocked when Leanne had decided to let him.

He was even more shocked when she stood back and let him help Ariel without asking too many questions or pushing him away.

He didn’t know why he felt connected to the young girl, but he did, he knew that he had to do whatever it took to save her from whatever was hurting her.

After he and Leanne had talked to her and she had fallen back asleep they had both headed downstairs to talk, only to find Eli waiting for them.

So they had snuggled the boy between them on the couch and finished the movie he had been watching.

And after he had fallen asleep he had carried him up to bed and tucked him in with a kiss before heading downstairs to Leanne.

She was curled into the couch, her eyes heavy and her hair a wild mess against the cushion behind her.

He thought she looked like the most beautiful angel he had ever seen and all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and never let go.

“You okay love?” He asked softly, leaning against the door frame as he eyed her softly.

“I don’t know what to do Ethan.” She whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she pushed herself upright on the couch. “I don’t know how I can help her.”

“We, Leanne, we can help her.” He wanted to make things right for the girl and he didn’t know quite understand why.

She was a complete stranger to him.

Hell, he hadn’t even introduced himself to her properly.

And yet, there was something inside his gut telling him to save her.

So that’s exactly what he planned on doing.

“I don’t know that I can Ethan.” He could see the haunted look in her eyes and he let out a sigh as he pushed himself away from the wall and headed toward her.

“I’m here to help.” He wanted her to understand that he was here to help her through anything and everything, Ariel included. “I want to help.”

“I know you do.” She whispered, her eyes closing as she sighed. “I just… I don’t know that I can help her. I can’t take her in, not now.”

“We’ll figure something out Leanne.” He sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms, wrapping her up tightly. “I promise.”

“She deserves better than whatever hell has been done to her.” Her words were soft as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her head burying against her neck as she clung to him.

“I know.” He wanted to make all that hell go away. “And we’ll find a way to fix that. Somehow, someway, okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded her head against his shoulder and he closed his eyes, leaning back against the cushions as he dragged her into his lap.

They stayed that way for a while before he noticed that Leanne was asleep and he pressed a kiss to her head before laying her back against the couch slowly.

And then he pulled a blanket over her body and tucked her in as best he could.

He made his rounds, checking on both kids before taking a quick shower in the hall bathroom.

And then he made his way back downstairs, collapsing into the arm chair and reclining back, his eyes closing slowly as he tried to calm his breathing.

He prayed that they could come to some kind of resolution that would help them all get through this.

—

Unfortunately no resolution was established before all hell broke lose.

And the next thing Ethan knew there was an outbreak at Angels that had the place shut down.

There were men with guns and quarantine tents and people were using words that he hadn’t heard since his days in South Africa.

It was terrifying and heartbreaking and everything happened so fast.

He had found Leanne frantically yelling into her cell phone in the hallway a little after three in the afternoon and he had rushed to her side, taking the device from her hand and sliding it into his pocket as he rested his hands against her cheeks.

“What’s wrong?” He asked softly, locking his eyes with her panicked ones.

“Eli’s all alone.” She whispered.

He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

He hadn’t even thought of Eli.

They were trapped in this godforsaken place for lord only knew how long and he hadn’t even bothered to consider what that meant for the boy.

“Where is he now?” He brushed her tears away with his thumbs as he spoke softly.

He didn’t want to freak her out even more than she already was and he hoped that she understood that he just wanted to help.

“School.” She barely got the word out before another round of tears hit. “I can’t get a hold of the babysitter to go get him. And if someone doesn’t pick him up by 5:00pm they’re gonna call social services.”

His heart was breaking in his chest at the thought.

It wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t get to her son.

“Let me call Owen and Jamie.” He said softly, pulling his cell from his back pocket. “They only live twenty minutes away, they can go get him.”

“Ethan…” He could tell she was hesitating because she didn’t want to be a burden, but she was anything but that.

“Stop.” He held his finger up and pressed it against her lips. “Hang on.”

He quickly dialed Owen’s number and waited for his step-brother to pick up.

“Hey E, what’s up?” He had never been more thankful to hear the younger man’s voice on the other end of the line.

“I need a huge favor O.” He knew that Owen and Jamie had loved meeting Leanne and Eli at Christmas.

And he also knew that Eli and Jacob had even had a few play dates since they got back, Leanne and Jamie finding solace in each other and the fact that their boys were both a little, different.

“Anything bro, you name it.” Owen always had been the most gracious of the group and he was always the first one to step up and help out when it was needed.

“We’ve got a bit of a situation here at the hospital.” He heard Owen whisper his name to whoever was on the other end and he guessed Jamie must have entered the conversation. “Leanne and I are in quarantine and we can’t leave.”

“Jesus Christ dude.” He whispered. “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah we’re fine.” So far anyway. “But Eli’s stuck at school and Leanne can’t get ahold of the sitter.”

“Text me the address.” His immediate reply made Ethan’s heart skip a beat. “I’ll go get him, he can stay with us until things clear up.”

“Thank you.” He knew that while Eli might be scared to be without him and Leanne, he would be most comfortable with Owen and Jamie next.

“Just let the school know we’re coming.” He nodded his head as he eyed Leanne softly, her tears slowing as she realized what was happening.

“Leanne’s calling them now.” He moved his finger from her lips and reached down, pulling her phone from his pocket and handing it back to her. “Thank you guys so much.”

“No worries man.” He heard Jamie say something about clothes on the other line and then Owen said something back that he couldn’t quite make out. “Does Leanne have a key hidden somewhere so we can get in and get him some stuff?”

“Yeah.” He smiled as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Leanne’s head before replying. “It’s under the Dodgers gnome.”

“Got it. We’ll go get him now. You guys stay safe you hear?” He let a breath out as he closed his eyes.

“We will.” He whispered. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome E.” And then the phone line went dead.

Lifting his head back up he slid the device into his pocket before giving Leanne a soft smile.

“Call the school and tell them Owen and Jamie are headed that way now.” He said softly. “E can stay with them until this is all figured out.”

She nodded her head as she pulled her phone up to her ear and he felt his whole body relax knowing that the boy was now taken care of.

If only they could get themselves in a safe position and get out of this mess.

—

A little while later Ethan had been standing at the nurse’s station when he saw Ariel being dragged toward the tent, her eyes full of fear and her arms flailing out as she tried to push the men in the blue suits away from her.

He quickly made his way toward her, stopping only when he heard Leanne yell her name, and the next thing he knew he was holding the woman in his arms as she begged for them not to take the girl.

Anyone but Ariel.

Anyone else but her.

But then she was gone and the flaps were closing behind them and he had been helpless to stop them.

He felt his heart break in his chest as he watched Leanne start to cry, and he quickly escorted her to her office, shutting the door behind them as she finally lost it.

“Why her Ethan?” She begged softly. “Why her?”

“I don’t know baby.” He couldn’t fathom why this was happening to her either. 

It didn’t make sense why this poor girl was going through so much.

“We have to find a cure.” She whispered. “We have to get her out of there. She trusted us and we let her down.”

He pressed a kiss against her head as he pulled her closer.

“It’s gonna be okay.” He whispered against her hair. “We’re gonna get her through this. It’s gonna be alright.”

“I’m so scared.” He had never heard Leanne utter those words like that before and his heart stopped in his chest.

“I know.” He felt tears of his own come to his eyes and he let out a breath. “I’m scared too love.”

And he was.

He was scared for the girl they were supposed to be protecting.

He was scared for his colleagues that were now inside that tent as well.

He was scared for the little boy who wasn’t going to understand why his mommy hadn’t been home in a few days.

He was scared that they weren’t going to survive this.

—

His fear was rightfully warranted because the next night Leanne had been exposed while trying to help him find the source of the disease.

And he had felt his heart breaking in his chest as he had ushered her to the van with tears in his eyes.

He had wanted to tell her that he loved her right then and there.

That she meant the world to him and that he couldn’t live without her.

But he couldn’t bring himself to utter such words out loud.

So instead he had told her that they would find a cure and that everything would be fine.

She had countered back with Ariel’s line from earlier in the day and he let out a sigh as she pushed herself away from him and out of the vehicle.

He knew she was hiding to protect herself, that she thought it would make things easier.

But for him, it was having the opposite effect.

—

Later that night he had snuck into the tent after Dr. Douchebag had left and he found Leanne sleeping peacefully.

He had gotten ready to leave when he noticed that Ariel was staring at him from her bed.

So instead of leaving he made his way toward her, a soft smile on his face as he stopped in front of her.

“You should be sleeping kiddo.” He said softly, his glove covered hand going out to take hers.

“I can’t get comfy.” She whispered, her brown eyes closing softly as she shifted in the bed.

“I can give you something for the pain.” He ran his thumb over the back of her hand and he was instantly taken back in time.

Back to when he used to sit next to Grace in the hospital and hold her hand just like this.

He used to read to her, stories about traveling and growing old, things that they never got to do together like they should have.

He watched as Ariel shook her head back and forth slowly before opening her eyes back up.

“Well, if you change your mind…” He gave her a soft look as he spoke and she simply nodded back at him.

He squeezed her hand one last time before turning to walk away, but she tightened her grip on his hand before he could make it very far.

“I’m scared.” She whispered into the darkness of the tent. “I don’t want to die.”

He felt his heart stop in his chest and he blinked back a round of tears.

He remembered Gracie whispering those same words to him three days before she lost her battle with cancer.

Just two weeks shy of their seventeenth birthday.

Three months shy of when they should have graduated high school together.

“You’re not gonna die baby.” He reached out and brushed her hair aside, his body trembling as he tried to not get lost in how much this hurt. “I promise.”

She sniffled as she closed her eyes once more and he wondered if she was falling asleep because of his head rub, just like Grace used to do when she was sick.

“What happens to me if Leanne doesn’t make it?” She asked softly. “What happens to me and Eli? I don’t… I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

He could hear the pain in her words and it was destroying him.

He didn’t want her to go back to the system where she would undoubtedly be forgotten about.

“I promise that if something happens to Leanne…” He took deep breath as he closed his eyes slowly. He didn’t even want to think about losing her, she meant entirely too much to him. “If something happens I will do everything in my power to keep you and Eli with me. You hear me?”

“You promise?” She looked so scared and broken and he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“I promise Ariel.” He whispered. “You will not go back into the system. Do you understand? I will not let that happen.”

“You don’t even know me.” She said softly, her eyes searching his face for something.

“Well I feel like I do.” And he did. There was just something about her that seemed so familiar and right and he just knew that he needed to keep her with him, no matter what it took. “You need a family and I’ve got one to offer you. That’s all you need right? A family, people to love you?”

She nodded her head as more tears filled her eyes.

“I haven’t had that in so long.” Sadly, he believed her when she said that. “I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be loved.”

“Well I promise we’ll give you plenty of that here.” He wanted to give her the family she desperately wanted and needed, with or without Leanne’s help.

“Thank you.” She sounded genuinely appreciative and slightly shocked at his promise and he squeezed her hand once more.

“Why don’t you let me give you something to help you sleep?” He wanted her to rest as much as possible, especially after the day she had had.

“Okay.” She said softly as he reached out for the medicine cabinet near by.

He pulled out a syringe and inserted the medicine into her IV slowly, offering her a soft smile as he laid the line back down.

“Try and sleep okay babe.” He whispered, his hand running over her head slowly.

“Thank you Dr. Willis.” She whispered back.

He offered her a soft smile as he patted her cheek gently.

“It’s just Ethan hun.” He wanted her to see him as more than just the scary doctor in the scary blue suit.

He was her friend.

He wanted to save her and he wanted her to know it.

“Thank you Ethan.” She could barely get the words out as her eyes started to become heavy and he let out a soft chuckle as she snuggled under the covers as he tugged them up over her shoulders.

He wished he could bend down and press a kiss to her temple.

Or better yet, tuck her into a real bed with real blankets and cozy pillows.

And in the moment he swore to himself that he would move heaven and Earth to do just that one day soon.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ethan and Eli are finally reunited. And Ariel and Leanne finally wake up!

A few days later they had found a solution to their problem and Ethan was slightly angry that it had been laying in front of their faces all along.

After giving Leanne the blood transfusion she had started to improve slightly and he had finally been able to breath again.

She wasn’t going to die and she was going to make it and he could finally tell her that he loved her.

But first, they had had to save everyone else.

They had transfused Ariel next, her little body barely hanging on as Ethan held her hand tightly in his as they saved her life.

And after they had both stabilized and moved up to the ICU he had quickly made his way to Owen and Jamie’s house, his next concern being the little boy who had been without them both for the past four and a half days.

By the time he was finally able to make it out of Angels and to his step-brother’s house the sun had long ago set.

He prayed that the boy was still up, that he could see him and hold him and never let him go.

But when he arrived Jamie had told him that Eli had just fallen asleep.

So he had scooped him up and gathered his things and thanked the couple repeatedly before buckling the boy into his car seat and heading to Leanne’s.

After tucking Eli safely into Leanne’s big bed he had showered quickly, pulling on his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and relishing in the feeling of warm, clean clothes for the first time in what felt like forever.

He had just exited the bathroom when he heard a little voice calling out and his heart broke at the sadness in the boy’s tone.

“Mommy?” He called softly, his little body sitting upright in the bed this time, his eyes full of fear as he looked around the woman’s room slowly. “Mommy? Where are you?”

“Hey buddy.” Ethan spoke softly, not wanting to scare him, and when Eli snapped his head toward him he could see the relief washing over him.

“Ethan!” He jumped from the bed then, throwing his arms around his neck as he kneeled down to pull him close. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too.” He whispered, pressing a kiss against the boy’s head as he wrapped him up tight.

He had missed Eli more than words could say and it had been so incredibly hard being away from him.

“Where’s mama?” The boy asked softly as he pulled back, eyeing him suspiciously. “Where’s Ariel?”

“They’re still in the hospital buddy.” He wasn’t sure how to explain to a six and a half year old that his mother and the young girl had been through something so incredible, something that should have killed them, and that it would take time before they were well enough to come home to him. “They’re gonna need some time to recover.”

“Still?” He looked so scared and lost and Ethan felt his heart breaking in his chest.

“It’s gonna take some time pal.” He didn’t know if Eli understood what he meant by that but the next thing he knew the boy was wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face against his shoulder with a soft sigh.

“I’m sleepy Ethan.” He whispered. “Can we go to bed now?”

“Of course we can.” He gently lifted the boy up and into his arms before moving to deposit him on the bed. “Get comfy while I get the lights.”

He knew that he should make the boy sleep in his room, but the fact that he had been sleeping in an unfamiliar place for the past four nights was enough to make Ethan realize that the only thing he needed to do was keep the boy close.

After turning the lights off he made his way toward the bed, climbing under the covers as he watched Eli burying himself back against the pillows.

He hadn’t even gotten fully settled yet before Eli was tucking himself against his side with a soft sigh, his little head nuzzling against his shoulder as he draped an arm over his stomach.

“I love you Ethan.” Eli whispered into the darkness.

Ethan felt his heart bursting at the seams.

He had never dreamed of having a kid like Eli in his life.

And he had never dreamed that a kid like him would love him just as fiercely as he loved the boy.

But in that moment he knew that just how important of an impact he had made on the boy’s life.

“I love you too Eli.” He whispered back before pressing a kiss against his hair. “Get some sleep.”

The boy nodded his head softly against his chest and then the next thing Ethan knew he was falling asleep, little snores escaping as he snuggled closer.

Ethan was loving every minute of their time together like this, but he couldn’t wait until Leanne and Ariel were home and able to be here with them.

— 

The next morning Ethan had woken up to find Eli still tucked against his side, his little eyes closed tight as he breathed softly.

Ethan dropped a kiss to his head just as he heard his cellphone ring on the table beside him.

Grabbing it before it could wake the boy he answered it quickly, letting out a sigh when he heard his mom's voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey mom." He whispered, closing his eyes as he sank back against the pillows.

"Ethan James! How dare you not tell me that you were involved in that mess in LA!" His mom was mad, real mad, and he instantly felt bad for keeping her in the dark about everything.

"I take it you talked to Owen?" He hadn't specifically told Owen not to tell his mom about everything, but he certainly hadn't told him to say anything.

"I saw it on the news you dimwit!" He couldn't help but chuckle at her words. He loved it when his mom got heated and went off. He knew it wasn't funny, but she was so darn cute about it. "You're a national hero!"

"I ain't no hero mama." He whispered.

Jesse had texted him last night and told him about how they were being praised for saving the country from an epidemic.

He had just been doing his job though, nothing more, nothing less.

"How's Leanne? Is she okay? They said some of the doctors got sick? Are you guys alright?" His mom's panic wasn't helping his already racing heart.

He was still having a hard time coping with the fact that Leanne and Ariel were sick and weren't here with him.

"Leanne got sick." He said softly. "So did Ariel."

"You're kidding?" He could hear the worry in her voice and it hurt him. "Please tell me they're okay!"

"They're fine mom." They weren't exactly fine, but he didn't want to worry his mom anymore than he already had. "They're recovering." 

"How's Eli? Is he okay? Owen said he stayed with them for a few days." He should have known her concern for the boy would come through eventually.

"He's okay. He's here with me now." He said softly, his hand running through the boy's curls. "He's sleeping."

"That poor boy." She whispered.

He let out a soft sigh as Eli stirred next to him and he watched as his little eyes opened and searched the room slowly.

"Ethan?" His voice was quiet and sleepy and Ethan couldn't help but smile at the boy.

"I'm here buddy." He whispered. "Wanna say 'hi' to Grandma Sophia?"

Eli nodded his head excitedly as he grabbed the phone from Ethan's extended hand.

"Hi Grandma!" He said loudly, his little eyes lighting up as he spoke to the older woman. "I miss you!"

Ethan gently pushed himself from the bed then, heading into the bathroom with a soft sigh.

When he came back out a minute later Eli was handing him the phone back with a giant smile.

"Grandma's gonna come visit!" He said excitedly, his eyes lighting up as he darted out of the bed and ran down the hall.

"You're doing what mom?" Not that he wouldn't appreciate a visit from the older woman, but he certainly wasn't expecting it.

"I'm gonna come down and stay with you guys." She said softly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're gonna need my help when Leanne and Ariel come home."

"Mom..." She wasn't wrong though.

He was going to need all the help he could get, especially since he didn't even know what was going to happen to Ariel after she was released.

"Don't argue with me Ethan." He knew there was no point in fighting it, if she wanted to come, she was going to come, and he was powerless to stop her.

"Okay." He said quietly as he watched Eli bounce back into the room in nothing but his underwear.

Ethan raised an eyebrow at him and the boy just laughed.

"I don't have any clean clothes!" Ethan highly doubted that, but he figured he should probably go check anyway.

"I'll be there tomorrow honey." His mom's voice was soft as it came over the line. "I'll call you when I get close."

"Thanks mama." He was incredibly grateful that she was willing to come stay with them, even if he didn't think it was necessary.

And then the line went dead just as Eli skipped down the hallway toward his room.

Letting out a soft sigh he said a silent thankful prayer for his mother and her big heart.

\--

Later that afternoon he had deposited Eli with Jesse and headed back to Angels.

He wanted to make sure that his girls were okay and that everyone else was recovering too.

He had just pushed his way into Leanne’s room when he heard a soft voice behind him.

“She’ll be out for a while you know?” He let out a sigh at Campbell’s words.

He knew damn well that it was going to be a long recovery for her, and Ariel too, but that didn’t stop him from praying that it would just be over with already.

“I know.” He whispered back, stopping in his tracks before he made it to her side.

He wanted to hold her hand and kiss her cheek and tell her that he loved her and that everything was going to be okay.

But he didn’t dare do it in front of Campbell.

Never in front of Campbell.

“How long have you two been dating?” There was no malice in the other man’s words, not like he expected, and he let out a sigh.

“Just a few weeks really.” He wasn’t even really sure how long it had been if he was being honest. “It’s not serious. At least not to her anyway.”

It was more than serious to him though.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and Eli.

But he doubted that Leanne saw things the same way.

“She seems pretty fond of you.” Will said softly. “She trusts you.”

“Yeah.” He guessed that he believed that.

“She’s gonna be fine Ethan.” And the next thing he knew the man was squeezing his shoulder before stepping out of the room, closing the door behind him as he went.

Ethan let out a breath as he was finally left alone with her.

“I miss you.” He whispered into the silence of the room. “I miss you so much it hurts.”

He knew that she was right there in front of him, that she hadn’t gone anywhere and that she was going to be just fine.

But she almost wasn’t just fine and she almost wasn’t laying right there in front of him.

No, he had almost lost her.

And he hadn’t felt that kind of pain since he had held his sister’s hand while she took her dying breaths.

He didn’t know what he would have done if she hadn’t made it.

He probably would have lost himself.

—

Ethan returned to Angels everyday for nine straight days praying and waiting and hoping that Leanne and Ariel would wake up soon.

His mom had arrived the day after he had talked to her and she had pretty much been single-handedly taking care of Eli for him.

It’s not that he wasn’t capable of doing it himself, but his mind was on the two girls laying in those hospital beds and on them alone.

It was day ten and he was getting frustrated.

He just wanted his girls back in his life, he just wanted them to be okay.

As if on cue he felt Leanne’s hand twitch in his and when he lifted his eyes up toward her he saw he starting to stir, her eyes fluttering open slowly. 

“Eli…” She whispered the boy’s name softly and Ethan felt his heart break a little at the fear he heard there.

He knew that she had to be worried about the boy, especially since she probably didn’t even know where exactly she was.

“Shh Lea.” He did his best to soothe her, his hand squeezing hers tightly as he rose from his seat and brushed her hair back off her face.

“Ethan?” She choked out his name as her eyes darted around the small room.

He could see the fear and the panic in them and he just wanted to wrap her up tight and never let her go.

“It’s me love.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss against her temple, thankful when he didn’t feel any signs of lingering fever. “You’re safe.”

“Where?” Her eyes locked with his as she blinked a few times and he let his right hand move to cup her cheek against his palm.

“You’re at Angels.” He said softly. “Still in the ICU, but you’re okay.”

He prayed that her waking up would be enough for Campbell to let her move down to a regular room.

He wanted to bring Eli to see her and he couldn’t visit her up here.

“Everything hurts.” She whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

That was most definitely not the reaction he was hoping for.

“I know baby.” He pressed another kiss to her forehead before pulling back. “You’ve been through a lot.”

She nodded her head softly as she worked to catch her breath and he offered her a soft smile as he tried to bring her back down to Earth with him.

“Ariel?” She choked out. “Mario? The others?”

“They’re okay love.” He was so incredibly thankful for that too.

Heather’s death had been rough on them all and he couldn’t imagine burying another friend.

“How long?” He could tell that she was already getting tired and he reached down, pulling the blanket up over her body slowly.

“It’s been ten days since we brought you up here.” He couldn’t believe it had been so long, it felt like just yesterday. “Twelve days since you were given the antibodies.”

She didn’t reply with words, instead she just nodded her head and closed her eyes.

He sat there and held her hand for a little while longer before he heard her choke out one more quiet word.

“Eli?” He guessed that she wanted to know where her son was after all this mess.

“He’s at school right now.” He had dropped the boy off this morning on his way into the hospital, hoping and praying that it would help distract him from everything. “My mom came down and she’s been staying with us.”

“Mom?” She had referred to the older woman once or twice by the title on accident and it had made his heart flutter in his chest. 

“Yeah. She’s gonna stay for a bit, help us out when you and Ariel get out of here.” He was nervous at first about his mom coming down, but now he was thankful for her.

Taking care of Eli was hard enough, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like once the two girls were home and recovering under the same roof.

“She’s a saint.” Leanne whispered softly.

In that moment he couldn’t agree more.

“She’s worried about you, both of you.” His mother didn’t even know Ariel and yet she asked about her every night when he got home from the hospital.

“How’s Ariel?” She shifted her gaze back toward him and he could see the conflicted look in her eyes.

He knew that she wanted what was best for Ariel, but she wasn’t sure if she was it.

He also knew that he had made a promise to that little girl that she wasn’t going anywhere and if that meant he had to keep her, he would.

“She’s still out.” It had taken her weakened body longer to respond to the antibodies than some of the others and she had been struggling the past ten days to kick the fever that had once rattled her body. “She took a harder hit than most of you.”

She nodded her head as her eyes closed once more and he squeezed her hand tightly.

“Get some sleep babe.” He whispered. “I’ll be here all day.”

She didn’t reply but instead just sank back against the mattress and dozed off, her breathing evening out fairly quickly.

He had just relaxed back against the chair when Noa came rushing through the door, a panicked look on her face.

“Ethan! Thank God! You have to come now!” She practically shouted her words at him and he let out a sigh as he pushed himself from the chair.

“What’s wrong Noa?” She had reached out and grabbed his arm and was practically dragging him down the hallway.

“It’s Ariel.” She said softly. “She woke up but she’s hysterical. We can’t calm her down and she just keeps asking for you.”

“Me?” He was shocked to hear that, they hadn’t bonded that much had they?

“She just keeps asking for Ethan.” She stopped him outside the girl’s door before opening it slowly.

When Ethan entered the small space he saw Ariel thrashing around in the bed, her face covered in tears and the blankets a mess around her feet.

“Ariel, honey…” He quickly rushed to her bedside, taking her hands from Jesse’s grasp and pulling them close to him. “It’s okay.”

“Ethan?” She stopped her thrashing the instant he made contact with her and he let out a breath when she opened her eyes and locked them with his.

“I’m here Angel, you’re okay.” He said softly, watching as she shuttered before collapsing back against the pillow.

“Where am I?” She whispered her question as her body gave in to it’s need to rest, her legs curling up behind her as she settled on her side facing him.

“You’re in the ICU.” He whispered, reaching out to push her sweaty, blonde hair behind her ear. “You’re still at Angels.”

“My head hurts.” She choked out, her eyes filling with another round of tears as she started to sob once more.

“I know baby.” He let his hand settle on her cheek as he did his best to comfort her. “I’m gonna give you something for the pain, it’ll help you relax, okay?”

She nodded her head as she let out a shiver and he couldn’t help but feel the tug on his heart at how broken and fragile she looked laying there.

“Try and sleep.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss against her temple as Jesse inserted the medicine into her IV and the next thing he knew she was drifting off to sleep, her body finally giving in.

“Her fever’s still high.” Jesse whispered from his spot beside the bed.

Ethan let his eyes wander to the monitor beside the girl’s bed, stopping them on the 103.8 that stared back at him.

“Yeah.” He didn’t understand why they couldn’t get her fever down, they had tried everything. “I don’t know what else to try.”

They had been giving her constant fluids and they had tried antibiotics and steroids and everything else they could think of.

They had thrown everything at it and it still wasn’t going down.

It scared him because he knew that it could mean long term damage to her little body, if it didn’t kill her first.

“Campbell’s concerned.” The other man said with a sigh. “He doesn’t think she’s going to make it.”

“She’s going to make it.” He snapped back.

She had to make it, she just had too.

He might not have even known her, but she meant the world to him already, and he couldn’t let her down.

Not like he had let his sister down.

He couldn’t lose this girl too.

“I’m just the messenger.” Jesse held his hands up in defeat before backing out of the room and Ethan let out a sigh.

He hadn’t meant to yell at the nurse, he was just doing his job, something Ethan was incredibly thankful for.

But he was angry and he was scared and worried and confused and everything in between.

He just wanted Ariel and Leanne to get better.

No, he needed them to get better.

And he needed it to happen now.

**Author's Note:**

> ***Comments make me happy!**


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